Consequences
by RogueAngel
Summary: The continuation of Hero, by TalesFromTheSpockSide. Every action has consequences; Jim Kirk can only hope that Starfleet doesn't hold it against him that he knocked up one of his crewman on his first mission. Kirk/OC
1. Chapter 1

This fic was inspired by a story by talesfromthespockside called Hero. I just couldn't get it out of my mind and I had to continue it, with permission of course. You don't have to read Hero first, but I highly recommend it.

I am not really familiar with the Star Trek universe aside from the 2009 movie, so please let me know if I have made any mistakes.

I own nothing related to Star Trek and I'm definitely not making any money from this.

**Consequences**

Chapter 1

"Ensign O'Donnell, how nice of you to finally join us," Dr. McCoy wryly commented as he nodded at the nurse standing at her shoulder. "Thank you, Nurse Chapel that will be all."

"Of course, doctor," Chapel replied as she turned to leave, patting Ensign O'Donnell on the shoulder and giving her an encouraging smile.

Marissa stepped into the room and let the office door swish shut behind her. She felt like she had just entered the den of a napping bear. Dr. McCoy was reading over some PADDs stacked in front of him, his stylus occasionally making marks or comments, but there was an air of anticipation in the room that was making her uncomfortable.

After a month on the Enterprise everyone was aware of the good doctor's caustic temper. He may treat a person's physical complaints and injuries with the utmost professionalism and competency, but rarely did anyone escape his acerbic tongue. The doctor didn't believe in accidents or bad luck. If you were sick or injured then it was your fault and you were lucky that he was there to patch you back up. Just don't be so stupid next time.

There was no way she was going to break the silence hanging in the room, so Marissa continued to stand at rest, her eyes wondering about the spartan office. He wasn't much for decoration. Dr. Puri, who had held the office of CMO before Dr. McCoy, had been an art collector. The one time she had seen his office, before the Enterprise had shipped out on its first disastrous mission, she had been amazed at the range of artwork the doctor had collected from the worlds he had travelled. A person could spend days looking at the photos, holograms, sculptures, and other artwork on the walls and in display cases throughout the small room. It should have made the room seem cramped and crowded, but Marissa had likened it to Ali Baba's cave – there was so much to see and take in, and it seemed to go on forever.

Aside from a few official documents on the wall, there was only one small picture frame on the corner of Dr. McCoy's desk. All the other shelves and flat spaces were filled with PADDs and, amazingly enough, actual medical books. Those must have been pretty old, seeing as most everyone preferred to keep their professional information and references at their finger tips on a PADD or computer rather than tote around a 10 pound book that carried minimal information in comparison.

Shifting slightly to relieve the strain in her shoulders, the doctor finally glanced up at her.

"Am I keeping you from something, Ensign?" he asked politely, though his eyebrow was raised in a way that let her know that he knew he wasn't and he didn't care if he was.

"No, sir," she shook her head, "but if you are busy I can come back another time," she offered hopefully. She groaned inwardly as soon as the words were out of her mouth. That was the wrong thing to say.

McCoy sat back in his chair and stared at her, his look disbelieving. "Now why would I do that, Ensign? If I let you go now I may never get you back here." He steepled his fingers and looked her over. "I'm not one for asinine rules and regulations. I like things to run smoothly, but I don't get too worked up about the details," he told her conversationally. "But when Starfleet tells me to do something; to have something done on time – I do it. Do you understand, Ensign?"

"Of course, sir," Marissa nodded; her voice a bit hoarse. She could tell by the narrowing of his eyes that he was getting angry.

"That's how it works in Starfleet. The higher ups say jump, and those below say 'how high.' And when I say jump, those below me say 'how high.' That's what keeps things running smoothly on this ship and that's what makes everyone above – and below – happy. So imagine my surprise when I'm preparing to send my first communication to Star Fleet regarding personnel physicals and I can't because they are incomplete!" By now Dr. McCoy was standing behind his desk, his voice rising in volume.

"Incomplete, I say. How can that be?" he asked in mock dismay. "I personally scheduled each and every person on this ship for their physical with me or one of my nurses. 548 crew members, but I scheduled them; sent out messages to the department heads and the crew members themselves. All my nurses had copies of the schedule and so did the captain. As the first official duty that I had to report to Starfleet as the CMO of this ship I wanted to make sure I had this in hand." He now began to circle his desk coming to stand in front of her leaning down to look her in the eyes.

"Everyone on this ship made it to their scheduled physical, and if they couldn't make it they rescheduled. Everyone that is, except for you, Ensign O'Donnell. You rescheduled 6 times and never showed up!!" Marissa took a steadying breath, but forced herself not to step back.

"I'm a busy man, I have a med bay to run, nurses to oversee, surgeries to perform and god knows what else that the captain might get us into. I do not have time to chase down a reluctant ensign who is afraid of a simple physical. I expect that ensign to act like an adult and a member of Starfleet and follow orders!" he practically bellowed in her face.

Marissa's eyes snapped to his in reflex, despite his obvious anger. "I wasn't afraid," she declared. "I'm not. But I was busy and…"

"Pardon me," Dr. McCoy cut in with a smirk, "if I don't think that the library of a starship is so overwhelmed with work only a month out from space dock that they couldn't spare you for the 20 minutes it would take for an exam."

The blood rising to her cheeks heated her face uncomfortably. She knew there was no excuse for her to miss her physical once, let alone six times. There was nothing she could say that he would believe or accept, except maybe the truth, if he wasn't as hard-assed as he appeared to be.

With a deep sigh she met his eyes again, hoping for a bit of compassion. "I know there no excuse for missing my physical, except…." She trailed off, his eyes glaring hard and causing her to look away. "Except I was afraid – not of the physical itself, but of what you would find out." Looking back at the doctor she could feel the tears forming, but did her best to fight them, not wanting to appear weak.

For a moment his glare softened as he gruffly asked, "Are you afraid there's something wrong with you, ensign? Do you think you are sick or have some disease?"

Marissa shook her head. "I'm not sick," she told him. "I'm pregnant."


	2. Chapter 2

**Consequences**

Chapter 2

Well hell. McCoy let out a huffy breath and sat back on his desk regarding the blushing ensign standing in front of him. Pregnant. He hadn't been expecting that one. At least not this soon into his career as CMO, he mentally corrected himself. "Someone not explain the birds and the bees to you, ensign?" he drawled.

She glared up at him, the tears disappearing from her eyes in an instant. "Yes, doctor, I know how babies are made," she snapped back at him. "I just wasn't planning to have sex at the time."

McCoy stood up abruptly, his gut clenching. "Were you forced?" It was bad enough in his mind to have to deal with a pregnancy, but rape would be a whole other issue. When did it happen? Where? Who? Was he still aboard the ship? Did it even happen aboard the ship or was it somewhere planet-side? Was it a member of Starfleet? Who would he have to report to? What paperwork was necessary?

He had taken a prerequisite course on sexual harassment, but rape wasn't mentioned except in the abstract. Clinically he knew how to deal with the immediate aftermath of a rape case, but now? He was not a trained psychologist. He didn't know how to council someone through this. Hell, he didn't even want to. He didn't have the bedside manner for it and he knew it.

"Doctor!" the ensign's voice finally pierced his inner rambling, her hand waving in front of his eyes. "I wasn't forced," she told him. "I just wasn't planning on having sex and…" she trailed off, her face turning red again.

McCoy scowled down at her in relief, his body relaxing again. "So you weren't planning to have sex, but you weren't forced. Okay." He sighed and pointed to the biobed in the corner of his office. "Why don't you hop up there and then explain to me what is going on in that mind of yours."

He watched as she crossed the room and levered herself up onto the bed and laid down, her hands crossed over her abdomen.

"We'll start with the basic physical," he told her as he adjusted some of the dials on the bed. She nodded, her eyes focused on the ceiling. He went about taking the readings for her file; blood pressure, pulse, oxygen rate, height, weight. He gently took a blood sample and sent it through a PADD for analysis. The PADD gave a short beep, confirming her pregnancy within seconds. All the while his patient remained pale and silent.

Up until now, Ensign O'Donnell had been a thorn in his side; a member of the crew who had hampered his first assignment from Starfleet. He hadn't really thought of her as an actual person. But what he saw now was an anxious, twenty-three year old woman who was pregnant and scared. She hadn't purposely tried to sabotage him; she just hadn't known how to deal with her situation. He could understand that, but it still made him angry that in the 23rd century people couldn't figure out how not to become pregnant. It was common sense, damn it!

Consciously controlling his temper, McCoy placed a warm hand on the ensign's arm. "Well, aside from an elevated pulse and slightly low blood pressure, everything looks good," he told her.

"Except the whole pregnancy thing," she smiled bitterly at him.

He smirked at her. "Yes, except for the whole pregnancy thing," he agreed. "If you will lift your shirt and lower you pants to your pubic bone, I will do a quick ultra sound to see how that is going." He turned away as he grabbed an ultrasound wand and gel. "Do you know how far along you are?"

"Yes," she replied, hissing as he squirted the cool gel onto her belly. "You couldn't have heated it up a bit?" she asked through her teeth.

"I'm a CMO, not an obstetrician," he told her. "Not much call to keep the gel nice and warm." He began to move the wand over her belly, while his other hand made notations on a PADD and adjusted knobs on the bio bed. "Why don't you tell me how this happened?"

The ensign gave a little laugh. "Why doctor, don't you know where babies come from?" McCoy just glared at her for a moment before adjusting the wand and her smile faded slightly. She sighed. "It was a couple days after… everything. The Narada, Nero, the destruction of Vulcan. We were on our way home and I was having problems sleeping – everyone was. It was just so hard to take in. I'm a historian, all those lives, their culture, their artwork – gone in an instant, because of some crazy Romulan."

McCoy grunted slightly. What else could he say? There was no way to justify or condone a loss of such magnitude. Many of those on board were still reeling from the loss of so many friends and classmates.

"My boyfriend and I had broken up about a month before," she continued quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. "There were a lot of reasons, but it just seemed like it was best to end it before we ended up hating each other. That was why I wasn't on any birth control," she told him pointedly. "I'm allergic to most implants and I don't like how taking the pill makes me feel sometimes, so when we broke up I stopped taking them." She shrugged. "I didn't see the reason to keep taking them when I wasn't in a relationship any more."

"That makes sense," McCoy agreed reluctantly.

"Thanks," she told him wryly, but he just nodded for her to continue. She closed her eyes and tipped her head back slightly. "I was in the library or my quarters during everything. Not much for a historian to do when the ship is under attack and the rest of the crew is fighting for our lives. After, I was in the recreation rooms, staying with the ones who had lost someone, or seen people die in the attack. Offering what support and help I could. It wasn't until the day after that I realized that Gary – my boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend – was one of the dead. He was on deck six," her voice faded and she swallowed hard.

McCoy squeezed her forearm in an effort to comfort her. Deck six had been entirely destroyed by the first wave of torpedoes from the Narada. "I'm sorry."

She sniffed and wiped away a tear that had fallen down her cheek. "Thanks. I know I'm not the only one who lost someone." She inhaled deeply. "I couldn't quite believe he was gone, so one night, when I couldn't sleep I went to his quarters. Just to see, you know? Part of me hoped he'd be sprawled out snoring in his bed, but the other part knew he wouldn't be; knew he was gone and I would never see him again.

"I was standing in his room, looking out the viewport when someone else walked in. With all the destruction across the ship I should have realized that someone might have been reassigned to the room, but it didn't even cross my mind. And he, the… person," she stumbled over her words, "he looked as lost and alone as I felt. And then it just happened." She shrugged, her eyes looking over at him, not asking for forgiveness, but for understanding. "I didn't plan it, he didn't plan it. It just happened."

Wiping the gel off her belly, McCoy sighed. "Yes, it happened all right. You're 10 weeks along," he told her, though it wasn't a surprise to either of them. "Everything looks fine, but I'll need some additional confirmation from your blood work. My question for you is why didn't you come in sooner? Why this game of hide and seek where I had to send my nurse out to find you and bring you in? It's not like you could hide this for much longer." He reached for her arm and brusquely helped her to sit up. He wasn't angry so much as frustrated that she knew what was wrong yet had not come to him sooner.

Straightening her shirt, the ensign shrugged. "I guess I was in denial," she said honestly. "I mean, on one level I knew. But another part of me thought that if it wasn't confirmed it wasn't real." She looked him over as she chewed thoughtfully on her lower lip. "How much do you know about the Xenohistory and Cultural department on this ship?"

McCoy paused for a moment and thought, "Do we have a Xenohistory and Cultural department?" he asked, not trying to be facetious. He really hadn't heard of such a thing.

"Yeah, we do, Doc. It's a department of one – me," she told him with a fleeting smile. "I'm working on my doctorate in xenohistory and culture. It's one of the smaller Starfleet departments and if someone from the department is ever out in the field they're usually stationed on a Starbase or Federation planet. For years the department has been lobbying to have a xenohistorian aboard Starships to be on hand for first contact missions, to advise the away teams and the captains. To be able to collect data in person, not from some science tech who asks all the wrong questions and gives only part of the picture.

"There is so much we can learn about a culture and a planet from their history," she continued, her voice growing stronger and more passionate. "Starfleet is biased towards the sciences. We have science officers who look at everything about a planet, but only gloss over the finer points of history and culture. They identify how a culture or a species acts, but not the why. The why isn't important to them, but to us, to me, it is. Because figuring out the why can help us possibly predict responses, or understand cultural attitudes that are unfamiliar to us. Being on a ship; being part of an away team during first contact… there is so much we can learn about, that a xenohistorian can offer..."

"Okay, okay, I get it," McCoy interrupt, rolling his eyes. Save me from over enthusiastic historians, he thought. "Xenohistory is important. You're on a star ship. What does this have to do with avoiding your physical and avoiding your pregnancy?"

The ensign stared up at him, her eyes still bright with the fervor of her speech. "I'm the first xenohistorian to be assigned to a starship - and to the flagship, no less. Captain Pike was willing to take a chance on me; on what I could offer as a member of his crew. I can't leave. I won't," she finished softly.

Looking at the defiant set of her shoulders, McCoy huffed. "I thought you were just one of the librarians."

"I am that, too," she agreed. "I work in the Enterprise's library under Lt. Commander Roose as a researcher and archivist. I'm creating a database of history and cultural information as it pertains to interaction with different species and cultures. I'm hoping to use this database as template for new contacts, but I need to be on the ship to do this. I can't be stuck on some starbase or planet waiting for information and reacting to what is sent to me. I want to be the one to ask the questions, to see the cultures' history, artwork and everything first hand."

He held up a hand to stop her. "I still don't understand why you gave me the run around. Children are born on starships all the time. It's the captain's prerogative, but a pregnancy isn't something that can stop you from serving on a ship. We have 5 kids onboard already, surely…"

"I know all that, doctor," she interrupted. "I said I was in denial, didn't I? I know it doesn't make sense, okay? But those children, they have two parents who can watch over them. Two parents who can work different shifts so that the child is always cared for."

"I see," McCoy nodded as he thought over her words. "So, the father isn't on the Enterprise and you can't do it alone."

The ensign laughed ironically. "Oh he's on the ship."

"You don't think he would be willing to help?" he asked.

She shrugged. "It's not that easy."

"Why not?" Shaking his head McCoy went over to his desk and began to enter some information into his computer. "Look, we haven't talked about this, but you do have options. As your doctor, I can only tell you what's available. I can answer questions, but in the end it's your decision. Yours and the father's."

"Okay, doc, what are my options?" Her tone was resigned, like she already knew all the options and wasn't too excited about any of them.

"Well, option number 1 – we can terminate the pregnancy. You are only 10 weeks along so you only have another two weeks to decide."

"Next option," she declared coolly, her lips pursed and eyes looking right into his.

"Option number 2 depends on some factors, but there is still the possibility of embryo transfer to a surrogate who…."

"Next option."

"Option number 3, you go through with the pregnancy and the baby is then given up for adoption. There are plenty of couples who want children but can't have them."

She shook her head.

"Well, that leaves you with last option – you have this baby. Whether you have the support of the father or not, it is ultimately the captain's decision whether you can stay on board. The odds are better if the father is involved. Raising a child isn't easy and you're right, all the other kids on board have two parents who can help each other out. I don't know how you will be able to do your job to your full abilities and raise a child on your own. It can be done, but I don't know if can be done on a starship. It's just not set up that way. You and the kid would probably be better off on a starbase or planet where there is a more integrated support system for single parent families."

He watched as she slowly inflated her lungs and then let out the full breath, her eyes closed. "I guess it's time to face the music and tell the father."

"He has the right to know," he reminded her. "You weren't the only one who didn't use birth control. He's responsible too."

"I know, it's just… he already has so much… he's so…" she trailed off shrugging her shoulders in defeat.

"Is he married?" McCoy asked.

Shaking her head, the ensign sighed again. "No, he's not married."

"Then I don't see what the problem is," McCoy replied harshly. "He's a party to this, you need to tell him. Your future on this starship depends on him stepping up and helping you. Even if he didn't plan for this to happen, it did and there is another life involved now."

A lone tear trickled down her cheek and McCoy resisted the urge to wipe it away. He really hated tears. "Look, you slept with the man. You have a connection with him. It's not going to be easy, but you have to tell him. Just walk up to him, ask for a word in private and then tell him."

She laughed and another tear escaped. "I don't think I can just walk up to him… I don't even think he knows my name or the fact that I was the woman in his room that night."

"He doesn't know…" McCoy found his mouth hanging open.

"It was dark. We didn't exactly exchange names and I left before he woke up, so I don't know if he knows me from Adam."

"But you know who he is, right?" he couldn't help asking.

"Yes, I know who he is," she replied heavily. "I just don't think he knows who I am. I mean, we've crossed paths – briefly – and he hasn't… well, he didn't say or do anything, so I don't know if he knows."

Standing up from his desk, McCoy handed the ensign a PADD. "Okay, enough. I don't want to know any more right now. Here is some information about being pregnant – what to expect and that kind of stuff. I want you back here, in my office, in a week for another, more in depth ultrasound and full prenatal check up." Reaching into the cabinet beside the biobed he rustled around for something. "Ah ha!" he stood up brandishing a hypo. "This is your first does of prenatal vitamins. You'll be getting one a month until the kid's born."

"Ouch!" the ensign exclaimed, rubbing her neck and glaring at him. "You couldn't be a bit more gentle with that?"

McCoy smirked, "You're pregnant, not dying," he told her. "Next Friday. 1400 hours. In this office. And I suggest you bring the daddy."

"Yes sir," the ensign saluted casually, hopping off the bed and walking to the door. Before it closed behind her she turned back into the office. "Doctor McCoy?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

McCoy smiled briefly. "You're welcome. Now get out of here!" Shaking his head and sitting back in his chair, McCoy opened his bottom desk drawer and pulled out a bottle. It was officially after his shift and he need a drink.

Babies on a starship? What was next? An infestation of Tribbles? Lord help him!

_In the next chapter Jim and Marissa have a chat_

_Please review – it makes my day. - RA_


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own anything Star Trek. Only the movie on DVD.

**Consequences**

Chapter 3

Jim looked up from the PADDs piled on his desk and wanted to swear – and swear loudly – at his Yeoman currently standing in the doorway.

"Look, Janice, I'm working on it. I promise," he declared, brandishing a PADD in the air. He did not want to hear her tell him again how far behind he was and what more he needed to do. "It's not my fault that Starfleet has such a thing about paperwork, and I don't care what you think, I do need to get out of this office sometimes and see to the rest of this ship. I can't be an effective captain if I never see anything except the bridge and my ready room, so please; if you have anything more that I need to do can you just wait until tomorrow? I'm going to be here all night as it is and I don't want…." He trailed off as he noticed Janice biting her lip and trying not to laugh.

"Uh, was there something else you needed from me, Yeoman Rand," he asked, embarrassed that he was so defensive in her presence. He was the captain. He was in charge of this ship, damn it! But it seemed that Yeoman Rand was in charge of him and until he figured out all the captaining details, she knew a hell of lot more than he did and he didn't like it.

"Actually, Captain," she replied, managing to keep the smile off her face, "Ensign O'Donnell has requested a meeting with you."

He stared at her wide-eyed for a moment, clearing his throat uncomfortably. After all this time he hadn't expect her to come calling. "Uh, Ensign O'Donnell," he repeated.

"Yes sir. Ensign O'Donnell is an archivist and researcher under Lt. Commander Roose. She came aboard as a member of the xenohistoy department at Starfleet. Captain - I mean Admiral - Pike brought her on board to see how a historian might be able to help in contact situations. She…"

"I know who Ensign O'Donnell is, Janice," Jim interrupted, with a small frown. "Despite being locked away in this room with a mountain of paperwork, I do know my crew. Even if they do hide in the library and spend their time researching things from the past that may or may not have bearing on the here and now." He sat back in his chair and gave her a direct stare. "I am aware of Admiral Pike's reasons for having the Ensign on board. I approved her myself when I took over as captain and I am aware of the controversy of her position here, Yeoman."

"Of course, sir," Janice responded, blushing a little and not quite meeting his eyes. She may know more about the running of a starship, but Jim was no novice to leadership. He took an interest in his crew – all of them, and he didn't need his hand held when dealing with them.

"Did she say why she wants to see me?" he asked, letting her off the hook.

"No sir."

Taking a deep breath, Jim nodded. "Okay, give me a minute to finish this document and then send her in." Janice nodded and left the room, the door swishing shut behind her.

Throwing the PADD back onto his desk, Jim ran a hand through his hair. So, Ensign O'Donnell and he were finally going to meet - again. He'd been down to the library a few times since their mission had begun, but aside from having a nice cup of tea with Lt. Commander Roose and hearing all about the new archives the Ensign was designing, Jim hadn't spoken with her at all. The few times he had seen her in the cafeteria or in one of the recreation rooms she had disappeared within minutes. After the first two weeks he had given up. If she wanted to avoid him, he would let her. He didn't want to make things any more awkward than they had to be.

The door swooshed open and he watched her walk into his office with a hesitant step. He felt his stomach tighten minutely, despite himself. The morning after was always difficult, even if it was months later.

Jim noted that she had opted for the blue shirt and black pants version of uniform rather than the short dress. He couldn't blame her for that. It was a known fact that not many women could pull off the short dress uniform with any level of style, let alone comfort. Not that she would have looked bad in it, but she was of a much more voluptuous and shorter stature than say, Uhura, who could pull off the uniform without a problem.

Walking up to his desk, she stopped and nodded, "Captain."

"Marissa," he answered back without thought, his lips upturned in a small smile as he remembered… things he wasn't supposed to be remember. He immediately regretted his familiarity as he watched her face pale. "I'm sorry, Ensign O'Donnell. Would you like to sit down?" She shook her head. "How can I help you, then?" he asked professionally.

Her face went from pale to red as he watched, her eyes still not meeting his. She was obviously uncomfortable in his presence. He didn't want her to be. Waiting a moment for her to respond he finally initiated a topic to try to put her at ease.

"On my tours of the ship since we've left space dock I've been through the library a couple times," he told her. "Lt. Commander Roose is very impressed with your work. I'll admit I didn't understand all that she was explaining to me," he smiled charmingly, "but she couldn't stop singing your praises."

"Thank you, Captain."

"I never did see you, though," he couldn't help commenting. "In the month we've been on board I've managed to speak with just about everyone on my crew – except you. You always seem to disappear."

She nodded uncomfortably, and then sighed heavily. "I thought it would be best… after, you know, everything," she said awkwardly.

Jim nodded. "Yes, everything." Now he was feeling uncomfortable and kicking himself for even hinting at their past association. He was the captain and she was one of his crew members, but their past had occurred when he was only the acting captain. Rank hadn't really mattered at the time only the fact that they were both alive and in need of someone; in need of a human touch and a shoulder to cry on. But now it just made things strained.

He was not nearly the womanizer that rumor – and Uhura – made him out to be, but he had had his fair share of sexual partners. One or two had been around long enough to be called girlfriends, a few had been friends with occasional benefits, and others had been nameless, or soon to be forgotten, one night stands. But none in the later group had stayed with him as Marissa O'Donnell had.

Maybe it was because he had been reeling from all that had happened since they warped to Vulcan; maybe it was because it was she who had unexpectedly appeared in his room, taken his hand and offered him solace; or maybe it was because he had actually cried in her arms and held her while she cried, but he had never felt such a connection – an attachment – to a woman whom he had slept with only once.

Hell, he hadn't even known her name until three weeks later when the Enterprise had arrived back on Earth and he was going over crew assignments with Admiral Pike. They had been going through the crew dossiers for his approval, though aside from who he wanted on his command team, Jim had been willing to take on board everyone who Pike had already selected. But there were still holes in the crew manifest to fill due to injury, death and transfers, and Jim wanted as much advice as he could get.

He'd managed to control his reaction when her face had popped up on the screen and Pike had begun explaining her role and his reasons for choosing a xenohistorian for his crew.

Though the room had been dim that night, he could still remember her eyes as they looked up at him, sparkling with tears. They'd had a slight upturn, almost like a cat's. He hadn't known that they were blue though. Not as blue as his own, but more of a deep sea blue that had looked almost black in the dim room.

In the dossier picture her brown hair had been pulled back, but there were several strands gently curling around her face. He remembered those curls and the way they had softly floated around her shoulders. They had been soft and silky to his touch and had tickled him where her head had rested on his chest.

There was no doubt in his mind that he would approve her for the Enterprise. She had been there before him and she had every right to stay if she wanted to. Pike seemed to think she would want to stay. He briefly explained about the struggle to get a xenohistorian on board a starship, and how some of the higher ups weren't really in favor of it. Jim had nodded and listened while quietly bookmarking her information on his PADD.

Later that evening he had read over her file in the privacy of his quarters. He was impressed even though his interests and talents ran in a totally different direction. She was from a small town in Colorado and had entered Starfleet after obtaining her degree in Xenohistory from Harvard at the age of 19. She wasn't interested in the command track or even in officer training, and had quickly gained her masters degree.

As one of the top young minds in her field at Starfleet she had been offered a teaching assistant position at the academy, but had declined it, instead lobbying for a position on a starship in which to complete her doctorate work and be a part of initial contact missions. It had taken 18 months of persistence, but Pike had finally given her a place on the Enterprise.

Now she stood in front of him and neither of them seemed to know what to say. He cleared his throat and tried again. "So, what brings you here, Ensign?"

She glanced briefly at him and then proceeded to stare over his shoulder. "Sir, I wanted to… needed to talk to you about my… about… about if," she stammered, "about my position on the Enterprise, sir."

"What about your position?" he asked. "Is something wrong? Are you not happy on the Enterprise?"

"No nothing is wrong, sir," she was shaking her head, but then shrugged. "Well, something is wrong, well, not wrong, but not… right. Something is… I don't want anything to interfere with my position, but if I have to leave…"

Her constant stopping and starting of sentences, was confusing him. His mind latched on to her last words. "Do you want to leave the Enterprise?" he couldn't help asking, his stomach feeling like he had swallowed a rock. Why would she have to leave? Had he done something to make her think so? Had someone else? After all the hard work she went through to get on this ship he couldn't imagine her giving it up.

"No sir, I don't want to leave, but…" she trailed off and blushed fiercely.

Jim sighed and sat back. "Look, Marissa, Ensign, if this is about what happened between us, if that is what is making you uncomfortable, then we need to talk about it. You are an important member of this crew and I don't want you to go. Truthfully," he continued, "when I went to the library those couple times I wanted to talk to you and clear the air, so to speak. What happened between us…" he shrugged uncomfortably. He was used to being on equal terms with his sexual partners, not ranking above them. "What happened was between two consenting adults, right?"

She nodded.

"I wasn't your commanding officer, or at least I wasn't officially you commanding officer – or if I was, I wasn't acting as your superior. We were just a man and a woman who needed something. Who needed someone. And we just happened to be there. Together. Right place, right time, and all that." He took a deep breath, embarrassed to find himself rambling. "I don't regret it," he admitted to her and it felt good to say it out loud. "I don't think I would have been able to get over everything… my grief and… stuff, if it wasn't for that night with you. So please, let's talk about this. I don't want you to leave."

Her mouth opened and closed a couple times as she tried to speak. He wasn't sure, but it seemed like her eyes were beginning to tear up. Standing up he moved around the desk to stand in front of her.

"Marissa?" he gently placed a hand on her shoulder. He could feel the slight tremors going through her body before she flinched from his touch. Concerned, he continued talking softly, letting his hand drop to his side again. "What's wrong? What can I do to help you? I'll do anything I can, I'm your captain after all, but you have to tell me what is bothering you."

She sniffed and then gave a little laugh. "My captain," she repeated, shaking her heading and looking at the ceiling. Jim was afraid she would start crying, but she took a deep breath and pulled herself together. "I don't regret what happened," she told him, "but I wasn't planning for it to happen."

"Neither was I," Jim agreed, glad she was finally talking in coherent sentences.

"But it did happen," she stressed, looking him in directly in the eyes.

"Yes, it did," he agreed again, speaking slowly and nodding his head in agreement.

"And we can't change it," she stated, her eyes drifting away from his again. "I wouldn't change it if I could, at least not now. Maybe if I had known then what would happen…" she shrugged, looking back at him, her eyes almost pleading with him. "I don't know. But it's happened and I have to deal with it, which means you have deal with it and I'm sorry. If you were anyone else this would be easier, I think. But you're not. You're you. And, now we can't change anything and I don't want to leave the Enterprise, but I don't know what else I can do if you don't help me… he said it was the captain's prerogative…"

"Whoa, whoa!" Jim held up his hand to stop her from talking. "Who's 'he' and what do you mean it's my prerogative?" His head was spinning from her rushing words. He still had no idea what she was talking about. "I've already said I'd help you in any way I can, but you have to tell me what you need. I don't understand why you think you have to leave the Enterprise. If it's because we slept together… well, that shouldn't matter. We're two adults and we can be professional about it. It's been over two months already. No one knows anything happened. We move on and put it in the past. It doesn't have to be awkward unless we let it be."

Shaking her head, Jim watched as she began to wring her hands. "It's not that easy."

"Sure it is," Jim disagreed. "You are important part of this crew. You have your doctorate to work on and I have a ship to run. Our… night together shouldn't be an issue unless we…"

"I'm pregnant," she finally blurted. Taking a deep breath, she seemed to deflate a bit after finally getting the words out.

Jim sat back on his desk, his knees deciding not to work. "Excuse me?" he asked, hoping he heard her wrong.

"I'm pregnant," she repeated slowly. "Dr. McCoy confirmed it during my physical last week, but I already knew. Ten weeks. Well, eleven now."

"And I'm the…are you sure?" Jim found himself asking, his head spinning as he tried to comprehend what she was telling him.

Nodding, she gave him sad smile. "Yes I'm sure I'm pregnant, and yes I'm sure that it's yours."

Jim started to shake his head, still reeling. "Aren't you, weren't you on some kind of birth control? Something?" he asked almost desperately.

She seemed to puff up a little at his veiled accusation. "I wasn't the only one involved that night," she told him. "Why didn't you ask? Or offer to use something? I wasn't planning to sleep with you – I wasn't planning on sleeping with anyone!"

"Then what the hell were you doing in my room?" Jim demanded, absently running a hand through his hair and looking anywhere but at the woman standing in front of him.

Marissa took a step back, almost as if he tried to hit her. "Your room?" she questioned. "Up until two days before it had been Gary Mitchell's room – my boyfriend; my ex-boyfriend. I went there to try to convince myself that he was really dead. I didn't expect anyone else to be in the room," she told him hotly.

"Well, I was!"

"Yes, you were!" she snapped back at him.

Running a hand through his hair again, Jim tried to calm himself down. This wasn't what he was expecting when she had walked into his ready room. "Look, are you sure I'm…"

"Yes, I'm sure," she cut him off, all traces of shyness and insecurity gone. She looked pissed. "I have an appointment with Dr. McCoy tomorrow at 1400 hours. I'm sure he can confirm everything for you so you don't have to take my word for it," she told him bitterly. "If you'll excuse me, Captain, I have to go."

Without waiting for him to dismiss her she walked quickly away from him, wiping her eyes before the door opened, and then walking calmly from the room as if nothing was bothering her. Jim just sat on his desk and stared after her, even after the door had closed and she was no longer in the room with him. One word was spinning through his mind, echoing in the darkness, and his brain could not wrap itself around the idea.

Pregnant.

Ensign O'Donnell was 11 weeks pregnant.

What the hell was he going to do?

_Please review – I'm especially nervous about how Jim comes across in this chapter. Did I get his voice right? - RA_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm not making any money. Reviews are my only payment. ;-)**_

**Consequences**

Chapter 4

Eventually Jim left his ready room. He waited until Alpha shift had ended and those who knew him best had left the bridge. Janice had tried to speak to him at one point but he had snapped at her and she had taken the hint. Absently he wondered what he had said or how he had looked to make her back off so quickly. She had never left him alone before, even when he asked nicely.

While sitting at his desk his thoughts had spun out of control. He couldn't seem to comprehend what he had just been told. He just stared at the door and tried to let it sink into his stunned brain.

Out of the ready room he let his feet wander as they may. It was almost ship's night. Most of the crew was either at dinner or settling down for their evening activities. He knew where to go to avoid seeing anyone, or rather seeing anyone who might question him.

Ensign O'Donnell was pregnant.

Marissa was pregnant.

Eleven weeks pregnant and his responsibility. Not his responsibility because he was the captain and she was a member of his crew, but his responsibility because he had been the one involved with her. This was not a good way to start his career as captain of the Enterprise. It just didn't look good to the upper brass if he knocked up one of his crewmembers on his first mission. He wondered absently if, since it had happened before he was actually captain, they might not hold it against him. This trumped any of the demerits he had received at the academy.

Oh, god, she was pregnant. Why hadn't she been on any birth control? For a moment he felt a surge of anger and betrayal towards her. It was a simple thing. All his previous girlfriends and lovers had used something. Some had had surgery; others used an implant or got a shot of some kind or took pills. He didn't ask too many questions and didn't want too many details, but he knew the basics. Why hadn't she thought of that before coming to his room?

As quickly as his anger had flared it went away as he saw her face, her eyes glaring at him and he felt guilty. _"I wasn't the only one involved that night. Why didn't you ask? Or offer to use something? I wasn't planning to sleep with you – I wasn't planning on sleeping with anyone!"_

He was such an ass. She was right. He hadn't used a condom, or even bothered to pull out in time, he had been so wrapped up in her and the feelings that he was finally releasing he hadn't even thought of it.

He hadn't been planning on sleeping with anyone either. Now look where they were.

They were going to be parents. He was going to be a father.

Father, he repeated to himself.

He, Jim Kirk, was going to be a father.

For the first time in the three hours since Marissa had dropped her bombshell Jim felt a warm sensation surge through his body and the near panic seemed to recede.

It felt odd. He was twenty-five years old, almost twenty-six. He had just achieved a dream he hadn't even known he'd had five years ago and become the captain of a starship.

Until he had entered the academy he hadn't thought more than a week or two into the future. Starfleet had given him a dream. It had given him a goal – something he could reach for and achieve with hard work and perseverance. And achieve he had. But in all his dreams of being a captain and achieving glory and renown he had never thought of his personal life. He had never thought of a having a family; a wife and children.

Having a kid had never crossed his mind in anyway, except for the knee jerk reaction – "hell no!" Between his dad dying, his mom's depression and obsession with work, and his stepfather Frank, Jim didn't have many fond memories of his childhood. Life had taught him at a young age that having children was a burden. Children were nothing but nuisances and inconveniences. Why would he ever want to have any of his own?

He'd seen Bones with his daughter Joanna. He'd seen the pain in his friend's face after he'd had to end his monthly comm. transmissions. In the three years that he'd known Bones, the man had only seen his daughter twice. He watched the distance and separation tear his friend apart because his ex-wife was a royal bitch.

Because he couldn't imagine any woman wanting to commit herself to someone as emotionally messed up and crazily driven as himself, Jim figured if he ever had a child with someone it would end up like Bones and Joanna. Why would he want to put a child through that? It just wasn't worth all the pain if things went wrong as they had a tendency to do in his personal life.

But his parent's had thought that it was worth it, hadn't they?

Sam had been born when their parents were in their mid-twenties. He hadn't been on the Kelvin during Nero's attack because it was supposed to have been a short recon mission and his parents wanted him to spend time with his grandparents on earth. Until then, Sam had lived on the ship with his parents. If his dad had survived, or if Nero had never happened, would he have grown up on a starship with both his parents?

He had always tried not to think about the 'could-have-beens' in his life, they were a dark road to depression and anger, but maybe things really could have been different.

His mother had never taken him and Sam up into space with her. She said it was too dangerous and when they protested that it didn't matter to them, that they just wanted to be with her, she told them that it wasn't allowed. That had shut them up. They could argue and plead with their mother, but they couldn't change anything at Starfleet.

Jim now knew his mother's words had been a lie. A way of avoiding her children. He'd known since he was 14 and he met a kid who told him all about traveling with his parents on a Starfleet research vessel. Hell, he currently had two couples on board with 5 kids all together, and he was scheduled to pick up a group of xenobiologists which included 3 more kids. Children on starships were not out of the ordinary. It was possible.

Finding himself standing in a corner of the engineering bay, he leaned against the cool wall and let himself think of his father. What would his life have been like if his father had lived?

He'd heard the final transmissions from the Kelvin. He knew his father loved him and his mother, he could hear it in his voice. His mother had certainly loved his father; more than she loved her children, he often thought bitterly.

She had been totally devastated by his sudden death and unable to cope with two small boys on her own. She had taken to the stars by the time Jim was three. After his grandparents died she had come back for a couple years, but six months after marrying Frank when he was 10 years old she had left again. To do her job, he had been told. But she still had left.

Thinking of his father, of the pictures he had seen, if he tried he could almost imagine two little boys wrestling with him on the floor of a cabin similar to his now - one brunette, the other blond, both blue-eyed like their father. He would smile and toss them about the room, or carry them through the halls to the bridge during a slow shift. Maybe he would even let them sit in the captain's chair and watch the wonder in their faces as they watched the stars spin by at warp speed.

He would have grown up with the knowledge that he was loved and his dad would have told him that he was smart and that he was proud of him. He probably would have went into the Academy at 18 to follow in his father's footsteps like the other Jim Kirk had, the one that hadn't had the stain of Nero in his past. He was sure his dad would have been a wonderful dad. And now he had the chance to be that kind of father for his own child.

His own child.

The thought once again brought the warm glow to his stomach. He was going to be a father. More importantly, he was going to be someone's dad. He wasn't sure he was cut out for the job, but he wasn't one to back down from a challenge. Failure was not an option in his mind. He was scared, but that just made him want to work all that much harder.

Now he just had to find Marissa. He needed to apologize for his reaction and tell her that he was with her all the way. He wasn't thinking marriage. A kid was one thing, but marriage… that was just not in the cards for him, but they could be friends and they could raise this baby together.

When he put his mind to it there wasn't anything Jim Kirk couldn't do.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm just having fun playing around.**_

**Consequences**

**Chapter 5 **

Once again Marissa found herself in the CMO's office, this time by appointment. It was almost as uncomfortable as their first meeting, though for different reasons. Instead of being chastised by the CMO she was awaiting a pelvic exam and ultrasound. What made her uncomfortable was the fact that she was currently naked from the waist down and the sheet she had been given was entirely too small and she felt like her ass was hanging out in the breeze. She kept trying to tuck it under her so she didn't feel so exposed, but wasn't having any luck.

Doctor McCoy knocked once on the door before walking in. "You covered?" he asked.

Marissa gave a humorless laugh. "I guess so," she told him. "You couldn't give me something a little bigger, could you? This barely goes around me."

"Sorry, Starfleet issue. One size fits all." He glanced around the room. "Are we expecting anyone?" he asked, raising his eyebrow and looking down his nose at her as if she was a small child.

Marissa shrugged, not looking him in the eye. "I told him. He knows about the appointment. I don't know if he's coming or not."

"He didn't take the news well?"

"It's was a bit of shock," Marissa told him wryly. "He kept asking me if I was sure and if he was the father. I can't really blame him for that. Then he asked me why I didn't use any birth control and I… I got mad and left."

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised," the doctor told her. "Not that it's fair, but even now when there are types of male birth control pills and injections available, men tend to think that birth control is the woman's problem."

Marissa just snorted. "So much for medical progress and equality of the sexes."

"Lay down and we'll get things started," McCoy told her with a smirk. "It may be the 23rd century, but as long as women are actually bearing the children, men are going to find excuses for why it's not their fault." He began to adjust the bio bed. "You haven't gained any weight this week. In fact you've lost a pound. Have you been eating?"

"Yeah, I eat," she told him. "I just haven't been that hungry."

"Nausea?"

"No, just not hungry."

"Well, that's pretty normal this early in …." He broke off as they heard a disturbance from the medbay.

"Captain! Captain!" Nurse Chapel's voice could be heard calling loudly. "Doctor McCoy has a patient in there."

"Its okay, Chapel," said captain replied, as the door opened. "It's fine. He's expecting me."

Chapel's dismayed "Captain!" was cut off by the closing of the door.

Marissa felt her stomach drop to her toes as the captain's eyes found her. "Sorry I'm late," he told her with a small smile, leaning back against the door. "I had a hell of a time finishing up some paperwork and just when I was getting ready to leave Rand patched through a transmission from Admiral Dekker. It's not like I could just end the transmission without pissing him off."

"Damn it, Jim," McCoy swore, moving to block the captain's view of Marissa lying on the table. "I have a patient here. You can't just come barging in and…" he suddenly stopped, his mind working through what his friend had just said. He glanced back at Marissa and then again at Jim, a rather stunned expression on his face. Jim just gave him a big smile, waiting for the pieces to fall into place.

McCoy turned back to Marissa, an accusing look on his face. "Him? You slept with him?!" he demanded. Marissa nodded, trying not to laugh at the distress on the doctor's face and the affronted look on Jim's.

Jim reached out and slapped the doctor on the back, before moving toward Marissa. "Way to put two and two together, Bones."

The doctor was gaping like a landed fish. His mouth was opening and nothing was coming out, which Marissa was pretty sure was a rare event. She didn't really pay him much mind, though, because Jim was now standing next to the bio bed looking down at her with a sheepish grin.

"I'm sorry I'm late," he told her again, softly. "And I'm sorry for yesterday – in my ready room."

"It's okay," Marissa told him, just as softly. "I know it was a shock and I didn't really deliver the news with a lot of finesse."

Jim smiled down at her and took her hand, giving it a squeeze. "It's okay. We're both here now."

Swallowing against the threat of tears fighting to spill over, Marissa squeezed his hand before letting go. "Thank you," she whispered.

"No problem." Turning around he looked over at his friend who still seemed to be processing this new turn of events. "So Bones," he declared brightly, "sorry to interrupt. You may continue with what you were doing."

McCoy glared at the captain and Marissa couldn't help the small giggle that escaped. Jim winked at her.

"I may continue?" the doctor sniped. "This is my goddamn office. My goddamn patient. I don't need you telling…" he glanced down at Marissa, a look of almost desperation on his face. "Him? Are you really sure?"

Marissa couldn't help laughing at his distress. "Yes, doctor. Him. I'm sure."

McCoy closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Do you have any idea what you're getting into here? This isn't going to be just any kid. This is going to be a… a… a Kirk!" he managed to spit out.

"Hey!" Jim protested. "What's wrong with being a Kirk?" he asked indignantly.

"One of you is enough for this universe to handle," he told Jim acerbically. "I don't think we can handle more. Especially on one ship." He shook his head. "My god, this is worse than tribbles," he muttered under his breath.

Marissa and Jim exchanged a questioning look. What did tribbles have to do with pregnancy?

"Look, Bones," Jim said to his friend, "Sorry to throw you for such a loop. Can we maybe get on with this, though? Spock's got the conn until 1600 hours and I would like a chance to talk to Marissa before I have to be back on duty, okay?"

Shaking his head as if to wake himself up, McCoy moved back over to the bio bed. "Okay, fine. You," he pointed to Jim, "go sit over there so you don't get in the way. You," he pointed to Marissa, who was now leaning up on her elbows, "lay down."

"Yes, sir," they both replied, but Jim's tone was much more sarcastic as he sat behind the doctor's desk.

Muttering under his breath about crazy kids and tribbles, and captains who don't know their place, McCoy swiftly completed the preliminary bio scan.

"Okay," he finally spoke to Marissa. "Everything looks good. You've lost a pound, but that's normal. You're blood pressure is a still a bit low, but it's nothing to worry about at this stage. Do you have any questions for me?"

"Wait," Jim jumped in. "She's lost weight? I thought that women only gained weight during, you know," he waved his hand. "Are you sure she's okay?"

"The word is pregnancy Jim and if you can't say the word how are you going to get through the next 7 months, let alone this kid's entire life?"

"I know the word, Bones," Jim stated, huffily. "I can say it – Marissa is pregnant. See? Cut a guy a break, why don't you? I'm still trying to get used to the idea. Now is she okay?"

McCoy sighed. "Yes Jim, she's fine. Due to a bunch of factors that I am not going to explain to you right now, some women do lose weight during their first trimester."

Jim looked over at Marissa. "Have you been sick?" he asked worriedly.

"No," she shook her head. "I haven't had any morning sickness at all," she told him. "I just haven't been hungry."

Jim opened his mouth to comment, but the doctor cut him off. "That's normal, Jim. I'm sure she'll start packing on the pounds soon. Now, ensign," he turned back to her. "Do _you_," he stressed, "have any questions for me?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so, doctor," she told him. "I read through what you gave me and it explained things pretty well. I just don't feel like eating and I'm pretty tired most of the time."

McCoy nodded as he began to rearrange a monitor over the bio bed so that he and Marissa could both see it. "Again, that's normal. Your body is getting used to carrying another life and it's using up a lot of your reserves. If you can, try to take a nap when you're tired. It won't cure you're tiredness, but it will help a little. No caffeine or energy drinks, though. If you're tired, sleep. As for the eating; try to eat something every couple hours, don't skip a meal. It's not good for you or the baby. If you aren't hungry for breakfast or lunch, eat something small, but at least eat something. Okay?"

"Yes doctor."

Pulling out a stirrup from the side of the bed, McCoy nodded back to Jim and then looked expectantly at Marissa, as if to ask 'are you sure?' She shrugged in response. Jim was sitting over at McCoy's desk watching them with curious eyes. He wouldn't actually see anything when the doctor did the pelvic exam, he could stay if he wanted.

"Alright then," McCoy told her, purposely not looking over at the captain. "Slide down and put your feet into the stirrups and we'll get this part of the exam over with." Marissa complied with his directions, putting her feet into the cold metal stirrups and scooting down towards the end of the table, while the doctor put on a pair of gloves. "A little bit further," the doctor told her as he took a seat at the bottom of the table between her legs. "Now just relax…"

"Yeah, sure," Marissa mumbled as she stared up at the ceiling, willing her legs not to clench together.

"Uh Bones?" Jim hesitantly questioned from the desk, "what are you doing?" From his position he couldn't see much aside from Marissa spread legs, the sheet draped over them and Bones' head, but he had a pretty good guess as to where the doctor's hands were.

McCoy rolled his eyes and muttered "infant," under his breath. "I am giving the ensign a pelvic exam, Jim. Making sure that the cervix is properly closed and that the uterus isn't inflamed or tender." Moving a hand to the top of Marissa's belly, he pressed down in several places. "How does that feel, ensign? Any pain or discomfort?"

Jim snorted from his seat, but they both ignored him. "No doctor, nothing."

Sitting back, McCoy removed his gloves. "All right then, everything looks fine. Go ahead and move back up the table so your head is on the pillow and we'll take a look at this kid." He looked over at the captain. "You can come over here now, Jim."

Jim stood up and walked around the desk to stand next to Marissa's upper body. "We're actually going to see it?" he asked with a bit of awe in his voice. "For real? How?"

Folding down the sheet until it just covered her pubic bone, McCoy squirted a blue gel onto Marissa's lower belly. She let out a hiss as the cool gel touched her skin.

"Still not warming it up, are you doc?" she asked, trying to control a shiver that ran through her body. Jim reached out and took her hand.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She smiled. "I'm fine. Your friend here just likes to take the gel out of the freezer before using it on his patients."

"Picky, picky," McCoy mocked, as he played with the controls on the ultrasound device. "Okay, you two, let me do some looking around and then I'll turn on the view screen." He moved the device over her belly, this way and that, until finally he gave a soft, "ah ha!" Turning a knob on the PADD resting near Marissa's leg a soft "whoosh, whoosh, whoosh," filled the room. "And we have a heartbeat," he said. "Looks like 155 beats per minute. Perfectly normal."

Marissa and Jim just starred at each other with wonder in their eyes. That was their baby's heartbeat filling the room. Marissa had known for a good six weeks at least that she was pregnant. It had been confirmed by blood test, ultrasound and her own instincts, but this was the first real piece of evidence that she was actually carrying another life in her womb. She felt the tears prickle. Jim gave her a goofy smile and squeezed her hand. He seemed pretty much in awe too.

The doctor ignored them both as he continued to adjust the ultrasound wand. "Busy little bugger," he muttered, making them both smile. After a few more minutes he finally looked up at them, his face serious, but his eyes soft. "Are you ready to see your baby?"

Jim squeezed her hand as she nodded. "Yes, we're, uh… ready."

Holding the wand steady McCoy flipped a switch on his PADD and the monitor came to life. Marissa gave a little sigh at the sight, while Jim cocked his head in confusion. "That's it?" he asked. "That doesn't look like a baby. It's looks like… like… a Ferengi, or something."

Marissa laughed and McCoy snorted. Using his finger he traced a line on the black and white picture on the screen. "This is the head, and this is the spine," he pointed out. "The baby currently has its back to us."

Jim cocked his head to the other side and squinted. "If you say so, Bones, but I don't see it."

Removing the wand from her belly, McCoy flicked a switch and then placed it back onto her stomach. "Okay, let's try this." Suddenly, instead of black and white the image took on a warm peachy glow, and what once had looked like an alien now looked remarkably like a real baby.

"Oh my god," Marissa whispered, clenching Jim's hand. The baby had moved and they could now see its face. The eyes and mouth were obvious; the hands and legs waving in its watery home. "Hi, sweetheart."

"Wow," was the only thing Jim could say at first as he took in the new picture. "I can see it now. The eyes, and nose, and little hands and feet. Hey! Is that…? Is it a boy?"

"No, you idiot, that's the umbilical cord," McCoy told him and Marissa couldn't help laughing again. "It's a bit too early for us to tell for sure yet. It's 50-50 whether it's a boy or a girl."

Jim glared at his friend. "Thanks, Bones." He rolled his eyes but continued to stare at the screen. McCoy took his time pointing out the spine, heart, liver and other details of the baby to the awed parents. Neither had much to say. After awhile he finally shut off the ultrasound and wiped the gel from Marissa's belly.

"Wow," Jim looked down at Marissa. "That is really inside you."

"Yep," she agreed, rather amazed herself.

"And it's only going to get bigger."

"Yep." She placed a hand over her currently flat belly.

"Wow. That is amazing."

"Yes, it is Jim," McCoy agreed, a small smile on his face. "Looks like your little bundle of terror will be arriving sometime in mid August," he told them after glancing down at his pad. "Ensign, I will need to see you once a month for the next six months and then once a week for the last month. If anything feels wrong or you get sick I need you to come here right away, okay?"

Marissa nodded.

"All right, then," he grabbed Jim by the arm and started to drag him to the door. "We'll let you get dressed."

"Bones!" Jim protests, "I want to talk to…"

"You can talk to her when she's dressed, Jim," McCoy cut him off. "Give the lady some privacy, would you."

Jim looked back at her and she waved him off. "I'll be out in a minute."

After the door closed behind the two men Marissa continued to lie on the table, hands covering her belly, a small smile on her face. How was it possible to be so excited and so terrified at the same time?

_**Please review.**_


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: I don't any anything Star Trek-like. And I'm definitely not making any money._

**Consequences**

**Chapter 6**

McCoy dragged Jim and out his office, looked around the med bay and then towed him over to the supply room where they wouldn't be overheard.

"Damn it, Jim!" his friend exclaimed, giving him a shake before releasing his arm. "What the hell are you doing?"

Jim grinned a bit, his eyes still on the office door. "Gee, I'm not sure, Bones," he told his friend. "I think I'm going to have a kid. At least that's what it looked like to me in there."

"This is not a joke, you idiot!" Bones scolded. "Do you have any idea what's going to happen?"

Rolling his eyes, Jim finally looked at the doctor. "Yes, Bones, I know what's going to happen. I took sex ed. in school." Holding up a hand to stop his friend from chastising him further, Jim continued, "I know this is not a joke, believe me. I was up half the night thinking about this, but what's done is done and the kid is going to be here in seven months. What am I supposed to do? Ignore Marissa? Send her off the ship because I knocked her up?"

"Jesus," Bones ran a hand through his hair. "You're only a kid. You're both kids! How are you going to ..."

"Excuse me?" Jim interrupted, with an incredulous look. "Who's a kid here? Exactly how old were you when Joanna was born?"

McCoy started mumbling under his breath. "That's not the point here. I was… married at the time. In med school…"

"How old were you, Bones?" Jim prodded. "Twenty? Twenty-one?"

"Damn it!" he growled, "I was twenty-two. But that's not the point. I was married…"

"And we all know how well that turned out," Jim commented under his breath.

"… and I was in med school," McCoy continued on, narrowing his eyes, "and we were an Earth, for crying out loud, with family nearby to help and…"

"Bones stop! By the time this kid is born I'll be twenty-six. And while it's not med school, I am the captain of a starship. And even if we were on Earth I wouldn't have any family to help out, so what does it matter?"

"What about the kid?" Bones asked, crossing his arms and glaring at his friend. "What's it going to be like growing up on a starship? We just started our five year mission…"

"What are you getting at Bones?!" Jim demanded; his hands clenched at his sides, his temper suddenly flaring. "I know this isn't ideal. I know that it's not going to be easy, but what other option do we have? Send them away? I'm not going to punish Marissa for something that I was a part of and I'm sure as hell not going to let my child grow up without its father. I won't do it!"

McCoy took a step back and looked at his friend for a moment. He saw the tension in his body, the determination in his eyes. He knew enough about Jim's history from the public record as well as from the hints he had dropped after having one too many, that not having his father around had been a defining aspect of his childhood. He knew Jim had a stepfather, but nothing good was ever said about him. Was it any surprise that Jim had willingly embraced the idea of raising his own child?

"I'm sorry, Jim," McCoy finally said, clapping his friend on the shoulder and squeezing. "I'm just a little shocked."

Jim smirked, the anger draining away as quickly as it flared up. "You and me both."

"And I'm worried," he continued. "Having a child is a big responsibility. And it's not going to be easy on a starship. Add in the fact that you're the poster boy for Starfleet at the moment…"

"I know, Bones, I know. Believe me, you aren't saying anything I haven't thought about already," Jim told him. "We need to take this one step at a time. Which means Marissa and I need to talk." They heard a door open and both glanced towards McCoy's office as Marissa stepped out into the med bay. A small smile crossed Jim's face and McCoy rolled his eyes at the infatuated look.

"Just be careful," Bones warned.

"It's a little late for that, isn't it?" Jim retorted.

"That's not what I meant," McCoy muttered.

Jim ignored him. "Look Bones, I gotta go. Do me a favor and talk to Chapel for me? I want to keep this quiet for as long as possible, okay?"

McCoy nodded, but Jim was already moving away. "Sure Jim. Sure."

"Thanks Bones. I'll see you later."

Watching as Jim approached the young woman and swept his hand out as if to say 'after you,' McCoy shook his head. "Kids, I tell you. Just kids."

Walking over to the nurses' station he caught Nurse Chapel working on some reports. "Say Christine, can I have a word?"

"Of course Doctor," she replied.

"Not that I need to remind you, but as part of the medical staff we need to make sure we respect our patient's confidentiality. So any thing you might have seen today, you know like…"

"Like the Captain being at Ensign O'Donnell's prenatal exam?" she asked innocently.

McCoy's eyebrow lifted fractionally. "Yeah, something like that. It's not something we want to… share… with the crew or any of the other nurses on staff, okay?"

Chapel sat up a little straighter and gave him an insulted look. "Of course not Doctor. The Captain never comes down to sickbay unless he's injured, anyway."

"That's right," McCoy winked. "Thanks, Christine."

Jim and Marissa walked slowly down the corridor, neither exactly sure what to say. When they reached a cross corridor that would lead towards the lifts or back towards the ship's recreation rooms they stopped.

"So," Jim began, rocking back and forth on his feet. "I guess we need to talk."

Marissa nodded and tried not to blush. "Yes, I guess we do."

"Where do you want to, uh, talk?"

"The observation room on Deck 7 has a comfortable couch," she offered. "I accidentally fell asleep on it last night. No one really goes in there. We could try that."

"So that's where you were last night," Jim murmured.

"Excuse me?" They began walking toward the observation deck.

Jim cleared his throat awkwardly. "Last night, after I… after I had a chance to… you know, think about everything I went to your quarters to try and find you," he told her. "You weren't there so I went to the library." He shrugged. "Since you weren't there either I went back to my quarters. I figured I could talk to you sometime before your appointment, but I just never got the chance."

She looked up at him curiously. "Why didn't you use a computer to find me?"

"I figured if you weren't in the two most obvious places you didn't want to be found." He ran a hand through his hair and from the corner of her eye Marissa could see that he was actually blushing. "My reaction to your news wasn't… that great. I figured you were still pissed off at me."

Marissa ducked her head. "Actually, I was barely out the door before any anger I might have been feeling went away. I don't blame you for being upset. I'm sure it was the last thing you were expecting me to say when I walked into your ready room."

Jim chuckled. "That's true," he agreed. "I probably would have been less shocked if you started doing a song and dance routine from some old vid."

They laughed as they turned into the observation deck. Marissa was right, the room was empty. It was small in size compared to some of the other rec rooms, used more for small conversation groups. There were four couches and some chairs set up in two separate groupings and a small observation window on one wall. Stars were currently streaking by at warp speed. Otherwise the room was rather plain. No artwork or entertainment centers on the walls, just a small bookshelf with 20 or 30 PADDs waiting for someone to take an interest in them.

"See, no one comes here," Marissa told him as she seated herself on the couch facing the window. "From here you can watch the stars go by and not have to worry about listening to other people's conversation or arguments, or music that you might not be into like in other observation rooms. And the couch is actually comfortable," she smiled.

Jim sat down beside her and looked at the view. "Pretty small window," he finally said.

"I imagine the view from the bridge is spectacular, such a big viewport. But this one is good enough for me."

They sat quietly for a minute, watching the stars go by. Just when Jim turned on the couch to face her there was beeping noise and Spock's voice filled the room.

"Captain?"

Jim rolled his eyes. "Yes, Spock."

"You are needed on the bridge. We have an incoming transmission from Admiral Dekker."

Leaning forward and places his head in his hands Jim let out a low groan. "Can't you speak with him Spock?"

"He requested you personally, sir," Spock replied.

"Of course he did," Jim muttered.

"Excuse me, Captain, I did not hear you clearly."

Jim sat back. "It was nothing Spock, I'll be there in a few minutes. Kirk out." He smiled sadly. "I better get back to the bridge. Dekker is not a patient man. I'm sorry."

"I understand," Marissa reassured him. "I need to get back to the library, too."

They stood up and began walking to the door.

"Listen," Jim put a hand on her arm to stop her. "What are you doing for dinner? I'm off at 1800 hours. We still need to talk and Bones says you have to eat…"

Smiling, Marissa nodded. "That sounds like a good plan. Where should I meet you?"

"You're going to be in the library?"

"Yes."

"Well, why don't I meet you there," he suggested. "That way if I'm late you won't be bored."

"Great. I'll see you then. Captain."

"It's Jim," he told her. "I think after everything we can call each other by our first names, right?"

Marissa smiled. "Yes, Jim."

Jim smiled back. "Okay. Marissa, I'll see you later – in the library. Bye." With that, he turned and walked quickly back to the lift. Just as he reached the corner he glanced back and waved. Mortified to be caught staring after him, Marissa waved back and then turned and quickly made her way to the library trying with all her might to control the blush that was sweeping over her.

_Please review._


	7. Chapter 7

McCoy looked around Jim's cabin as he sipped his drink. It wasn't as smooth as the whiskeys made on Earth, but it was a decent facsimile despite a bit of a floral aftertaste. He still had a decent stash of the good stuff, but since Jim had gone through the effort of getting this on his last away mission, who was he not to enjoy it?

He watched his friend swirl the alcohol in his glass, without drinking it. There was something about the set of his shoulders, the tension in his neck, that let McCoy know that this wasn't merely a social invitation for drinks in his cabin. Thinking back, McCoy realized it had probably been a good month or longer since they'd had a quiet drink as friends.

Sure, they'd shared meals together and with others. They'd seen each other at staff meetings and during the ship's entertainment functions set up by Yeoman Rand and the entertainment committee. They'd even shared a drink or two in his office after Jim had visited sickbay to talk with injured away team members. But actually being invited to the captain's quarters for drinks hadn't happened in a long while.

Strange.

Of course, it wasn't really too surprising. They were both busy learning their new jobs as CMO and captain. In the three months that they had been on this ship they had been to seven planets and two star bases. They'd been involved in four mediations, two of which filled his medbay with patients, and a lot of flag waving and glad handing. There hadn't been much time to sit and chat.

If Jim wasn't busy with diplomatic duties or the usual day to day running of the Enterprise, McCoy was dealing with an explosion in engineering or an outbreak of some weird alien sickness brought back by an away team. He didn't care what Scotty said, the transporters were not capable of eradicating 99.9% of the viruses, spores, bacteria and other shit that the away teams brought back to the Enterprise. He still thought a full body scrub down station and the burning of all uniforms was the best way to go. Not that anyone would let him.

But cleanliness aside, he and Jim hadn't really talked in awhile. He knew all the diplomatic crap was not something Jim enjoyed. And being stuck on a tin can for months was enough to drive anyone nuts, but especially his friend.

He knew that Jim had taken what amounted to a vow of chastity when their mission began. It wouldn't do for the Captain to sleep his way through his female crew members. Life on a starship was like living in a fishbowl, especially for the captain. He knew there were plenty of crew members – female and male – who would gladly make themselves available to the captain if he asked, but McCoy knew he wouldn't.

Jim took his responsibilities seriously, despite his playboy image back at the academy. But he was ultimately a social creature. He liked women. He enjoyed being in their company and three months without sex had to be driving him nuts. He knew the rumors swirling about Jim's unaccountable interest in Ensign O'Donnell, the "little librarian" he'd heard her called by a couple of his nurses, but he was pretty sure nothing had happened between them. At least, nothing more.

This latest stop at Veelox was supposed to have included a bit of off time for the captain. The inhabitants of the planet had been trusted members of the Federation for over fifty years. Jim and his command team – the 'heroes' – were expected to do a meet and greet to impress the natives. Jim was the poster boy for Starfleet and everyone wanted to see him. Then it was time for some relaxation.

There had been a shore leave lottery for a third of the crew. McCoy hadn't gone planet-side except for the initial banquet. Jungles were not his idea of fun, and while there were a couple of good sized cities and lots of recreational opportunities that didn't include tramping through foliage, he wasn't interested in staying longer. He knew Yeoman Rand had booked Jim into the nicest hotel on the planet for a week, on Starfleet orders.

But for someone who supposedly just spent the last week relaxing and chasing tail – if McCoy knew anything about his friend – Jim looked way to tense to have enjoyed himself.

Studying Jim over the rim of his glass, McCoy figured he had to be the one to start this conversation if they weren't going to be here all night.

"So, Jim," he started, "for a man who just had seven days of shore leave you don't look that rested."

Shrugging his shoulders and finally taking a sip of his drink, Jim sighed. "It was nice. Big bed, soft sheets. I got a massage. Did some hiking in the surrounding jungle. Watched some vids I hadn't seen yet. You know, aside from being furry, the people of Veelox are a lot like us – people from Earth, I mean."

"Really?" McCoy asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, they've really embraced off planet entertainments and culture. It was like being in San Francisco – or New York, maybe. Big and flashy, but surrounded by a jungle. Interesting, really."

"Interesting," McCoy repeated, closely watching his friend who had yet to look at him. "Go to any interesting clubs or bars while you were down there?"

Jim shrugged. "A couple."

"Meet any interesting females?" McCoy prodded. Normally by this point in the conversation Jim would be regaling him with his exploits with all the women he had met, picked up and/or slept with. That he was so subdued was worrying.

"Fur is not really my thing," Jim finally told him.

Both McCoy's eyebrows shot up at that statement. While he knew that Jim was not nearly as indiscriminate in his partners as people liked to portray him, he also knew that his friend was… up for a new experience if it should present itself. "Well, if fur doesn't interest you, I know for a fact that there were plenty of other species of humanoid females down there. Any of them catch your fancy?"

Jim sat back with a sigh and finally looked at McCoy. "No," he said, almost in a whisper.

"No?" McCoy repeated in surprise.

"No, damn it!" Jim exclaimed, running a hand through his hair. And then the damn seemed to burst. "I tried. Honestly, I did. After three months on this ship and the month on Earth being practically interrogated by Starfleet… I felt like I had to get off this ship and find someone or explode! I haven't had sex in almost four months. I've never gone that long," Jim whined.

"Suffering is good for the soul," McCoy couldn't help commenting, with a sly smile.

Jim glared at him. "Shut up Bones, you're not helping."

"Who said I was here to help?" McCoy asked.

Rolling his eyes, Jim sat forward, resting his head in his hands. "It's not like I didn't have offers," he said quietly. "I did. And a couple of them I was actually interested in, but when it got to the point… I just couldn't."

"'Couldn't' as in not able to, or 'couldn't' as in not wanting to?"

"Couldn't as in once things got going it just didn't feel right and I didn't want to any more," Jim admitted.

"Didn't feel right?" McCoy repeated. "Was it because of the fur?"

Jim sat back again. "I don't know! I thought so at first, so I tried looking for someone, you know, more human. There was this really hot Deltan that I thought maybe…" he shrugged. "And then I met this girl, Treena, at a bar. She was cute. Long legs, honey blonde hair and the greenest eyes I've ever seen. They way she could dance… it was amazing."

"But," McCoy prodded.

"But, she was part Betazoid," he stated tonelessly. "Not half, maybe a quarter or a third. I didn't ask, but it was enough. Once we started touching she, well, she told me that she could tell that I wasn't really interested in her and she wasn't willing to be a… an object."

"Ouch," McCoy commiserated.

"Yeah," Jim agreed. "After that I decided to stay away from the clubs and go hiking and stuff."

They sat in silence for awhile, both thinking over what Jim had revealed.

"So, the question begs to be asked," McCoy finally broke the silence, "if you weren't interested in her, who were you interested in?"

"I don't know!"

"Don't you?" McCoy muttered under his breath. "Listen kid. At the beginning of all this you said it didn't feel right. That could've been the fur. That's understandable. But with the hot Deltan and the part-Betazoid…"

"and the Tandaran," Jim interrupted.

McCoy's eyebrows rose. "And the Tandaran," he added to the list. "With these women, how did it feel?"

"It felt good. It felt nice," Jim struggled to find the right words. "It felt…"

"It felt good and nice, but it didn't feel right," McCoy suggested.

"I don't know!" Jim exclaimed in a huff. "What does that mean, anyway? Did it feel right? What the fuck does that mean? It's sex. It's supposed to feel good. What does right have to do with it?"

"I don't know, Jim. You brought it up. What did you mean?"

"What are you, my psychiatrist?" Jim asked with a glare before downing his drink and pouring another.

"Lord help me if I was," McCoy said rolling his eyes. "I'm just a friend you invited over for drinks."

Jim continued to stare into his drink. McCoy sighed. Oh well, in for a penny…

"How's Marissa?"

Jim's eyes snapped up to his. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. "You think this is about Marissa?" He took another deep swallow of his drink.

"I don't know, kid. Is it?"

Taking his time pouring another drink, Jim sat back and looked up at the ceiling. "I don't know," he finally said softly. "I just don't know, Bones."

McCoy finished his drink and reached for the bottle to pour himself some more. "Well, rumor on the ship is that you have an interest in 'the little librarian,'" he told his friend.

"Little librarian?" Jim repeated with a small smile.

"Well, she is short," McCoy pointed out.

Jim nodded, still watching the ceiling. "What else are they saying?" he finally asked.

"Nothing much that I've heard," McCoy told him honestly. "I'm not exactly in the gossip loop for items regarding you. I could tell you some things about Hennessey in engineering, though."

"No thanks," Jim told him with a humorless smile. "God, I hate being captain sometimes."

McCoy smirked. "No you don't."

Jim looked at him briefly and then gave him another small smile. "No, I don't. Not really. Being captain… this is what I've wanted since I entered the academy. But I didn't expect to be… to have…" he trailed off. "It's like living in a glass house. Everyone knows everything about me – what I do, what I eat, who I talk to. And I'm the captain and I'm supposed to set the example and sometimes all I want to do is… is do something that will shock the hell out of everyone and get them off my back!

"Do you know I finally had to have a chat with Lt. Hartley and Ensign Mun?" Jim asked with a frown. "They had some kind of competition going to see who could get into my bed first. I mean really! Are we still in high school?"

Laughing slightly, McCoy shook his head at the look of indignation on his friend's face. "Well Jim, there are only 557 people on board this ship. And it's really not that big of a ship – especially when we're spending months and months at a time stuck together. Emotions and hormones are known to run a bit wild at times."

"I know that, Bones," Jim snapped. "But I'm the captain, damn it! Not some prize to be won. I deserve some respect don't I? I'm a good captain, right?"

"Yes, Jim. You're a good captain," McCoy reassured him. "I'd even go so far as to say you're a great captain – though I won't put it in writing – but you are also a young, good looking male. You should be used to the interest of the female population by now."

"You think I'm good looking?" Jim asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

McCoy rolled his eyes. "It's not my opinion that counts, but from what I have overheard from my female staff you are not sore on the eyes. Not really my type, but I trust my nurses."

Jim snorted. "Thanks."

"Getting back to my initial point," McCoy continued, "you're the captain, you're an object for gossip and that gossip has you linked with Ensign O'Donnell. How do you see your relationship with Marissa? And did your feelings towards her affect your encounters on Veelox?"

Jim sighed and took another drink. "I like her. A lot. She's smart. She's got this quirky, sarcastic humor that catches me by surprise sometimes. She's passionate about what she does, I can relate to that. She'll listen to me bitch and moan about stuff – paperwork or Spock, or the Admiralty, and then she'll tell me a funny story and I forget all about it. She taught me how to play some old card games, gin, pinochle, and hand and foot, and we'll play for hours and it's nice. Relaxing. I look forward to it. I've never had this kind of relationship with a woman. It's… good."

"But no sex," McCoy couldn't help pointing out.

"No," Jim sighed. "No sex."

"Do you want to?"

"I don't know," Jim finally told him after a long pause.

"You don't know?" McCoy asked incredulously. "You're… you! How could you not know?"

"I don't know, Bones," Jim snapped. "Do I want her because she's funny and smart and I can relax around her, or do I want her because she's the mother of my child and I can't sleep with anyone else on this ship so I might as well sleep with her!?"

"Ahhhh," Bones said in realization.

"Yes, ahhhh," Jim mimicked sarcastically. "The only reason we spend time together now is because she's pregnant. She knows and accepts that I want to be a part of their lives. She knows that I want to be a full time dad and so she's giving me the chance. We're getting to know each other. I mean, we have to be at least friends in order for this to work, right?"

McCoy nodded because it seemed like Jim needed some kind of response.

"But let's face it, except for the quirk of fate that got her pregnant, we probably wouldn't be anything more than Captain and ensign. I'd know her name. I'd deal with her as issues arose, but aside from being a member of my crew she wouldn't even be on my radar screen."

"Well, she's not your usual type," McCoy pointed out.

"Exactly!" Jim threw up his hands. "She's not my type. Too short. Too quiet. Too…"

"Plain?" McCoy suggested.

"I didn't say that!" Jim protested.

"But she's not the drop-dead gorgeous, legs to the armpits, slender nymphs you usually go for, though."

"Yeah," Jim agreed. "But she's cute in a way I never thought about – especially when she scrunches up her nose when she's reading. And I've normally gone for blondes or red heads. Brown hair seemed kind of boring, but her hair isn't just brown… it's got all these different shades of brown, and some red and blonde and…"

"Stop now!" McCoy held up a hand. "I do not want to hear you wax poetic about some woman's hair. Next you'll be telling me that her eyes are pools of the deepest sapphire."

Jim snorted. "Not sapphire. Maybe a deep ocean blue, before a storm. When she's mad they can…"

"I said stop!"

"Okay, but you brought up her eyes." Remembering the drink in his hand he drained the glass and then placed it on the table. "I like her," he admitted. "I enjoy spending time with her. We're going to have a baby together in five months. I don't want to mess this up because I have an overactive sex drive. She's never given me any hint that she'd be interested in anything more than friendship from me. What else am I supposed to do?"

"I don't think that is a question I can answer for you, Jim," McCoy finally told him. He had never, in all the years that he and Jim had been friends, heard Jim speak so much about a woman, at least about things that didn't have to do with a woman's appearance or abilities in bed.

This was a new side of Jim. A side that he suspected was even new to Jim himself. For whatever reasons, Jim had always been hesitant with forming an actual relationship with the women he bedded. McCoy thought it had to do with some childhood issues, probably to do with his mom, but Jim was more than willing to only skim along the surface with woman. And now he had one that was actually becoming his friend, a female he was enjoying spending time with that wasn't in a bed. It had to be an odd feeling for the man.

"I'm the last person you should come to for relationship advice," McCoy told him, "but all I can say is go slowly. You're right. This isn't something you want to mess up. It's not just you and Marissa, there's a baby involved. Take it from a guy who misses his daughter like hell; you don't want to be on the mother's bad side."

Jim sat back and closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Thanks a lot, Bones. I think I could've figured that out for myself."


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer: Not mine._

_Special thanks TalesFromTheSpockSide who sparked this story of mine with her wonderful story Hero. She's also been kind enough to look over my chapters ahead of time to keep from making any major errors._

**Consequences**

**Chapter 8**

Marissa hummed happily to herself as she prepped her away bag. PADD with questions and outline. Check. Extra empty PADDs. Check. Extra stylus. Check. Memory storage device. Check. Camera. Check. A collection of Terran literature as a gift. Check. Her grandmother's Saint Christopher medallion. Check.

She was ready to go on her first away mission. Practically dancing on her toes, she sat down at her computer and read Commander Spock's communication one last time before heading off to the meeting.

_Ensign O'Donnell:_

_An away team will be going to the surface of the planet Ibara at 1200 hours ship's time. The purpose of this mission is to assess an item of scientific interest to Starfleet. While the engineering team is meeting, there will be an opportunity for you to interview a respected Ibaran historian, Aja Killian. _

_We plan to be planet-side for no more than 4 standard hours._

_Please see the attached mission statement for further details._

_The away team briefing will be at 1000 hours in the captain's ready room. We will depart from shuttle bay four._

_Commander Spock_

She still got a thrill each time she read it. Turning off her monitor she grabbed her bag and forced herself not to skip out the door.

Ibara had been in the Federation for almost ten years, they tended to keep to themselves and didn't like having outlanders stay long. Only the basics of their history and culture were known and Marissa looked forward to investigating more. They also had close ties with the planet Uden about which very little was known. If she could further the Federation's knowledge of Ibara and get some information regarding Uden she would be ecstatic.

This is what she was on the _Enterprise_ for. This is what she wanted to do. She liked working on the ship's library database and helping her fellow crewmen to find the information they needed. Only lately she felt more like an entertainment researcher as she was asked to find more Terran entertainment – music, vids and shows, than she was asked to find legitimate research information.

She understood the desire for entertainment on a ship racing through space. If they were between destinations things got pretty boring. No one wanted to work 16 hours a day with no time for relaxation. The problem was that data packets only came through on a weekly basis and all information had to come through Starfleet first and Starfleet really didn't see the need for an extensive entertainment library. Each ship had a standard library and that was considered enough. The powers-that-be didn't take into consideration the wide range of interests that a crew of over 500 would have.

She'd used her research skills while the Enterprise was near a planet to obtain what the crew wanted through unofficial channels. It made her a very popular person. She even had the tacit approval of the captain. They never spoke of her activities specifically, but he did mention one night that he would love to see the old Die Hard vids from the twentieth century. When they had appeared on his entertainment unit in his room he had winked at her and then gone to make popcorn.

Thinking of Jim made Marissa wonder why he hadn't told her of this mission last night. They'd played cards in his quarters until she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer and then he had walked her to her quarters. Yet he hadn't mentioned anything about Ibara. Now that she thought about it he hadn't really said much at all, instead letting her ramble and chatter away. Any time she fell quiet he would ask a question or make a comment and she would start talking again.

He'd been relatively quiet since he got back from his visit to Veelox. She hadn't put her name in the lottery for shore leave because Dr. McCoy had told her he wouldn't let her go anyways - too many bugs and parasites that might be dangerous to her and the baby and they were using the transporter. A definite no-no. That's why Ibara was perfect. Since the natives did not approve of transporter technology, probably due to religious reasons – she'd have to ask about that – they would be taking a shuttle craft. And Ibara was very similar to earth. There was minimal risk to going planet-side.

She'd asked Jim about Veelox, but he hadn't said much and she didn't want to push. They both knew what he had gone down to the planet for. He was a healthy, human male. She knew about his vow not to sleep with members of his crew and she respected him for it. She couldn't blame him for wanting some companionship. Even if she was a little bit jealous.

What they had was a good beginning to a friendship. They met up three or four times a week for dinner or cards. They talked about their shipmates, the academy, her studies, his frustrations with dealing with the Admiralty, and sometimes they talked about their pasts, or rather she talked about her childhood and her family and he regaled her with stories from the academy. His past was off limits, she soon realized.

Marissa really didn't want to ruin their budding friendship, but sometimes, when she was sitting across from him and he gave her that dazzling smile, or when she woke up on his couch and he was sitting watching her with a strange expression on his face that she couldn't quite place, she wanted to reach out, cup his face and kiss the breath out of him. And that was only to start with. She had lots of other fantasies of what she wanted to do to him and with him. Sometimes, especially lately, it was hard not to act on those desires. It was like she was becoming some kind of wanton slut.

The information Dr. McCoy had given her at their first meeting reassured her that she wasn't going crazy. The PADD explained that some women felt an increase in their sexual appetites during the second trimester of pregnancy, and boy were they right. She was definitely feeling it. She seemed to be always on the edge, always turned on. Sometimes the look in Jim's eyes was so intense she thought she might melt into a puddle right in front of him. She was going to have to learn to control this. She really didn't want the embarrassment of him finding out.

If he could resist sleeping with anyone on his crew, she could resist jumping his bones. She could. Really.

"Ensign O'Donnell," a voice interrupted her thoughts and made her jump.

"Commander Spock!" she turned and stood at attention.

He nodded, indicating that they were to continue down the corridor, his hands clasped behind his back. He watched as she began to blush. "I did not mean to startle you," he stated.

"My mind was elsewhere, Commander," Marissa told him, trying to cram all thoughts of Jim and what she wanted to do to him into the back reaches of her mind.

"I imagine that you are greatly anticipating the mission to Ibara." He continued to study her as they walked side by side, making her feel slightly uncomfortable.

Marissa smiled. "Oh, yes, Commander. This is what I wanted when I requested being assigned to a starship. I am looking forward to meeting Aja Killian and learning more about Ibara and its history."

"We will not be on the surface for long," Spock told her. "You will not have time for extensive research."

"I know, but I will have time to get to know Ms. Killian. I can get some basic information and maybe some copies of texts. Once I establish a connection I can keep in communication with Ms. Killian and we can share information over subspace. At least I hope so. A planet's history cannot be learned or even download in the space of hours."

"This is true," Spock agreed. "I am relieved to see that you have realistic expectations as to what can be accomplished today."

"I've been doing historical research for years, Commander," Marissa told him. "I know how to do my job."

They now stood in front of the doors to the captain's ready room. "Of course," Spock half bowed. "I apologize if it appeared that I thought otherwise."

"No apology is necessary, Commander," Marissa nodded and then walked into the ready room. She'd been in here once before when she had delivered 'the news' to Jim. She'd been so nervous that she hadn't taken the time to really look around. The room was actually a pretty good size with not only Jim's desk and the chairs facing it, but a conference table and data center.

Seated around the table were Lt. Uhura, Ensign Chekov, Lt. Sulu, Dr. McCoy, Lt. Commander Scott, and two red shirts from security. Jim wasn't present yet. She nodded casually to everyone as they looked up from their conversations and sat down in a chair furthest from the captain's and across from Dr. McCoy.

This would be the first time she had been in Jim's company in an official capacity and she was a bit nervous. As far as her duties on the ship went, she reported to Lt. Commander Roose who reported to Commander Spock. Jim wasn't exactly in her chain of command except as the captain of the ship.

The doors swished open and Marissa found herself standing with everyone else as Jim, Captain Kirk, entered the room. With a casual, "at ease," he waved everyone to their seats as he moved to his chair. Looking over his assembled crewmen he seemed to start as his eyes rested on her, as if he wasn't expecting her at all. He managed to cover it up, but Marissa could feel Dr. McCoy glance at her. He must have noticed too.

"Okay, Spock," Jim declared. "Let's get this meeting started."

"Of course, Captain," Spock nodded. "At Starfleet's request we are currently orbiting the planet Ibara…" Marissa tuned out most of the Commander's words. She'd read the mission brief, but as most of it didn't have anything to do with her, she didn't really feel that she needed to pay attention. Her presence was more of an addendum to the mission as her meeting would have nothing to do with the engineering marvel the away team was investigating.

Looking over her notes and lists of questions, Marissa was startled from her musing by Jim's voice and the mention of her name.

"Everything sounds good Spock, but since this is a scientific away team I see no need for Ensign O'Donnell to be part of this mission," Jim stated in what Marissa had come to think of as his captain's tone.

"Excuse me?" Marissa couldn't help herself from questioning, a heavy feeling developing in the pit of her stomach. He wasn't going to stop her from going, was he?

It seemed that everyone at the table looked at her and then back at the captain expectantly, but he didn't even bother to glance her way, instead keeping his focus on his first officer.

"Captain, I realize that this mission is primarily of a scientific focus," Spock stated evenly, "but it is also an excellent opportunity for Ensign O'Donnell to meet with a preeminent Ibaran historian."

"Ensign O'Donnell is on board for first contact missions. Forgive me if I am wrong, but Ibara has been with the Federation for sometime now. This isn't first contact," Jim stated.

Staring at him in consternation, Marissa felt her temper begin to rise. He was not going to do this to her. He was not going to stop her from doing her job.

"They have been with the Federation for 9.7 standard years," Spock agreed. "You are correct in stating that this is not a first contact mission, but…"

"Then there is no need for Ensign O'Donnell on this mission," Jim interrupted, still not looking over at her. McCoy gave a cough that sounded more like a smothered laugh. "Team, you should be ready to leave in one hour. Dismissed," he ordered. "Bones, Spock I need to speak with you."

Marissa sat back in her chair, arms crossed defiantly. She was not about to let this conversation go.

With confused looks everyone else filed quickly out of the ready room.

"Captain," Spock began as soon as the doors closed behind the rest of the away team.

"You cannot do this to me," Marissa declared, cutting off Spock. She narrowed her eyes as she glared over at Jim. "Just because this isn't a first contact mission doesn't mean that I shouldn't be allowed planet-side. Very little is known about Ibara, even if they have been in the Federation for almost 10 years. My job is to find out more."

"I believe your initial mission statement to Admiral Pike and Starfleet was 'to aide in the gathering and distribution of information from _first contact_ missions with planets and species new to the Federation and to help establish a database for further contact situations,'" he recited to her. "Ibara is in the Federation; therefore you are not needed on this mission."

"Captain," Spock again tried to intervene.

"Just because they are in the Federation does not mean that we can stop learning about them," Marissa declared hotly, not even hearing Spock this time. "A culture doesn't cease to grow and evolve once it becomes a member of the Federation! The Ibarans keep to themselves. The Federation actually knows very little about their history. This is a perfect example of what I can do for the _Enterprise_ and the Federation as an historian. I can use this as an opportunity to open communications with Ibara, to establish a more detailed database in regards to their history and culture and to learn more about them in general. Not to mention find out what they know about their neighboring planets that are not in the Federation at this time."

"The Ensign is correct, Captain," Spock spoke up again, giving Marissa a harsh look for interrupting him. "This is a prime opportunity for Ensign O'Donnell and the Federation."

"They will only be planet-side for four hours – at the most," Jim stalled, still not meeting Marissa's eyes and not looking at Spock any longer. He seemed more interested in the PADD in front of him. "That's not enough time to…"

"I don't expect to learn their whole history, _Captain_," Marissa interrupted, her sarcastic use of his title not lost on anyone at the table. "But four hours is enough time to start a dialogue with Ms. Killian."

"Ensign O'Donnell," Spock spoke sharply. "I must remind you that you are speaking to the Captain and such a tone is not allowed. You will speak to him with the respect that his title deserves."

Blushing, but still glaring at Jim, Marissa let out a small huff of laugh. "I will watch my tone when the Captain decides to act like the captain and not a spoiled child," she declared.

Jim finally looked at her, his eyes flashing a warning look. "You're not going," he stated firmly.

"Yes I am," she retorted. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't."

Jim seemed to flounder for words for a moment as he glared at her, neither of them aware of the two other individuals watching their heated discussion. "I see no reason to send extra personnel planet-side for a four hour mission."

"Bullshit," she replied her voice shaking with suppressed anger. "We're taking a shuttle. There's plenty of room for everyone."

"This is a scientific mission," he tried again. "You would only be in the way."

"I will not. Aja Killian will be waiting for me. We will be well out of the way of the engineering team."

"That just means extra security has to be sent down to watch over you," Jim pointed out. "Away teams shouldn't split up unless absolutely necessary." Spock's eyebrow rose and McCoy choked down another laugh at that particular statement. They both recognized a line of crap when they heard it. The captain had never batted an eyelash at splitting up an away team if he thought it was necessary. And this wasn't even a hostile planet.

"Captain," Spock tried again, "need I remind you that there will be two members of security present. There is no intelligence that suggests that Ibara and its citizen pose a threat to an away team."

"No intelligence at this time," Jim pointed out. "But Ibara is new to the Federation, it could be dangerous. I see no…"

"Bullshit!" Marissa declared again, slapping her hand on the table for emphasis. "The Ibarans do not pose any danger to the away team. They are primarily a peaceful society with very little social unrest. You're just being stupid."

"Ensign!" Spock reprimanded. Marissa blushed at the displeased rebuke of her direct superior officer, but she didn't take her eyes off Jim.

"You're not going," Jim stated again, his arms crossing his chest, trying to stare her into submission. "You don't know what kind of diseases or contamination could be down there. It's too risky."

Marissa rolled her eyes. "This is Ibara, not Veelox or Epsilon IV. Their ecology is very similar to Earth. I don't think I have anything to worry about."

"But you don't know," Jim fired back.

"Dr. McCoy," Marissa asked, finally taking her eyes from the Captain. "In your _professional_ opinion is there any reason why I cannot go planet-side with the away team?"

Looking back and forth between the two opponents, McCoy heaved a sigh. He really didn't want to be part of this argument. "No," he finally said. "There are always risks to going planet-side, but the risks on Ibara are minimal."

Nodding, Marissa began to gather her things. "Thank you, Doctor." Standing up, she glared pointedly at the Captain and then looked over to Commander Spock. "I will meet the away team in one hour, Commander," she told him. Nodding calmly to McCoy, she turned and walked out of the room, her back straight and head high.

The room was absolutely quiet after the door closed.

"Jesus, Jim," McCoy muttered under his breath. "What were you thinking?"

Jim finally glanced around the table and registered Spock and McCoy watching him in fascination. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

"Captain," Spock interrupted his thoughts. "I do not understand why you do not want Ensign O'Donnell to accompany the away team planet-side. I realize that rumors have connected the two of you in some sense, but…" McCoy gave a short bark of a laugh.

"Spock, I do not wish to discuss this now," Jim interrupted harshly while glaring at McCoy.

"Captain, I do not understand," Spock repeated. "Please explain…"

"I'm going planet-side with the away team," Jim interrupted again. "Spock, you stay on the ship." Standing up he walked quickly to the door that didn't lead to the bridge.

"Captain!"

"That's an order Mr. Spock. I will accompany the away team to Ibara." Without a backward glance he left the room.

Looking at McCoy, Spock raised an eyebrow in question. "I assume that the Captain's relationship with Ensign O'Donnell is closer than previously thought."

McCoy smirked, shaking his head. "I don't think even Jim knows what his relationship with Ensign O'Donnell is," he told the Vulcan.

Spock glanced from the captain's chair to where Marissa had been sitting. "Fascinating."

_Please review. I'm a bit nervous about how far Marissa went in this scene and if Jim is still staying in character. He really doesn't know what he's feeling right now and I wanted to make sure that comes across. I kinda like him confused. - RA_


	9. Chapter 9

_Disclaimer: Not mine. Also, because I forgot to say it earlier, Veelox, Ibara and Aja Killian are all property of D.J. MacHale and his Pendragon series. I just needed some names and places. Awesome series if you haven't read it._

**Consequences**

**Chapter 9**

Jim entered his quarters, turned around once the door had closed and slammed his fist into the wall.

"Damn it!" he yelled, shaking his hand. Taking several deep breaths he tried to calm his anger. What the hell was she thinking? How could she act so… so… disrespectful of him in front of his officers? He had every right as her captain to decide whether or not she went on a mission or not. No other crewmen would dare to question him.

Well, except maybe Bones, and Spock, and probably Uhura if he really pissed her off, he had to admit.

Didn't she realize that he only had her best interests at heart? He was only thinking of her safety - hers and the baby's.

Grabbing his away pack and checking its contents Jim continued to mutter angrily to himself as he searched for his phaser and extra comm. There were no plans to meet up with any Ibaran dignitaries, so at least he didn't need to change into his dress uniform. Four hours, plus shuttle time, was a long time away from the paperwork and acquisitions Rand had piled on his desk, but there was no way in hell he was letting her go down to Ibara without him.

The chime rang in his room letting him know that someone was outside his quarters. Not bothering to check who it was, Jim moved quickly to open the door. If it was Marissa he was going to drag her into the room, tie her to a chair and leave her there until the mission was over. She could be mad at him later.

Unfortunately his indignation was met with the unperturbed façade of his first officer.

"Look, Spock," he said blocking entrance to his rooms. "I don't have time right now. I have to get ready for the away mission."

"Captain, I see no reason for your presence on this mission," Spock stated. "In fact, I believe that under the circumstances you are the last person who should go."

Jim bristled. "What the hell do you mean by that?"

Spock nodded into the room. "If you would allow me enter, we can continue this conversation without being overheard," he pointed out.

Shaking his head, Jim stepped back into his rooms. "Fine, fine. Come on in. Make yourself at home. Can I get you anything to drink?"

Regarding his captain as he sprawled out on the couch, Spock shook his head and remained standing. "I am not in need of any refreshment, Captain."

Jim snorted and rolled his eyes. "What do you want, _Commander_?"

"I wish to discuss with you your sudden illogical desire to accompany the away team," he told him. "When we discussed this mission two days ago you made no mention of wanting to go planet-side."

"Well, that was two days ago," Jim said balefully. "I want to go now."

"Your presence is not necessary. Lt. Commander Scott, Ensign Chekov and I are more than capable of investigating this matter. Your time would be better spent on the ship attending to other duties."

"Maybe I just want to get off the ship for awhile," Jim postulated snidely.

Spock nodded. "For a human that would seem logical, except you just returned for shore leave 9 days ago. One might think that you do not trust my abilities to lead this away team."

Jim frowned. "Of course I trust you Spock. You're the best damn first officer in the fleet."

"Then it would be logical for me to assume that your sudden desire to go planet-side has everything to do with Ensign O'Donnell."

Jim's eyes skittered away from Spock. "She wasn't part of our initial discussion two days ago. She wasn't supposed to be part of the mission."

"True," Spock agreed. "When we last discussed this mission I had no intention of including Ensign O'Donnell, that is, until Lt. Commander Roose mentioned to me the scarcity of information regarding Ibara. Our databases contain very little information regarding Ibaran history and culture. This is the perfect opportunity for Ensign O'Donnell, and I took it upon myself to find a contact for her. A contact, I must add, who is very willing to meet with the ensign."

"She doesn't have to go planet-side for this discussion," Jim pointed out stubbornly. "She could open a vid channel with this person and discuss everything that way."

"Now that the invitation has been extended and accepted it would be illogical for us to change our plans now. It might be an insult to Ms. Killian who will be meeting with Ensign O'Donnell. We do not know enough about their culture to know if they will easily take offense or not," Spock argued calmly.

"Well then, fine," Jim responded almost launching himself off the couch. "If she goes, I go and that's it."

With a curious tilt to his head, Spock watched his captain pace around the room. "Captain, please explain to me why you do not want Ensign O'Donnell to go planet-side. This is most illogical behavior for a star captain." Jim snorted. Spock continued, "You cannot allow your emotions to rule your decisions like this."

Jim continued to glare at his first officer as he paced the room, running a hand through his hair. "You and Uhura have managed to keep your relationship pretty low-key, right?" he finally asked.

Spock stiffened slightly at the mention of their relationship. "I do not see what my relationship with Lt. Uhura has to do with this situation."

"Look, I know what the rumors are about me and Marissa," Jim said. "I'm the captain, apparently everything I do is rumor worthy," he added sarcastically.

"So you do have a relationship with Ensign O'Donnell," Spock stated.

"Yes," Jim told him, running a hand through his hair again and making it stand up on end. "No. Well, yes and no. Maybe."

Spock's eyebrow rose to his hairline. "I do not understand, Captain."

"Look, Spock," Jim finally stopped pacing and looked directly at his first officer. "Let's just say that – hypothetically – Uhura was pregnant. Would you want her to go to a strange planet?"

"I would be concerned, of course," Spock responded logically. "But I would not let emotions rule my decisions." He paused for a beat. "Am I to assume that Ensign O'Donnell is pregnant with your child?"

"Got it in one," Jim replied without much humor. "And pardon me for being human, but I don't want her leaving this ship without me."

"Dr. McCoy has stated that there is no reason for the Ensign to worry, and I cannot believe that she would put herself and her child in jeopardy. She will be perfectly safe with the away team. There is no logical reason for worry…"

"Damn it, Spock," Jim exclaimed, "just because there is no logical reason does not mean I'm not going to worry. Logic might work for you, but not for me. Look, this is all new to me. What harm can there be with me going planet-side with the away team?"

Spock thought for a moment. "I can see no harm," he finally admitted.

Jim finally smiled and moved to slap him on the back as he grabbed is away pack. "Good. Great. You stay here, mind the ship and I'll be back in a few hours."

"Captain," Spock called before he could get to the door.

"Yes, Spock?"

Walking up beside the Captain, Spock waved the door open. "I do not believe that any harm will come of you going planet-side, but I believe Ensign O'Donnell will have something to say to you about it."

Jim nodded in agreement as they began walking down the corridor. "Yeah, I'm sure she will, but I can hope she'll wait until we're back on the Enterprise."

"Do you plan on informing the rest of your command team?"

"That I'm going?" Jim asked, obviously confused. "I think they'll figure it out when I step on the shuttle."

"That is not what I was referring to, Captain," Spock responded. "After your disagreement during the away team meeting there will be more speculation regarding your relationship with Ensign O'Donnell. Will you be informing the rest of the crew?"

Jim sighed heavily. "Eventually, I guess I'll have to. I really want to keep this quiet. I'm getting enough grief from the Admiralty – especially Dekker and Franks. I don't need them coming at me with this. This is a private matter between me and Marissa."

"I see. I can understand that you would wish to keep this private, but as you stated earlier, you are the captain and everything you do is noted by the crew, and by extension, the Admiralty. But even if the Admiralty should find out, you are not in direct violation of any Starfleet codes regarding fraternization," Spock informed him.

"I'm not?" Jim asked, hopefully.

"No. You are in what is called a 'grey area.' Ensign O'Donnell is a member of your crew, but she does not report directly to you. You have minimal input into her assignments, promotions and any necessary discipline. Unless you used your position as captain to coerce…"

"No, no!" Jim interrupted. "I did nothing of the sort. It wasn't like that! I wasn't even captain then, not really anyway."

"Then there is no violation," Spock told him. "That does not mean that Admiral Dekker and Admiral Franks will not use this situation to attack your captaincy, but I believe that between your crew and your supporters in Starfleet your reputation will remain intact."

"Wow," Jim smiled up at Spock. "Was that a vote of confidence?"

"As you wish," was Spock's noncommittal reply. "I do not believe that Admiral Dekker is acting in a logical manner in regards to your position on the Enterprise."

"Yeah, we all know he wanted his son-in-law to get her instead of me," Jim laughed. "Talk about breaking fraternization rules…"

"Technically, Captain," Spock corrected him, "his position in supporting his son-in-law is called nepotism, not fraternization. It is frowned upon, but not against any regulations."

"Figures," Jim huffed under his breath. "But, Admiral Dekker aside, I would like to keep everything quiet for a bit longer okay?"

"I believe Lt. Uhura will have questions…"

"I'll tell Uhura, Sulu, Chekov and Scotty soon," Jim told him. "They are my command team and they deserve to know what's going on, but everyone else can wait a bit longer."

They had arrived at the shuttle bay doors. "That is acceptable, Captain," Spock said as the door opened. "And Jim," he added as the captain began to walk away. "Congratulations. And good luck." With a nod Spock turned and strode away, leaving Jim to face a confused away team and a pissed off pregnant woman.

_Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing and alerting. It makes me happy._


	10. Chapter 10

Marissa watched the doors to the shuttle bay swish open. Spock said something to Jim then turned and walked away. If she hadn't been so angry she might have laughed at the befuddled look on Jim's face as he watched his first officer leave. She mentally prepared herself for another battle. She was not going to let him stop her from going.

Jim seemed to collect himself as he quickly strode into the shuttle bay, his captain's persona firmly in place. "All right team, let's go. Can't keep the Ibarans waiting, now can we?"

No one moved.

"But Keptin," Chekov finally spoke up, "vhat about Meester Spock?"

"Mr. Spock has decided to stay on the _Enterprise_. I will be accompanying you today," Jim told him with a smile that was just a shade past charming and moving towards threatening. "Now everybody get on the shuttle craft."

Shaking her head in disgust Marissa was the first person to board the shuttle. Not because she was following the captain's orders, but because she wanted the seat furthest from his. Moving quickly to the back, she sat down at a window seat, closed her eyes and began counting slowly backwards from 100.

"This seat taken?" she was interrupted at 84 by Lt. Uhura. The shuttle was small with a total of eight seats divided two by two along a center aisle. Each window seat had been taken by an away team member, leaving Uhura to double up with someone.

Shrugging, Marissa moved her bag. "Suit yourself." Closing her eyes she began counting again.

"Are you afraid of flying?" Uhura asked as the shuttle finally took off.

"No," Marissa replied tersely. 29, 28, 27, 26…

"Then why are you counting your breaths?"

24, 23, 22… "Because I'm pissed off and I don't think it would be a good idea to get up and hit the captain in front of most of his command team." 21, 20, 19…

"He does have that effect on people," Uhura agreed, with wry humor.

"Yes, he does," Marissa stated. The rest of the shuttle ride was quiet; Uhura listened to her PADD and Marissa went over her questions one last time. By the time they arrived on the planet her pulse rate had managed to calm down and she no longer had the urge to throttle someone.

The shuttle craft was met by a small delegation of six Ibarans. They were all slightly taller than most humans, but much more slender, even in the flowing robes that they all wore. The biggest differences between the Ibarans and the humans were the slight blue tinge to the Ibaran's skin, their small, dark eyes, and their large, flattened nostrils that dominated their face.

Jim strode forward and introduced himself to their leader. "Captain James T. Kirk, USS _Enterprise._"

"I am honored, Captain Kirk," his Ibaran counterpart stated, bowing. "We were not expecting you for this visit. My name is Vinko Malari. I am the head of the experimental engineering department. These are my lead engineers Tod Colvey, Brot Delinsko, Merin Zempato, and Zak Tompleten." All the men bowed formally. "And this," Malari nodded to his other side, "is Aja Killian. Mr. Spock arranged a meeting with her for one of your team members, yes?"

"Yes, he did," Jim agreed. "Let me introduce you to my team. This is Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott, my chief engineer. Lt. Hikaru Sulu, my helmsman. Ensign Pavel Chekov, my navigator and all around science whiz. My chief communications officer Lt. Uhura. Lt. Mandibar and Lt. Noyola, members of our security detail. And Ensign O'Donnell who is here to speak with Ms. Killian."

"So, we have much to show you," Malari said, placing his hands together, "If you would all please follow me. Ensign O'Donnell, you and Ms. Killian will have the use of our lounge. I hope you will be comfortable."

"Of course," Marissa smiled. "I am looking forward to talking with Ms. Killian." She bowed slightly in the historian's direction.

"Everyone else, please follow me," Malari beckoned. "I am very excited to show you our discovery."

As one the away team turned to follow, all except Jim. "If you do not mind, Mr. Malari," Jim said politely. "I will stay with Ensign O'Donnell and Ms. Killian. I am very interested in learning more about your history and culture."

Marissa glared at the back of Jim's head.

"But of course, Captain Kirk," Malari replied, obviously flustered. "I thought that our… discovery. I assumed…"

"My team will be better able to understand what you have discovered and can explain it all to me later. They are the best at what they do." Jim smiled disarmingly. It seemed to calm the Ibarans, but the away team only looked at him incredulously. "I do not want to interrupt with too many questions. Engineering wasn't my best class at the Academy. I do not want to get in your way."

It was all a lie. A lie wrapped up with a charming smile, and everyone but the Ibarans knew it. If engineering hadn't been his best class at the academy that was only because he excelled at tactics and conflict negotiations. Had he somehow not made it into the command track, Jim would have been right at home as a chief engineer. The man had such a natural understanding of the internal workings of a starship that Scotty often bemoaned not having him on his engineering team. He liked to get his hands dirty and he liked to be involved in all parts of his ship. But the Ibarans obviously didn't know that.

"Whatever you feel is best, Captain Kirk," Malari bowed again. "We are honored that you would be interested in our history. As you say, Aja Killian is the best at what she does."

"Thank you," Jim replied. Turning to the two women, Jim smiled. "Ladies, after you."

Marissa followed Aja Killian through the laboratory to a small lounge area above the main lab. From the lounge they could look out a large window and see the away team and the Ibaran engineers gathered around a large table. Looking directly down, Marissa could see Jim talking with the two security members.

"Ms. Killian," Marissa began before Jim could join them. "I just want to say thank you for taking the time to meet with me. I have read your book regarding the evolution of the Delta quadrant after first contact with the Federation. It was one of the reasons that I began studying xenohistory at school. I feel I must apologize, though. I did not know that Captain Kirk would be joining our meeting."

The older woman smiled, reaching her hand out for Marissa's. Holding it gently, Ms. Killian breathed deeply. "You do not believe that the Captain has an interest in our history?" she questioned lightly, not releasing her hand.

"It's not that I do not believe he is interested," Marissa hesitated. "The Captain is a brilliant man. Its just that I think his interest is rather… sudden."

"I see," Ms. Killian smiled, her dark eyes seeming to twinkle. "Well, we will continue on as if he were not here. We have only four standard hours. That is not much time for us to get to know each other, let alone share our histories." She motioned for Marissa to sit down on one of the couches.

Jim bounded up the stairs and entered the room. "Please don't let me disturb you," he smiled charmingly. "I can listen from over here." He stood by the viewing window. "It will be like I'm not even around."

Marissa rolled her eyes and turned away from Jim. She was not going to let him ruin this.

"Of course, Captain," Ms. Killian replied. "We will not be bothered. Please don't hesitate to ask any questions." She turned back to Marissa. "Now Ensign O'Donnell, you must call me Aja, and I will call you Marissa. We are colleagues, are we not? And I too, have read your papers regarding colonization in the Gamma Quadrant. I found your supposition interesting and very well supported. I have often wondered how such a movement might be carried out here. As you know, Ibarans, in general, are a very private people…"

Jim actually made it through three and a half hours, before he was drawn down to the lab by the exclamations of his away team. He'd watched everything, so he had a pretty good idea what was going on, but he hadn't been able to read their lips. He could tell by Chekov's bouncing and Scotty's effusive back slapping that his team was excited about the Ibaran discovery.

Not that the history discussion going on behind him had been boring. It had actually been interesting and informative to see Marissa in this way. Until now he'd seen her just as the rest of the ship seemed to – as the 'little librarian.' She was quiet, until you got to know her, she did research, she had no interest in climbing the officer ladder at Starfleet, and she was a good person to go to if you wanted something from earth and wanted to get around Starfleet protocols. But now he could see that she was so much more than that.

On a subconscious level he had always known she was smart. She was working on her doctorate, after all, but he had never really equated her intelligence with anything that might be a benefit to his ship and crew. Seeing her interact with Ms. Killian, hearing her discuss theories about cultural attitudes and differences was rather eye opening. She knew what she was talking about and had easily earned the respect and interest of a colleague decades older than herself.

It was kind of a turn on, actually.

Moving away from the window, Jim went to stand near the two women. "Ladies, if you will excuse me," he interrupted, causing Marissa to jump slightly. "It looks like the engineers are wrapping up their demonstration. I think I will go down there for a bit."

"Of course, Captain Kirk," Aja told him graciously. "I hope we did not bore you too greatly."

"Not at all," Jim bowed. "It was rather… enlightening." He smiled at Marissa. "I'll send Mandibar or Noyola up to get you when it is time to leave," he told her. Mentally she translated it to mean "don't leave this room unless you have someone with you."

"Thank you, Captain," she replied politely enough.

When the door to the lab closed behind him, Marissa gave a soft sigh. She had been so involved in her conversation she had forgotten that he was even in the room.

"I do not mean to be intrusive," Aja began with a hesitant smile. "But your captain, he is also your _adijo_," she used an unfamiliar word. "Your… mate, I believe you would say in standard."

Marissa blushed. "How…? Why…? What makes you think that?" she finally managed to ask.

Aja laughed. "Ibaran noses are not just for looks. We use our sense of smell just as humans use their sense of sight. For us they are equal senses to each other. What I may not be able to see with my eyes, I can sense through the currents of scent that move across a room, or around a person, or between two people."

"That is… fascinating," Marissa replied. "Can you tell with any species, or must you be familiar with them to tell the differences in scent?"

"Spoken like one who truly wants to know about other peoples," Aja beamed. "Unlike most of my people I have spent much time off planet and I have become familiar with the scents of other species, like humans. I might not be able to… let us say, translate… the scents of species that I am unfamiliar with or that do not share a common ancestry. For instance, I might be able to understand some scents given off by a Romulan because I am familiar with Vulcans. But, if presented with a Klingon, or another race that I have never met, I would only be able to guess based on conjecture."

Marissa shook her head in wonder. "That is amazing! A whole new way of looking at and studying different species."

"Yes," Aja agreed, "the way something looks can be altered, an expression can be faked. But a smell, a scent… something that is naturally given off by the body without conscious knowledge - that is not something that can be disguised."

"I bet it is a useful bargaining tool," Marissa commented.

"Yes, it is."

Her mind spinning with the repercussions of such a skill, Marissa drew a deep breath, "You said that you thought Jim, Captain Kirk, was my mate," she finally said. "What do you… smell… about us?"

"Earlier, when I took your hand, I was able to also take a deeper sense of your scent. I believe that you are expecting a child, yes?"

Marissa nodded.

"And that child, it is also the child of Captain Kirk."

"What makes you say that?" Marissa found herself asking, rather than affirming the truth of her statement.

"His scent is… it is all over you, to me it seems obvious."

"Couldn't that be because we spend time together?" Marissa countered. "What if we were, I don't know… locked up together for a couple hours, or days. Or if we sat together on the shuttle ride here. Wouldn't our scents mingle?"

Aja nodded. "Yes, yes they would, but not in this way." She seemed to pause in thought. "It is like perfume on earth, I think. Each component has a certain scent. A specific smell. You can recognize rose, or jasmine, or patchouli easily. But, sometimes, when the scents are blended they become one. One scent that is greater than their parts. Separate, but together. Recognizable as a whole, and as individual parts."

"And that is how Jim and I… how we smell?"

"Yes," Aja told her. "You have your scent, let us say rose. And you have the scent of your pregnancy, an earthy patchouli overlaid with the Captain's sandalwood – for example. If they captain had not been present I would not have been able to guess the identity of the father of your child. I would have only known you were expecting."

"So, I smell like Jim and Jim smells like me?"

"Yes and no," Aja continued. "It is different for men. A women's scent, especially when breeding, takes on aspects of her mate's scent along with pregnancy. If, for example, you had a child with one man and then another child with another man, each pregnancy would smell different, your scent and the scent of the growing child would be the same, but the scent of the father would be different."

"So if you saw me in, say five years and I was pregnant again you would be able to tell if I was pregnant with the captain's child or someone else's?"

"Yes; if the father was in the room I would be able to tell who he was from your scent and probably, from the scents that he was giving off in your presence."

"Giving off?" Marissa questioned.

Aja smiled. "The males of most species are very territorial, you would agree, yes?"

"Yes," Marissa said with a small laugh.

"When we entered this room is was obvious to me that the captain was, shall we say, staking his claim on you? He was giving off a very powerful scent that, in essence said, she is mine, I will protect her, I will let no one harm her."

"All that in one scent," Marissa asked in wonder.

"Yes. It is difficult to explain, but the meaning was clear. It was obvious to me that he was not in this room to hear about our history and culture; he was here because he did not want to leave you alone on a strange planet with an unknown woman."

Marissa laughed. "You got that right. He almost didn't let me come down here."

"I believe your captain is a very dominate male, even for your species." Marissa could only nod in agreement. Was there anyone out there who was more of an Alpha Male than James T. Kirk? "Yet here you are, despite his wishes. You are not one to be dominated. Your displeasure with his actions was rather obvious to me, also."

Marissa shrugged, embarrassed that her feelings were so easily read by this woman. "He's Jim Kirk, you can't let him bully you. I'm sure when we get back to the ship he's going to let me have it. I was extremely unprofessional when he first told me that he didn't want me to come down here. I'm pretty sure he's angry at me."

"I did not smell anger," Aja told her. "He was possessive, yes, but also… I think proud is the word, or maybe admiring. And I do think there was a large dose of desire mixed in," she said with a big grin. "He is a man of healthy appetites, no?"

Marissa felt her face flush hotly. Aja looked at her in concern, but didn't say anything at first. "I have embarrassed you. I am sorry."

"No, no, it's okay," Marissa rushed to reassure her. "It's just, things between the captain and I… You said he was my mate and he is, to the point that he is the father of the child I am carrying, but other than that we are just friends. That's all."

"Human relationships are strange to me," Aja commented.

Marissa smiled wryly. "Me too."

There was a knock on the door and Lt. Noyola appeared. "Ensign O'Donnell, the Captain says it's time to go."

"Yes, of course," she replied, a bit flustered by the turn of their conversation. "Let me gather my things and I will be right down."

Aja stood as Marissa packed her bag. "We will talk soon. This has been a most informative meeting and we have much more to discuss regarding Ibara and Federation relations. Please contact me with any further questions you might have. I will send the data packet we discussed as soon as I am able. I am only sorry that I will be leaving the planet so soon after meeting you."

"Thank you, so much, Aja," Marissa said sincerely. "It has been wonderful meeting with you. I have learned so much. I am grateful for the time you have spent with me."

Reaching out Aja took both of Marissa's hands in her own. "It has been an honor to meet you. You are young and you are strong. You will go far, I believe." She breathed in deeply. "I do not know the path your relationship will take with your captain, but I see – and smell," she grinned, "great strength in you both. Some scents, once mixed, do not separate easily, if at all. Some are stronger for the joining. I wish you luck and prosperity in all your life."

Squeezing Aja's hands, Marissa held back tears. Damn pregnancy hormones. "Thank you, Aja. Thank you. I wish you the same."


	11. Chapter 11

**Consequences**

**Chapter 11**

Jim wrapped up his meeting with Spock and the away team a bit later than he wanted to. It was almost 2130 hours and he still needed to talk to Marissa, but Chekov and Scotty were so enthused about the Ibaran energy device that they wouldn't stop talking. And Spock kept on asking questions and asking for clarification. It was almost like he knew there was some place Jim would rather be.

He could see their point about the device. If it was as efficient and easy to build at it sounded, it would be an amazing addition to the Federation and would help stop the depletion of Dilithium currently used to power most Federation starships and space stations. He just didn't want to spend the rest of the evening hashing out the "what ifs" and "maybe we could…" ideas that Scotty was throwing out. In the engineer's mind this new device could power ships for decades and cure every disease known to man. When Scotty got excited, he didn't do it by half.

"All right, gentlemen," Jim finally interrupted Chekov as he waxed poetic about the output capabilities of the device, "I think we've all had a long enough day. I imagine we'll be in orbit above Ibara for the next few days. You'll all have a chance to go planet-side again and help with the device. I'm sure Mr. Spock will arrange meetings tomorrow."

"Of course, Captain," Spock agreed. "We do not have to be in the Oleras system for another 9.7 days. Given standard travel time we should have 6 days to study the Ibaran device. I look forward to seeing it myself."

"Great, then everyone is dismissed for the evening." Scotty and Chekov absently grabbed their notes and PADDs, still discussing what they had seen. Uhura and Sulu looked relieved. While the device had been interesting and they could see its uses, it wasn't something that either one of them were excited about.

"Captain," Spock spoke up as Jim stood and stretched. "Was Ensign O'Donnell's meeting satisfactory?"

Caught mid stretch, Jim saw Uhura smirk at him before she went out the door. She had sat next to Marissa on the shuttle. He was dying to know what they had talked about.

"Yes, Spock, I believe it was," he answered, straightening his PADDs even though he knew Rand would be in here to pick up after him. "Aja Killian was a gracious host and they discussed preliminary plans for communication. Ensign O'Donnell should be receiving a data packet soon with more information and materials. I think the ensign was very satisfied with her meeting."

"You think," Spock repeated, not quite asking a question, but it was still implied.

Jim had the grace to look a bit sheepish. "Yes, I think. She didn't tell me specifically, but they talked non stop for the four hours and seemed to hit it off very well."

"You were present for their meeting?"

"Yes, I was," Jim replied. "For most of it, anyways."

Quirking an eyebrow in response, Spock nodded slightly. "I see."

Jim narrowed his eyes at his first officer. "You see," he repeated defensively, "You see what? What do you mean 'I see?'"

"I simply meant to imply that I understood what you were saying in regard to your presence in the room," Spock replied.

"If that's what you meant you would have said 'I understand,'" Jim countered, "Not 'I see.' What was I saying about my presence? I was there, that's it. There's nothing to 'see.'"

Spock seemed to look condescendingly at Jim. "I am not always adept at reading human actions in regard to emotion, but I believe that when an away team is brought to a planet to investigate a new device that could be beneficial to the Federation, it is not a normal occurrence for the leader of that away team to forgo the investigation in order to observe a discussion between two historians. I see," he emphasized, "that you felt it necessary to guard Ensign O'Donnell."

"It wasn't like that," Jim argued. "Well, it wasn't totally like that. Chekov and Scotty were able to check out the device thoroughly without me. And the Ibarans were rather flattered that I was interested in their history. Everyone got what they wanted, okay?"

"Ensign O'Donnell was pleased with your presence?" Spock questioned and if Jim didn't know him better he would have sworn that the pointy-eared bastard was smirking at him.

Glaring, Jim finally gave in. "No, she wasn't exactly pleased, but she got over it. She got what she wanted, didn't she? She got to go down to the planet and have this meeting. And so help me, Spock," Jim declared with a pointed finger as the Vulcan opened his mouth to speak, "if you say 'I see' again I will spike your tea with chocolate syrup, see if I don't!"

"Of course, Captain," Spock nodded respectfully. "I believe you have business elsewhere this evening, I will leave you to it. Good night." With a precise pivot Spock strode calmly out the ready room door and onto the bridge, leaving a flustered, gaping captain behind him.

"Damn smug Vulcan," Jim muttered under his breath. "Where does he get off thinking he knows more about human women?"

By 2215 hours Jim was getting frustrated. He'd been stopped by Chekov and Scotty on the bridge to discuss another possibility of the Ibaran device. Just as soon as he managed to escape them, Rand had cornered him in one of the lifts and asked him about his agenda for the next day, reminding him that he still had piles of paperwork awaiting him.

He'd promised Rand that he would be in his ready room bright and early and he would not leave until everything was done. She probably hadn't believed him, but she left him alone anyway. Since then he had been to the ship's library, Marissa's quarters, and observation decks on levels six, seven and ten forward. He couldn't find Marissa anywhere and he really needed to talk with her. He had a lot of explaining to do. And probably a bit of apologizing, if he was honest with himself.

As her captain he was not pleased with the way she had spoken to him in his ready room, but she had held her tongue until only Bones and Spock were there and he was sure she had been surprised by his decision. A decision he had not discussed with anyone, including his first officer who was in charge of the whole mission.

As her… friend… he could totally understand her anger and impertinence. He knew how driven she was about her research. He'd seen her at her most passionate practically delivering a lecture to him regarding the importance of xenohistorians and how they could benefit the Federation and Starships. While he had listened, apparently he hadn't taken it to heart. He hadn't really heard how important this was to her. And when she had finally had a chance to do what she had always wanted, he had tried to take it away from her without a by your leave.

No, he couldn't blame her for being upset with him. On the shuttle ride home he had thought a lot about what he had seen down on Ibara and finally realized how wrong he had been. His only excuse was that he felt very protective of her and the baby and having them so far away from him on a strange planet with a species he wasn't familiar with went against every instinct he had. He'd been an ass and he was going to have to grovel a bit. Luckily she didn't seem to be the type to hold a grudge.

Remembering the last time he had gone searching for Marissa, right after she had told him that she was pregnant, Jim couldn't help grimacing. On two important occasions he had really stuck his foot in his mouth. It was amazing that their past months together had been so relaxing and enjoyable as they got to know each other. Apparently he only screwed up the big stuff, which wasn't very heartening.

The last time he had gone searching for her he had given up to soon, not wanting to face her anger and disappointment. In the end he had only made her worry more; as he had been able to tell her, before her appointment with Bones, that he would be there and that he would support her. He didn't want to wait this time. He didn't want to go to sleep thinking she was still upset with him.

Walking over to the nearest information terminal he punched in his code. "Computer, locate Ensign Marissa O'Donnell."

"Level 8, Room 1A 20," the computer chimed back.

Jim raised his eyebrows in astonishment. This could be a good thing, or this could be very, very bad. Shutting down the terminal he hurried to his quarters wondering how long she had been waiting for him.

No one stopped him on the way to his quarters, mostly because more than three fourths of the ship were at the beginning of their sleep cycle, but also because only senior staff had quarters on deck 8. He stood outside his door for a long moment wondering what might be waiting for him. He hadn't felt this nervous since he had to stand up in front of all of his classmates and defend his actions on the Kobyashi Maru. For some reason he had the feeling that this could become as big a disaster. He wouldn't lose his command, but he could lose so much more.

His door swished open quietly, and when nothing was thrown at him he relaxed a little. The lights were at fifty percent and at first he didn't see her anywhere. He let out a sigh of relief when he realized she was curled up asleep on his couch with the old quilt she had brought to his quarters weeks ago.

He couldn't help smiling as he quietly sat down on the coffee table in front of her. She looked so young when she was sleeping. Over the months that they had been spending time together he had seen her sleep on several occasions. As was typical of many pregnant women, she was extremely tired during the first few months of her pregnancy and had fallen asleep often in the evenings. She was only now starting to stay awake past dinner without having to take a nap during the day.

Since Marissa had told him her news they made it a point to get together three or four times a week. Lately it had been more like five or six times a week. They would have a meal together, watch vids, play cards, talk – whatever they felt like. As they got more comfortable with each other their time together had become longer and more relaxed. Marissa would bring he research to his quarters to read while he worked on official ship business. Or he would bring her a snack if she was working in the library late. He'd flip through old records or do some research himself, but for the most part he went down there just to see her.

He liked watching her sleep. She looked so young and adorable with her slightly parted lips, flushed cheeks and curly hair spilling around her face. She usually slept on her side with one hand tucked under her chin, making her look like an innocent child. As he watched her breath deeply he could imagine what their child might look like – if it was a girl. He thought about watching his daughter sleep and hoped that she would have her mother's curly, oak brown hair with maybe his own golden highlights.

Marissa looked so small when she was sleeping; it only made him want to protect her more. She wasn't tall to begin with, only coming up to his shoulder in her regulation boots, a lot shorter than any of his other female friends, but lately, it seemed like the perfect height. His arm fit easily across her shoulders and he could tuck her against him with ease. She fit. And when she hugged him her head rested right over his heart. He didn't know when or why he had noticed that, but he had and he liked it.

Her eyes began moving behind her lids and she began making the snuffling sound she usually made before she fully woke up. Her left hand reached down and began to caress her stomach. Stretching her legs she let out a small sigh as she shifted again, the sound giving Jim goosebumps and making his mouth go dry.

"Jim?" she whispered, her eyes still not open.

He cleared his throat softly. "Yeah, I'm here."

"It took you long enough," she smiled sleepily at him, cracking one eye open.

"Well, Scotty and Chekov wouldn't stop talking about the device and Spock kept asking questions and then Rand cornered me and…" he looked sheepishly at her. "I looked all over for you."

Stretching onto her back she gave a long contented sigh, arching her back. "Why didn't you just ask the computer?" she asked him once again.

Jim laughed. "I did. After I looked in the library and your room and several observation decks. I didn't think you'd be here."

"Really?" she asked, looking at him curiously.

"Really," Jim stated again. "I wasn't sure if it was a good sign or a bad sign that you were waiting for me."

"Well, to be honest," she smirked at him, "I wasn't really sure how I was going to greet you when you finally got here, then I fell asleep." She shrugged with obvious humor.

"I'll take any reprieve I can get," he told her. "After what I said this morning…" His words faded away as he watched Marissa's eyes glaze over as she seemed to be focused inwardly, no longer aware of him sitting next to her. Her hand pressed firmly against her stomach.

"Jim," she whispered, and his heart rate jumped as he couldn't tell if she was excited or panicked. "Give me your hand!"

Not waiting for him to process her words, she grabbed his hand and placed it on her belly, her hand holding his firmly against her skin. He waited, wondering what was going on when suddenly he felt it. Something had pressed… or kicked! … against his palm.

"Is that…?" he asked in awe, looking at her.

"Yup," she smiled, her eyes suspiciously shiny. "I've been feeling flutters and little nudges, but I was never quite sure if it was the baby or if was just… you know, gas or my stomach rumbling."

Jim felt another movement against his hand and couldn't stop himself from grinning like a fool. "That's just so cool. Does it hurt?"

Marissa shook her head. "No, not at all. It just feels funny. I suppose it will get a bit more intense as the baby gets bigger, but for now it just feels like… like little butterfly wings, or something."

"Poetic," Jim couldn't help commenting with a smirk. Marissa smacked him on the leg, laughing.

Displacing his hand, Marissa swung her feet off the couch and sat facing Jim, the mood suddenly a bit more serious.

"So," she began, looking over at him. "I guess I should apologize."

"What?" Jim asked, startled. "You should apologize? I'm the one that should be apologizing. I tried to stop you for doing your job. I…"

"You were only trying to protect me and the baby," she interrupted. "I understand that. I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did in your ready room. Especially in front of Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy. You're my captain, no matter what our… our personal relationship is."

Jim shook his head. "I may be your captain, but I didn't act like it. As Spock pointed out I reacted emotionally and I can't afford to do that in my position. My only excuse is that, well, I was worried and I didn't stop to think what it meant to you or to the ship."

"Its okay, Jim," Marissa reached out and took his hand. "I do understand."

"I knew that Ibara was safe enough for you," he admitted. "I knew there was no danger. I just didn't want you that far away."

"I would never go down to a planet that was not safe for me and the baby," she told him, squeezing his hand.

"I know that," Jim told her. "I do. I just… reacted when I saw you in the room for the away team meeting. I didn't think. And I am sorry."

Tugging at his hand, Marissa pulled him onto the couch next to her. "You're sorry, I'm sorry. We both promise to act better next time."

"Yeah, next time," Jim agreed. "About that… We'll leave the decision to Bones, but if you go planet-side again… I'm going with you. I'd be useless up here wondering if you were okay, and if something did go wrong, at least I'd be there with you."

"Agreed," Marissa agreed, bumping her should against his and curling her feet under her so that she leaned slightly against his side. "Dr. McCoy will have final say and you can come with me. But after this baby is born you're going to have to let me make my own choices, okay? Not every contact mission will be as easy as Ibara, but that's what I'm here for. As long as the baby is safe and protected…"

"I promise to try to think about," Jim finally said. "I'll try, but I won't guarantee anything. You'll probably have to appeal to Spock. I don't particularly want to see you go some place dangerous, baby or no," he admitted quietly, taking her hand in his again.

Marissa laid her head against his shoulder. "I guess that's a start. I'll take what I can get."

After a few minutes of quiet, Jim gave her hand a squeeze and pressed a light kiss to the crown of her head. "This was easier than I expected," he told her.

"Hmmm?" she questioned drowsily.

"This," he waved his free hand absently. "Apologizing and… did we just have our first fight?"

Laughing slightly, Marissa shrugged. "I don't know. Did we? Would you rather I yell at you? Is that what you were expecting?" she asked.

"I… I don't know," Jim finally admitted. "I was expecting… more drama, I guess. I thought you might throw something at me when I first came in."

Marissa pulled back, looking at him incredulously. "Throw something at you? That's really not my style. Neither is yelling, come to think of it."

Jim cocked an eyebrow at her. "Well, I'm relieved. I have Bones to yell at me. I don't need my girlfriend to do it too."

They both froze at his inadvertent words. Jim let go of her hand and sat forward stiffly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't've… I didn't mean…" Standing up he went to sideboard and poured himself a drink, though he didn't bother to actually pick it up. He took a deep breath and then turned to look at her still sitting on the couch, though her feet were now on the floor and her hands were clasped tightly in her lap.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

Marissa's expression was unreadable. "Why?" she asked with a frown.

"Why am I sorry?" he asked, his tone a bit strained.

"Yes," she replied calmly. "Would it… would it be a… bad… thing?"

Jim took a deep breath. "No, I don't think it would. But I don't want to… to pressure you. To force you…"

"Jim, I'm the one who was waiting in your quarters for you."

"I gave you the code," he reminded her, as if that made a difference.

"Jim, what are we?" Marissa finally asked him, not looking away from him, though her eyes were soft and curious, not angry.

"I don't know," he whispered.

Clearing her throat she looked down at her hands clenched tightly together. "What do you want us to be?" she asked quietly.

Jim took a deep breath, his mind racing a hundred miles a minute. What did he want? What did have the right to want? What did she want? "I don't know…" he said hesitantly. He watched her chin and her shoulders drop slightly and he had to continue even though he wasn't sure what was going to come out of his mouth.

"I don't know how to think about you," he told her. "I don't know what I want. I'm sure you've heard that I don't have the greatest track record when it comes to women. Honestly, what we've had; what we've shared in the past two and a half months, it's been the longest relationship I've ever been in. And I… I've really enjoyed it. I like being with you. I don't want to mess that up. I can't afford to."

"Because of the baby?" she asked in a small voice, still looking at her hands.

Jim sighed and dropped his head helplessly. "Yes because of the baby. But also… because you're my… you've become my friend and I don't want to fuck that up. I don't want to lose you – and the baby - because I'm… I'm fucked up. You deserve better and now you're stuck with me because you're pregnant and it's my fault and you… you have your whole life ahead of you and I've already messed that up because you'll have a baby too…."

He trailed off as Marissa stood up from the couch and walked over to stand in front of him. "Jim, I may be short, but I'm not a child," she said with the hint of smile. "I'm fully capable of making my own decisions. Don't forget, I'm the one who came to your room that night. I'm the one who…"

"I was willing," Jim interrupted. "I wanted to."

"So did I," Marissa acknowledged, "but that night it wasn't about you and me. It was about… comfort and… need." She started blushing. "It was the most reckless, and wild and… amazing thing I've ever done in my life. And I don't regret. I don't want you to regret it," she added softly, a lone tear falling down her face.

Jim reached out and tenderly wiped it away, his thumb caressing her cheek. "I don't," he told her.

"Good," she whispered. Biting her lower lip, Marissa stood slowly up on her tiptoes and gently placed her lips against his, barely touching, their breaths mingling. "I don't want to ruin things either," she told him, "but damn if I don't want to kiss you."

Jim let out a laughing groan as his hand snaked around her neck, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. It could have been minutes or it could have been hours that they stood pressed together, mouths exploring, hands touching and caressing. Finally in need of air, they surfaced, breathing heavily, foreheads resting together, Jim's hands tangled in Marissa's hair, her arms wrapped around his waist.

"Are you sure," Jim whispered against her lips, giving her little nipping kisses.

Marissa groaned and pressed her body up against his, her breasts squashed against his chest. "Yes, I'm sure."

When next Jim noticed the time it was just past 0200 hours and Marissa was curled up against his chest, breathing softly. He hadn't felt this content and relaxed in a long, long time. His memories of his first night with Marissa were clouded with sadness and grief. It really hadn't been about them, Jim and Marissa, it had been about wanting to feel alive; to feel another heart beating with your own. This time had been amazing, partially, he had to admit, because it had been over four months since he'd last had sex, but also because it was Marissa. He wasn't so shallow not recognize the connection they had built over the past few months. They fit together. They worked together well. And the sex was great.

Smiling to himself he gently kissed Marissa's forehead. She hummed and stretched against him.

"I should probably go," she mumbled against his chest, not making a move to leave.

Jim just squeezed her tighter. "Stay."

"Hmmm…. Okay," she responded burrowing a bit further into his body. Then she tensed and woke up a bit further. "No, I can't stay," she said reluctantly, pulling away from him as she stretched. "I've gotta go back to my quarters," she said with a yawn.

Jim rolled onto his side and ran a hand over her chest and down her belly. "You can stay. You know you want to," he said seductively, leaning over to press a kiss to her exposed nipple.

"Want to, yes," Marissa responded breathlessly, arching her back to give him better access to her chest. "Should I? No."

"Why not?" Jim asked, switching his attention to her other nipple, his hand trailing down her belly.

"Because you have to be on the bridge tomorrow at 0800 and if I stay someone might see me coming out of quarters early in the morning and that would be bad," she told him, trying to control his wondering hand.

"Let 'em talk," Jim declared. "Everyone's already talking about us anyways. Even Spock knew something was up before I made a jackass out of myself this morning. I mean yesterday morning."

Bringing his face up to hers, Marissa gave him a lingering kiss. "Those are rumors. We don't need to give them something more."

"We're not going to be able to hide it for much longer," Jim pointed out, his hand resting on the small mound of her belly. "Now that I've gotten a better look at you," he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, making her giggle, "you're not going to be able to hide your condition for much longer. And I'm not about to deny responsibility."

"I never thought you would," Marissa assured him.

"Good. I don't particularly want the Admiralty to find out – they're already after my ass," he admitted. "But the crew – that's different. This is a long mission; we're all going to be together for at least five years. There is an element of openness and trust that I want to try to preserve. When we're ready, we can let it be known… through channels. I really don't want to announce it on a ship wide broadcast."

"Thank God for that," Marissa laughed. "I can just hear it: 'Attention crew, this is your captain speaking. I just thought you should know that Ensign O'Donnell is carrying my child. If you have any questions please see me or Mr. Spock. Captain out.'"

"I don't sound that pompous on the announcements, do I?" he asked with a grin.

Marissa shook her head. "No," she told him. "Actually, you sound quite sexy." Jim snorted. "I'm serious," she declared. Lt. Commander Roose says so. I've even heard some women from cartography sigh after you've made an announcement."

He leaned and kissed her. "Thanks, but I think Bones would say my ego is big enough."

Smiling, she threw the covers off, but Jim stopped her from getting up. "Stay," he told her again.

"Jim, I can't," she said sadly. "You know it's for the best."

He flopped back on the bed and sighed heavily. "Fine. But I'll walk you back to your quarters."

Marissa rolled her eyes. "Like that won't raise any suspicions. I don't think anything will happen between here and my quarters," she said as she gathered her clothes.

"I don't care." Jim hopped out of bed and began to put on his pants. "I'm still going with you."

"Fine." She knew she wouldn't be able to stop him.

They dressed quietly and soon enough they were outside Marissa's door.

"Good night, Jim," she said softly.

"Night, Marissa," he placed a kiss to her forehead. "Sleep well."

She smiled and punched in her code. Just as she stepped inside, Jim reached out and took her arm. Looking back at him in surprise, she gave him a curious look.

"Was this a one time thing?" he asked her, his eyes not quite meeting hers.

"What?" she couldn't help questioning in confusion.

"Tonight," Jim clarified. "Was that it? Are we back to the way we were before?"

She stepped back into the corridor. "Do you want it to be?"

Jim shook his head. "No," he told her honestly.

Marissa smiled, reaching up a hand to caress his face. "Then it's not," she told him.

"So, what are we?" Jim asked hesitantly.

Tilting her head, Marissa thought about it for a moment. "We're friends," she finally said. "And now we're lovers. And we're going to have a baby and we're both committed to raising it together, right?"

Jim nodded.

"Then, I think for now, the best word to describe us is… partners."

"Partners," Jim repeated, testing the word out. "Yeah, I think I can handle that." Giving her a pat on the rear, he pushed her into her quarters. "Now get to bed – you need your sleep."

"Good night, Jim."

"Good night, Marissa. I'll see you tomorrow." He leaned forward for one more kiss, but Marissa only smiled wickedly as the door slide closed his face. Jim laughed and turned away, humming as he made his way back to his quarters.

_Okay, Jim and Marissa have finally had a talk and all that stuff. In my original plan they were supposed to have a big argument and then have hot make up sex, but as you can see, that didn't happen. They decided on something else totally. I guess it fits. I hope everyone is happy with it this way. - RA_


	12. Chapter 12

**Consequences**

**Chapter 12**

It was ten days after what Marissa now considered the 'Ibaran Incident,' and she was currently laying on the comfy couch on observation deck seven, waiting for Jim to get back from the latest away mission so they could have dinner. Though she was supposed to be resting, she had a big smile on her face thinking about their time together. Ten days of being with Jim. Ten days of laughing with Jim. Ten days of making love with Jim. Ten of the most amazing days of her life – so far.

The Enterprise had spent five days in orbit above Ibara while away teams had shuttled back and forth. Jim hadn't gone to the surface again which meant, aside from his usual administrative duties, he had more free time than usual, and they had definitely put it to good use. But they didn't spend all their free time in bed. With the new intimate development in their relationship they had mutually decided that it was time for them to be more – forthright – with the crew.

They had meals in the cafeteria together and with members of the bridge crew, and they even attended the social party that the entertainment committee had put together. They had spent the whole evening together – talking, mingling, dancing, and when they left together, Jim's hand resting possessively on her lower back, no one thought to question it or comment.

Marissa knew Jim had been anxious about telling his command team, if only to get it all out in the open, but still she was surprised when he had called a meeting with them the morning after he and Marissa had entered into their new phase as 'partners.'

She hadn't been aware of what was going on when she was called to the bridge and then led into the ready room by Yeoman Rand. Spock, Uhura, McCoy, Chekov, Sulu, and Scotty were all seated around the table waiting as Jim stared at the door, drumming his fingers impatiently.

Jim gave a relieved sigh when she entered the room. "Excellent, we're all here," he said with a smile. "Ensign O'Donnell please take a seat. Rand…" Jim called to the retreating back of his yeoman. "I'd like you to stay too."

Looking around at the assembled officers, Rand nodded. "Of course, Captain. Shall I take notes?"

Jim gave a huff of laughter. "No thank you, that won't be necessary. What I've called you all here for is more of a… personal matter."

Marissa glanced around the table. McCoy was looking at her with a quirked eyebrow. He winked and she blushed. Now she knew what was coming and while she was relieved that it was finally coming out, she didn't know how all the others would think.

"Everyone in this room is very important to me," Jim began awkwardly, "you're not only my command team, you're also my friends." Marissa caught the sideways look Sulu and Uhura slid her way. She definitely wasn't part of the command team.

"As my friends," Jim continued, "you deserve to know the truth from me. I'm sure you've all heard the rumors going around about Ensign O'Donnell and myself. And I'm sure you probably have questions regarding my… behavior at yesterday's away team meeting and again while we were on planet.

"The truth is… the rumors are correct, Ensign O'Donnell - Marissa, and I are in a relationship. What isn't known," he continued after taking a deep breath, "except to a few others, is that we're also expecting a baby in about five months."

Dropping that bomb, Jim sat back and watched everyone's reactions, giving Marissa an encouraging smile while the news sank in. McCoy's usual smirk widened as he looked around the table, enjoying the looks of shock and consternation. Spock remained as stoic as ever; after all the news was no surprise to him. Everyone else was silent for a long moment.

"Weel, I'll be offerin' my congratulations, Capt'n," Scotty was the first to speak. "To you and the lassie," he nodded to Marissa. "This is fine news."

"Yes, congratulations Captain, Ensign O'Donnell," Sulu followed. "We all knew something was up, but… well, this is…"

"Surprising? Shocking? Scary as all hell?" McCoy chimed in with a sly smile. Jim glared at him.

"I sink it is vunderful," Chekov said emphatically. "You vill be staying for all the mission, da?" he asked Marissa.

"Uh, yes," Marissa responded, trying to control her blush with everyone staring at her. "I have no plans to leave the _Enterprise_.

Chekov nodded. "Goot, goot. Dis is goot for the ship. And the keptin."

Almost as one, everyone's eyes turned to Uhura, who had yet to speak. She was looking at Marissa with a calculating expression. "Well," she said finally, with a small smile, "you are a braver woman than me."

Marissa and everyone laughed, any tension draining away.

"Thanks, Uhura," Jim said sarcastically.

"Well, honestly Captain," Uhura told him, "any woman who is willing to take you on, let alone bear your child… that's got to say something about her strength of character and bravery." She winked at Marissa to let her know that she was only teasing.

"I didn't know I was such a challenge," Jim commented.

"Sure you did," McCoy chimed in.

"Captain," Spock interrupted before Jim could fire back at the doctor. "As your command team, I speak for all of us," he glanced around the table, "when I say congratulations. You and Ensign O'Donnell will have our full support. How would you like to proceed with the rest of the crew and the Admiralty?"

Disgruntled looks were shared across the table. Everyone was getting sick and tired of the Admiralty.

"Well, the pregnancy is not something we're going to be able to hide much longer," Jim started off. "I don't want to make a big announcement, but since the rumors are already there… Now that you all know, Marissa and I can be a bit more… public about what is between us. If you're asked, you may tell the person the truth. If you hear rumors, I give you permission to set them straight. I'd like to treat this like any other relationship on the ship, but that's not likely."

"About a snowball's chance in hell," McCoy interjected, causing Chekov to stifle a giggle.

"But," Jim glared at his friend again, "I want to be as open and honest with the crew as possible. We're all going to be together for a long time. There is no sense in having secrets."

Spock nodded. "And the Admiralty?"

Jim grimaced. "They don't need to know anything," he firmly stated. "We all know Dekker and Franks are after my ass. I don't want to give them any ammunition. This is a personal matter between Marissa and myself. As part of my crew, you deserve to know, but this will not affect my captaincy and my ability to run this ship. Technically Marissa reports to Commander Spock. There should be no issues that the Admiralty needs to worry about.

"If any of you," he looked specifically at Spock, McCoy and Uhura, "should get any inquiries regarding my private life from the Admiralty, I ask that you refer them to me. And if at any time you think that I am not fulfilling my roll as your captain to my best abilities… please talk to me, or Mr. Spock. The Admiralty can keep their noses in San Francisco."

Everyone nodded. They were one of the youngest crews in Starfleet, and on the flagship, no less. They were a family and none of them liked the way the Admiralty had been dogging their steps, questioning their decisions and generally making an annoyance of themselves since the beginning of their mission. They all burned with the thirst to prove themselves. They didn't want anyone looking over their shoulder, especially in their personal lives. An attack on the captain was an attack on his crew, and no one liked it one bit.

Marissa's thoughts of how proud she was watching Jim interact with his friends and crewmembers were interrupted by voices on the other side of the observation deck. Normally she was good at tuning out distractions, but the voices were abnormally loud in the quiet room and, she quickly realized, they were talking about Jim.

"I've never seen Dr. McCoy so upset," one voice said, a measure of awe in her voice. "He was calling the captain and Mr. Spock names and swearing up a storm as they moved him into med bay."

"Dr. McCoy always swears," the second voice pointed out, "and he's usually upset with the captain after something goes wrong with an away mission. Everyone knows that."

Marissa's heart jumped into her throat. Jim had been on the latest away mission. What had happened? She forced herself to remain still. She was pretty sure she recognized the first voice as belonging to Ensign Patrice Maloney from the med bay pharmacy. The woman had her eye on Jim and didn't make any effort to conceal her interest – even when Marissa was present. Marissa didn't generally pay her much mind. She wasn't interested in playing games, but she knew if her presence was made known Patrice would clam up and she wanted to know what had happened.

"True," Patrice agreed with her friend, "but this time he sounded scared. I think his hands were actually shaking when he helped move the captain onto the operating table."

Eyes closed, Marissa tried to control the panic that was suddenly ratcheting inside her. The words 'captain' and 'operating table' spinning through her head. Something was wrong with Jim.

"What was wrong with the Captain?" the other voice asked, sounding like a gossiping teenager dying for the latest news.

"He looked horrible," Patrice replied with morbid glee. "He was barely conscious, but he kept telling Dr. McCoy that he was fine and there that there was no reason to call her."

"Her?' the gossipy teenager asked. "Oh, you mean the librarian."

"Yes, her," Patrice agreed, a definite edge to her voice. "I guess things aren't as peachy as it seems with the two of them. I don't know what he sees in her, really."

"Well, they did look pretty close at the social. The Captain didn't even look at anyone else."

"Obviously that's over," Patrice said snarkily. "The man was bleeding all over the place and his arm looked like it was almost pulled off, but he didn't want her anywhere near him. He made Dr. McCoy swear that he wouldn't tell her."

"Well, maybe he didn't want her to worry."

"I doubt it," Patrice replied. "He's over her, I'm sure. He just doesn't want to be fussed over by her now that he's finally realized that she's not good enough for him."

The second voice laughed. "And who is good enough for him? You?"

"Maybe," Patrice said haughtily. "I'm definitely better looking."

"You're kidding yourself. The Captain hasn't said two words to you since this mission started. He looked happy with the librarian. Now forget about your ego and tell me… is he okay?"

"Of course he is," was the instant response, causing the knot in Marissa's stomach to loosen just a little. "Dr. McCoy had him in surgery for a couple hours, but he's going to be fine now. And even if the Captain hasn't said anything," Patrice continued, her voice pouting, "he always smiles at me when he comes into med bay. And I saw him checking out my legs."

Voice number two laughed. "All men check out your legs. And the captain smiles at everyone. That doesn't make you special."

"I tell you, it's just a matter of time…"

Patrice trailed off as Marissa finally sat up on her couch. She'd heard enough and her only thought was that she had to get to Jim. She barely paid any attention to the other women as she straightened her shirt over her belly and made a bee line for the exit. A part of her mind did register their shocked expression and their mouths hanging slightly open as they watched her, but she had other more important things on her mind. Like finding out if Jim really was okay.

The med bay was just down the corridor from observation deck seven and she made it there in record time. She tried to still the sense of panic that was racing through her, tightening her muscles and making it hard to breathe. Frantically she looked around. Half of the beds were occupied with injured men and women. No one looked horrifically hurt, but they were injured enough to require them to remain in the med bay. Not one of them looked like Jim.

Seeing Mr. Spock talking to one of the wounded, a Lieutenant from security whom Jim liked to call Cupcake for some reason, Marissa hurried over.

"Commander Spock!" she called, skidding to a halt at the foot of Cupcake's bed. "Where's Jim? What happened? Why didn't someone come get me?"

Nodding to the lieutenant who was now watching her curiously, Spock took Marissa's arm and gently led her towards McCoy's office. "There was an explosion planet-side and many of the away team were caught in the blast. The Captain worked with the rescue teams and was injured further when a part of the building collapsed."

Marissa gasped trying to reign in the tears that had been threatening to fall ever since she first heard Patrice state that Jim had been hurt. Taking a deep breath she tried to remind herself that Patrice had also said that Jim was fine; that Dr. McCoy had operated and he would be okay.

"The Captain is in stable condition, Ensign O'Donnell," Spock told her, not without some sympathy. "Doctor McCoy says he will make a full recovery."

"Why didn't someone tell me?" Marissa asked; a thread of anger in her voice. Anger was so much easier to deal with than worry.

"I believe the Captain did not wish to upset you," Spock replied evenly. "He was very adamant that you not be told until after… "

"Well, the captain is an idiot," Marissa declared, wiping away the tears that had managed to escape. "I should have been told right away. I should have been here. He's my…" she choked off a sob, inwardly cursing herself for being so overwrought. Jim was fine. He was going to be okay. Dr. McCoy said so. This was not the time to fall apart.

"I believe the captain wished to avoid this very situation," Spock told her while leading her to a chair. "He will make a full recovery. There is no reason for you to worry now. Crying is not necessary."

Marissa laughed softly through her tears. "I know it's illogical, but I can't help it. It's not easy being pregnant." Spock said nothing, but he continued to watch her like she was some kind of interesting animal. "Where is he?" she finally asked, drawing in a shaky breath. "I want to see him."

"Dr. McCoy is currently with the captain in post operative room B. He has only recently awoken from surgery and the doctor is…" Marissa didn't hear any more as she moved quickly down the med bay hallway towards the recovery rooms. As she reached room B the door opened and she walked right into Dr. McCoy.

"Marissa!" he exclaimed as he grabbed her arms to steady her. "What are you doing here?" Taking a few steps forward he let the door to Jim's room close behind him.

"I want to see Jim," she told him, crossing her arms and glaring at him belligerently.

"How did you… Never mind," he shook his head. "Gossip travels fast."

"Especially when it's about Jim," she agreed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Jim didn't want to worry you," McCoy started, "He…"

"He's an idiot," Marissa interrupted vehemently, "and so are you if you think not telling me right away was a good idea."

McCoy gave her a wry smile. "I know, I tried to tell him as much, but honestly, I was more worried about getting him stable and into surgery."

"Fair enough," she nodded, relaxing a little. "How is he? Spock said something about an explosion and a building collapsing." She felt the tears welling again and fought to hold them back.

"Yeah, there was an explosion," McCoy sighed heavily, his shoulders slumped. "A homemade shrapnel bomb - took down half the building. The away team was on the second floor when it went off. Jim wasn't hit too bad, some superficial wounds to his back and shoulders. From what I can tell he was helping with the rescue efforts when a section of the floor collapsed. He grabbed onto one of the ensigns from security when she started to fall; dislocated his shoulder holding on to her. When she finally got up part of a wall collapsed… the ensign was crushed and Jim took a massive blow to the head. Cracked his skull, broke his cheek bone and eye socket." Marissa leaned weakly against the wall, her face pale.

"Oh, Jim," she whispered. Closing her eyes, she felt tears stream down her face.

"He's going to be fine," McCoy told her confidently. "There was some inter-cranial swelling but it's under control now. He's just going to need a week or two to recover. Along with the dislocated arm he also broke his right leg and his right lung was punctured by a broken rib. He's tough. He'll probably be bitching up a storm in a week wanting me to let him go back on duty."

Marissa gave a hiccoughing laugh, still slumped against the wall. Jim was okay. He was going to be okay. Still, knowing that, she couldn't stop herself from crying even harder.

With only a slight hesitation, McCoy pulled her into his arms. "Hey, now, darlin', stop your crying. He's going to be fine," he told her softly, letting her tears soak through his scrubs. "He's going to be just fine. A little worse for wear, but that's normal for Jim. Nothing to worry about." He rubbed her back gently, letting her release the pent up worry and fear. "Now stop your crying. You're just going to upset him if you go in and see him with red puffy eyes. He didn't want you to worry. You have the baby to think about."

Taking a deep breath and pulling herself together, she finally looked up at McCoy. "Can I see him?" she asked hopefully, wiping at her eyes.

"Of course you can," McCoy told her with a small smile. "I'm not about to tell a pregnant lady no."

Marissa smiled shakily. "Thanks doc."

"Now, he just woke up. He's kind of groggy. He might even be asleep again," he warned her.

She nodded. Turning Marissa took a deep, steadying breath and waved the recovery room door open.

The lights were dim, but the glow from the bio bed panel lit up the room well enough. Jim was lying on his back; bandages covering his right shoulder and side. His right leg was slightly raised and wrapped from mid thigh to his toes. What made her want to start crying again was the bandages around his head, covering his right eye and the side of his face. The left side of his face was bruised and swollen. He looked deathly pale beneath the bruising and harsh lights of the bio bed.

Moving quietly, she stood next to his bed, taking his left hand in hers. "Oh Jim," she whispered, gently brushing the hair off his forehead. The purpling bruise stretching across his temple made her breath hitch.

Not opening his eyes, Jim weakly squeezed her hand. "Didja come ta yell a' me too?" he asked with a weak attempt at humor.

Marissa sniffed, her hand once again moving through his hair. "That's McCoy's job, remember?" she told him softly.

"Oh yeah, so wha' wuz yurs ag'in?" he spoke hoarsely.

Leaning down she placed a light kiss on his lips. "Taking care of you." Still holding his, she pulled up a chair. "Now rest."

"Mmmm, 'kay," Jim mumbled drowsily, he was already drifting off, but his hand squeezed hers briefly.

It was going to be a long night, but she wasn't planning on leaving.

_Please review_


	13. Chapter 13

_I am so sorry for the long delay. Things in real life have been busy, and not exactly fun. I found out that my position has been 'eliminated,' but I still have a job and the same responsibilities, just no title. How this benefits the company, I have no idea. The coming weeks will be busy with upcoming work events, but I will do my best to post by next weekend. I know where I'm going, I just need the time._

_Thanks to TalesFromTheSpockSide for her beta'ing and encouragement._

_And thanks to everyone who has been reading this and reviewing and alerting and all that jazz. It really makes my day!_

**Consquences**

**Chapter 13**

"Jim" Marissa called from the kitchenette. "I'm going to make some lunch. Do you want anything?"

Since his horrific injury four days ago Marissa had been staying in his quarters taking care of him. She'd moved her computer and research PADDs to his rarely used office and worked as she could. The situation was a win for everyone. Jim didn't have to stay in med bay, Dr. McCoy didn't have to worry – too much – about Jim's recovery, and Marissa got the peace of mind of taking care of him and helping him recover.

For the first two days he'd done nothing but sleep and occasionally eat whatever food she could coax into him. He hadn't been the most pleasant of patients, but she had borne it well. After all, he had been sore all over, his leg and ribs irritated by the bone mender, and he'd had one hell of a headache. He still looked like hell; his face and body were covered with yellowing bruises, and he still got headaches if he strained his eyes, but he was mobile and the vision in his right eye was almost to 80%. Another few days of rest and he would be strong enough for light duty on the bridge.

Spock was handling everything planet-side as they helped hunt down the terrorists, and the _Enterprise_ was running as smoothly as ever, but Jim, being Jim, chaffed at his inactivity and the weaknesses of his recovering body.

If his actions were any indicator Marissa knew she was going to have her hands full after the baby was born. Jim was not one to be patient with physical limitations and she couldn't imagine any child of his being any different. She could only hope that the baby would take after her in some ways, though Jim's genes seemed extremely dominate.

She'd been quietly relieved when the latest data package had arrived. Along with the important news and updates from Starfleet, it had also contained the latest news and entertainment from Earth and several other planets. The information was anywhere from two to seven days old, but it was always good to hear about what was going on back home. Marissa had uploaded the packet to Jim's entertainment system and then ordered him to relax and find something interesting to watch - for him that usually meant finding the scores and rankings of his favorite sports teams. As long as he stayed on the couch and didn't complain too much she didn't much care what he watched.

"Jim?" she questioned again when he didn't respond to her initial query. "Are you hungry?"

She hadn't heard the holoscreen in awhile, but she had just figured he was using the directional tuning so that he wouldn't interrupt her work. It was possible he had fallen asleep. She smiled at the thought. Honestly he was like a toddler sometimes, protesting that he wasn't tired, but then falling asleep the moment his head hit the pillow – or the arm of the couch.

Peaking around the corner cabinets, Marissa smiled, expecting to see him snoring peacefully. What she actually saw caused her smile to fade quickly. Jim wasn't asleep; in fact he was sitting ramrod straight, staring fixedly at the holoscreen, a fierce frown on his face and his brows knitted together. He looked totally pissed off.

Unable to see or hear the holoscreen Marissa tentatively entered the living area. The perky blond reporter she recognized from on of the gossip shows didn't seem to be enough to provoke such anger in anyone. If anything, she had expected to see the reincarnation of Nero on the screen, so much anger and hatred was pouring off Jim. His knuckles were white as he clenched the remote in his hand.

"Hey," she nudged him gently, startling him. "I told you to watch something entertaining. You need to relax, not spike your blood pressure. McCoy will have your head if you make yourself worse."

He turned it off quickly, but continued to stare at the blank screen, his breathing heavy and deep.

"When did the weekly data packet arrive?" he asked hoarsely.

Looking at him worriedly Marissa shrugged. "I don't know. Sometime yesterday."

"Is it available ship-wide?"

"Jim, I don't…"

"Damn it Marissa! Is it available?" he barked at her.

She flinched at his harsh tone, but didn't cower under his blistering blue gaze.

"Yes, it is," she replied. "As per standard protocol it was scanned for viruses and then uploaded into the ship-wide system. After last month, when the upload was delayed, I didn't particularly want to be bombarded with complaints that people can't wait for the next episodes of As the Universe Turns and Orion Sunsets," she snapped.

Jim seemed to deflate before her eyes. "Oh hell, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you," he whispered, covering his face with his hands.

Reaching out and stroking the hair off his forehead gently, Marissa perched on the arm of the couch next to him. "It's okay," she reassured him. "Now why don't you tell me what's wrong? What was in the data packet that has you so upset?"

After a long moment he looked up at her and her heart nearly broke. She had never seen such hurt and pain in his eyes.

"Jim?" she whispered worriedly. Reaching out she tried to touch him again, but he shifted away from her, making her gut clench worriedly. "Jim you're scaring me. What is it? What's wrong?"

He shook his head slowly. "This is bad, Mariss," he choked out, "real bad. I don't…" he stuttered. "I don't want to see it. I don't want you, or anyone, to know… it's… I thought I had problems before with the Admiralty, but this…" he laughed humorlessly, causing goose bumps to break out all over Marissa. "This is going to kill me."

Moving to sit beside him, Marissa took his hand in hers, it was cold and clammy, but he clung to her tightly.

"It can't be that bad," she said automatically. He snorted. "Do you want to tell me, or do you want to show me what you saw?"

"Neither," he replied tonelessly. "I don't want you to see it. I don't want anyone to see it. And I don't want you to… to think…less of me."

"Jim, whatever it is, I doubt my feelings for you will change," she reassured him. "Partners, right?"

Jim shook his head. "Yeah, but…"

"No buts," Marissa interrupted sternly. "Did you kill someone? Stage a Federation coup? Sleep with some big-wig's wife or daughter?"

"No," he replied with an attempt at a genuine smile. "At least I'm pretty sure that I didn't sleep with any big-wig's wife."

Marissa squeezed his hand and did her best to smile encouragingly. "And even if you had, it's in the past. It doesn't matter now."

"The past," Jim repeated quietly, a small shudder running through his whole body. "I still don't…"

"Jim!" Marissa interrupted again. "Whatever it is, it's on the ship-wide entertainment system and it's being broadcast across the universe. I'm either going to see it or someone is going to tell me about it. I'd much rather see it with you." She looked at him expectantly. Her stomach was in knots and it hurt to look at Jim who always presented a calm, cool and cocky façade to the world. Now he only looked vulnerable.

"Have you seen it all?" she asked him.

He shook his head. "No, I only saw the intro and then you came in. I don't know if I can watch it all. I don't know…" he trailed off, looking at her helplessly. "You know I don't like to talk about my past, my childhood. It sounds like this is going to stir everything up. I don't know if I can handle it."

By now she had already figured out that he was as insecure – if not more so - as anyone else. He wasn't super human, he was just a man; but he was a man who seemingly accomplished the impossible on a regular basis without a care in the world or any signs of self doubt. To see him this vulnerable chilled her to the bone.

"Whatever it is, Jim," she told him, looking him directly in the eye and not breaking away. "We can face it together. You have me and Bones and Spock and the rest of the command crew. There isn't a person on this ship who doesn't like and admire you. Whatever is being said, it won't matter to us."

Sighing, He pointed the remote at the holoscreen, starting the program again and increasing the volume. She wanted to hold his hand but he pulled away. Not wanting to force the issue, Marissa prepared herself to face whatever it was that upset Jim, but she didn't move away from him.

The perky blonde appeared on the screen and this time Marissa felt her hackles rise. This woman was too blonde, too tan, too skinny and just too damn perky. Her thoughts were irrational but she couldn't help it. Something this woman had said or done had upset Jim more than she had ever seen. She instinctively hated the woman.

"Next up on Hot off the Presses we have an exclusive inside look at the hottest unauthorized biography to hit the Federation in decades," she smiled widely at the camera. "The topic – Starfleet's own rebel captain and Earth's savior, James T. Kirk."

A picture of Jim in his class A uniform popped up on the screen and Marissa felt her stomach drop. This was going to be bad.

"We all know Jim Kirk as the hero who saved Earth," the woman continued with an earnest look on her face, like this story was actually news and not just gossipy trash. "The man who almost singlehandedly took down the deranged Romulan Nero who destroyed Vulcan and was trying to destroy Earth, too. He's the youngest captain in Starfleet history and was recently voted the most eligible bachelor in the Universe beating out several famous – and gorgeous – celebrities."

Another picture of Jim, this time in civvies, was flashed on the screen and Marissa had to admit he was pretty damn hot straddling a motorcycle in tight jeans, a white t-shirt and black leather jacket, displaying his thousand watt smile.

"Doesn't his smile just make you want to melt?" the blonde winked at the camera and Marissa suddenly wanted to throw up. Jim wasn't a piece of meat to be ogled and stared at. There was more to him, so much more, than good looks and charm.

"We've all heard about the tragic circumstances surrounding his birth. Since the Nero incident we've learned about his many accomplishments at Starfleet Academy and his genius level IQ. And everyone knows about his promotion to Captain while still only a cadet, but what made him the man he is?" the blonde asked with sudden seriousness. "Was it all sunshine and happiness despite his father's death on the day he was born, or is there a darker, tragic side to Starfleet's Golden Boy?" She frowned at the camera for a long moment, as if that would make people think of her as a true journalist.

Smiling brightly, she continued, "Stay tuned for our interviews with James T. Kirk's friends, neighbors, teachers and an exclusive interview with his step-father; along with excerpts from the book."

The screen faded to black for commercials, but Starfleet had removed them. They didn't have the 2-3 minutes the advertisements would have given them to try to recover from what they had just heard. All too soon the blonde was back and though she hated herself for it, Marissa found that she couldn't look away. It was like watching a hovercraft wreck. She could feel Jim shifting further and further away from her and she didn't know how to bring him back.

"First up is an interview with Jim Kirk's childhood friend Daniel Cooperman who took time to speak with our correspondent Ashley Williams."

Jim muttered darkly under his breath, but Marissa couldn't make out the words.

The screen changed to the front porch of an old farmhouse. A young man who looked a bit worse for the wear sat reclining in a rocking chair, a glass of amber liquid in one hand.

"Mr. Cooperman," Ms. Williams began, leaning forward expectantly, "you were a childhood friend of Jim Kirk?"

"Oh sure," Daniel nodded. "Jim and I go way back - kindergarten through high school. Riverside is a small town, you see. All the locals know each other. Jim's mom was from 'round here, her parents lived here, my parents live here."

"What kind of child was Jim Kirk?"

"Oh, he was wild. We all were. Not much to do 'round here," Daniel winked. "In elementary school he was a bit of a teacher's pet, but he was also good at the sports. Not as good as me, but he kept up."

Jim snorted humorlessly at this comment. "Bastard," he muttered.

"It wasn't until after his brother Sam up and ran away that Jim turned really wild," Daniel continued, encouraged by the smiling and nodding broadcaster.

"Can you give an example?"

"Oh sure, that's easy. Lets see… when we was twelve we 'borrowed,'" he winked meaningfully at the camera, "old man Johnson's tractor. Accidentally drove it into a ditch and that was after we knocked down about 40 feet of fencing and all the cows got loose." He laughed as if it was the funniest thing ever and Jim's hands fisted tightly in the blanket over his legs. "Then, just after his brother left, why Jim stole his step-daddy's old car and went joy riding. He ended up driving the thing into the old quarry. You can still see the burned up wreck at the bottom."

Another picture, from hundreds of feet up showed the charred remains of a car overgrown with weeds. Marissa shivered. It was a long way down.

"He always did have luck," Daniel said, shaking his head. "Managed to jump clear. Spent a couple days in jail, though. His step-daddy wouldn't post his bail and his mom was off planet. After that…" he sighed dramatically, shaking his head sadly.

"After that…" the correspondent prodded, reminding Marissa of a vulture.

"After that he went real wild. Skipping school, getting in fights, drinking…girls. I know he supposedly has a genius IQ, but let me tell you – that was a surprise to all of us in Riverside. Jim Kirk was going places, but they weren't necessarily good, if you know what I mean."

The interview ended and the screen cut back to the perky blonde. "Another side to the famous, or should I say infamous, Captain Kirk? Next we have an interview with one of his teachers, Mrs. McKendrick."

Now there was an old, gray haired woman on the screen, her hair pulled back into a tight bun and her rheumy eyes glaring at the interviewer off camera.

"What do you want to know?" she demanded crisply.

"We're interested in anything you can tell us about your former student, James Kirk," a man's voice replied. "What classes did you have him in?"

"I was an English teacher," she told him. "I had Jimmy Kirk in my classes for sixth, seventh and eighth grades. Smart kid. Nothing got past him."

"Was he known to misbehave?" the voice prompted.

"Not in my class," she declared firmly. "I don't know about his other classes. Too boring for him, probably. I haven't had a brain like that come through my class since. He took everything in, processed it, categorized it and could spit it back out at you within minutes. Impossible to argue with the boy. He could start on one side of the argument, with you totally opposed, and by the time its all over, you'd have switched sides and be agreeing with him like you'd always seen eye to eye. The boy could talk a blue streak until he just wore down or confused his opponent into agreeing with him," she smiled fondly. "Bright kid; best Riverside has produced." She nodded emphatically and Marissa saw Jim's lips upturn slightly.

"According to our research Jim was a pretty wild teenager," the voice prompted.

Mrs. McKendrick sat stiffly in her chair. "I wouldn't know about that. I was his teacher. He was a good kid; good student."

"We've heard that he drove his stepfather's antique car, worth thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars, off a cliff and into a quarry," the man stated calmly. "That doesn't sound like the actions of a 'good boy,' Mrs. McKendrick," he told her in a patronizing tone.

"Don't you speak to me like that," Mrs. McKendrick glared. "So, he was a bit wild? All boys go through that stage. Can you blame him? Dad died when he was born. His grandparents looked after him until he was seven or eight and then they died. His mom comes back and marries again and then goes off planet with her big important job with Starfleet," she said scornfully. "No one likes to be abandoned and left to live with a virtual stranger."

"So," the newscaster latched on to this statement like a dog with a juicy bone, "Jim Kirk's mom abandoned him?"

"I didn't mean that," Mrs. McKendrick backpedaled, suddenly looking unsure of herself. "I just meant she wasn't around a lot. Left the raising of the boys to her parents, then to the stepfather. What's a boy to think about that? So he was a bit wild. It was his way to get some attention."

"Did Jim get along with his stepfather, Frank Miller?" the newscaster asked, changing direction.

"I wouldn't know," she replied stiffly.

"According to medical records Jim was in and out of hospitals with broken bones, sprains, cuts… Iowa Child Protective Services has you down as filing a complaint in regard to Mr. Miller's treatment of his stepson. You claimed that you believed that he abused Jim. Is this true?"

She stared belligerently at the camera for a long moment, her lips pursed tightly. "Jimmy was as wild as the next boy, but no boy could get that hurt, that often, by accident."

The interview ended with a fade to the nonexistent commercials. Marissa didn't even have time to look over at Jim before the blonde was back on screen. She could feel her heart beating fast and hard in her chest. Her mind was unable to come to grips with what she had just heard. Jim was possibly abused as a child. She wanted to cry.

"This is Mindy Summerall, with Hot Off The Presses, and tonight our topic is Captain James T. Kirk, Starfleet Golden Boy, or Childhood Bad Boy Turned Good," she smiled at the camera and Marissa wanted to throw something. "So far we've spoken with one of his best childhood friends and one of his teachers, next up is his neighbor, Clayton Marbo, who gives us some insight into the wild, teenage Jim Kirk."

Ashley Williams was back on screen smiling brightly at an overweight, scruffy looking man. "Mr. Marbo, you were a neighbor of the Kirks, correct?"

"Yes, the farm actually belonged to Winona's folks, Jim and Maggie Jacobs. Winnie moved back after the Kelvin disaster with her boys. Jim and Maggie mostly raised them while Winnie was off planet. They died, I guess Jimmy would have been seven or so. Then Winnie remarried and Frank took over the farm and the boys."

"So Mrs. Kirk, later Mrs. Miller, wasn't around much?"

"Not so much. My eldest, Amanda, God rest her soul," he said sadly, "spent a lot of time over their taking care of the boys for Frank. They all got on good until Sam left, then Jimmy… he became uncontrollable. My Amanda tried to reach out to him, but he just…" The man broke down and tears started streaming down his face. "He took advantage of her kindness, of her caring. He… he got her pregnant and then denied it. My girl, my little girl… she died in an accident. They said she fell asleep at the wheel, but I know she was upset and she… she… couldn't deal with it any other way and she… she killed herself," he ended with a whisper.

Jim was as stiff as a board sitting beside her; mechanically he lifted his arm and turned off the holoscreen. "I can't… I can't listen to that bastard lie…" his voice broke and he leaned his head against the back of the couch. "Oh, 'Manda…"

"Jim?" Marissa asked softly, placing a hand gently on his leg. She felt his muscles twitch, but he didn't pull away.

"I can't Mariss, I can't," he said in a shaky voice. "The bastard…he didn't love his daughter any more than Frank loved me and Sam. And I didn't… I didn't get her pregnant. She was already pregnant when we…I didn't know." He took a shuddering breath. "I was fourteen. It was my first time. I was drunk and sad and lonely and Amanda was my friend and she wanted to help me feel better – the only way she knew how. Her boyfriend, he beat the shit out of me a couple of days later. And then her car rolled off the road and she died. It was an accident. She was scared, but she wanted her baby. She wanted to be a mom."

"Why would her father think that her baby was yours?" Marissa asked.

Jim turned red. "He caught us, afterwards. We were in the barn and he came over looking for Frank. She didn't tell him about Trent, her boyfriend. He was real strict about her dating even though she was almost twenty-two…"

"She was twenty-two?!" Marissa interrupted indignantly. "She was eight years older than you and she had sex with you? That's insane."

"It wasn't like that," Jim protested, not looking over at her. "We were sad and lonely and…she was trying to comfort me. She was having problems with Trent. Obviously," he snorted. "He was mad that she was pregnant and she was scared and we…"

"Jim, this is not okay," Marissa told him, grabbing his hand. "I don't care what her reasons were, she was an adult and she took advantage of you."

"I knew what I was doing," Jim told her. "I wasn't that naïve."

"Naïve or not, she was wrong," Marissa told him vehemently. "She took advantage of you and it was illegal."

"She was my friend," Jim said quietly. "She had problems, but she was my friend, she didn't want to hurt me."

Marissa shook her head sadly, leaning against Jim she squeezed his hand between his own. "I know. I know, Jim. But it was still wrong. She shouldn't have… done that to you."

Jim was silent for a long time. "I can't listen to him talk about her. I can't listen to that bastard cry over her when he never cared about her when she was alive. I can't, Marissa." He looked over at her pleadingly.

"Its okay, Jim," she told him. "We can fast forward through it. I…" she paused and cleared her throat. "I really don't want to see the rest of it," she told him honestly. "But I think its best that we know… that we know what's being said."

"Yeah, I guess so," Jim agreed. "It's just…"

"I understand Jim, I do," Marissa squeezed his hand and took the remote. With a deep breath she started the program again, but immediately began forwarding through the rest of the interview. There were more tears, and what looked like angry words. Then the man seemed to collapse and cover his face with his hands, unable to look at the camera anymore.

Perky blonde Mindy appeared once more and Marissa let play resume at normal speed.

"And so began the womanizing ways of James T. Kirk," she says to the camera. "Many friends, acquaintances, and classmates were interviewed for this in-depth biography; some under conditions of anonymity, but one fact became clear quickly: James T. Kirk is quite the ladies' man. Rumor has it that Jim Kirk has slept with over 800 females in his short lifetime; including 30 different species. One classmate estimated that he slept with over half of the females in his Starfleet class, and possibly a few of the males, too. In fact, his sexual exploits are said to be legendary on campus."

At this point Marissa almost wanted to laugh, though it really wasn't funny at all. Jim's mouth was hanging open and he was turning bright red. "What the hell…" he muttered. "Eight hundred? And thirty species? I think I would've known that. I mean, that's a new woman every 5 days… I'm flattered, but really? And I have never slept with another man!"

Marissa giggled as she paused the screen and Jim glared at her. "I know, it's not funny," she told him, "but you should really see your face!"

"Well, honestly," Jim waved at the screen. "That's just…just stupid. I'm only twenty-five, damn it. Eight hundred…"

"Jim, you know this is a bunch of bullshit," Marissa reminded him. "They want the most sensational story they can get. Obviously, they're not afraid of embellishing a bit."

"A bit?" Jim laughed, without any humor. "I'd say a lot. I mean I did have to do some studying and go to classes and stuff, but Bones would have hypo'd me into next year if I was that…" He shook his head. "Let's get this over with." Marissa pressed play.

"…want more details, you're going to have to buy the book," Mindy continued with a smirk. "Which includes information on how Captain Kirk selected some of his command team and crew."

"What!" Jim exclaimed hotly. Marissa grabbed his arm to try to keep him on the couch.

"Next up we have an exclusive interview with Jim Kirk's stepfather, Frank Miller, so stayed tuned."

"This is not going to be good," Jim mumbled as the screen faded to black. The blackness was replaced by the visage of a frail, sick man. There were oxygen tubes in his nose, dark bags under his bloodshot eyes, and his skin tone was a sickly, pasty gray. He had the look of a once strong man who was withering before their eyes.

"Oh my god," Jim said under his breath.

"Mr. Miller," a voice from off screen spoke gently. "Thank you so much for taking the time to speak with us."

"Well, it's obvious I don't have much time left," the man wheezed, his voice hoarse and cracked. "Damn cancer is eating away at me. Nothing anyone can do. I waited too long… It's my… my penance for how I treated those boys. The Lord has judged and I am not worthy."

"I am so sorry," the newscaster said in what was supposed to be a sincere voice. "Is there anything you would like to tell us about your stepson, Jim Kirk?"

"Yes. Yes, there is," he spoke weakly. "I need to come clean. I need to apologize. Maybe somewhere out there in space he'll see this and he'll know." He had to stop for a long moment to catch his breath. "I didn't treat them right. I wanted us to be a family. Me, Winona, Sam and Jim… a real family. But Winona couldn't stand to look at Jimmy – he looked too much like his father, so she was always leaving. Going into space. Leaving the boys. Leaving me."

His red eyes began to water, and Marissa couldn't tell if it was because of the effort it took for him to get the words out or because he was genuinely sad.

"Sam and Jimmy, they resented me," he admitted, his eyes downcast, "and after awhile I resented them. They had no discipline. Winona let them do whatever they wanted and their grandparents, before they died, they weren't much better."

Jim growled, startling Marissa. When she looked over at him he was staring at the holoscreen with his teeth bared and his eyes narrowed.

"I tried to teach them respect and discipline and the feeling of worth that comes from a job well done," he told the camera earnestly, "but they weren't interested. They didn't listen to me. They ignored me, laughed at me because I wasn't as smart as their dad. Then Sam left and Jimmy… he became uncontrollable and I… I tried so hard to reach him, but I'm only human and I…" his breathing became uneven and his eyes began to water even more. "I wish I was a better man back then, but I… I had a problem. A drinking problem and I…" he hung his head shamefully.

This time it was Marissa's turn to mumble "Oh God," under her breath, because she knew where this was going. The previous interviews had set it up and here was the big, dramatic confession - the confession of a dying man, no less.

"We've been told by other friends of Jim's that at the age of twelve he drove your antique car into a quarry. Is this true?"

Marissa couldn't help rolling her eyes. Of course it was true, they'd already been shown the footage.

"Yes. Yes it is," Frank responded heavily.

"How did you respond?" the interviewer asked gently.

"I let him stay in jail for a couple of days. And I drank. When I got him out of there I was mostly sober, but… I couldn't stop myself. I… I beat the boy…with my belt," his voice broke over a sob, and Marissa shuddered. "It was the first time I ever laid a hand on him," he told the camera. Jim snorted derisively next to her. "But I… the drink… and my car… and Jim wasn't sorry. He was mouthy and I… I couldn't stop myself." Reaching for a tissue, Frank cried softly, his face filling the whole screen as the camera zoomed in on his distress.

"Hospital records indicate that between the ages of twelve and eighteen Jim was admitted to the hospital for two broken arms, a broken wrist, several broken fingers, a dislocated shoulder, four concussions, a broken leg, a ruptured spleen and numerous cuts and bruises."

"That wasn't all me!" Frank declared quickly, then breaking off into a hacking cough. "I admit I might have gone too far a couple of times, but for the most part I'd only smack him around a bit; take my belt to him when he was being particularly wild. He was always getting into fights. Always picking fights with older, bigger boys… like he had a death wish or something. And he was always doing stupid stunts; driving too fast, taking stupid dares while he was drinking. I couldn't control him. No one could."

His breathing was becoming even more labored and his face had gone from a pale gray to ashen. A nurse stepped onto the screen and waved a tricorder over him. Frank waved him away weakly, his whole body drooping with obvious exhaustion.

"Mr. Miller," the interviewer began again, "is there anything you would like to say to your stepson?"

"Yes," Frank wheezed, wiping his eyes and then looking directly into the camera. "I'm sorry Jimmy. I didn't treat you good. But you weren't the easiest kid to take care of. You always had a chip on your shoulder and your mom…" he shook his head and the tears started again. "I should have loved you when she couldn't, but I didn't and I'm sorry. I let my drinking get away from me and…" he started coughing, the nurse stepped forward again and the interview ended, cutting back to a serious faced Mindy.

"And there you have it folks," she intoned. "Jim Kirk's childhood was not all sunshine and roses. Abandoned by his mother, abused by his stepfather, unloved and unwanted; a wild child in a small town who turned to drinking and fighting and womanizing to forget his troubled home life. This is what formed the Captain Kirk we know today." She frowned deeply at the camera.

"How did he come to enter Starfleet? How did he turn his life around? Or did he? Has he really stopped his self destructive ways, honed by a childhood of loss and neglect? To find out be sure to buy the new book, James T. Kirk, Captain of the Stars, on sale this Friday!" she beamed brightly. "This is Mindy Summerall, host of Hot off the Presses; I'll see you next week for more inside information and news about the hottest stars and celebrities on and off the planet!"

Lifting her arm, as if it weighed a hundred pounds, Marissa shut off the screen. "That was…"

"Painful?" Jim cut in. "Humiliating? Invasive? Absolute shit?"

"Yeah, all that," Marissa agreed, sinking back into the couch. "How are you doing?"

Jim scoffed. "Oh sure, I'm doing great. Just fine," he waved a hand wildly. "Now the whole universe thinks I was abandoned by my mother, abused by my stepfather, and that I knocked up my babysitter who then committed suicide according to her bastard father. I'm wonderful, Marissa. Just fucking _wonderful_."

"Jim," Marissa began as he levered himself off the couch and began limping to his bedroom. "I know that you're not fine. And I know that most of that stuff was crap, twisted to make an interesting story."

"But enough of it was true," Jim shot back, turning to face her. "There was enough truth in it; enough for people to look at me and say 'oh poor little Jimmy and his shitty life,'" he practically snarled. "I don't want their pity and I don't want their sympathy. I was a difficult child. Too smart for my own good and I hated my stepfather. I wrecked his car to piss him off. I drank and slept with girls because it was something to do. I got into fights because it was the only time I could feel something…" His chest was heaving and he stood precariously on his bad leg, both hands pressed against the door frame.

"I don't want your pity," he whispered. "I'm not that little boy anymore. I don't… I don't want people looking at me and seeing…"

Marissa stood up, tears streaming down her face. Slowly she approached Jim, as if he was a wounded animal, which, in a way, his was. Gently she wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. She could hear his heart beating furiously.

"Oh Jim, I don't pity you," she told him. "My heart… it hurts that your life was so painful. I could cheerfully kill you stepfather. And I'm not too sure I could say anything nice to your mother, but Jim," she looked up at him. "You are so much more than that little boy. You were wild and you rebelled, but it made you who you are. The people who know you; the people who really care about you, they aren't going to care what some damn books says about you. And for those who don't know you, well, fuck 'em," she told him vehemently and he chuckled. "If they're going to believe what some gossip holo-show and unauthorized biography says, then screw them. You don't need them."

Slowly Jim's arms came around and held her close, his body trembling slightly. "Thanks, Marissa. You're full of crap. But thanks."

Pulling away slightly, she turned him towards the bed. "Come on. You're tired and you need to rest. We can talk about this, how we're going to spin it, when you're rested."

"Spin it?" he asked as he laid down carefully, still sore.

"Yeah, spin. It's an old political term," she told him. "Now that it's out, I doubt we can stop it, so we have to decide what we're going to say in response. Say too much and it's like we're protesting. Say too little and the press attacks like sharks. At least we're light years away. It will give everything time to settle down; for them to find a new media darling to harass and expose."

Jim smiled up at her. "Who would've thought you were so cynical?"

"Not many," she told him. "But I've studied enough history to know how information can be used and abused. We'll handle this fine."

"Well, I'm glad one of us is optimistic." He closed his eyes, but she saw him grimace as he shifted his leg.

"Do you want the painkiller that will help you sleep, that Dr. McCoy left for you?"

Frowning, Jim didn't answer at first. "Yeah, I think I do," he finally admitted.

Getting a glass of water, she opened the pill bottle and gave him one. Leaning up on an elbow, Jim swallowed it easily. "Can you stay? At least until I fall asleep?" he asked her.

"Of course," Marissa smiled at him gently. Climbing onto the bed, she wedged herself against his side, her head resting comfortably on his shoulder. She had noticed early on in their relationship that he was a snuggler. Now she understood why. So many things about Jim Kirk were finally falling painfully into place. Sighing, she forced her body to relax even though her mind was working rapidly, trying to find a way to spin all of this in Jim's favor.

She wasn't going to let anyone hurt Jim any more.

_Please review!_


	14. Chapter 14

_Thanks to everyone who had been reviewing and alerting. And thanks for the encouraging words about my work situation. It's really not that bad compared to what others are going through. I still have a job, right?_

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything Star Trek related, but I do have just about every DVD with Chris Pine and Karl Urban. I'm debating getting Surrender Dorothy… I'm not convinced I really want to see it._

_Special thanks to TalesFromTheSpockSide for her lightening quick beta!_

**Consequences**

**Chapter 15**

Marissa stayed with Jim for another twenty minutes after he had fallen asleep, his breathing deep and even and his face totally relaxed. This was not how she had expected her afternoon to go. It was strange how a thirty minute program could turn everything onto its ear. She had so many emotions roiling through her she didn't know what to deal with first.

Being pregnant and emotionally susceptible, her first impulse was to cry; and not just cry, she wanted to curl up and sob like a baby. How dare they do this to Jim! How could his mother desert him like she apparently had? How could the people around him, the people who were supposed to take care of him as a child, allow such horrible things to happen to him? He'd been abused, emotionally and physically, by someone who was supposed to care for him, and no one had done a thing. He had acted out, fought back, and been labeled wild and uncontrollable. How had no one seen his actions as cries for help?

Crying wouldn't help, she knew, and it would only upset Jim. He would see her tears as pity. She didn't pity him. God, after all she had heard this afternoon she admired him even more than she had before. He had fought back. He had become a strong, self-confident, and amazing man. A Starfleet captain despite the odds stacked against him. She couldn't be more proud of what he had done with his life, even if his path had been unconventional. Unfortunately she knew that some people would only see the abuse as a weakness on his part, or something to be pitied.

Jim had been abused and neglected. He had been taken advantage of sexually at a young age by someone he trusted. These facts broke her heart. All the rumors about his tendencies to start bar brawls and pick up random women now made sense to her. They had seemed so out of character for the man she knew now, but he'd said it himself, fighting was the only time he felt something. And she imagined that sex had the same effect, just in a different way.

She was sure there were many psychological reasons for his finding release from fighting, and comfort and closeness from sex, without forming an attachment to his partners, but she didn't need to know them. Marissa only needed to know what Jim needed and wanted from her. Over the past months she had caught him watching her with the oddest looks that alternately made her heart speed up with desire and made her want to cry at what she now believed was his incredulity that she was still there with him.

The morning of the disastrous away mission he had given her a glimpse of himself that had almost made her cry in its openness and awe.

After his talk with his command team the morning after they agreed to be lovers and partners, Marissa began staying over in his cabin, but early each morning she would get up and return to her quarters to shower and change. Usually he would still be sleeping when she left, but he would instinctively tighten his hold on her, trying to keep her as she pulled away. That morning she didn't have to report to work, so she had stayed longer than usual. She woke up to find Jim, propped on one elbow, watching her closely.

"You're cute when you sleep," he told her with a smile. "Like a kitten."

She scrunched up her nose and he laughed. "I don't like cats. They make me sneeze."

"I'll remember that," he laughed softly, stroking a hand down her back and making her hum contentedly. "How about a puppy, then?"

She rubbed up against him languidly. "Puppy is good. They snuggle better. Cats are too independent." Closing her eyes, she sighed as his hand continued to wander over her sleep warmed skin. She could feel the evidence of his arousal twitching against her belly. "How soon do you have to be on the bridge," she asked him huskily, her hand tracing his bicep.

"Not for another hour," he told her with a grin, kissing her forehead. "Did you want to go back to sleep?"

Squirming so that she was now laying on top of him, Marissa leaned down and kissed him deeply. "Not at the moment," she told him, grinding herself against him.

"Good," he whispered against her lips, his hands guiding her hips against his.

It was many, many minutes later when Marissa finally collapsed against him, their bodies sweaty and drained by their slow, sensual lovemaking, their hearts beating in that preternaturally heavy post-orgasmic rhythm.

"My God," Jim said on a heavy sigh, "that was amazing."

"Mmm hmm," Marissa hummed, stretching languidly against him. "Morning sex is always the best. Not that I don't like having sex at other times, but in the morning…after a good night…mmmm…. It can be so much more intesnse."

Jim was silent for a long minute. "I wouldn't know," he finally said softly.

Hearing the odd tone in his voice, Marissa popped her head up and looked at him curiously. "You wouldn't know? What do you mean? You've never had sex in the morning?"

To her surprise Jim actually blushed and looked away from her. "Uh, no. I don't think I have. Unless you mean morning to be after staggering to bed after being out in a bar all night." He looked back at her and she had never seen him look so uncertain. "I've actually never spent the night with anyone," he admitted. "After… when we were done, I'd just get dressed and leave. I didn't… I didn't want to answer any questions the next morning, if you know what I mean."

She looked at him for a long time, trying to understand what he was telling her. "Is this okay, then? This is your room. Would you rather I…"

"No! No," Jim interrupted, his grip on her tightening almost painfully. "That's not what I meant. I… I like this. I like waking up with you here. I could get used to morning sex," he winked at her.

Marissa smiled awkwardly. "Okay, if you're sure," she said hesitantly.

Jim leaned up and kissed her. "I'm sure," he told her. "It's silly for you to have to go back to your quarters every morning. My closet is big enough and I can stand to share the bathroom. I'm usually on the bridge by 0800 and you don't need to report to Lt. Roose until 0900, you don't have to go back to your quarters every morning."

Her look of astonishment must have been too much because Jim immediately began to back pedal. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to rush you or pressure you. I just thought…"

"Jim," she smiled, placing a finger over his lips to silence him, "shut up." Leaning down she gave him a deep kiss to let him know how much his offer meant to her. They probably would have continued for a lot longer if Spock hadn't commed from the bridge warning Jim that Admiral Franks had contacted the ship earlier than expected.

Jim had leapt out of bed muttering about stupid admirals and their inability to figure out time differences. She laughed as he'd hopped around looking for his boots and deciding that he would have to go with the scruffy look for the day.

"I'm going planet-side for some negotiations this morning," he told her after a quick kiss. "I'll see you for dinner. We can discuss sleeping arrangements then, okay?"

Marissa nodded, smiling happily. "Okay. Be careful!"

"Always," he winked at her from the doorway.

That wonderful amazing day had ended horribly with Jim seriously injured and Marissa sleeping in a chair by him in medbay, but she had been with him every day since. They hadn't talked specifically about sleeping arrangements, but she hadn't been back to her quarters since that first morning after he was released from med bay into her care.

And now, they didn't have only his physical recovery to worry about. They had to deal with the fallout from this stupid unauthorized biography that was going to wreak havoc on Jim's emotional state. Marissa knew they couldn't do this alone, they were going to need reinforcements and the one person Jim trusted above all others was Dr. McCoy.

Carefully disentangling herself from his grip, Marissa slid out of bed. Pulling the blankets back over his chest, she placed a gentle kiss on Jim's forehead and quietly left the room, closing the door behind her. The sedative he had taken was a mild one, she knew. Jim refused to be knocked out for a full eight hours in case he was needed, so Dr. McCoy had prescribed a half strength pill, just in case.

Grabbing a glass of water and an apple from the kitchenette, Marissa sat down at the office desk and commed Medbay. Almost instantly, Christine Chapel's face appeared on the screen.

"Medbay, this is Nurse Chapel, how can I help you Ensign?" she asked pleasantly. "How's our captain doing?"

Marissa smiled slightly. "He's resting right now," she said honestly. "I was hoping that Dr. McCoy was free. I need to speak with him about… something."

"He was working on paperwork last I saw him, I think he'll be happy for a break. Hold on for a second." The screen went blank for a moment before Dr. McCoy appeared.

"Hey, Doc," Marissa tried to smile.

"Ensign, what can I do for you?" he asked politely. He was her doctor, and friends with Jim, but they were still in the formal stages between each other. She liked a respected him, and she heard nothing but good things about him from Jim, but she was still a bit nervous around him. It was bad enough that she had to see him because she accidentally got pregnant, but the fact that it was his best friend made it all the more awkward between them.

"I was hoping you could come to Jim's quarters," she told him. "Something's come up and…"

"Is he okay? What happened? Did that idiot do…"

"No, no, nothing like that," Marissa interrupted him. "Jim's fine. He's resting. He took one of the sedatives you left and…"

McCoy's worried frown deepened. "He took what? Okay, now you are really worrying me. He never takes a sedative. He hates them. What's wrong with him?"

Marissa shook her head. "He's fine. Really," she told him. "Physically he's fine. Everything is healing well. It's just… Look, can you just come here? Jim should be sleeping for at least another couple hours and I can explain it all to you. We're going to need your help."

With barely a twitch in his expression, McCoy nodded. "I'll be right there," he told her before he switched off the comm.

True to his word, it was barely a minute later that he was standing outside Jim's door. Marissa opened it before he could ring. "Where is he?" were the first words out of his mouth.

Marissa pointed to the bedroom door. "I told you he's sleeping." She didn't take offense to his stomping off to check on Jim, tricorder in hand. She sat down on the couch and waiting.

"Everything looks fine," he told her after he shut the door to the room quietly. "Temperature's good. So are his blood pressure and respiration. The break is healing nicely. Why'd he take a sedative? Did you two have a fight or something?"

Looking up at him, startled, Marissa frowned. "What? A fight? No, we didn't have a fight. He was watching the vidscreen, some stuff from the new entertainment data packet and, well…" she felt the tears welling up again as she pictured Jim's face as he listened to his past being laid out before everyone on the planet and beyond. McCoy just stared at her expectantly. "Look, I can't… I don't want to explain it to you. It's probably better that you just see it, okay? We can talk about it… after."

"Okay, if you think that's best," McCoy agreed, watching her closely.

Grabbing the remote she handed it to him. "I'll be in the kitchen," she told him shakily. "Can you please use the directional tuning? I don't think I can hear it all again."

His frown deepening, McCoy nodded and pointed the remote at the screen. Marissa stood up and made her way the few steps to the kitchen, far enough away that she wouldn't see the screen and the perky blonde that she knew would be on it.

Absently she made herself a cup of tea and grabbed a bottle of Southern Comfort that Jim kept in on of the cabinets. Sitting at the table she could only stare at the wall, breathing deeply as she tried to control the tears that were fighting to roll down her face.

At McCoy's first heart felt "God damn it!" her tears started. While she couldn't hear what was on the screen she could hear McCoy shift restlessly on the couch, mumbling and cursing under his breath as each new interviewee was displayed on the screen. She found herself laughing through her tears as he responded to Jim's stepfather's declaration.

"Serves you right, you abusive, alcoholic bastard," he declared hotly. "God's judgment my ass. Cancer's too good for you, you son of a bitch. I'd give you…"

It literally warmed Marissa's heart to hear the obvious distress and anger in the doctor's voice as he reacted to the information about his friend. Marissa wasn't sure how much of it was new to him and how much he had learned during his friendship with Jim, but it was obvious that he understood how devastating this could be.

A few minutes after Marissa estimated the program ended, McCoy finally got off the couch and came into the kitchen. Seeing the bottle of whiskey, he sat down heavily, poured himself a glass and downed it quickly.

"Thanks," he nodded gratefully. "I really needed that."

Marissa smiled at him wryly, wiping away any traces of tears. "Believe me, if I could drink that bottle would be empty."

McCoy downed a second shot, poured himself another and then stared morosely into his glass. "So," he said on a long sigh.

"So," Marissa responded.

"I guess I can see why Jim took the sedative," he finally said, looking over at her, trying to smirk. "This is not going to be good."

"How much did you know?" Marissa asked, her hands absently playing with her spoon.

McCoy sighed. "Some," he admitted. "I knew about his mom from things he said. He told me about driving the car off the cliff one night when we were drunk. I kind of suspected about his stepdad." He shook his head, frowning fiercely. "You?"

"I didn't have a clue," she told him. "I mean, I know his reputation… fights and woman and stuff like that, but that kind of stuff is always exaggerated. He's never really mentioned his family."

"He doesn't," McCoy agreed. "Over the years he's made a comment here and there about his mom, or his brother, but not much else. When he's drinking he might say more, but… oh hell, I never thought it was this bad. The kid's got issue, but this…"

"He covers it all with his cocky attitude and charm," Marissa agreed. "I think he's got just about everyone fooled."

"Damn kid," McCoy muttered, taking a sip of his drink.

Marissa swallowed heavily as she looked over at the doctor. "I know that it's not all true, but Jim said enough of it was. How… how much do you think they exaggerated to get a good story?" She wanted him to tell her that it was all a lie, that Jim's mom didn't abandon him and that his step father only slapped him around a few times like he said on the vid, but from the set of the doctor's shoulders she knew her hopes were in vain.

"They exaggerated the girls," McCoy told her. "No way in hell that kid slept with 800 women, and I know he's never been with a man. The kid's been busy, but he's more selective than that. I don't know much about before he came to the Academy, but after the first couple months, he was mostly studying and going to classes like the rest of us. He had a couple of… friends… that he'd hook up with occasionally, but it was casual, nothing serious. You're the first one I've seen him stay with for any amount of time," he admitted.

Marissa snorted wryly. "Well, he has a reason to, doesn't he?"

"I guess he does," McCoy agreed. He sighed again. "As for the other things. I'm pretty sure they're on target about his mom. I've never met the woman and I don't recall her ever contacting Jim, or him her. He never went anywhere for the holidays unless it was with friends. As for the step dad," his voice tightened with anger. "Like I said, I suspected. The kid's got some scars… I don't think they came from some barroom brawl. They're too deliberate and precise. A doctor could have healed them easy, but…"

Tears prickled in Marissa's eyes again. "His back," she whispered. "Along his shoulder blade and… and…" she shook her head trying to dispel the tactile memory of the silvery raised stripes across Jim's back.

"Yep, that would be it and the burn marks on his thigh," he said sadly.

"Too round and perfectly spaced," Marissa whispered.

"And old," McCoy agreed. "If I had to guess he would haven't have been more than thirteen when it happened."

"How," Marissa whispered brokenly, the tears coming again. "How did know one know? Why didn't anyone help him?"

"I don't know, darlin'," McCoy answered after a long minute. "It's not in Jim to admit weakness, and I think… telling someone about his stepdad… in his stubborn, illogical mind that would have been admitting that he was weak, that he could be hurt."

"Stupid, so stupid," Marissa cried softly. "All of it."

"He's a fighter," McCoy smiled sadly. "I understand all the fighting now. It was his way of being in control."

"His way of feeling something," Marissa agreed. "He said that he… he acted out; fought with people and in bars, because it was the only time he could really feel anything. He did it to piss off his mother and his step dad and… and probably cover up any evidence. And sex…" she broke off, trying not to picture a bruised and battered teenage Jim trying to pick up some random girl so that he could actually feel close to someone.

"I don't know anything about the thing with his neighbor girl. The babysitter," McCoy clarified awkwardly. "I can't imagine Jim…"

"She was twenty-two," Marissa said vehemently, "and he was fourteen!" She was gratified to see her horror reflected in the doctor's eyes. "He said it was his first time and that she was already pregnant, but he didn't know it. He said that he was drunk and sad and she was just trying to make him feel better."

"Jesus," McCoy whispered under his breath.

"She was his babysitter and she took advantage of a boy eight years younger than she was! No wonder he slept around," Marissa declared. "What kind of message does that send to a young, emotionally tender boy? His mom isn't around, he apparently doesn't have anyone to take care of him and see that he knows that he is loved. Then his babysitter, his friend," she spits out the word, "comforts him with sex when he's drunk and only fourteen damn years old! Having sex became something like fighting. When he got into fights, he could control the pain and give his opponent pain in return and sex…it was just about the physical feelings, the release, he never stayed with anyone after, he never… let anyone close. He…" she let out a sob, "he deserves so much more."

McCoy let her cry for a little while longer, recognizing that she needed to get everything out of her system. Obviously she couldn't do this in front of Jim. When her breathing had slowed down, he tipped a generous shot of Southern Comfort into her lukewarm tea.

"Drink up," he told her gently. "We need to come up with a game plan and we can't do that if you're over there leaking like a punctured hose."

Reaching gratefully for the mug, she inhaled the scent. "I thought I wasn't supposed to drink while I was pregnant," she said, taking the first sip and sighing gratefully as it burned down her throat.

"Well, I'm not going to get you drunk," McCoy smirked. "One drink won't hurt anything. And you need to calm down so we can talk about this. Jim'll be up soon and he doesn't need to see you like this."

"You're right," Marissa agreed. "It was so hard watching that," she waved toward the living room and the vidscreen, "with him. I wanted to scream and cry and throw something at it, but I couldn't… not in front of him. He was already so upset, but trying not to show it…Its not fair, doc. It's just not fair. Why are they doing this to him? Why know? He saved them. He saved all of us and now they're tearing his life apart for everyone to see. How is that right?"

"It's not," McCoy reached out and clasped her hand in his, giving her a comfortable squeeze. "And there's nothing we can really do about it now except stand by him. You're right, he doesn't deserve this. Jim's the best man I know. I'd follow him anywhere; hell, I've already followed him into space. We'll get him through this. He's a fighter, he'll get through this." With an effort he smiled at her. "Now go wash your face and we can start talking about our game plan."

Finishing off her tea, Marissa nodded and stood up. She allowed herself a small break down. Now it was time to focus on Jim. She had to be strong for him because whether he showed it or not, he was hurting terribly.

_Please review. It makes me smile._


	15. Chapter 15

**Consequences**

**Chapter 15**

Marissa and McCoy had been talking for over two hours when Jim finally managed to hobble into the kitchen and sit down. His hair was mussed and sticking up in the back and his eyes were half open. He groaned softly when he finally noticed that McCoy was sitting across from him.

"I fucking hate sedatives," he said, glaring grumpily at his friend. Marissa got up and poured him a glass of water. "I'd rather have what he's having," Jim told her, nodding at the bottle of Southern Comfort, as she placed the water in front of him.

"No way," she smiled slightly, smoothing down his hair. "You can have water or juice, but no alcohol. You have enough meds going through your bloodstream already."

Jim looked morosely at McCoy as he took a sip of the plain water. They could both see the gears working behind his eyes as he decided what to say. He looked physically and emotionally exhausted. McCoy waited for him to make the first move.

"So, did you see it?" Jim finally asked.

"Yeah," McCoy responded, his voice neutral.

Jim nodded and then glanced over at Marissa, who had resumed her seat next to him. His hand was resting on the table and she placed her smaller one over his. Staring hard at their joined hands for a long moment, he finally looked back at McCoy.

"So, what do you think?"

"What do I think?" McCoy repeated. "I think it's a bunch of bullshit and we've got better things to worry about than shit like this. Anyone who believes that crap or buys that book is an asshole."

Jim's eyebrows rose to his hair line. "You don't believe it?"

McCoy sighed heavily, leaning forward, his elbows on the table as he cradled his empty glass. "Jim, I've known you long enough…I know that some of that shit was true – to a point. I also know that some was exaggerated. No way in hell you've slept with 800 women. Not even the great James T. Kirk is that prolific. You had to study sometimes, and I know you got turned down occasionally."

"Not that often," Jim protested lightly, a glimpse of humor in his eyes.

McCoy rolled his eyes. "But it doesn't matter what I believe or not. I know you and true or not, none of that shit matters to me. I know _you,_ Jim."

"Thanks, Bones," Jim tried to smile, his hand griping Marissa's almost painfully.

"It's not me you've got to worry about," McCoy said abruptly, pouring himself another drink, "it's all those idiots out there who watch shit like that and read those damn books. They're the ones we're going to have to deal with."

Jim slouched back into his chair, glancing between Marissa and McCoy. "I was kind of hoping to just take it off the entertainment system and ignore it," he told them half heartedly.

"You know that's not going to work, Jim," Marissa said sympathetically, giving his hand a squeeze. "It's been on the system for over 24 hours. We looked up the number of views…" she glanced over at McCoy who nodded in encouragement. "Apparently it's a popular show. It's been viewed over 400 times since it was uploaded."

"Shit," Jim whispered under his breath. "We only have 556 people on this ship!"

"Word gets around pretty fast on this tin can," McCoy growled.

"Damn it! I'm the captain," Jim pounded a hand on the table, his temper finally flaring. "We'll just take it off the system and be done with it. I should've done that right after I watched the damn thing."

"No, Jim, you can't," Marissa interrupted.

"Why the hell not?" Jim snapped.

McCoy watched as Marissa looked at their angry captain unflinchingly. "First of all," she told him, "to take that program off the system you would have to remove the whole data packet. You can't just erase one program; it's an integrated system. Secondly," she held up a hand as Jim started to protest. "If you were to remove the whole data packet you would have a lot of pissed off crewmen."

"Who the fuck cares?" Jim asked acerbically.

"You do," Marissa told him calmly.

"The hell I do," Jim responded, taking his hand from hers and crossing his arms belligerently, the angry affect lost as he winced at the pressure on his healing ribs.

"Jim," Marissa began patiently. "You can't take down the whole entertainment packet. People look forward to it – the shows and news from home. If you take it down because you don't like something," Jim harrumphed, but she ignored him, "you're going to upset a lot of people and it gives the wrong message."

"I'm the damn captain," Jim grumbled.

"But you're not a dictator," McCoy interjected. "Look kid, 400 people have already seen this and I'm sure that number is growing. It's going to go viral. And if you take it off the system you're only going to draw more attention to it and people are going to want to see it. It will go underground, or whatever," he waved a hand absently, "and become the big secret that everyone knows and is talking about – behind your back."

Jim looked back and forth between the two of them. "You two been talking about this long?" he asked, snidely.

"About two hours," Marissa answered honestly, not letting his anger get to her.

Jim glared at his water glass for a long moment. Marissa and McCoy waited. They knew this wasn't easy for him. It wasn't easy for them, either. Jim was their friend. They didn't like to see him hurting – physically or emotionally, but this wasn't something that they couldn't just ignore.

"Jim," Marissa finally spoke as the silence lengthened. "I spoke with Uhura earlier. Not about this," she clarified as he looked up at her with startled eyes. "I just asked if anyone has been contacting you while you were recovering. I don't think she's heard anything about this yet. She seemed a bit confused about it all, but apparently you've been getting comm requests from several networks on Earth and other planets for interviews and comments. And Franks and Dekker have been comming twice daily to find out when you'll be fit for duty. Spock has had to step in and remind them that you are recovering from surgery."

"Shit," Jim said succinctly.

"Word is spreading, Jim," McCoy told him. "The networks want information from you. The Admirals… well, those fuckers are always bugging us. It's only a matter of time before the crew itself starts getting requests for information – from friends and family."

"It's none of their fucking business," Jim snarled.

"No, it's not," Marissa agreed, "but you're Earth's hero. You're hot news and people want to know about you. If you remain silent about all this Len's right, it's only a matter of time before the networks start getting sneaky and start using crew families to get information."

"This is ridiculous." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, making it stand up again. "Okay, what did you two come up with? I'm open for suggestions."

"Well, it's not going to be easy," Marissa told him, once again reaching for his hand, "but if we face this head on I think we can count on crew loyalty to stop all the speculation and keep the press out of your business."

"I don't want…" Jim began, but Marissa stopped him with a pointed look.

"It doesn't matter what you want," she told him, firmly. "You have to face this and you have to tell the crew the truth."

"No fucking way!"

"Not the whole truth, Jim," McCoy stepped in, "just enough to get them to stop speculating and gossiping."

"Like that will happen," Jim snorted.

Marissa smiled wryly. "No it probably won't stop all if it, but enough. And if we appeal to their loyalty – to you and the ship, I think we can deal with this."

Sighing, Jim leaned forward gingerly. "Okay, what do you want to do?"

"Well, first," Marissa began, "we're going to put together a little speech for you to broadcast shipwide…"

xXx

The pile of PADDs were stacked so high they almost blocked his view of the door to the bridge. He'd only been on sick leave for a full five days, but things seemed to pile up at an exponential rate. Jim knew that Spock and Rand had done their best to take care of things and that most of the PADDs only required a cursory once over and his signature, but still - there was nothing worse than coming back to work and having to deal with paperwork.

"Captain Kirk," Rand's voice startled him out of his daze. He'd only been in his ready room for three hours, but it felt like days, he was still so tired.

"Yes, Rand," he replied, trying to look like he hadn't been dozing in his seat.

"You have an incoming transmission." Jim grimaced. "From Admiral Pike."

"Oh," Jim sighed in relief. "Patch it through." In the three days since he had been okayed for light duty he'd had daily conversations with several Admirals back at Starfleet headquarters. He hadn't had talked with Pike yet, though. This should be interesting.

"What the hell, Kirk," Pike said as soon as he appeared on screen. "I'm out of the system for a month visiting New Vulcan and I come back and you're headlining in the press again. How do you do that?" His words sounded angry and accusatory, but Jim could hear the worry behind them.

"Well, it wasn't exactly my idea, Admiral," Jim told him with a wry smile.

"I can imagine," Pike rolled his eyes and grimaced. "Not only is your mug all over the place, but Franks and Dekker are walking on eggshells here, practically crawling up the President's ass."

"Really?" Jim couldn't help smiling at the thought – and colorful imagery.

"Yes, really," Pike replied, trying to hide his own smile. "And Starfleet PR is after me to find out who you're using for public relations advice. I think they want to steal him."

"Not a chance," Jim told him instantly.

Pike raised an eyebrow at Jim's vehement reply. "From what I hear, the President should be contacting you soon – you didn't hear it from me – to apologize for not trying to stop this circus sooner. Some people are accusing Franks and Dekker of hanging you out to dry. How'd you manage that?"

Jim smiled widely. "It's all in the spin, Admiral. Or so I've been told."

"The spin, huh?" Pike looked at him speculatively. "And who exactly aboard the _Enterprise_ is doing this spinning?"

"It was a team effort," Jim told him proudly. "I was honest with the crew," he explained, at Pike's pointed look. "Told them that some of that crap was the truth, but not all; told them that I wasn't on good terms with everyone that they interviewed and gave a few details. And I appealed to their loyalty as their captain and as member of the _Enterprise_ crew – would they want their pasts displayed for all to see?" He shrugged and then grinned. "As for Franks and Dekker… that was just a byproduct once I released my statement to the networks. Did you read it?"

Pike nodded, smirking. "Yes, I did. And if that wasn't the biggest piece of shiny shit, I don't know what is."

"It was rather brilliant," Jim admitted, "but I can't take any credit."

Pike stared at him, thinking. "Well, I doubt it was Spock. Too much tugging on the heartstrings and appealing to our better natures. McCoy?"

"Nope."

Pike thought some more. "Your communications officer… Lt. Uhura? She's pretty savvy."

"Wrong again," Jim smirked.

"Who?" Pike asked, glaring at Jim.

"I'll tell you, but Starfleet PR is not going to get her," Jim told him. "I know she doesn't want to leave the _Enterprise_."

Pike rolled his eyes. "Who is she, Jim? I'm not going to tell PR. I'm just curious as to who saved your ass."

"Ensign O'Donnell."

"Ensign O'Donnell?" Pike repeated, obviously scrolling through his memory to match a person to the name. "Marissa O'Donnell? The Xenohistorian?"

"That would be her," Jim agreed. "Who better to make me look good than a historian who knows how fact and fiction can become history."

"History is written by the victors," Pike said, nodding.

"That's exactly what she said," Jim agreed. "Winston Churchill, I think."

"Well, damn," Pike smiled widely. "Who would have thought a xenohistorian would be such an important member of the team? How's her doctorate going, by the way? Any contact missions I haven't heard about?"

"She's made contacts with Ibara and is working on the database for them," Jim told him. "And we'll be near the Halla sector soon."

Pike nodded knowingly. "You'll be dropping by Cloral, I take it?"

"Yeah. We should be there in a couple days."

"They're a matriarchal society, if I remember correctly," Pike commented. "Contact missions have never gone well. Too many men in command."

Jim nodded. "So I've been told. But we have Marissa and Uhura, so things should go a bit smoother. I'll still be on planet, but…" he shrugged, "I'll just be in the background."

Pike looked at him, for a long moment and Jim began to feel uncomfortable. What had he said?

"Well, better relations with the planet would be a win for Starfleet. From what I've heard they have native plants that biologists are dying to study. If you and… Marissa," he raised an eyebrow slightly, letting Jim know he caught the familiarity, "can establish a reliable contact, Starfleet will be grateful. We've fucked it up too many times in the past, that's probably why they haven't joined the Federation yet."

"Yes, sir, we'll do our best," Jim replied, ignoring the probing look Pike was giving him since he had used Marissa's first name. "I have complete faith in Ensign O'Donnell."

"I bet you do," Pike said wryly. "You look like shit, Kirk. Get some rest. Pike out."

The screen went blank before Jim could say another word.

"Well hell," he muttered, under his breath.

_Once again: Please Review! It makes me happy._


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's notes at the end. I don't own anything Star Trek related.**

**Consequences**

**Chapter 16**

Marissa leaned back in her chair and rubbed her back. The desk chairs in the library weren't nearly as comfortable as the one in Jim's office. Of course her discomfort might have more to do with her growing belly. She was now officially six months pregnant and the baby had gone through a definite growth spurt. It seemed like she'd barely been showing, just a small bump, but suddenly she felt like she'd swallowed a basketball – or at least a volleyball. Her condition was obvious to anyone who saw her now. Starfleet uniforms were not the most concealing of clothing, after all, and she was small to begin with.

Luckily it only seemed to be her belly that was growing. Well, her belly and her breasts, she thought with a small smile as she looked down into her cleavage – she'd never been this stacked before. Jim had become extremely fascinated with the growth in that area that was for sure; not that he didn't like her bump – or the Little Alien, as Jim liked to call it, but he really, really liked her breasts and now that she wasn't too tender, she rather enjoyed his enjoyment.

Lately the baby was the one thing that could always make Jim smile. Since the stupid holoprogram and the release of the damn tell-all book, Jim had been extremely tense. He had handled the crew announcement well and they had responded as she had predicted, rallying around their captain, but it was still hard on Jim knowing that all these people on his ship – and across the universe – knew about his messed up childhood. It certainly didn't help that the one time his mother was caught on camera her only comment was, "I haven't seen Jim in years. I have no comment on anything with regard to him and his current life."

Marissa had wanted to scream and cry and throw things when she saw it, but Jim had only shrugged and told her to stop worrying about it, it was what he had expected. It amazed her that he didn't see how wrong that was. Winona was his mother. She should have been looking out for him, protecting him, defending him, damn it! But no, she had 'no comment.' It made her want to tear the woman's hair out.

McCoy seemed to be of the same opinion, though he hadn't said as much, only scowled. As soon as he'd seen her face when she walked into his office without an appointment, he'd opened his bottom drawer, pulled out a bottle and two glasses and poured her a shot; not a lot, but enough. Then he'd closed his door and let her cry all over him – again. She'd waited until Jim was on the bridge, but she had to talk to someone about his bitch of a mother. After she was done ranting, McCoy had seen her back to Jim's rooms and then gone to the bridge – to kill some time, he'd said; to watch over Jim, was the real reason, they both knew. It felt good to have an ally.

As far as she could tell, the rumors and whispering had calmed down. This was, after all, a scientific and exploration vessel, not a high school. Everyone was an adult and professional about what they did. So the captain had a rough childhood? That didn't really pertain to now, in most people's minds.

There had been some serious waves after the book was released and family members and the press began contacting crewmembers with details from the book and questions regarding Jim. The most damaging insinuation in regard to the crew had been about how Uhura had gotten her position on Jim's command team.

Someone somewhere had put two and two together and realized that the female cadet Jim had gotten into a fight over in an Iowa bar was the same cadet that had become his chief of communications. And of course, the Damn Book included all the rumors of their interactions during their Academy years. They had never dated, but they had both enjoyed a love/hate relationship. Jim had never hesitated to make a pass at Uhura, and she had never hesitated to shoot him down in the most spectacular fashion. It was a game to them.

Still, there was a certain amount of respect between the two of them, or at least there had been. Jim didn't talk about it, but from what Marissa had seen and overheard, Uhura was still extremely upset about these slurs on her character and she blamed Jim for it. Everyone on the _Enterprise_ knew she was the best communications officer they could have. Everyone on Earth, well, they didn't know that and they enjoyed speculating.

All the stress and worry was starting to affect Jim. He was fully recovered from the injuries he had sustained three weeks ago, but he wasn't sleeping well. It didn't help that their trip through the Halla Sector had been postponed so that they could pick up a couple of astrophysicists who needed the _Enterprise_ to take them on a mapping mission of some sector, Marissa hadn't paid much attention to which, that was supposedly expecting a supernova within the next hundred years.

The _Enterprise_ had been basically floating through space at the whims of these scientists for the past three weeks, and Jim was going slowly crazy with nothing to focus on. He wasn't needed as often on the bridge as usual, since Spock interacted with the scientists the most, so he haunted engineering and spent time with Scotty. He worked out in the ship's gym for hours at a time. He started fencing with Sulu, anything that would keep him busy, mentally and physically.

Most often he and Marissa would lunch in the cafeteria together among the crew, but their dinners were in Jim's quarters – away from curious eyes. Jim would relax in stages as they ate and cleaned up. After dinner, if he didn't have any more work to do, they would sit on the couch, Marissa curled up against him, and watch vids. Sometimes, if nothing sounded good, they'd play cards, but either way, by the end of the night, Jim would be smiling again, his hand caressing her and the Little Alien.

They made love most nights, and more often than not, in the mornings also, something they both looked forward to. It was amazing to Marissa all that Jim could say, without actually saying a word. He used his hands, his mouth, his tongue; he let her know through the intensity and thoroughness of his loving that he was happy with her, that he appreciated her. And when they were both panting and satisfied, their sweaty limbs entwined, Jim would press a gentle kiss to her forehead, holding her tight, before succumbing to sleep.

Despite the exertions of the day and the relaxation of their evenings Jim still wasn't sleeping well. She often woke to find him dreaming violently, his limbs twitching in sleep heavy motions, his brow furrowing as he moaned and groaned and whimpered in the midst of a disturbing dream. During these dreams she would gather him close to her again, his head resting against her chest, her arms around him, stroking his back and shoulders as she whispered to him of safety and comfort. Usually he would relax and fall back into a dreamless sleep. Sometimes he would wake and apologize for disturbing her.

But she didn't always wake up when he was in distress. There had been nights, probably more than she knew, when Jim had awakened by himself and left their bed to stare at out into space, facing his demons alone. It hurt that he didn't turn to her for comfort when this happened, but she understood why. He had been on his own for so long, with no one he could really turn to, it would take time for him to accept that she would be there for him whenever he needed her.

Of course, their relationship was still so new and undefined. Would she always be in Jim's life and he in hers? She hoped the answer was yes, because they would have the baby to keep them together. But that didn't mean that they would always be together – as lovers, as people who turned to each other in times of weakness and crisis. This type of relationship was still new to Marissa, who had already been in one committed relationship; it had to be totally foreign to Jim who had never had a trusting relationship with anyone, including, apparently, his family.

A mug of fragrant tea was placed heavily on the desk before her, startling Marissa out of her thoughts.

"You're having some pretty deep thoughts, Ensign," a kind voice said. "You should lighten up a little. It's not good for the baby for its mama to worry."

Marissa smiled at her boss, Lt. Commander Roose, as she picked up the tea. "Just thinking," she replied, taking a sip of the scalding, sweetened tea. "All this waiting for us to reach Cloral is driving me nuts."

Commander Roose looked over her own mug of tea, her eyes questioning. "We'll get there eventually. It's not like the planet will be going anywhere."

Laughing lightly, Marissa smiled. "True. I'm just excited to get there. It should be really interesting and I…"

"I know," Roose interrupted, though she was smiling. "This is what you are here for."

Marissa found herself blushing. "I guess I get a bit…impassioned… about my research sometimes."

"Nothing wrong with that," Roose told her sincerely. "You're good at what you do, Marissa. And a damn fine addition to this ship. It's about time Starfleet started thinking about more than just the scientific 'what can they offer us' that has dominated for so long during contact with new planets. Pike was smart enough to see the benefits and Kirk well, he's a smart boy. He's figuring it out too."

Marissa couldn't help smiling at the fact that her boss was calling their captain a 'smart boy.' True, she was old enough to almost be Jim's – and her – grandmother, but she had always treated her superior officers with nothing but loyalty and respect. It wasn't surprising that she thought of all of them as kids, though.

"I'm not really sure Jim – the captain," Marissa caught herself, "really knows what it is I do exactly, but he's willing to give me a chance. Mr. Spock has been instrumental in getting me contacts and access to information for my research."

"Well, that's his job, isn't it?" Roose asked.

Marissa nodded and continued to sip her tea while Roose studied her over her own mug. She liked her boss. She was easy to work with, not too strict about rules and regulations and, most importantly, she realized that while Marissa was assigned to help in the library, her main reason for being on the ship was to work on her doctorate and assist with contact missions.

"Will you be able to go to Cloral?" the commander finally asked, nodding at her stomach.

Marissa nodded. "Yes. I've consulted with Dr. McCoy and while there are some things I should avoid, there isn't anything that is dangerous. I just shouldn't eat or drink anything while I'm down there and I should avoid the oceans."

Lt. Commander Roose's eyebrows rose. "And the captain is okay with this?"

Marissa smiled wryly. "Not really, but we have an agreement. If McCoy gives the okay, then I can go. So, no, he really doesn't like the idea of me going, but he's not going to stop me."

"He'll be going, too, won't he?" Roose asked with a knowing look.

"Probably," Marissa agreed.

"Well, I can't blame the boy. My husband didn't let me go to the store without him when I was pregnant with our first. And that was while we were back in San Francisco!" She shook her head and smiled. "Men can be very protective when you are expecting their child."

"I've noticed," Marissa responded dryly, rolling her eyes.

"How is the captain doing?"

Marissa's shields went up instantly and she placed her tea on the desk carefully. She didn't think that Lt. Commander Roose was a gossip, but she didn't like sharing information about Jim.

"Relax, Marissa. I'm not hunting for juicy tidbits," she reassured her, with a chuckle. "I've just heard some things. He's a good captain; young, but damn good. I have a lot of respect for what he's done and how he's run this ship since he's taken command. I've been on a lot of starships over my career and I've worked under a lot of different captains with varying command styles. Kirk's one of the good ones. It's a shame about everything that is being said about him in the news and such. The boy doesn't deserve that after what he did for everyone, but he's handled it amazingly well. With some help, I do believe," she nodded appreciatively at Marissa, then went on.

"I've just been hearing scuttlebutt about the fallout of that book. How it's making things a bit… tense… on the bridge for him. Not that I believe half the crap that is supposedly in that book. And even if all of it was true, that doesn't change my opinion of him. I just don't want to see this hurt him. It should blow over soon enough, but if things are going bad with his command team… that's not good for anyone."

Marissa sighed unhappily. She'd heard some rumors too. Unfortunately Jim didn't talk with her about his command team. It wasn't her place, and even if he wanted to use her as a sounding board or for venting his frustrations, he wouldn't. He would not undermine his command team. Still, she had seen how Uhura went out of her way to ignore Jim whenever they met up outside the bridge, and she'd seen the glares and belittling looks that had been tossed at Jim when he wasn't looking. And if she was noticing, everyone else was too.

"No, it's not," Marissa agreed. "But I really don't know much more than you do," she admitted with a shrug. "Jim and I don't talk about what happens on the bridge or what's going on with his officers. It's not my place and…"

Lt. Commander Roose nodded appreciatively. "The boy is smart. He's not putting you in the middle. And it is none of your business – no offense. You're a member of this ship and a subordinate."

"That doesn't change the fact that I want to give Uhura a piece of my mind," Marissa admitted vehemently. "She's just making all this speculation worse. It's obvious she's good at her job and anyone who knows Jim knows he would never…" She let out a frustrated breath and sipped her tea, unable to find the words.

"We're in the military, we understand how promotions work. The civilians… not so much," Roose said sympathetically. "Uhura will calm down eventually. It can't be easy being the only female on the command team, after all."

"I understand that. But she still needs to get her head out and realize it's not all about her. Jim's dealing with this shit too and she's just making it worse – for him and her and the crew."

Smiling slyly over the rim of her tea, Roose raised an eyebrow. "Might you be a little bit biased in this?"

"What?" Marissa looked up, startled. "No. No. It's the best for this ship and crew. Uhura is just…" she trailed off as her boss continued to stare knowingly at her. "Okay, maybe I'm a bit biased. I don't like seeing Jim stressed out by this when it's just so stupid to begin with, but… it's not helping the ship any either."

"There's nothing wrong with caring about the captain, Marissa," Roose told her. "Someone has too."

"Yeah, I guess," she admitted with a blush. She did care about Jim and how this was affecting him. She didn't like to see the hurt in his eyes when Uhura gave him the cold shoulder in the mess or at a ship function. He didn't deserve it. It wasn't his fault, but there was nothing she could do, except stand by him, until things settled.

Her boss was right; this was a military ship and it wasn't her place to criticize higher ranking officers. The fact that she was also carrying the captain's child made her situation even more precarious. While, as Jim's partner, she could possibly approach Uhura woman to woman, their differing ranks and positions made the whole idea unseemly. The last thing she needed was to be brought up on insubordination charges. That would really be putting Jim in the middle of a bad situation.

"Speak of the devil," Commander Roose interrupted Marissa's train of thought.

Listening, Marissa could hear Jim in the outer office greeting Crewman Thompson. Unconsciously a smile stretched across her face. She didn't see the maternal knowing look that her boss gave her.

Suddenly Jim was standing in the doorway, a smile on his face as he looked over at Marissa. She felt her stomach pitch as it always seemed to when he smiled at her.

"Captain," Lt. Commander Roose spoke up, drawing his attention to the other person in the room.

"Commander Roose," Jim nodded, smiling charmingly. "And how goes the library today?"

"Nothing to complain about," she answered him. "Marissa and I were just discussing the mission to Cloral. Any news on when we'll be getting there?"

"Actually," Jim said as he sat down in the other chair in front of her desk, "that's the reason I came down here." He looked at Marissa pointedly and again her stomach clenched, but this time in excitement. Were they finally going to get rid of these stupid scientists and get on with their mission to Cloral? She looked at Jim expectantly.

"Miller and Tuali'i should be finished with their observations within the next day or two," he told them, his expression neutral. "We've been ordered to drop them off at one of the star bases, and while we're there Scotty is going to use the facilities to retrofit the engines and upgrade the transporters. It shouldn't take more than a week."

Marissa felt her hopes plummet. Calculating how long it might take to get to a star base and then a week of working on the Enterprise and then travel time to Cloral – which wasn't exactly near any Federation outposts… she'd be lucky if they got to Cloral in three weeks. She couldn't help frowning in disappointment.

"Will there be shore leave?" Lt. Commander Roose asked. A veteran of long range missions, she knew the importance of shore leave and looked forward to it as much as anyone else.

"Yes," Jim nodded. "We'll rotate through the crew, keeping a minimal crew on the ship, along with whatever Scotty needs for engineering."

Marissa could feel his eyes on her, watching for her reaction to his news. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. She was so disappointed, and she knew that he knew it. There was no point in complaining, especially in front of Lt. Commander Roose. Jim knew how badly she wanted to get to Cloral and even though he was captain of the ship, he had to go where Starfleet told him, and apparently that was to some star base. She tried not to sigh too loudly.

"I've heard good things about this base," Jim said conversationally to Roose, though his eyes never left Marissa. "It's got excellent maintenance facilities. It's also got a civilian side – some 10,000 in population with all the perks of home – shopping, restaurants, and entertainment. I think the crew is going to really enjoy their time there."

Marissa couldn't bring herself to care. She didn't want shore leave; she wanted to go to Cloral. She barely heard her boss ask which star base it was, she was so busy moping.

"…base 17," Jim replied. Marissa instantly looked up.

"Seventeen?" she repeated, a smile starting to form on her face. Of all the star bases…

"Yep, seventeen," he answered, a grin on his face as he looked at her, his eyes twinkling.

"Really?"

He nodded. "I know it's not Cloral, but I thought it might make up for the wait," he told her.

"Yeah, I guess so," Marissa grinned widely. Her best friend and roommate from the Academy, Nadine So'olialo, an astrophysicist, was stationed at Star Base 17. Marissa hadn't seen her in over a year, which Jim knew. "How did…"

"It wasn't my doing," Jim interrupted. "That's where they wanted to be dropped off."

Marissa smiled. "Good enough for me. How soon until we get there?"

Jim laughed and looked over at Lt. Commander Roose. "First she can't wait to get to Cloral, now she's impatient to get to Star Base 17. Are all pregnant women so indecisive?"

"Hey!" Marissa protested.

Commander Roose just laughed. "It only gets worse. She had any cravings yet?"

"Not anything too weird," Jim replied with a smile. "Though I think my replicator is going to get worn out replicating Cardassian jinko berries and orange juice. And then there are the random chocolate mousse attacks that she gets. There was this one time she wanted pickles with it…"

"I'm sitting right here, you know," Marissa huffed, though she wasn't really offended. She was actually rather happy that Jim was paying that much attention to what she was eating. "And I didn't have pickles with the mousse – I had them after," she explained with dignity.

Lt. Commander Roose laughed good naturedly as she stood up. "I'll leave you two alone. I've got to check on Thompson and make sure he hasn't erased something important again." She nodded to Jim. "It was good seeing you Captain. I'll look forward to my time of at Star Base 17 – the have an excellent bakery and candy maker on the civilian side, or at least they did last time I was there, about nine years ago. Best chocolates you've ever tasted outside of Ghirardelli in San Fran."

"Yummy," Marissa rubbed her stomach. "I'll look forward to that!"

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ensign," Roose smiled.

Jim and Marissa watched her walk out of the office. The chuckled as she gave Crewman Thompson a hard time about loosing data and daydreaming on the job. Thompson's muffled response was met by a laugh.

"I like her," Jim said.

"I do too," Marissa agreed. "She's a good boss."

"Nothing but the best for Starfleet's flagship," Jim smiled proudly.

They sat for a moment in comfortable silence. Jim's eyes roamed over her belly and breasts appreciatively.

"How are you feeling?"

Marissa shrugged. "Good, really. This chair isn't nearly as comfortable as yours, but I feel good. I haven't had any swelling since I took Dr. McCoy's advice and started swimming." The Enterprise didn't actually have a proper pool for lap swimming; it was more the size of a large hot tub, maybe 15 feet long and narrow. When the jets were turned on and adjusted it allowed a person to swim against a current that kept them from moving. She'd been using it on a daily basis for the pasted month and noticed a remarkable decrease in the swelling of her hands and feet.

Nodding, Jim smiled. "Who would have thought that being in water actually lessens swelling and stuff. It seems counterintuitive to me. But I like seeing you in a swimsuit, so," he shrugged and gave her wicked smile.

Shaking her head, Marissa grinned. "Yes, so attractive. I look like I swallowed a volleyball, and it's only going to get worse. When I turn onto my back my stomach looks like an island."

Jim laughed, as she expected him too. "Maybe I should come swimming too. Could be fun," he waggled his eyebrows at her.

"You're incorrigible," she told him.

"I know," he grinned.

"Dr. McCoy also said that being in the water is a good place to be for early labor," she told him. She watched Jim pale slightly. The man could face hostile natives, crazy Romulans, and destructive forces of nature without flinching, but mention labor and delivery and he was a baby. "Jim, we're going to have to talk about this sometime," she told him patiently. "Because of your allergies and my allergies… I'd really rather have this baby naturally, and I really want you with me."

"I know you do," Jim admitted sheepishly. "And I do want to be there. But the idea of seeing you in pain…"

"Too late for that," Marissa smiled. "I'm pretty sure, even with some drugs, this is going to hurt more than a bit." Jim glared at her and she laughed. "Dr. McCoy has a childbirth program we can watch. It's always easier if you know what you're facing."

"I know, I know. Bones sent it to me last week. I just don't see why you can't take something for the pain…"

"If it gets too much, I will, but…" she shrugged, "it's just better for the baby if I try to go without. Women have been having babies for hundreds of thousands of years… drugs are only a recent invention on that timescale. I'll be fine, but I need you with me."

Glancing at the chrono on the wall, Jim sighed. "Look, can we talk about this later?" he asked. "The reason I came down here – aside from telling you about Star Base 17 was to let you know that I won't be available for lunch. I have a meeting with Scotty and his engineers to discuss the retrofit."

Marissa shrugged. This wasn't the first time, or the last time, they wouldn't have lunch. He was the Captain, after all. "Okay, I can grab something to eat and then I might have a nap. But don't think you've gotten out of this conversation indefinitely," she warned, trying to look stern but failing miserably.

"Long enough," Jim grinned as he jumped up off his chair. Coming around the desk, he leaned down, placing his hands on the arms of her chair. He gave her a light kiss. "I'll see you tonight."

Marissa nodded, sighing contentedly as she watched him saunter out of the room. It still amazed her that this gorgeous, funny, sexy, caring man was in her life. How did she come to deserve him?

_Please review!_

_Authors notes: I'm so sorry for the long delay in updating. Real life has not been kind. We've been short at work, so I've been filling in. Which is good, I get extra money, but it's also bad because my schedule gets so weird that I have trouble finding time to write. Then I hurt my back, so writing where I normally do – in bed, propped on pillows, hurts. And it's really hard to type while lying flat. The only place I can use comfortably is a recliner in the living room but I can't write when the kids are watching tv…_

_Anyway, the good thing is I've had two and half days off – with the kids in school – and I've managed to write 3 and a half chapters, so I should have another update soon._

_I really do appreciate everyone's feedback. I wanted to get Jim and Marissa to Cloral, but they insisted on the next few chapters and I really need to know if they are still okay, or if they're turning into whiny high schoolers or something. _

_Thanks again – and please review. It makes me happy!_


	17. Chapter 17

_Many, many thanks to TalesFromTheSpockSide for helping me with this chapter. Its been written for over a week now, but it just hasn't felt right until she gave me some ideas. Marissa was becoming way to mushy!_

_I don't own anything Star Trek; and I'm not making any money on this._

**Consequences**

**Chapter 17**

Marissa wandered into the mess, her mind spinning with excitement and dread. Jim was right; going to Starbase 17 was enough to counteract her disappointment about not getting to Cloral yet. Her best friend since before the academy was stationed there and she hadn't spoken with since just after the Narada incident.

She and Nadine had met during what was technically Nadine's senior year and Marissa's third and final year at Harvard. Nadine had taken pity on the painfully shy young girl who had approached her for tutoring in basic math, and soon a friendship was born that had held through their days at the Academy. In fact, it was because of Nadine that Marissa had ended up joining Starfleet in the first place, despite her father's wishes.

Marissa did not have a typical childhood, by most standards. Her mother had died in an accident off planet when she was just a toddler. She and her father had been there, though she had no memory of it, or her mother. She'd been a precocious toddler and had learned to read at an early age. Because of her father's over-protectiveness she hadn't participated in any of the sports and activities that other children did. She was homeschooled by her father and grandmother until the age of 10 when her father remarried and her grandmother fully took over her schooling.

She'd loved being homeschooled – especially when her grandmother, Nana, was in charge of her lessons. Nana quickly recognized Marissa's love of history and language and encouraged her in those areas. School was something Marissa did year round and all day. She would take an interest in something, and with her grandmother's encouragement, she'd research and formulate theses like most children would play video games. History was like a puzzle for her to figure out, not so much the 'what,' but the 'why' of everything.

When she was 11 she took an interest in the sudden rise and collapse of a human colony on one of the moons of Na'fern in the Gamma Quadrant. Over several years she'd corresponded with a handful of the surviving colonists as well as some of the Na'ferni who had contact with the colony on a regular basis. She'd even managed to get copies of the colonial charter and their financial statements. When she was 13 she presented her father with her thesis as to why the colony failed, a 55 page document with social, political, economic, and cultural subsections, all with full documentation. She'd been extremely proud of it, especially the economic part, because math and science were not topics she was interested in studying, but when put in this context she could grasp them with relative ease.

Unbeknownst to her, her father had submitted her paper to a professor at the Colorado School of Mines, who gave it to a colleague of his at Harvard. At first no one believed that she had written it, but after multiple interviews and the sharing of her research notes and earlier drafts, she was not only congratulated on excellent work, she was accepted into Harvard at the age of 14. What had once been fun research for her suddenly became something she could do, and excel at, for the rest of her life.

Harvard had been both exciting and terrifying. She wasn't like the other students. Sure, there were a few other 'kid geniuses' but they were mostly in the math and science departments with IQs off the charts. Marissa had a high IQ, but more than that, she had a deep and abiding interest in what she studied. She had difficulty adjusting to taking structured classes that taught specific material, finding it rather stifling, but managed to push through. Within 18 months she was able to take the advanced classes that offered her the scope and breadth that she had enjoyed at home. Her one stumbling block was the prerequisite courses in math and science that she had to take in order to graduate.

She despised math and science, but that was what led her to Nadine. Aside from her grandmother, who had moved to Cambridge to watch over her, Nadine was her first friend. She had acquaintances in her department, but no one she really hung out with. Nadine changed that. Nadine brought her out of her shell, forced her to put her work down and socialize. For the first time in her life she had friends that she laughed with, talked with and cried with. It was liberating and, more important, it was fun. Nana watched her change with quiet approval; her father wasn't so happy about it, but by then Marissa didn't care and when Nadine announced that she was joining Starfleet after graduation, Marissa signed up right alongside her and hadn't regretted it once.

"Marissa!" a voice interrupted her musing as she wandered around looking for a table in a quiet corner. It had been a long time since she'd eaten by herself in the mess. Since they'd left space dock she usually ate in the library at her desk or, more recently, with Jim and sometimes some of his command crew.

Looking around she saw Marie Jensen from Cartography, waving her over to a table. Setting her tray down, she smiled at the woman.

"Thanks, I didn't really feel like eating alone," she told her. She knew Marie mostly through Nadine; they'd been partners in a couple of labs, though not close friends. She'd also helped her research old star charts of the Delta Quadrant in the library from time to time. Marie had joined Starfleet right out of high school, so while she and Marissa were roughly the same age and had been in the same graduating cadet class, Marie wasn't an officer.

"That must be different for you," Marie responded with a grin. At Marissa's confused look she explained. "Eating alone, I mean. I always see you having lunch with the captain and sometimes Dr. McCoy or that cute navigator."

Marissa blushed lightly. She did tend to spend her lunches with Jim and whoever happened to join them. "Chekov. His name his Pavel Chekov and I think he's a bit young for you," Marissa countered.

Marie laughed. "Who cares? He's cute! Not that you would notice, since you have the captain to look at."

This time Marissa turned beet red causing Marie to laugh loudly. "Oh, that's priceless! You're blushing."

Marissa rolled her eyes and took a bite of her sandwich.

"Where is he, by the way? The captain, I mean," Marie asked, pointing her fork around the room. "You guys always have lunch together."

Taking her time to chew and swallow, Marissa watched Marie closely for a minute. Her friend seemed totally relaxed and open, not at all like she was fishing for gossip. Things with Jim still seemed so new and fragile; she liked to keep it to herself. She hadn't really shared their relationship with anyone, including Nadine, which was one important reason why she was so excited to get to Starbase 17. She needed someone she could trust to talk to.

"He has a meeting with Lt. Commander Scott about some engine upgrade, or something," Marissa told her honestly.

Marie nodded and took a bite of her salad.

"How are things going in cartography," Marissa asked, wanting to steer the conversation away from what was going on in her life.

"Ugh!" Marie groaned. "Those two astrophysicists are the most annoying men in the universe!" she declared hotly. "Do this! Do that! 'Crewmember Jensen I don't care how you were taught to map, I would like you to use the Yaverin method to plot those stars,'" she mimicked, causing Marissa to giggled. "I swear, we all know they were basically given their commission because of their degrees – no offense intended," she nodded at Marissa, "but at least you went through the Academy. They don't know anything about what it is to be in Starfleet - they just want us to salute them at every turn and do everything they say. Two of the biggest egos I've ever worked with."

Marissa smiled sympathetically, "They're almost done, aren't they?" she asked, even though she knew the answer.

"Yeah, almost," Marie agreed. "Another day or so. Then we can drop their smarmy asses at some star base or something and be done with them." She eyed Marissa over a forkful of greens. "You don't think you could ask the captain to send them out the airlock or something, you know, as a favor to all the hardworking grunts in Cartography who had to put up them, could you?"

"Uh, no," she shook her head, smiling, "I don't think the captain would do that."

"Not even if _you_ asked?" Marie prodded hopefully.

"No, not even if I asked," Marissa replied. "He…we…I don't think I have that kind of pull with him."

Marie waved her fork in a dismissive manner. "Sure you do."

Marissa just shook her head and took another bite of her sandwich.

"How are things going, by the way?" Marie asked. "With you and him and the baby."

Swallowing carefully, Marissa took a drink of her juice and then shrugged. "Good. Good. The baby's doing well."

"And the captain?" Marie prodded, watching Marissa expectantly.

"He's good," Marissa told her honestly. "Things have been a bit rough, what with that Damn Book and all, but… he's doing well."

"And you and him?" Marie waggled her eyebrows at her.

Marissa rolled her eyes. She should have known Marie wasn't going to give up. "We're…fine," she finally said, with a shrug.

Marie sat back with a disappointed sigh. "Come on Marissa, throw us poor slobs a bone here, would you?" She leaned forward and lowered her voice. "You are living the life a lot of us dream of. The captain's hot, and he's got a reputation - and you have him all to yourself. It's got to be better than just 'fine.'"

Marissa felt her cheeks flame again. "Its good," she finally admitted. "Really, really good."

Marie cackled gleefully, drawing attention to their table.

"Shh!" Marissa glared, embarrassed. "I don't need everyone staring at me, there's enough gossip going around as it is."

"Ain't that the truth," Marie agreed, leaning forward again. "Details!" she demanded with a grin.

"No way, I do not kiss and tell," Marissa told her with a grin.

"Ah ha! So there is kissing!"

Marissa rolled her eyes. "Obviously. It was more than kissing that got me into this situation in the first place."

Marie almost snorted her water at Marissa's deadpan comment. "True, true. But is their more than kissing going on now?" Marissa's couldn't contain another blush and Marie crowed triumphantly. "I knew it!"

"Shush!" Marissa warned again.

"I knew it, you lucky dog!" Marie repeated in a quieter voice. "What's he like?"

"Honestly, Marie," Marissa shook her head in exasperation, "I'm not going to tell you that. He's your captain! He's my captain, for that matter and there's enough gossip going around about him. I'm not going to add to that."

"I won't tell," Marie told her, her eyes shining. "Cross my heart," she said as she crossed a finger over her chest.

"No," Marissa laughed.

"Shucks," Marie drawled, before laughing.

"You're horrible," Marissa laughed as well, throwing her napkin across the table. "As if I would give details."

"A girl can hope," Marie shrugged innocently, taking a bite of her salad. "But seriously, things are going okay for you guys?"

Marissa nodded. "We're still figuring things out," she admitted. "I mean, this isn't the easiest situation, but, yeah, things are fine."

"And the sex is really hot, right?" Marie asked with an evil grin.

"Marie!" Marissa laughed again, face flaming.

"Alright, alright, I'm done with the inquisition. I'll let you finish your lunch in peace."

"Thank you, so much," Marissa replied sarcastically, but with a small smile. It felt good to talk with someone like she and Jim were just normal people in the beginning of a normal relationship.

They ate quietly for a few more minutes, the hustle and bustle of the mess increasing as more crewmembers got off shift for their lunch break. It wasn't long before they heard chairs being pulled out at the table on the other side of the half partitioned wall beside them. Neither paid the new occupants much mind until the others began their conversation. Being separated by a flimsy partition, their conversation was easy to overhear without even trying.

"Did you see them at lunch yesterday? It was totally disgusting," a scornful voice declared, causing Marie to raise an eyebrow in interest.

"This should be good," she whispered to Marissa. Marissa shrugged in return. She was as human as the next person. She was curious to know what was so disgusting, too.

"What was? I didn't think they were acting any different than normal," another voice answered.

Now this piqued her interest. She'd had lunch in the mess yesterday and hadn't seen anything unusual either. Marie grinned at her and waggled her eyebrows. Even though she knew she shouldn't eavesdrop, she could help it.

"She was fawning all over him," the first voice snorted. "Laughing and touching him. Obviously she has to work hard to make him happy. Suck up to him. It's the only way she can keep him."

Marie rolled her eyes, shaking her head.

"Well, they are having a baby," the second voice offered somewhat hesitantly.

"Awfully clever of her, isn't it?" the first voice drawled.

Marissa stomach dropped as her eyes locked with Marie, all humor gone from her face. They were taking about her!

She thought back to lunch yesterday. Jim had been telling her and McCoy a joke about a Ferengi, Bajoran and an Andorian who walked into a bar; it was a bad joke, only funny because it was so bad. She had laughed but McCoy had only groaned and rolled his eyes, saying she shouldn't encourage him. Then Jim had done an amazing imitation of Chekov arguing that the Russians had invented, or inwented, the wheel. She'd smacked him with the back of her hand at that, but she couldn't stop her giggles. He'd gotten Chekov's accent and earnest expression perfect.

That wasn't fawning, was it?

Voice number one started again. "He's hot, and he's slept with half the women in Starfleet, if rumors are to be believed." Marissa bristled instantly at the slur against Jim as the voice went on. "Not that I believe he's slept with eight hundred women. Five hundred, maybe." Both women giggled. "Who wouldn't jump at the chance of sleeping with him – even for a night?"

"I'd jump," the other voice piped in. "I'd do anything he asked," she sighed and then giggled again.

Marie rolled her eyes and Marissa glared at the partition. A part of her was indignant that these women were talking about their captain in this way; another part of her wanted to hit them because they were talking about her Jim.

"Hello, ladies," a new voice chimed in. Marissa could hear rustling and shifting as a new person sat at the table. "What are we talking about?"

Marie groaned softly and Marissa shot her a questioningly look.

"Ensign Tenial from cartography," she whispered. "Biggest slut in the department."

"The Captain and his little librarian," the first voice offered snidely.

Marissa really hated being called that.

"That is one lucky little librarian," Ensign Tenial sighed dramatically. "She's definitely got her hands full, but… oh man, he is good, if you know what I mean."

Marie gasped in shock. Marissa gave her a look to be quiet. Nodding, she covered her mouth, her head leaning further towards the wall.

"No way!"

"Are you kidding? Have you…"

"Yep," Tenial said. "The man deserves his sex god reputation. The things he can do with his tongue…"

The two other women squealed. Marissa felt herself blushing. She knew what he could do with his tongue and it _was_ amazing, she just didn't like these women discussing it. Marie gave her a questioning look, but Marissa just shook her head. She wasn't discussing this.

"When?" one voice demanded.

"Details!" the other chimed in.

"Oh, it was over two years ago," Tenial explained in a low voice. "We met up in a bar, stumbled back to my place." She sighed dramatically again. "He was gone by morning, but man… it was good. So, very, very good."

"Did you hook up with him again?"

There was a pause as Tenial chewed on her food and swallowed. "He wasn't interested. I tried. Believe me I tried, but nothing happened. Once was enough for him. Said he wasn't into relationships – even casual ones."

"Well he is now," the first woman said derisively.

"Of course he is," the newcomer agreed. "He's going to be a daddy now. That librarian is one smart cookie, if you ask me. Did you know it took her years to get a position on a starship to do her research?"

Marissa stiffened. It hadn't taken her years, it had taken her 18 months, and a third of that was waiting for the Enterprise to be completed. Once she met Captain Pike things had moved along smoothly, despite some objections from the Admiralty.

"No, why?" the snide voice asked. "It's not like she does anything but work in the library doing research and stuff."

"Oh no, she's more than just a librarian," Tenial explained. "She's going for her doctorate or something in xenohistory. Pike took her on as an experiment. Now Pike's gone and Kirk's here. She knew she had to get on the new captain's good side. What better way than to get knocked up? He won't send her away then, or she could hit him with harassment charges. She's got him right where she wants him."

Marissa's eyes narrowed as she stared at the partition. Why did this woman know so much about her? And why did she care? And where the hell did she come up with her asinine theories? Is this what people were really saying about her? She glanced over at Marie, but her eyes were glued to the wall, as if staring at it would let her hear them better.

"But he wasn't captain when she got pregnant, was he?" one voice asked curiously. "And who knew they would actually give him the _Enterprise_ after everything that happened?"

Marissa was coming to like this voice. At least this woman didn't believe malicious gossip. The other two she could cheerfully stuff in an airlock and space them, the way she was feeling at the moment.

"If she's as far along as she says," by the tone of Tenial's voice this seemed to be doubtful, "then he would have been Acting Captain at the time. He was the big hero, after all; why wouldn't he become captain after saving Earth? She took a risk and it paid off."

"I don't know," the other voice said hesitantly, "seems like a pretty big risk and the timing…"

"So she took advantage of the situation," the Tenial interjected. Seriously, Marissa wondered, what had she done to piss off this woman? "She slept with him, thinking if he remained captain she might have something on him, then she finds out she's pregnant and uses that to get everything she wants – she's on the ship, she's got him in bed, and he can't do a thing about it because she can scream harassment at any time and fuck up his captaincy. His reputation precedes him, after all."

"I'm just saying," the other voice continued, "it seems like a big risk. And she doesn't really seem the type. They seemed happy enough together at the social and all. She can't be that bad."

"Look at her! She's cute, I guess, in a petite, little girl way, but she's not really his type. Would he even look at her twice if she wasn't carrying his kid? I doubt it. Whether she planned it or not, she's made the best of the situation. I just don't think it will last. She's not the type that can hold his interest for long. Once the baby is born… I give it three months or less before he's hunting for someone more his style."

And you plan to be there, don't you? Marissa thought to herself. "Bitch," she muttered under breath, causing Marie to snort quietly.

"I bet he'll find someone before that," the snide one chimed in. "Who wants to have sex with a pregnant woman? I mean… she's getting fat. That can't be attractive to him. He'll probably hook up with someone on our next shore leave, just to save her feelings, but really sex, with a whale – even a petite one – can't be all that much fun."

They all tittered and Marissa's face flamed. Was she really that fat? She didn't think so. And Jim had just said he liked seeing her in a swimsuit. Normally she wouldn't have believed him, but he frequently had that look in his eyes, the one that said 'you have 10 seconds to remove your clothes before I jump you,' that sent shivers all over her body and made her want to do anything he asked. She knew he was way more experienced than she was, but she didn't think he could fake a look like that, not when it wasn't necessary just because they were standing in the middle of her office at the library. He wasn't that shallow, was he?

She shook her head. No. She wasn't going to think like that. Whatever she and Jim had, it was real. She had to believe that. It might not last, but he wasn't using her and she sure as hell wasn't using him. Her life would have been so much easier if she hadn't gotten pregnant, but she had and they were dealing with it as best as they could.

These women didn't know what they were talking about. Ensign Tenial sounded like a jealous ex with a bitter axe to grind. Marissa wasn't going to let that slide. If Nadine had taught her anything in their years as friends, it was to stand up for yourself, no matter what. It had worked with her dad, she was sure it would work with these women.

Barely glancing over at Marie, who was staring at her in sympathy, Marissa gathered her things and stood up, not bothering to try to hide her presence. She smiled grimly at Marie and turned to walk around the partition.

"Oh shit," one of them said quietly as she walked towards their table.

Oh shit, indeed. Marissa's eyes narrowed as her lips turned up in a mockery of a smile. She recognized Ensign Tenial as someone she had seen in the cartography lab a couple times, and it looked like the other two were from the science department due to their blue uniforms and lab coats. She didn't know either of their names.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your fascinating conversation," she told them, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I didn't want to make things uncomfortable for you, but this… whale," she glared at the two in lab coats, unsure who had made that comment, "has some work to do before the captain is off shift and I don't want to wait around for you to finish your little gabfest." She paused, shaking her head. "It's so sad how so many women pine after Jim. They see him as nothing more than a pretty face and a dick to be had." She looked at each of them in the eye for a long moment, her disdain for them apparent. The two lab workers had the grace to blush, Tenial just glared, her jaw clenched tightly.

"You'd think more people would realize there's more to him than that, but maybe I'm just different that way." She turned to walk away, her head high, but after two steps she turned around. "By the way," she said in a confidential manner, a malicious smile on her face, "he does do amazing things with his tongue." Waggling her fingers, she left. "Bye-bye. Enjoy your lunch."

"Yes!" she heard Marie declare before she burst out laughing. Marissa couldn't quiet contain her vindictive smile as she left the room. That had felt good.

**Please review, you have no idea how much it means to me. Chapter 18 should be up much sooner… maybe by this weekend.**


	18. Chapter 18

_Authors note/apology – I meant to have this chapter up sooner, but my hubby and I got invited out for drinks with grown ups and we just couldn't say no. And then I planned on posting last night but there was rugby to watch and I just can't say no to the Crusaders. Too bad they lost. Review will make up for my sadness. ;-)_

**Consequences**

**Chapter 18**

"Don't do that."

"What?" Marissa looked up from the card she is about to put on the discard pile.

"Don't discard that jack," he told her with a smirk. "I know you're going for kings and queens, but that will give you a run, and you know I'm picking up jacks."

Marissa sighed as she looked at her cards once more. He was right. "You know Jim," she said, rearranging her hand. "It's no fun playing Gin with someone who counts the cards. It's a bit unfair."

Jim smiled as he took a drink. "I can't help it. It comes naturally. They won't let me play when we have casino night anymore. Poor me and Chekov have to watch from the sidelines."

"Poor you indeed," Marissa forced herself to laugh softly, before finally discarding. Jim was being his boyishly charming self, but she just wasn't able to find it in her to respond as she usually did.

All evening she had found herself going over the conversation she had overheard at lunch. At first she'd been pissed off at what she had overheard, but then the doubts starting sneaking in. She hated herself for having these doubts, especially since they were spawned by malicious gossip she had just happened to overhear, but she had put a lot of her life and energy into her career at Starfleet, and if people were actually believing what Ensign Tenial and other gossips were saying about her… Was she fucking it all up for a pair of gorgeous blue eyes and a charming smile? Was she confusing want and need? Were she and Jim using the baby as an excuse to form a quasi-relationship that had little chance of success? Were they even compatible?

It was too late to worry about the baby, that was something that was going to change her life whether she wanted it to or not. The baby she could deal with; the affect of the baby in her life she could control, for the most part. Jim was an unknown. He made her feel better, more cherished, than she could ever remember feeling, but she had no idea where this was going or how long it might last. Jim didn't do long term, as his history plainly showed. He said he wanted to help raise his child, and she believed him, but…that didn't necessarily mean he would always be in her life, as he was now.

Jim had learned long ago to show the world only part of himself. She had been lucky enough to see a bit more of the real him than most, but could he give her more than that? The past four months had been the most surreal in her life. She was dealing with things she hadn't planned on dealing with for years – and in the wrong order. She had always planned on falling in love, getting married and _then_ having a baby, like most little girls. Instead she was having a baby with a man she liked a lot, but was unsure if he was even capable of committing to a long term relationship and not sure if she loved him or just admired him or only wanted him in bed.

She _really_ needed to talk to Nadine. She was going to drive herself crazy soon.

Jim sighed and picked up the card she just put down. With a flip of his wrist he displayed his hand, placing a nine of spades onto the discard pile. "Gin."

Marissa tossed her remaining cards onto the table and sat back. Her mind just wasn't on cards tonight. She should have picked a movie or holoprogram, but nothing had sounded good. At least if they were watching something they wouldn't have to talk, but if they weren't talking and she only had a show to concentrate on, she knew her mind would take over and she wouldn't be able to put aside all the thoughts and doubts that were spinning through her brain.

Shuffling the deck of cards with casual grace, she felt Jim watching her intently while she absently played with the condensation on her glass of orange juice, unable to look at him.

"I'd like to think that your obvious lack of interest in cards tonight is because you're looking forward to seeing your friend," he finally said, "but I don't think you're that excited at the moment. Want to tell me what's wrong?"

"Wrong? Nothing's wrong," Marissa told him, trying to keep the guilty edge out of her voice. Jim just looked at her silently, waiting. She finally gave in. "I'm excited to see Nadine. I am. It's been a long time. I miss her a lot," she said earnestly. "We haven't talked since just after the Narada incident."

Grimacing internally, Marissa wanted to bang her head on the table. Why had she said that? Jim didn't need to know when she had last talked to her friend. He wasn't stupid, after all. After all the crap she had going through her head, she had to open up this can of worms?

"You haven't talked," Jim repeated slowly. Marissa could see him working out what she had let slip. "Why not? It's easy to open a subspace channel anytime you want to. You have access to the comm. room like anyone else." He paused for a moment, his confusion suddenly lifting. "She doesn't know you're pregnant, does she?" he asked, his face suddenly shuttered.

"No," Marissa admitted despondently, "she doesn't."

And just like that, Marissa could feel the tension in the room spike. She of all people on the ship knew Jim had plenty of insecurities. Sure he was the brash and bold Captain Kirk, but he was also a man with family issues as big as the Enterprise. He was going to see this as a slight against him, she just knew it.

"Why?" Jim asked, watching her carefully. "I thought she was your best friend."

"She is," Marissa agreed emphatically. "I just…" she trailed off, unsure how to get Jim to understand all the reasons that she had been unable to tell her best friend that she was pregnant over a comm. channel.

At first she'd been in denial that she was pregnant and afraid to tell anyone lest it really be true. Then she'd been dealing with the trauma of admitting she was pregnant and telling Jim. After that she'd been so caught up in Jim that before she knew it she was so far along that it almost seemed too late to tell anyone.

She had trouble comprehending her pregnancy and relationship with Jim, how was she supposed to explain that to her best friend who knew her so well? This situation was definitely out of character for her and she knew her friend was going to ask questions that she was not prepared to answer, no matter how badly she needed to.

Jim snorted. "What's so hard about it? I mean, it's fairly obvious now and in about three months… well, the baby will be kinda hard to hide. Were you going to tell her the stork dropped it off?"

Marissa shook her head, trying not to respond to his sarcasm. "It's not something you can really put in an email or say over a subspace comm., you know?"

"Who _have_ you told?" Jim finally asked, watching her closely. He was a tactical genius, going for her weakest spots. She should have been prepared for this, but until now everything had been on a smooth, surface only level. Aside from their brief discussion about being partners, they never talked about anything serious to do with their relationship.

Marissa looked around uncomfortably. "What do you mean? Everyone knows. It hasn't been a secret for a couple months now," she answered, purposely being obtuse. In truth, she had only told one person outside of Starfleet and she really didn't want to tell Jim that. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he was working up to a real temper.

If the thought of telling Nadine that she was having a baby was hard, the idea of telling her father was terrifying. Their relationship was rocky enough, and he didn't have a lot of respect for the choices she'd made in joining Star Fleet and asking to be assigned to a star ship. In many ways he still thought of her as a little girl. He was a controlling type and the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy would only serve to make him think that he had been right - she wasn't cut out for Starfleet and was unable to take care of herself. He'd despised Gary who'd done nothing more than date her for over a year, he would loathe Jim.

"Not here," Jim said harshly. "Not on the _Enterprise_. Who else have you told about the baby?"

"It doesn't matter, Jim," she tried to calm him down. "When the baby's born…"

"Are you ashamed of it?" Jim asked, leaning toward her across the table. "I thought you were close to your family – your dad and step mom; your step-sisters and -brother; your grandmother. Why haven't you told them that you're pregnant?"

"Who have you told?" Marissa shot back, the leash on her temper beginning to fray. How had a day that started so well gotten so bad? She did not want to even begin discussing her relationship with her father with Jim. Yes, she was close to her family – her step-mother, grandmother and step-siblings. She loved them. She loved her father too, but their relationship was a bit more complicated. She had no desire to tell her dad that she had accidentally gotten pregnant by a man she didn't even know at the time.

"I've told everyone on the whole fucking ship," Jim stated, crossing his arms and glaring at her. "I'm not close to my mom – everyone in the fucking universe knows that - and I haven't seen my brother since I was thirteen. They don't matter to me. But my command team, my crew…they matter and they know. So what's your excuse?"

"They know," Marissa scoffed, her temper rising further. Everything was about him! It was starting to piss her off. "Of course they know! You said it yourself – it's fairly obvious by now. You didn't have a choice."

"Of course I had a choice," Jim snapped back, "I could've sent you back to headquarters when you told me. I could've…"

"Bullshit," Marissa interrupted, calling his bluff. "You never would have sent me away. Not when you know this is your baby, so don't even try to fool me with that line of crap."

Suddenly tired, Marissa propped her elbows on the table and sighed. She really didn't want to get into an argument with Jim over this. It really was none of his business, but she was so used to catering to his feelings after everything that had happened since the Damn Book came out, she instinctively tried to calm things down. She really didn't want to say something that would hurt him. She wasn't malicious.

"Look, I haven't told Nadine or my dad and stepmom," she admitted, taking a deep breath and trying to remain calm. "I haven't spoken to my dad or step-mom since we left Earth. My dad wasn't exactly happy with my decision to stay on the _Enterprise_ after so many people were killed."

"So no one knows," Jim stated flatly.

Marissa looked at him, trying to see what he was feeling, but he had put on his captain's face, something he never did with her.

"I told Nana," Marissa said with a sigh. "She knows I'm pregnant, but… I didn't tell her who the father was."

"So it's me you're ashamed of," he said, nodding his head as if everything now made sense to him.

"Stop saying that! I am not ashamed of anything," Marissa snapped.

"Then why haven't you told your family? I think it's something they might want to know," he snapped back immediately.

"I know that! It's just hard." Marissa shook her head in frustration. "Damn it, Jim! It's none of your business anyways, who I tell and who I don't!"

"None of my business?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes, none of your business," Marissa replied harshly. "You're my captain, my lover, the father of my child, but that's as far as it goes. You are not my conscience. So I haven't told my family the happy fucking news that I accidently got knocked up by a guy I didn't even know and… here's the kicker, he's now the captain of the ship and the Sexiest Man in the Universe? Forgive me if I don't want to see the looks of shock and disappointment on their faces when I drop that bomb."

Jim just stared at her, his face blank, as if she had slapped him. She almost felt bad, but it had felt so good to say it.

"My life was not supposed to go like this," she told him, trying to keep her anger – at him and her father and the universe in general – in check. "My dad said I wasn't cut out for Starfleet, that I wouldn't be able to take care of myself; that I was better off in the private sector teaching. Teaching!" she repeated scornfully. "As if that's the only thing a woman should do." She grabbed her juice and took a long drink, trying to calm down.

"I was going places, Jim," she told him, her voice trembling slightly with suppressed anger and frustration. "I'm just starting to get some recognition for my work and my theories and now I finally have a place on a starship, and I'm finally able to do first contact missions; the first xenohistorian to do so. I worked hard to get here, damnit!" she glared at him. "And then I get knocked up and suddenly I'm only here because I'm blackmailing you! My position, my qualifications come into question – not because I was stupid enough to get pregnant, but it was with you! The goddamn fucking _captain_ of the USS fucking _Enterprise_!"

By the time she had finished her rant, Marissa's face was flushed and her heart was pounding. She had had no intention of ever letting Jim know about her insecurities regarding him, but apparently she couldn't keep her mouth shut. She'd been so busy protecting him and his feelings she had conveniently forgotten that she had issues too. It felt good to let them out, even if she didn't like seeing the hurt look in Jim's eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry," she told him, after taking a couple deep breaths. "I didn't mean to go off on you like this. I… can we just chalk it up to pregnancy hormones and forget everything I just said? I will tell Nadine when I see her and I will tell my family when I think the time is right. Can we just leave it at that?" She looked over at him contritely, now that her anger was spent.

Jim looked at her for a long moment. "No one thinks you blackmailed me or… whatever," he began sounding confused, as if this idea had never occurred to him before.

Marissa snorted and shook her head at how naïve he was being. "Of course they do. My family and Nadine won't, but everyone else? Yeah, some of them already do because there is no way in hell James T. Kirk would look at Marissa O'Donnell unless she had something on him – like a baby."

"Marissa, you're being paranoid." He no longer looked angry, just worried. And maybe a little guilty – but that may just be her own insecurity.

"No I'm not," she said tiredly. "I know being captain you're not privy to some of the stuff going through the ship's rumor mill, but trust me, everyone knows that the only reason you have anything to do with me is because I was stupid or clever enough to get pregnant in the first place."

Jim's mouth opened and closed as he tried to form a rebuttal.

Marissa smiled sadly. "Its okay, Jim, don't worry about it. There's nothing you can do. People talk. I don't let it get to me – usually. I'm not ashamed of you or the baby. I'm just… embarrassed. I'm not the type of girl who gets pregnant. And I'm not the type of girl who sleeps with a man she doesn't know. People have an image of me – the good daughter, the historian, the little librarian," she couldn't help adding snidely. "None of those images include being pregnant at 23 from a one night stand."

"I think we've moved beyond one night," Jim said softly, a little hurt showing in his tone.

"Yes we have," Marissa agreed, trying to smile. Suddenly she felt very tired and worn out. "But we both know that what we have, whatever our relationship is, it's founded on the fact that we're going to have a baby together."

"I thought you said we were partners."

"We are, Jim. We are." Marissa sighed, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. She knew that Jim was looking for reassurance, but she just wasn't able to deal with it right now. After everything they'd been through since the Damn Book she'd done nothing but focus on him and his well being. Well she had issues too and she wasn't ready to deal with either of their problems tonight. "Look, I'm tired. I'm going to go back to my quarters for the night… I…"

"Stay," Jim interrupted, reaching towards her, but not touching. "I'll sleep on the couch."

Marissa shook her head. "No, it's your bed; your quarters. I'll just go back…"

"I want you to stay," Jim told her, his hand clenching on the table. "We don't have to talk about this anymore tonight. I didn't mean for this to blow up like it did. I have my own insecurities, you know," he looked at her wryly. "I've been so busy thinking about how…all this affects my captaincy that I haven't even thought about what it might mean to you and you're career."

He reached out and hesitantly placed his hand over one of hers. "I'm sorry. I have no right to get upset with you over the fact that you haven't told your family. It's not my place to judge you. After all, I was there that night too. As Bones informed me – it takes two to make a baby," he said with a shy smile, offering her an olive branch for the moment.

Marissa squeezed his hand. "Yeah it does. And I will tell them – and Nadine. I've just been postponing it for a lot of reasons – none of which are very good. And things have been happening…"

"It's okay," Jim told her. "Now you need to get some sleep. Will you… can you stay?"

Emotionally exhausted, Marissa almost gave in. "I think I'm better off in my own cabin for now," she told him gently. "I need some time to myself. Things have been going kind of fast and… I just need some time." She squeezed his hand and let go, sliding her chair out as she stood up.

Jim nodded uncomfortably as he stood up, his eyes downcast. "I understand." He paused. "I am sorry," he said finally looking up at her, his eyes shining. "I didn't mean to start all this."

"Its okay, Jim. It's not your fault." He snorted and Marissa almost smiled at his disbelieving look. "Not _all_ your fault. I've been holding things in for awhile now. It had to come out sometime."

He shrugged uncomfortably. "Can I walk you to your quarters?"

Marissa shook her head. "I'll be fine. Why don't you get some sleep?"

"I'm not tired. I think maybe I'll go for a run…" he shrugged.

Leaning closer, Marissa placed a soft kiss on his check. "Don't forget to shower after your run."

"Okay, mom," Jim rolled his eyes. "Lunch?"

"We'll see," she shrugged. "Good night, Jim."

"Good night, Marissa. Sleep tight." He kissed her gently on the forehead and opened the door for her.

She knew he was standing in the doorway watching her walk away, but she forced herself not to turn around. This was for the best. She needed some breathing space and Jim was too much of an overpowering presence, even if he was sleeping on the couch, for her to be able to think straight.

_Please review. I love all the story alerts, but a review is something extra special._

_Also, I don't mean to insult any teachers out there. I just thought that Marissa, as an academic might be a bit insulted at being told the only thing she should do is teach. Seriously, teachers deserve so much more than they get._


	19. Chapter 19

**Consequences**

**Chapter 19**

Jim pounded his way around the track that circled recreation deck 5, the sound of his heart thudding in his chest, his lungs burning slightly under the exertion. This wasn't a gentle jog, this was a run like he used to do at the Academy, full boor and all out, trying to escape whatever thoughts were buzzing through his mind. It had usually worked at the Academy; he'd run until he collapsed in a sweaty heap, his mind quieter for that fact. He didn't think it would work tonight.

For the first kilometer or so he couldn't escape the fact that Marissa had left his quarters and would not be there, waiting for him when he returned, mumbling sleepily as she backed her bottom up against him in their customary spooning position. He wouldn't get to hold her close, inhale the scent of her hair, and caress the baby good night before falling asleep himself. She wasn't going to be there and he was surprised to find out that he really didn't want to go back if she wasn't.

By the second kilometer his doubts and insecurities began assaulting him. Things Marissa had said to him tonight were running through his mind, things like: "_You had no choice," "It's none of your business," "blackmail," "there's no way James Kirk would look at Marissa O'Donnell…" _and his personal favorite, _" the goddamn fucking captain of the USS fucking Enterprise!" _uttered as if that was the worst possible thing in the world.

Becoming captain of the Enterprise was the best thing that had ever happened to Jim, but he was now beginning to see how that might not be a positive thing to Marissa.

When she'd told him about the baby he'd been scared shitless; he still was to a point, but he was also excited. He'd been worried at what the Admiralty might do to him at first, but looking over regs and such he'd discovered that they couldn't do much – maybe a stern talking to and a slap on the wrist if they felt like it. It was none of their business as long as it didn't interfere with his command. The gossip from the Damn Book was a big worry, but Marissa had squashed that pretty well. They kept things between them low key and everything was fine.

At least he'd thought so until tonight. He had no idea that the ship's gossip was painting Marissa as an opportunist. It was crazy in the extreme. He knew she didn't mean to get pregnant and that she'd been just as shocked and scared as he was. She wasn't using her condition to her professional advantage or to force him into doing something. If anything, her pregnancy and his involvement had been almost detrimental to her career when he tried to block her from going on her first mission.

"_I was going places, Jim,"_ she told him, her voice frustrated and earnest. He now had to question the past tense in her comment. She _was_ going places, meaning she wasn't now? Were people really questioning her abilities and qualifications because she was pregnant with his child? Did people really think he was only with her because of the baby?

_Why wouldn't they?_ a small voice echoed in the back of his mind, and he almost tripped over his own feet. Jim knew he had a reputation as a ladies man; love 'em and leave 'em. He'd never had a real relationship with a woman. There had been Carol, when he was 17, but that had only lasted the summer, and when she and her family had been killed off planet in an accident, he had mourned briefly but hadn't stopped going to bars or picking up women. If anything, her death had reinforced his desire not to form attachments.

Marissa was different. For the first time he had a reason to get to know someone and not push them away. It had been strange at first, but not bad. She was funny and insightful and not afraid to speak her mind, as he found out when he tried to stop her from going to Ibara. He'd enjoyed her company and after awhile their time together went from 3 to 4 times a week to a daily occurrence and a high point of his day. And then they'd slept together and everything had seemed to move at an exponential pace.

He'd been injured; she'd moved into his cabin to take care of him. The Damn Book came out and she'd done damage control, all the while helping him keep it together mentally. She'd become his rock, his lodestone, his place of peace; and it wasn't because of the sex and it wasn't because of the baby, it was because she was Marissa and she seemed able to reach him like no one else ever had.

_And what have you done for her?_ The small voice was back in his head, sounding scarily like his mother.

Jim thought about it for a long time as his feet continued to pound around the track. What had he done for her? Nothing, was the answer he came up with. He'd got her pregnant. He'd tried to control her position on the ship. By associating with her, he'd made her go through all the fallout from the Damn Book, when she wasn't even a part of it. She'd become his emotional crutch and apparently the object of gossip on his ship.

She'd given him peace and contentment, even happiness, and a future he was looking forward to. He'd given her…nothing. A good time in bed, surely; company in the evenings when he was off shift, but that was it. He'd been blind to all the barbs she'd been dealing with from their crewmates. He felt extremely guilty for getting mad at her for not telling her family about the baby. Who was he to judge? He'd never once given a thought to how their situation would be perceived by others, aside from how it would affect him. He'd only thought of his captaincy, not how it might affect Marissa's career and her relationship with her family.

Stopping, he panted heavily as he placed his hands on his knees. He was an ass, he admitted. He'd only thought of himself since she'd told him about the baby. He'd never thought about how it was all affecting Marissa – her life, her career, her reputation.

He wasn't ready to go back to his quarters. He wasn't going to be able to out run his thoughts tonight. He needed to talk to someone; someone who wouldn't pussy-foot around because he was the captain. Striding purposefully towards the exit, he made his way to Bones' quarters. It wasn't that late, and even if it was, it had never stopped him before.

XXXX

"Bones. Bones! Come on, open up!" Jim pounded on his friend's door again. "I'll use my override," he threatened; an empty threat because they both knew he wouldn't do it unless there was an emergency. "I know you're in there."

The door suddenly swished open and Jim almost hit McCoy in the chest with his fist. "You're here," Jim said nonchalantly as he walked into the room.

"Of course I'm here, you idiot," McCoy declared in exasperation. "You obviously knew that or you wouldn't be pounding on my door and threatening to use your override code!"

"Well what took you so long?" Jim asked; his hands on his hips as he glared at his friend, trying to project his usual bravado.

McCoy looked down at the towel wrapped around his waist. "I don't know, Jim. I might have been in the fucking shower! Now what the hell do you want? It's been a long ass day and I'm tired."

"I need to talk to you," Jim answered sitting down heavily on the couch. "Can I have a glass of water?"

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Get it yourself. I'm getting dressed." He turned toward his bedroom. "And if you're not here when I get back, I won't be heartbroken," he tossed over his shoulder before closing the door.

"Thanks Bones," Jim called after him, grinning because he knew McCoy would have loved to have slammed his door dramatically, but was unable to because all the doors on the ship slid open and closed. Heaving himself off the couch he made his way into the small kitchen. He glanced longingly at a bottle of Southern Comfort, but decided against it; after a 5k run he really needed the water. Sitting back down on the couch he took off his shoes and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"Make yourself at home," McCoy said acerbically as he came out of his room dressed in sweats and an Ole' Miss t-shirt, rubbing a towel over his hair.

"I will, thanks," Jim replied with a small smile.

McCoy shook his head and poured himself a drink. Lifting the bottle, he silently asked Jim if he wanted some.

"No thanks. I'm good."

"Suit yourself," McCoy replied, pouring himself a generous shot. Moving over to sit in the only chair in the room, he looked pointedly at Jim. "So what brings you to my humble abode at this time of night?"

"It's not that late," Jim retorted defensively. "You just got off shift."

"Late enough," McCoy replied. "You haven't stopped by my quarters this late in… months. Now that you have someone to go home to I barely see you at all."

"I don't mean to…"

"I'm not complaining, Jim," McCoy interrupted good-humoredly. "It's good to see you happy. And I have to admit that my alcohol consumption has gone down since you stopped dropping in at all hours."

Jim grinned slightly at the doctor's remark, taking a long drink of water. He looked over at his friend feeling extremely uncomfortable, but needing to talk.

"I am happy," Jim nodded seriously. "I don't think I've ever been…" he trailed off uncomfortably. "Bones, do you think… Is Marissa's happy?" he asked after a long pause, his voice sounding a bit pathetic to his ears.

McCoy sat back in his chair in startled confusion. "Is Marissa happy?" he repeated slowly.

Jim nodded again, not meeting his friends' eyes. "Do you think she is?"

Taking a sip of his drink, McCoy watched Jim closely. "Shouldn't you be the one to know that?"

Jim shook his head and then shrugged. "I thought I did, but…"

"Okay kid, enough of this," McCoy declared. "What's going on in that shifty little brain of yours? Did something happen with Marissa?"

"Nothing happened. We just…talked…" Jim hesitated and then sighed heavily, looking morosely into his glass.

"Somehow I don't believe that," McCoy commented dryly.

"We were playing cards," Jim told him. "I thought she seemed a bit upset or something. I thought at first she might be excited to see her friend when we get to Starbase 17…"

"Wait! We're going to Starbase 17?" McCoy asked, perking up a little. "When did this happen? For how long? Why wasn't I told?"

Jim rolled his eyes. "I just found out today. We're dropping off those astrophysicists and Scotty's got some upgrades he wants to do. You'll be told officially tomorrow with the rest of the crew. And yes," Jim stated when he saw McCoy open his mouth to ask another question, "We will all have some shore leave. Spock's working on the rotation."

"Oh, okay," McCoy replied, satisfied. "I've heard some good things about 17. I'll be able to stock up on the good stuff while we're there."

"I'm so happy for you," Jim said ironically.

McCoy gave him a cocky smile. "Sorry to interrupt. You thought Marissa was excited about something…" he prompted.

"Yeah," Jim continued. "I thought she was thinking about seeing her friend again, but she really wasn't acting excited. So I asked her what was wrong."

"Impressive," McCoy raised his eyebrows. "You're growing up."

"Thanks," Jim replied sarcastically. He took a deep sigh and then continued. "We got into a…an argument," he admitted. "She hasn't told her friend or her family that she's pregnant and I got…upset. I accused her of being ashamed of the baby."

McCoy gave a low whistle. "Got any injuries I need to take a look at?"

Jim rolled his eyes. "No."

"Just checking," McCoy told him. "I imagine she packs a pretty good punch when she's riled."

"I'll let you know when I find out," Jim replied.

"Planning on pissing her off?" McCoy asked with raised eyebrows.

Jim shrugged. "Seems inevitable, doesn't it?"

"True," McCoy agreed with a smirk. "You are Jim Kirk, after all."

Jim stared at the glass in his hand for a long moment, before McCoy prodded him into speaking again.

"Why hasn't she told her family?"

"She's embarrassed," Jim told him. "Apparently her father didn't want her to join Starfleet and he really didn't want her on a ship. She said it was bad enough that she got pregnant after one night, but that it was even worse because it was with me – the, and I quote, goddamn fucking captain of the USS fucking Enterprise."

"Wow, her verbal punches are pretty lethal," McCoy observed, watching Jim with sympathy.

Jim smiled wryly. "Apparently she doesn't hold back much when she's angry enough."

"I know," McCoy nodded.

Jim looked up at him curiously. "How would you know?"

McCoy finished off his drink and got up to get another one. Sitting back down, McCoy finally met Jim's eyes. "Who do you think she talked to when everything went to hell with that book?"

"I…" Jim began hesitantly. Honestly he had never thought about it. He knew she and Bones had talked about it that first day when he had watched the holoprogram, but after... "I've never thought about it," he finally said, honestly.

"That woman, she feels things deeply," McCoy told him. "For such a tiny package she can rage with the best of them. And she's quite creative with her cursing," he added with a small smile. "She even puts Jocelyn to shame."

"What? Wait…" Jim stuttered. "She…Marissa was raging and, and cursing? When? She never…"

"She couldn't around you, Jim," McCoy told him with some sympathy. "You were so twisted up and reeling from everything. She couldn't let you see how much it was hurting her too."

"I had no idea," Jim said in wonder.

"You weren't supposed to," McCoy told him. "You needed her to keep it together. Seeing Marissa cry and yell and throw things wasn't going to help you."

"She threw things?" Jim asked with an upturn of his lips.

"Yeah," McCoy said, holding back a smile. "She said she was aiming for the wall, but she actually took out the cabinet door to the emergency oxygen tanks."

"She broke that?" Jim asked in wonder, impressed despite himself. Bones had told him that someone had knocked into it with a broom while cleaning his office.

"Yes, she did."

"Why?"

"Why?" McCoy repeated, surprised, as if the answer should be obvious. "Because she was upset. And angry. And she wanted to hurt those bastards that were hurting you."

"But why'd you let her… it couldn't have been good for the baby," Jim pointed out.

McCoy shrugged. "Better out than in, I say. She needed to vent and my office was a safe place."

"Because she didn't think she could do it in front of me," Jim said sadly.

"She knew she couldn't, Jim," McCoy said firmly. "Trust me, you were in no condition to handle a pissed off pregnant woman. If she had fallen apart in front of you, you wouldn't have been able to handle it. You would have felt responsible and you would have felt guilty and you didn't need that."

"I was responsible!" Jim protested. "It was my fault…"

"No, it wasn't," McCoy interrupted harshly. "None of that shit was your fault, Jim. None of it," he said with emphasis, obviously meaning more than just the Damn Book and its fallout.

"But Marissa…"

"Marissa dealt with it the best way she knew how," McCoy told him. "And she did brilliantly, I might add. She saved your ass."

Jim nodded. "She did. I just wish… I don't like… How many times did she…come here to… to vent?" he asked.

"A few times," McCoy told him honestly. "Maybe three or four. She didn't always throw things. Mostly she just cried and I'd let her talk."

"Shit," Jim whispered.

"Jim, it is what it is," McCoy told him. "We all got through it. You got through it. If it wasn't for Marissa… hell, who knows what might have happened."

"I know," Jim told McCoy, his eyes shining suspiciously. "I don't deserve her Bones. I know I don't. And I've gone and fucked it all up…" He dropped his head into his hands, running his them through his hair and making it stand up in sweaty spikes.

"She's ashamed of me," he whispered softly.

"Did she say that?" McCoy asked, his voice disbelieving.

Jim shook his head, "Not in so many words, but…"

"Then you're talking out of your ass, Jim," McCoy interrupted. "Marissa is not ashamed of you."

"She told her grandmother about the baby," Jim told him, his voice tired, "but she didn't tell her about me. She said she didn't want to see the looks of…shock and disappointment."

"I don't believe that," McCoy countered. "I think you're taking this out of context. Sure her folks are going to be shocked and disappointed that she's pregnant. What parent wouldn't be? You said she was embarrassed that she was pregnant, that doesn't mean she's ashamed of you."

Jim shrugged. "It doesn't matter," letting the topic drop. Marissa had said she wasn't ashamed of him, but it was hard for him to believe. He was the captain of the Enterprise, but he wasn't exactly someone you brought home to meet your family. "I understand why she hasn't told her family. It's her decision, as she pointed out – I'm not her conscious. I can't tell her what to do – even if I am her captain and the father of her baby."

"Now that, I believe," McCoy said with a small smile. "No woman wants a man telling her what to do."

Jim took a sip of his water, marshalling his thoughts. He was really over their argument. He truly did understand why she hadn't talked with her family about everything. It was a topic that was difficult to discuss over a subspace channel. No, what was really bothering him was what she had said about the gossip going around the ship. He hated to think he was that oblivious, but…

He looked over at his friend with pleading eyes. "Bones, I need you to tell me what people are saying about us, me and Marissa. She said that some people are saying she's using the baby to blackmail me and that's the only reason we're together and she's still on the ship. I didn't want to believe it. Why would people being say that? It's doesn't make any sense at all."

McCoy raised an eyebrow at that comment. "It doesn't?"

"No it doesn't!" Jim declared hotly and then looked over at McCoy and saw his pitying expression. "Does it?" he questioned, suddenly afraid that it made too much sense.

"Hell, Jim, I don't know if I'm the right person to ask," McCoy told him honestly. "I'm your friend. People don't gossip around me anyways, but especially not about you."

"But you've heard something, right?" Jim prodded.

McCoy sighed. "I've heard some things, and honestly, I think most of it is just jealous talk."

"What are they saying? I need to know."

Rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably, McCoy couldn't bring himself to look at Jim. "Well, it's like what you just said; she got pregnant and used it to her advantage – to stay on the ship, to further her position, to get you – take your pick."

"That's bullshit," Jim exclaimed, standing up and starting to pace around the room. "She didn't plan to get pregnant! It was a total coincidence that I was staying in that room. And she's never asked for one thing from me. I mean, hell, I almost stopped her from doing her job _because_ she was pregnant. That wouldn't've helped her career at all. She's not blackmailing me! She was assigned to the Enterprise before I was! Captain Pike…"

"I know, Jim. I know," McCoy interrupted calmly. "I'm telling you what's being said. I'm not saying it's true."

That seemed to calm Jim down slightly. He stood behind the couch looking at his friend. "Then why? Why are they saying this crap?"

"Because it makes a better story? Because everyone loves a sordid tale? Because they're jealous?" McCoy shrugged. "Does it really matter? Let's face it, you are what my nurses call a 'catch.' You're the captain of the ship; you're the Hero of Earth and the Sexiest Man in the Universe." McCoy used air quotes and couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes at the titles that had been bestowed upon his friend. "You have a reputation with women and they want you. Well, Marissa has you and they're jealous. You're out of the game, unavailable."

"But…" Jim began but McCoy held up his hand to stop him.

"And the only reason Marissa has you, as far as they can see, is because she's pregnant."

Jim took a deep breath and moved to sit back onto the couch. He grabbed his glass of water, but didn't drink it.

"So, you're saying," he began hesitantly, "that if Marissa and I were just dating… if there was no baby…"

"That's not the case, Jim," McCoy told him, sounding like a parent explaining something very simple to a stubborn child. "There is a baby and I think we all know if Marissa hadn't gotten pregnant you would have never started seeing her." He said the words gently, so as not to hurt his friend with the truth.

Jim just stared at him, obviously hurt. "How can you say that, Bones?"

McCoy sighed. "Because it's true?" He shook his head sadly. "Don't get me wrong, I like Marissa. She's a good girl. But Jim, you've always gone for a certain type of woman. It's like you have a radar or something - long legs, long hair… the model-type. Marissa is not that type and everyone knows it."

"It's not fair," Jim murmured, sitting back despondently.

"No it's not, but that's the way it is. Gossip doesn't work that way. I know you're happy with Marissa," McCoy told him. "I've never seen you this content and… stable in the years that I've known you."

"But you think I'm with her only because of the baby," Jim snapped angrily.

"Isn't that how it started?" McCoy replied, ignoring Jim's anger.

"It might be how it started," Jim admitted after a long pause, "but it's not why it's still going." He looked up at McCoy, his eyes begging for understanding. "I might not have chosen to… pursue… Marissa in the past, but…." He trailed off, tiredly resting his head in his hands.

"When Pike and I were going through the crew dossiers, after I got the _Enterprise_… I saw her file," he looked up at McCoy, his expression earnest. "After that night… I didn't know her name, didn't know where to look for her. I could of, if I wanted too. It's not that big of a ship and it took us awhile to get back to space dock, but I was busy with everything." He waved a hand to encompass all that had to be done to get the _Enterprise_ home again.

"But I didn't forget about her," he said softly. "Sometimes, when things got hard, when I started thinking about Vulcan or Spock or his mom or Gaila and all the classmates we lost… I found myself thinking of this curly-haired waif of a girl who showed up in my room one night and how we held each other and cried for everything that had happened, and then was gone by morning. I didn't have a name, but… I didn't forget."

McCoy watched his friend carefully. In their years together he had never seen Jim cry, and he had never heard Jim admit to crying. It just wasn't something that he did. For Marissa to have connected with him over something as emotional as that, for Jim Kirk, that was pretty impressive. It had been obvious to McCoy for a long time that his friend really cared for Marissa, but he was one of few people who really knew Jim. Everyone else was just speculating on the Jim Kirk facade that he showed to the world.

"I tried to see her," Jim continued thoughtfully, "after we finally left on this mission. I'd read her file, I knew what she was doing and where she worked. I went to the library a couple times but she was never there. I saw her a couple times around the ship, but she would always disappear before I could get to her." He laughed but it wasn't a humorous laugh. "I figured she was avoiding me so I let it go."

Jim sat back and stared at the ceiling. "I like her Bones. I really, really like her," he admitted, the honesty in his voice obvious to McCoy who knew him better than just about anyone. "I look forward to seeing her at lunch and at dinner in my quarters. I like watching her concentrate while we're playing cards, or watching her sleep after we've started some crappy-ass romantic comedy that she just has to see."

Jim smiled softly at some memory and McCoy found himself smiling in response. His friend was definitely hooked.

"And the sex is awesome, too," Jim added with a wicked grin making McCoy roll his eyes. Still the same old Jim. "I never thought about sex with a pregnant woman," Jim admitted. "I mean, why would I? But damn…"

"I don't want details, Jim," McCoy interrupted with a scowl.

Jim smirked. "Spoilsport." McCoy threw a pillow at him. Jim caught it and laughed.

"I guess what I'm saying is that she was never a one night stand for me. One night stands you forget and I never forgot about Marissa, even when I didn't know her name."

"Well then don't worry about the gossip," McCoy told him. "Ignore it and it will eventually go away, or change to some other topic. You can't order people to think something."

"I can't ignore it if it's hurting Marissa," Jim declared. "It's totally ironic that they're saying that she's using me, when the opposite is true. Where would I be without Marissa? What would have happened when that Damn Book came out and I didn't have her to help me? You said you've never seen me so content?" he demanded and McCoy nodded. "Well, I've never felt this content before – and that is because of Marissa. I don't deserve her," Jim stressed. "With my history and past… I don't deserve her at all. And I'm damn lucky to have her!"

McCoy couldn't help the wide grin that was spreading across his face at Jim's declaration. The mighty Jim Kirk, sex god and ladies man, had fallen, and fallen hard.

"What are you grinning at?" Jim snapped at him suspiciously.

McCoy shook his head. "Nothing, nothing. It's just that I've never heard you speak this passionately about a woman before."

"Well, I've never felt this way before," Jim told him sheepishly. "It's kinda scary."

"Look Jim, you came here for my advice, here it is: Ignore the gossips. And tell Marissa how you feel. If she knows that she won't worry about the gossips."

"But how…"

"Don't ask me!" McCoy scowled. "I'm divorced and happy to be." He stood up and offered his hand to Jim, levering him off the couch. "Now take your stinky shoes and go back to your quarters. You have someone waiting for you now."

Jim slipped on his shoes without comment and walked over to the door. Before he left he turned to look at his friend. "Thanks, Bones."

McCoy smiled. "No problem. Now get out of here."

Jim left and the door closed softly behind him. McCoy chuckled as he poured himself another drink. That poor girl wasn't going to know what hit her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jim's enthusiasm to see Marissa and fix everything that he'd managed to mess up earlier, faded as he reached the door to his quarters. He finally remembered that she was no longer in his room waiting for him. He felt his stomach knot. She'd said she'd needed space; that things were going to fast.

A part of him argued that he should respect her wishes and give her the space she wanted, but that wasn't the way Jim Kirk worked. He wanted to fix this and fix it now. He didn't want Marissa worrying over stupid gossip. He didn't want her to suffer anymore from his stupidity and he really needed to apologize for his attitude.

With only a second's hesitation, Jim turned around and started walking towards the lift that would take him to Marissa's quarters. They were going to resolve this tonight.

_Please review_


	20. Chapter 20

_Author's Note: Thanks to TalesFromTheSpockSide for beta'ing and keeping Spock sounding like Spock. If his words or attitude sound OC, it's all my fault._

**Consequences**

**Chapter 20**

Jim stepped softly into Marissa's quarters, letting his eyes adjust naturally to the low light. He'd forgotten how small her quarters were. Being an ensign, she didn't have to share, but she was still only allotted a small living room and separate sleeping area. There was a mini replicator and sink on one wall; nothing like the kitchenette he – or even Bones – had.

There were a few personal decorations on the walls and on the shelves, but there was definitely an unlived-in feeling. Not surprising, considering Marissa had spent that last month living in his quarters. Her clothes and books and research PADDs had eventually migrated there. Jim actually liked it; it made his quarters seem more like a home than just a place to crash or escape from Rand and her never ending pile of paperwork.

Eyes adjusted, he made his way over to the open bedroom door. Seeing Marissa asleep on the bed brought a smile to his face. She was curled up on her left side, a pillow under her head, one wedged under her belly, and another propping up her back – the position he usually fulfilled. The covers were tangled around her legs, one sock clad foot dangling off the side of the bed.

What surprised him was the fact that she was wearing a t-shirt. Since her pregnancy had started showing Marissa had preferred to only wear her underwear to bed. She said that all the pajamas she owned tended to pull uncomfortably and she would wake up feeling strangled. She'd tried wearing one of Jim's shirts, but that didn't work either. He had no problem with her choice of sleeping attire. Jim was never one to turn down skin on skin contact.

The shirt she was currently wearing was bunched up under her breasts and twisted awkwardly around her torso. It didn't look comfortable at all. Sitting down gingerly on the bed, Jim gently began to rub her exposed leg. She felt cool to his touch, but he knew she was warm enough. She always threw off the covers once she was fully asleep. He hated to wake her, but he really needed to talk.

Shifting and stretching her leg, Marissa gave a small huff of air as she frowned into her pillow. Jim smiled and ran his hand down her back, causing her to arch into his touch like a cat.

"Hmmm…" she hummed under her breathe. "Jim?" Her eyes still hadn't opened.

"I'm right here," he said softly, moving some hair off her face.

Marissa burrowed further into her pillow. "Did you take a shower?" she mumbled.

Jim almost laughed. "Uh, no… I haven't. Not yet," he told her.

"Go, take one," she blearily told him. "'M tired." She snuggled into the bed.

Jim sighed. Maybe this wasn't the right time. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Okay, go back to sleep. I'll talk to you in the morning," he whispered.

"M'kay," she mumbled.

Pulling the blankets up over her, Jim stood and walked to the door. He couldn't help feeling disappointed, but it was probably for the best.

Behind him the bed suddenly creaked as Marissa startled fully awake.

"Jim?" she said again, her voice rough with sleep, but sounding alert. "What are you doing here?"

Turning, he smiled softly as she pushed herself into a seated position and scooted up to rest against the headboard, blinking owlishly at him. She did her best to straighten her shirt and pull it back over her belly, but it wasn't working very well. With an aggravated sigh she gave up and instead pulled the sheets up to cover her.

Moving back towards the bed, Jim sat down again, resting a hand lightly on her knee.

"I wanted to talk to you," he told her with a sheepish smile.

"Talk to me?" Marissa repeated in confusion, glancing over at the chrono on her nightstand. "You wanted to talk with me at 12:30 in the morning?"

"Uh, yeah," Jim said. "See, I went for a run and then I…I didn't want to go back to my quarters, so I went to talk to Bones…" He trailed off hesitantly.

Marissa just watched him, a confused frown on her face, waiting for the actual reason for this visit.

"I'm sorry about earlier," he said earnestly. "I didn't mean to upset you. I …"

"Jim, stop," Marissa interrupted, holding up her hand. "You don't need to apologize. We…"

"But I do," Jim cut her off, taking her hand in his. "I was out of line about what I said, about you telling Janine and your family. It was none of my business. And, listening to you, I realized what an ass I've been. I never thought how our relationship and being pregnant affected you and your career."

"Jim…" Marissa tried again, but he ignored her.

"I had no idea what people were saying and it's… it's all wrong," he gave her hand a squeeze. "I want you to know that I realize how lucky I am to have you in my life. For the first time I look forward to having time off so I can spend it with someone – besides Bones, I mean." He grinned at her sheepishly. "I like what we have and I like how you make me feel, and I…I don't want to lose that. And I don't want you to doubt it because of some stupid gossip going around because people are bored and they have nothing better to talk about."

"Oh, Jim," Marissa smiled shakily, her voice soft. He wasn't sure, but he thought she might be on the verge of tears.

"There's an easy solution to all this," he told her confidently, his voice low, but sincere. "We can stop the gossip and continue as we are. I don't want people saying things about you that aren't true."

Marissa looked at him curiously, obviously not seeing where he was going.

He took a deep breath, meeting her eyes for a long moment, before glancing away. "Marry me."

Marissa's jaw dropping open would have been funny if he wasn't totally serious.

"Wha…What?!" she stuttered.

"You heard me," Jim replied, running a hand through his hair in agitation. "We can get married on Starbase 19. Janine will be there. And if we're married people will have nothing more to gossip about because… well, we'd be married. And you could tell your family because I'd be your… your husband," he choked out, "and not some guy you had a one night stand with…"

"No," Marissa finally managed to get out. Once the word was out she seemed to shudder slightly.

"No?" Jim questioned, obviously not expecting that response.

Marissa shook her head, releasing Jim's hand and clenching the sheets tightly against her belly. "No, I'm not going to marry you."

Jim felt like he'd been punched in the gut. "No?" he repeated again.

"Jim, I'm not going to marry you because you think my feelings are hurt. Getting married isn't going to solve anything. As for my family…" she sighed heavily, not able to look at him. "It will probably make everything worse."

Jim just stared at her. He honestly hadn't been expecting her to say no and it surprised him how much it hurt to hear her say it. The idea of asking her to marry him had only occurred to him as he made his way to her quarters. He'd been trying to think of ways - any way - that he could fix things; stop the gossiping and speculation about him and Marissa, and also let her know how much he really cared for her. Marriage seemed the best solution to both situations.

Or so he thought at the time, but now that he really thought about it… she was right, it just might make the gossip worse. He knew he should take it back; apologize for the crazy idea, try to explain to her that he just wanted to take care of her and protect her, but instead he found himself asking, "Don't you want to marry me?"

She just looked at him, her mouth open, but no words coming out. Her eyes were suspiciously shiny and that made him feel worse. "I… I don't know," she said hesitantly. "I don't want to be…without you," she admitted, "but marriage? That's a really big step. That's… forever."

"And a baby isn't?" he asked, his voice harsh in reaction to the unexpected rejection. Would being married to him be such a bad thing?

"That's different," Marissa told him shakily.

"How?" he challenged.

"Jim, I don't want to… I can't…" she wearily wiped at a lone tear that ran down her cheek. "Partners is one thing, but what happens when…if…you find someone else and you're married to me? I can't marry someone who…where there's a possibility…" she trailed off helplessly.

"You don't trust me," he concluded. "You don't think I can commit to a long term relationship. You don't think I could be faithful." Even as he said the words, that little voice inside his head mocked him; _Why should she trust you? You've never managed to be faithful to one woman in your entire life. _He shook his head to try to banish the thought. He had been faithful to Marissa – even before they'd started sleeping together.

"It's not that, Jim," Marissa argued, breaking into his thoughts. "We've known each other for less than six months. I'm not ready to…_You_ can't be ready to commit your life to me; until death do us part, and all that. You… you're Jim Kirk," she said, as if that explained everything.

"So you're looking for something better," he accused angrily. "You can have my baby, but you won't marry me. You…"

"I'm not looking," Marissa interrupted him, "and neither of us really has a choice about the baby now, but that doesn't mean we have to get married!"

"Well, I'm not looking either," Jim told her, crossing his arms belligerently.

Marissa sighed. "Okay, but… just because neither of us are looking doesn't mean we should get married. It's not going to stop the gossip. You know that. It would only make it worse."

Jim knew he couldn't argue that, but damn it, he still wanted to argue. "What about the baby?" he challenged.

"What about it?"

"Shouldn't it have two parents who are committed to each other? A stable family…"

"The baby will have that," she told him patiently. "We don't have to be married for that. And family can mean so much more than just father, mother and child you know. As long as it's loved by both of us… as long as we respect each other and…"

"So you don't respect me?" he jumped in.

"Of course I do," Marissa rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant. But if we get married and something goes wrong… I don't know if I could handle that. At least this way you… we… have an out. No harm, no foul."

Jim ran a hand roughly through his hair. "I don't get it," he bit out. "You get upset because some stupid gossip says you're using the baby to blackmail me and yet, when I offer to make everything permanent… to show everyone I'm committed to you, you say no."

Marissa shook her head sadly. "Jim, I don't want you to _offer_ me anything," she told him. "And I don't want to marry you just to prove the gossips wrong. That's not a good enough reason to get married."

"I…" Jim began to argue again.

"Let me ask you this. Until tonight have you ever thought of getting married?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" he asked defensively.

"Jim, I bet if someone were to ask you about marriage – last month, last year, whenever – you would have smirked and said you weren't the marrying type," she smiled sadly. "I bet you might even have broken out into hives at the thought."

Jim's mouth opened and closed; how could he respond to that? She was totally on target and they both knew it. "That was before all this, before the baby."

"You didn't see the need to ask me to marry you when I told you I was pregnant," she pointed out softly.

"Well, I didn't know you then… I know you now and I don't like what people are saying. I don't like seeing you hurt."

"I know you like to fix things; to make things right, but this…getting married isn't going to fix anything." Marissa sighed and then shook her head again. "Look, I need some space, that's why I'm here instead of your quarters. We can talk… later, but I just… I can't deal with this now."

"Yeah, fine. If that's what you want," Jim said bitterly, standing up and moving toward the doorway.

"Don't be mad."

He turned and looked at her incredulously. "Why should I be mad? I just made my first marriage proposal and got shot down."

Marissa made a move to stand, but apparently thought better of it. "Now's not the right time, Jim. Ask me again in five years or so, my answer might be different."

"If we're still…" he waved his hand awkward trying to come up with the right word, "together you mean. "You don't think we will be."

"I don't know, Jim," she told him. "I honestly don't. I never do when it comes to you."

XXXXXXXXX

Jim sat morosely in the captain's chair as Sulu maneuvered them into docking position with the starbase. It had been four days since his disastrous proposal to Marissa. Since that night he'd seen Marissa only a handful of times and always in the company of other people. She wasn't avoiding him, but she wasn't going out of her way to see him either.

He hated going back to his quarters now. They just seemed empty and cold without her there.

He knew he only had himself to blame. Bones had nearly busted a gut laughing when Jim sheepishly told him how badly he had messed up. Bones had just shook his head and snickered, "Only you, Jim. Only you," over and over again.

The ship's gossips had taken note of his and Marissa's estrangement. He had coerced Rand into telling him everything she heard. It was hard to control his temper at some of the ridiculous things that were being said, though. At first Rand was hesitant to tell him anything, lest he shoot the messenger, but once he promised that he would do no such thing, she gave in. Apparently his yeoman was privy to just about everything that went on on the ship. He would have to remember to use her skills later as issues arose.

"Captain, we are docked and secured. The external gateway has been deployed and locked."

Jim nodded. "Thank you, Mr. Sulu." Reaching down he turned on the ship wide comm. channel. "Attention crew, this is the Captain speaking. We are currently docked at Starbase 17. Please see the shore leave roster posted on the ship's common drive for rotation. Those not on leave for the day may visit the Starbase after their shift has ended.

"Medbay will be closed for restocking and cleaning, except in case of severe injuries or sickness. The mess on level 7 will be the only mess open on this ship. _Enterpise_ crew members may use one of the Starfleet run cafeterias on 17 or take advantage of the restaurants on the civilian side. I trust you will all conduct yourselves as befitting a member of this crew. Have fun and enjoy yourselves. Kirk out."

Swinging his chair around, he looked over at Spock. "So what's on our agenda for the rest of the day, Mr. Spock?"

As Spock recited what needed to be done: a meeting with Scotty and the engineering crew from the starbase, another meeting with the security teams, finishing the paperwork that Rand had left for him – of course Spock would mention that – and dinner with the Captain and commanding officers of 17. Jim stared at the view from the viewport, his mind not fully engaged.

"That doesn't sound like it's going to keep us very busy," Jim commented. "What about the rest of the time?"

"Aside from the engineering upgrades, there are several experiments going on in the science labs, and the astrobiology department is finalizing their report for Starfleet," Spock responded. "Aside from bridge duty there will not be much to keep you occupied, Captain. That is why you and the remaining command crew have been given alternating shore leave."

Jim swung his chair back around, looking between Spock and Uhura. "And will you be taking time off, Mr. Spock?" Jim asked, noticing Uhura's tense posture as she sat at her station pointedly not listening.

"I see no need for leave, Captain. I have been to Starbase 17 in the past and do not need to revisit it. I can oversee the science lab, as well as liaison with Mr. Scott in engineering and Starbase 17."

Standing up, Jim glanced over at Sulu and Chekov. "Mr. Sulu, Mr. Chekov, I believe you are both on bridge duty until Beta shift?"

"Yes, sir," Sulu nodded.

"Who else will be staying?" he asked everyone on the bridge. Since they were space docked the bridge needed only a skeleton crew to monitor the ship.

Hannity, Beauregard and Tuisopa each raised a hand in response.

"Excellent," Jim smiled. "Everyone else, please secure your stations and enjoy your time off." He turned by to face Spock. "Spock, I'd like to discuss the bridge duty roster in my ready room, if you please."

"But, Captain," Spock began, one eyebrow raised in question. "The roster has been completed and signed off on already. I see no reason…"

"Now Spock," Jim interrupted, rolling his eyes.

Jim walked causally into his ready room, nodded and smiling to his bridge crew as they shut down their consoles. Spock followed stiffly. He waited for Jim to sit down at his desk before he spoke up.

"Captain, it is illogical to change the duty…"

"That's not why I called you in here, Spock," Jim cut him off, smirking.

Spock cocked his head. "I do not understand. Have I done something that was against your wishes?"

"No, of course not," Jim replied. "I just wanted to ask why you aren't taking any leave."

"As I stated on the bridge, I see no reason to revisit Starbase 17. I am perfectly able to monitor the bridge and the ship while the rest of the crew rotates through their shore leave."

"What about Uhura?" Jim pointedly asked.

"Lt. Uhura will have four bridge shifts just as Mr. Sulu, Mr. Chekov, Ms. Mckenna and yourself will. She will be free to visit the starbase on her leisure time," Spock recited by rote.

"Alone."

"I do not understand. Lt. Uhura can visit the starbase with friends or by herself, it is her choice."

Jim pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. Sometimes he thought he and Spock were making progress with each other and Spock was beginning to better understand how humans acted. Other times, like now, he wondered how Spock had managed to catch and keep any woman's interest, especially someone as amazing as Uhura.

"I know it's her choice who she goes with Spock," Jim said patiently, "but I think, given the _choice_, she would rather go with you, don't you think?"

This seemed to make Spock pause. "She has not mentioned that she would like me to accompany her," he said honestly.

"Of course she hasn't," Jim responded in exasperation. "She's waiting for you to say something. That's how it works, Spock. Shore leave comes up and the guy is supposed to plan something – a date, a vacation, something. Take her to a play or a performance. Take her out to dinner and then to a fancy hotel. Romance her. Hell, take her shopping if that's what she really wants to do, but this is your chance to spend time with her as Nyota, not Lt. Uhura."

Both Spock's eyebrows rose at Jim's little speech. "I see," he said thoughtfully. "She did mention a particular shoe store that she wished to visit, and Starbase 17 is very well known for their cultural and gastronomical attractions."

Jim smiled, nodding. "Yes, yes. That's it! Wine her and dine her and buy her some shoes. That's what you should do."

"I'm afraid that will not be possible," Spock said after a moment. "I have scheduled myself…"

Jim waved his hand. "I know - you've given me all the shore leave. We'll trade; I'll look after the _Enterprise_ and you enjoy some time with Uhura."

"That is not balanced," Spock stated. "You have earned time off as well."

Jim looked at Spock mockingly. "Like it was so balanced when you gave yourself no time off?" he scoffed. "I'll be fine. I have paperwork to finish up and I can always help Scotty in engineering."

Spock's eyebrow rose to his hairline. "I do not think that would be a good idea, Captain. Mr. Scott no longer approves of you helping."

Jim frowned. "One little blown power coupling and I'm person non grata in engineering," he whined, though he had to fight hard to keep from grinning. "It's not fair, I tell you."

Spock only stared at him for a long moment. "I believe Lt Uhura and I will be able to enjoy three days of leave together. You may have the rest."

"No, no," Jim shook his head. "I'll be fine. Enjoy yourself, let loose a little."

"If I am not mistaken, you have some wining and dining to do, yourself, Captain," Spock pointed out smoothly.

"Uh…" Jim wasn't expecting that at all. "I, uh… Well, I…" he stammered as Spock watched him, the Vulcan's left eyebrow rising further and further at Jim's inability to articulate a thought. "Marissa's friend Janine is on 17, and she's really looking forward to seeing her, and I don't want to get in the way, and…" he trailed off sheepishly, running a hand through his hair uncomfortably.

"It has come to my attention that there is a rift between you and Ensign O'Donnell," Spock said calmly, still watching Jim closely.

"Well, hell," Jim mumbled. "If you know, I suppose everyone else does too."

"I believe most everyone on the ship is aware," Spock concurred, "though the reason for the estrangement is unknown."

"Well, that's good to know," Jim said snidely. "I don't want everyone knowing what's going on in my love life."

"Apparently not a great deal, at this time," Spock deadpanned, causing Jim to glare.

"Thanks, Spock."

"I have noticed that your estrangement has not made either of you happy," Spock told him. "Ensign O'Donnell has been very…subdued during the few times I have spoken with her, and you, Captain, are not acting as you usually do."

"It's called being in the dog house, Spock," Jim sighed. "It's not a happy place to be."

"I do not understand."

"It's an expression," Jim explained tiredly. "I fucked up and now I'm paying for it. She said she wanted time and… well, I'm trying to give it to her."

Spock nodded. "That is logical. How much time did she say she needed?"

Jim shrugged. "I don't know. She wasn't that precise when she was kicking me out of her quarters."

Spock's head cocked again. "I see." He paused. "Based on my observations, I would conclude that the time Ensign O'Donnell has asked for has not been beneficial to her. She has appeared tired and sad. May I ask what you did to make her ask you to leave her quarters?"

"Are you asking me to gossip about my love life?" Jim asked, with a smirk.

"I am simply trying to ascertain why you and Ensign O'Donnell are not your usual selves. Ensign O'Donnell's unhappiness is a personal matter, but you are the captain of this ship and your mood can affect the efficiency of the crew," Spock stated.

"I'm so glad you care about my well-being," Jim mocked, rolling his eyes. "Look," he began with a sigh, not able to meet his first officer's eyes, "I wanted to put a stop to all the rumors that were going around so I asked Marissa to marry me and she said no. Sue me if my feelings were a bit hurt, okay?"

"That is illogical," Spock told him calmly.

"I didn't mean that you would actually sue me, Spock," Jim said in exasperation.

"I was not referring to you colloquialism."

"Its illogical that she would say no?" he questioned, in confusion. Though it had hurt, he was pretty sure that her answer had been the correct one.

"No, her refusal was quite logical," Spock replied. "I was referring to your proposal as being illogical."

Jim just gaped at Spock, wondering where this conversation had taken such a wild-assed turn. Didn't this conversation start with him trying to help Spock woo Uhura? Now Spock was criticizing his love life. How was that for a mind fuck?

"You and Ensign O'Donnell have any known each other for a very short period of time," Spock elaborated. "And while you seem to enjoy each other's company, I do not see the need to rush into a bond."

"But the baby…" Jim began, halfheartedly.

"The child will arrive whether you are bonded or not. It is not logical to bond just for the coming child when you cannot be sure of your true feelings for each other."

"But what if…" Jim began hesitantly, "What if I am sure… of my feelings? Maybe. Possibly."

"Until you are both sure, bonding would be illogical and possibly detrimental to your child," Spock pointed out.

"Then what the hell am I supposed to do?" Jim demanded in a frustrated whine.

"I believe this is where the wining and dining is supposed to take place," Spock offered, and if Jim didn't know better he would swear that the damn Vulcan was holding back a smirk.

"If you have strong feelings for Ensign O'Donnell, then you should pursue her. You are known for your tenacity, are you not? If her unhappiness at the present time is any indicator, I believe she would welcome your advances to… romance her."

For a long minute, Jim stared at Spock with his mouth open. "I can't believe I'm getting relationship advice from a Vulcan," he finally managed to say, a self-deprecating smile on his face. "You're right. I need to get off this ship and be someplace with Marissa where I can just be me… Just Jim, not Captain Kirk."

"I will arrange the duty roster so that you have the next three…."

"No, I'll take the last three," Jim interrupted. "Marissa needs to spend some time with her friend. I'm sure my ears will be burning the whole time." He waved a dismissive hand a Spock's questioning look. "It's an expression meaning they'll be talking about me. Once she's got that out of her system I can come in and sweep her off her feet – Kirk style."

"Of course, Captain," Spock agreed, though his eyebrow was once again approaching his hairline.

"Mr. Spock!" Jim declared happily, standing up and grinning from ear to ear. "Go secure your station and then you are relived for the next 72 hours."

Spock nodded. "Yes, Captain." He turned and walked toward the door to the bridge.

"And Spock," Jim called after him.

"Yes, Captain?"

Jim waggled his eyebrows. "Have fun!"

Unsure how to respond, Spock just nodded. "Thank you, Captain."

Jim laughed. Sitting back in his chair he felt like a huge weight had been taking off his chest. Spock was right. He needed to pursue Marissa. He needed to let her know through his actions that he really wanted to be with her. Now he just had to figure out how to impress her. He'd never planned a seduction that lasted more than a night before, and this one was way too important to fuck up. He had his work cut out for him; that was for sure.

_Let me just say, Jim and Marissa have a will of there own. I hadn't even planned a proposal until a couple years down the road, but Jim insisted. And now we see how that turned out. Do any of you out their have significant others who like to 'fix things' instead of just listening and being sympathetic? Well, Jim's a Captain and his job is to fix things and make things run smooth. This just doesn't necessarily work well with women – especially pregnant ones._

_Please review, I'd love to hear what you think of this turn of events. - RA_


	21. Chapter 21

_Author's Note: If you are my daughter you should not be reading this chapter. I will send you an edited version. For everyone else: there is no hanky panky, just girl talk, but there are some I just don't want my daughter reading – especially since I wrote it._

_Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there._

**Consequences**

**Chapter 21**

Marissa looked back at Jim. He was standing at the end of the causeway talking with one of the men from security. From the gestures the lieutenant was making and the overtly patient look on Jim's face, it looked like the conversation was going to take awhile. Marissa was torn; on one hand she knew that Jim was probably here to say goodbye. They hadn't talked much over the past few days, but she had told him at one point that she would be leaving the _Enterprise_ as soon as they docked, in order to spend more time with her friend. On the other hand, she just didn't feel up to the awkward conversation saying a simple goodbye might entail.

Making up her mind, Marissa waved, letting him know she wasn't going to wait. His shoulders seemed to slump slightly, but he waved back, before turning to give the Lieutenant his full attention.

She felt bad, but she knew she really needed to get to Janine and actually talk with someone who wasn't intimately involved. It had been hard to keep her distance from Jim. She knew she had hurt him when she turned down his proposal – though she couldn't regret her decision – but the urge to reach out and comfort him was almost overwhelming sometimes. He had a way of looking at her, his blues eyes so open and pleading; it took all her self control not to fall into his arms and apologize.

That was why she needed to see Janine. She desperately needed to talk with an unbiased person before she did something stupid.

Walking slowly down the gangway, Marissa tried to calm her nervousness. She and Janine had talked briefly while the _Enterprise_ was in route to Starbase 17, but Marissa hadn't told her anything, just that she was really looking forward to seeing her again. Janine being Janine, and her best friend, had picked up on something not quite being right, but Marissa had managed to brush it off as being something they could discuss in person. Nodding in understanding, Janine had simply stated, "man problems," as if that was the most logical explanation. Marissa didn't contradict her and they signed off, excited to see each other in a few short days.

Her footsteps slowed even further as she neared the last bend in the gangway, several _Enterprise_ crewmembers looking at her oddly as they passed her by.

This was it. Soon her secret would be out. For so long she had insulated herself among the _Enterprise_ and her crew; she felt safe there. But here, even though it was only a starbase, it felt like her secret would be out there for the whole universe to see. Not that anyone really cared if Marissa O'Donnell was pregnant, but it only took on person telling one other person who the father was…she knew this would happen eventually and that there was no way to stop it, but it was still a worry. The ball that has started rolling six months ago when she had first slept with Jim was going to be picking up speed and fast.

"Oh my God!" a familiar voice exclaimed loudly.

Marissa had been so lost in her worries that she hadn't realized she stepped onto the starbase. Looking toward the voice, she couldn't hold back a huge grin. Janine hadn't changed at all and the sight of her befuddled expression and her jaw hanging open made her want to laugh.

"Hey, Janine," she smiled up at her friend.

"Hey yourself, kiddo," Janine managed to laugh, not taking her eyes off Marissa's stomach. "When I said man problems, I wasn't expecting…" she waved her hands dramatically around Marissa's belly, "this!" she declared. "Oh my…you're actually going to have a baby!"

"Yes, I am," Marissa agreed, still grinning. It wasn't often that she could throw her friend for a loop.

"C'mere!" Janine said, stooping down and sweeping Marissa into a comforting hug. Feeling her friend's arms wrap around her tightly brought tears to Marissa's eyes and she had to blink fast to keep them at bay, as she pressed her face into her friend's shoulder.

Pulling away, but keeping her hands on Marissa's arms, Janine looked at her carefully, a trace of sympathy in her eyes. "Gary?" she questioned carefully.

Marissa startled. She hadn't thought of Gary in a long, long time. "Uh, no," she finally said, shaking her head. "Not Gary."

"Hmmm," Janine looked at her appraisingly. Marissa could see that thoughts and questions spinning around in her mind.

"Look," Marissa preempted, "can we discuss this back in your quarters? I have a lot to tell you and I'd rather not do it here, in front of everyone."

For the first time, Janine looked around them and seemed to notice the curious looks they were getting from the members of the _Enterprise_ crew as they were disembarking.

"Of course, kiddo, of course," she nodded, grabbing Marissa's carryall in one hand, and hooking her arm through Marissa's to lead her. "Let's get going. I have a lot of questions for you!"

"I know you do," Marissa laughed softly. "I missed you Janine."

"I missed you too, kiddo," Janine said softly back.

Walking down the corridors. they made an incongruous pair and drew many glances from the people they passed. Marissa was short, curly haired, curvy to the point of almost being considered plump, and obviously pregnant. Janine was tall, willowy to the point of almost being too thin, and had straight black hair and green, green eyes. Marissa knew that her friend had had her eye color modified while she was at the academy – and often enhanced them with colored films she inserted into her eyes – but the affect was still stunning.

"Here we are," Janine declared as they rounded a corner. "Home sweet home." She punched in the access code and the door swished open. Marissa stepped in and looked around. The living area reminded her of Janine's dorm at the Academy. Gone were the bland, standard, beige colored walls and boring, standard issue furniture. Instead the walls were covered in swathes of bright, colorful fabrics. Large framed posters and photos of different cityscapes also filled the walls, along with posters of Janine's favorite classic plays from the 21st and 22nd century.

The furniture had also been covered in color, and there were pillows and cozy looking blankets draped invitingly. Flameless candles filled sconces on the walls and sat in holders on any available surface. In all, Marissa had always equated the affect of Janine's decorating to that of harem, but she had always felt comfortable and relaxed.

"Would you like some tea?" Janine asked as she let herself sink into a particularly decadent looking chair covered in a soft, electric blue fabric. She would probably need help getting out, but until then it felt like heaven.

"That would be lovely," she replied with a sigh.

Closing her eyes, Marissa let herself relax. Now that she had Janine with her, everything was going to be okay.

She heard Janine moving around in the small kitchenette, and soon a steaming mug of t'erengi tea was being wafted under her nose. "Oh, that smells amazing," she took the mug and inhaled deeply. "I haven't had this in a long time."

"I have a friend on the civilian side who runs a shipping business," Janine smirked. "He doesn't let me run out."

"I bet he doesn't," Marissa laughed. "Same old Janine; contacts and friends everywhere."

Janine took a sip of her tea as she sat on the couch across from Marissa. "I'd like to say 'same old, Marissa,' but I don't think that's true," Janine told her with a small smile. "The Marissa I knew… let's just say I never would have thought she'd get pregnant. Please don't tell me you didn't invite me to the wedding!"

Marissa sighed, shaking her head. "I'm not married. We're not getting married."

Janine nodded thoughtfully. "So there is a 'we.'"

"Yes, there is a we," Marissa rolled her eyes at her friend.

"Well, that's good," Janine said seriously. "I'd hate to think you're doing this alone." She paused for a moment, seeming to marshal her thoughts and questions; then she let loose.

"Is he on the _Enterprise_? How is this going to affect your career plans? What about away missions? Is the captain okay with this? By the way, what's it like working with Captain Sexy?" she waggled her eyebrows. "Gossip has being going crazy about him recently. Did you know he was on all of the news feeds because of some book? I don't suppose you see much of him since you're buried down in the library, but… the man is not hard on the eyes, and the tragic story of his past…that's just making the ladies swoon."

"Oh Janine, not you too," Marissa moaned. She should have realized that, along with discussing her pregnancy and everything that went with it, Janine, and probably everyone on the starbase, was going to have questions about Jim.

"What?" Janine looked at her innocently. "He's hot and he's been all over the news feeds lately. It's calmed down some, but…" she shrugged. "I'm a human female and he's The Sexiest Man in the Universe."

"Don't remind me," Marissa muttered. She was really beginning to hate that title.

Janine waved her hand dismissively. "We'll talk about Captain Sexy later," she declared. "I want to know about you and what's happened. It's not Gary's and the father is on the _Enterprise_…" she trailed off expectantly.

Marissa closed her eyes and sighed. It was a slight reprieve, but the topic of Jim was going to come up sooner rather than later, much to Janine's surprise, Marissa was sure. "No, the baby is not Gary's," Marissa clarified again. "I'm 25 weeks along, basically six months. Gary and I broke up seven months ago. Roughly."

"Right," Janine nodded. "And it was about time too," she pointed out. "You should have dumped him months before that. He wasn't good enough for you."

Rolling her eyes, Marissa gave a huffed laugh. "Yes, I know. You've told me that many, many times."

"I'm just saying…"

"Well, it doesn't matter," Marissa interrupted. "Gary's dead and it's not his baby."

"I'm sorry," Janine said contritely. "I shouldn't speak badly of the dead."

"It's never stopped you before," Marissa smirked. "And it doesn't matter now. I'm sad Gary's gone, but… well, I have a lot of other things to think about now."

"So, what happened?" Janine asked impatiently, leaning forward on the couch. "How'd this happen? It's so not like you at all."

"I know, I know," Marissa responded dryly. "I'm the responsible one. It's just…this pregnancy; it was an accident. I didn't mean for it to happen."

"Well, of course not," Janine scoffed. "You'd just got on the _Enterprise_. I can't even begin to imagine how this is going to mess up your career."

"So far it hasn't been that bad," Marissa told her. "I've been on one away mission to Ibara, and we'll be heading to the Halla sector after we leave here to reestablish contact with Cloral. I'll be going planet side for the mission too."

"And the captain's okay with this? And your CMO?" Janine asked incredulously.

"I have an agreement with them," Marissa explained. "As long as Dr. McCoy clears me for a mission, I can go. Anything that can endanger me and the baby, I stay on ship. Once the baby is born it will be business as usual."

"But how will you do that? How can you raise a baby on a starship as a single mother?" Janine asked.

Marissa blushed. "I may be single," she told her friend, "but I won't be doing this alone. We have a couple other families on the ship and there is a daycare facility. And the father - " Her face turned bright red. "It all started as a one night stand," she admitted, "but he's committed to helping me raise the baby and we're, well, we're together now."

Janine's eyebrows rose. "Really? Together? As in dating and all that?"

"Uh, yeah," Marissa responded, taking a long sip of her tea to avoid Janine's piercing stare. "Mostly."

"Mostly?" Janine repeated. "What do you mean by 'mostly?' Either you're together or you're not, right?"

"Well, it's not that easy," Marissa started. "See, he asked me to marry him and I said no, and I kind of hurt his feelings and we haven't been…we've kind of been avoiding each other for the last couple days. I know he's committed to raising the baby, but…" she shrugged. "Since neither of us obviously planned this, it's been kind of hard and we're both trying to figure things out, but…" she trailed off.

"But you're attracted to him, aren't you?" Janine asked.

"Oh yeah," Marissa agreed, nodding enthusiastically.

"And he's attracted to you."

Janine said it more as a statement than a question, but Marissa couldn't help shrugging. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Janine looked at her incredulously. "Honey, have you looked in a mirror lately? How could he not be attracted to you? You're adorable."

"And you're biased," Marissa smiled. "Trust me when I say that the women he usually dates aren't considered 'adorable.'"

"So he's a player?"

Marissa shrugged. "Some people think so."

"But you said he wants to help you raise the baby and that you're currently dating."

"I wouldn't exactly call it dating," Marissa shrugged. "It's hard to date on a starship. We meet for lunch if possible. He visits me in the library sometimes. We have dinner together and we play cards or watch vids if we both have some down time."

"And…" Janine asked expectantly, grinning.

"And we've been sleeping together for the past month and a half," Marissa admitted, knowing what her friend was going for.

Janine grin's widened. "And…how's that going?"

Marissa rolled her eyes and tried to control her blush. "Good. It's going good."

"Just good?" Janine prodded with a smirk. "On a scale of one to ten…"

Marissa laughed. "Twelve? Fifteen? Twenty?"

Janine sat back with a big smile. "Really?"

"Really," Marissa admitted with a grin of her own. "He's… he's amazing. He's done things… we've done things…things that I've never done before. Gary was, I mean, things with Gary were nice and I enjoyed it, but I never knew…"

"I knew Gary was too vanilla," Janine grinned wickedly. "I mean, any man who expects blow jobs but won't go down… that's just criminal." She watched Marissa, seeing the red cheeks and the soft expression on her face. "Apparently this guy delivers the goods."

"Oh, yeah," Marissa agreed. If possible, her cheeks turned redder. "I, well, with Gary I could only…finish if he fingered me or if I finished myself later," she admitted in a hushed, embarrassed voice, "but…now, with Jim…he always makes sure I'm satisfied, sometimes more than once and, it may just be all the hormones and stuff from being pregnant, but I've actually come during sex, with him inside me, and it was… it was amazing!" she said dreamily.

"So he goes down on you."

Marissa nodded enthusiastically in response.

"And you've had an actual vaginal orgasm during sex."

"Several times," Marissa agreed, still blushing.

"Well, hell, who is this Jim guy? And when do I get to meet him?" Janine shook her head in wonder. "This sex god actually proposed to you and you said no? If he's that good I'll marry him myself," she laughed.

Marissa smiled. "It's not that easy. I'm not going to marry someone just because they're good in bed," she said. "And I'm not going to marry someone only because I'm pregnant. Neither of those reasons are reason enough to get married."

"I don't know," Janine grinned. "If the sex is that good…"

Marissa threw a pillow at her friend who caught it easily. "It's not all about sex, you know."

"Well, it should be," Janine countered with a wicked grin. "It's been too long since I've been laid," she admitted with a dramatic sigh. "I've been here for two and a half years and there is no one interesting. I'm getting tired of random hook ups. I'd like to have dinner with a guy on a regular basis and play cards and watch vids – and have amazing sex. I'm jealous, damn it. Maybe I should start batting for the other team."

"Yeah, right," Marissa rolled her eyes.

"Well, enough about me," Janine replied, rising out of her supposed funk with no problem. "Who is this sex god and when do I get to me meet him?" she asked again.

"I don't know," Marissa started hesitantly. "He's got a lot of work… I don't know if he was scheduled for leave… he…" she trailed off.

"So, he's in engineering?" Janine asked.

"Uh, no."

"Won't he come over when his shift ends? The civilian side has some great clubs and restaurants. We can all go out to dinner and get to know each other. I can judge whether he's good enough for you."

"Well, we never really discussed if we were going to meet up here…" Marissa said slowly.

"Okay, so you can contact him. I know this really good place; it has the most amazing food from all over the universe. You can even get a decent hamburger or steak, if you want." She looked over at Marissa pleadingly. "Come on, kiddo, I want to meet this Jim guy. I promise not to say anything about his sex god status. Honest. He can't be that busy. Even Captain Kirk and Commander Spock will be coming on base for dinner with Stedham and his command team at least once."

"Well that's just…" Marissa trailed off, her voice so soft Janine had to lean forward to hear her. "It's, well…it's Captain Kirk."

Janine looked at her with a confused expression. "What's Captain Kirk?" she finally asked.

"The father," Marissa said sheepishly, stroking her belly. "It's Captain Kirk."

Sitting in stunned silence, Janine just stared at her, her mouth hanging open.

"The father of your baby is Captain Kirk," she said robotically.

Marissa nodded.

"Captain James T. Kirk; Jim Kirk – the Sexiest Man in the Universe, is the father of your baby."

Marissa nodded again.

"And you've been sleeping with him for six weeks and he's amazing in bed – a twenty on a scale of one to ten."

"Uh, yes," Marissa responded.

"And he asked you to marry him."

Marissa nodded.

"And you said no. Are you _fucking_ crazy, Marissa?" Janine asked in amazement.

"Apparently," Marissa replied, trying to hold back a smile at Janine's stunned expression.

"Oh my… this is amazing. This is unbelievable – no offense," she smiled at Marissa. "Jim Kirk, ladies' man extraordinaire has fallen for my best friend. Oh this is wonderful!"

Marissa was already shaking her head. "I wouldn't say he's fallen for me."

"Of course he has," Janine argued. "He proposed, didn't he?"

"You don't know him," Marissa told her friend. "He only proposed because he didn't want me to be hurt by all the gossip going around on the ship. He was trying to protect me and…he's not in love with me. He's not ready to marry me. He only offered as a way to protect me and the baby from gossip."

"The question is – are you in love with him?" Janine asked with a raised eyebrow, her look warning Marissa that she would know if she tried to lie.

"I honestly don't know," Marissa said after awhile. "It would be so easy to love him. But I…I'm not like any of the other women that he's ever been with, so that's not really a good sign. And I'm carrying his baby. He had a horrible childhood," she waved a hand at Janine's curious expression as if to say 'later,' "and this baby represents something special to him, a way to make up for everything. A way to do things right. He will love and care for this baby forever, but that doesn't necessarily mean he will love me, too."

Janine looked at her for a long moment before finally speaking. "Do you know what this conversation needs?"

Marissa raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Food," Janine replied. "And chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. And I would also say wine, but I imagine you can't have any." She stood up and offered her hand to help Marissa out of her chair. "Go to the bathroom, get whatever you might need. We are going to my favorite guilty pleasure – McCaw's – and we are not leaving until we sort out your inferiority complex and you give me all the juicy details about sex-god-turned-captain James T. Kirk."

Marissa opened her mouth to protest, but Janine cut her off. "No! You are in need of some serious food therapy. And if that doesn't work we'll just have to try some retail therapy – there is the cutest baby shop near McCaw's. I bet you don't have anything ready for the baby, yet."

"Not really," Marissa said, making her way to the bathroom with Janine pushing her from behind. "Not many choices on starship."

"Well, we'll just have to remedy that. You're not leaving this base without all the stuff you need. Who knows when you'll have a chance again?"

Marissa stopped in the doorway to the bathroom. "Thanks, Janine," she said with a smile.

"What are friends for? Now pee so we can go eat. The chef makes the most amazing caramelized onions with mushrooms and planeeks. And the desserts are to die for!"

_Please review – it would be an excellent Mother's Day gift. ;-)_


	22. Chapter 22

_I can only say I'm really, really sorry for the delay._

**Consequences**

**Chapter 22**

"Well, hello ladies," said Richie, the owner of McCaw's, and Janine's friend, in a sexy drawl as he came up to their table. "What brings you in tonight? Did you miss me?"

Janine just smirked, but it was a wasted effort because he wasn't even looking at her; his attention was focused on Marissa, as it had been since she'd introduced the two of them on Marissa's first day on the base. She couldn't resist rolling her eyes as she watched Marissa laugh and put in a request for more fried Denubian pickles that were a McCaw specialty. Her friend really had no clue the affect that she had on men, even while pregnant. There was just such a glow about her, an openness and a sense of excitement that she seemed to broadcast. It drew people to her.

"One order of fried pickles," Richie smiled widely, "and a fizzberry lemonade?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Marissa nodded enthusiastically. "Oh yes, please. I don't know how I'm going to survive when the Enterprise leaves and I can't get my new fix. Sure you won't give me the replication card?" She leaned eagerly on the table, unknowingly giving the proprietor a good look at her considerable cleavage.

"I could be persuaded," Richie relied, his voice low and suggestive. "With the right incentive…"

Once again Marissa just laughed, the proposition going right over her head. "I guess I'll just have to suffer. I doubt I have anything that could persuade you."

Clearing her throat before Richie could counter that naïve remark, Janine gave the man a pointed look. She'd already warned him off once. "I'd love some pomme frites with your house dressing and a Bud Classic," she told him sweetly.

"Sure, Janine," he said with a smile and a shrug, as if to say 'can't blame me for trying.' "I'll get your order placed right now. Let me know if you ladies need anything else."

They watched him walk away and Janine couldn't help notice that though Marissa watched him, it was with nothing like the predatory gleam that most other women had. Richie was a top specimen of manhood and a favorite of almost every female, and quite a few of the males, who made their living on Starbase 17. He was tall, muscular, had a Terran accent that could make you weak in the knees, and the most amazing hazel eyes that could smolder with intent or twinkle with good humor depending on his mood.

Since he'd met Marissa his eyes had definitely been set on smolder, for all the good it did him.

Marissa turned back to Janine and smiled. "So are we meeting anyone tonight?" she asked.

Janine shrugged. "I just thought we needed to get out and McCaw's is the place to be on a Friday night."

Marissa nodded with easy acceptance. "It sure is different."

Janine nodded. Marissa had been on base for three days and while they had visited several shops and cafes, they had been to McCaw's at least once a day. It was honestly Janine's favorite place – and not just because of its owner – and on Friday and Saturday nights it changed from a family friendly restaurant/bar into an amazing night club with all the perks of good food, cheap drinks, loud music, and a shadowy dance floor.

The two friends had spent most of their time together talking about Marissa's pregnancy and current relationship. It was easy for Janine to see that her friend had totally fallen for her captain. Marissa was always the cautious one, Janine the crazy one. And along those same lines, Janine had more than enough self confidence, while Marissa didn't have nearly enough. Oh, she was confident in her intelligence, but it was in her personal life that she was sorely lacking much belief in herself.

For some reason that Janine didn't understand, Marissa didn't see herself as someone who could attract men. Her relationship with Gary had started as a friendship that morphed into a romance; a rather tepid one, in Janine's opinion, but it had made Marissa happy for awhile.

Her relationship with Captain Kirk was anything but tepid, according to what Marissa had told her in their hours of talking. In fact, the good captain seemed to have Marissa tied in knots without even trying.

She knew it was in her friend's nature to be protective and nurturing, things Kirk obviously needed. That's why she had stayed with Gary for so long. He had been working on an exhaustive research project under a major deadline and Marissa was there for him – taking care of him, their apartment, and his needs.

That Marissa finally realized that he wasn't reciprocating anything was a hallelujah moment for Janine. She'd been lobbying for Marissa to dump his ass for months before it finally happened. She'd thought that Marissa would go off on her space ship adventure, maybe have a fling or two and hopefully realize her potential in all ways. She hadn't expected her friend to get pregnant and start a relationship with Starfleet's hottest captain. She could only hope that Kirk could give more to Marissa and their relationship than Gary ever had.

It was almost sickening how hooked Marissa was. And Janine was woman enough to admit that she was jealous as hell. Their conversations about Kirk had started slowly; Marissa telling her about going to Gary's room and all but propositioning the Acting Captain, a stranger in all but name. She told about her denial that she was pregnant and then the shock and acceptance when she was finally forced to accept that she was.

When she spoke of telling Kirk the news and his subsequent negative reaction, Janine had to laugh. Marissa was practically apologizing for him. When she talked about him showing up late for her ultrasound, Janine watched her face soften and a look of awe come over her face. She honestly hadn't expected him to show up, but the fact that he had and that he had wanted to be involved still seemed to stun her after all this time.

Theirs was a strange relationship, Janine had to agree. And despite her earlier comment about Marissa's response to Kirk's proposal, Janine knew her friend had responded correctly. There were too many variables for marriage to be a good idea at this point. She knew Marissa had fallen, but she had no idea how invested Kirk really was. Marissa said he was a good guy and the rumors were overblown, but Janine preferred to reserve judgment. She'd been around long enough, a lot longer than Marissa, that was for sure. She'd know more when she finally saw them together.

Faster than expected on a Friday night their drinks and appetizer orders arrived, specially delivered by Richie himself. Grabbing a chair he sat down across from Marissa and began asking her questions about her job on the Enterprise. He'd never shown any interest in xenohistory before, but now it seemed that it had always been a hobby of his, or so he said. Janine shook her had in mild exasperation and decided to let him get it out of his system. She knew that Marissa didn't have a clue to the fact that he was interested in her. Marissa couldn't see beyond her belly and only had eyes for a certain starship captain.

Richie had a pretty strong nurturing streak himself, Janine knew, and the fact that Marissa had spent their first meal at McCaw's occasionally crying had raised Richie's protective instincts. Add that to the fact that Richie tended to be attracted to shorter, well endowed women and it wasn't surprising that he would be interested in Marissa, pregnant or not. Honestly, if Kirk wasn't in the picture, Richie would have been someone Janine would have picked for her friend. Pity.

Glancing around the room as Marissa talked about her next mission with a captivated Richie, Janine's eyes stopped on a familiar face that had just stepped up to the bar. It was a face she didn't know personally, but recognized none the less.

Speak of the devil. Captain Kirk was in the building.

She was pretty sure he didn't know that Marissa was here. The couple had sent few messages through their comms and as far as Janine knew, and she knew almost everything because Marissa showed her the messages, they hadn't made any plans to meet up. And since Marissa hadn't known that they were going to McCaw's tonight…this was Janine's chance to observe Kirk unawares.

She watched as Kirk ordered a drink, an easy smile on his face as the bartender obviously recognized him. He was wearing civvies, and though she couldn't see all of him, the black pullover, stretched tautly over broad shoulders, was enough to prick her interest. He paid for his beer, and then grabbed another glass from the bar before handing it to a man that had just walked up beside him.

Janine paused, her mouth dry as she looked this new guy over. That scowl was damn sexy. She had no idea who he was, but if he knew Kirk then Marissa would know him and she was definitely getting an introduction. Tonight.

The two men talked, and the sexy dark haired one continued to frown, his comments looking short and clipped. Kirk just smiled and laughed at his companion's reticence. Dark and Sexy was scanning the room and with a nod he brought Kirk's attention around to a group of women at the far end to the bar that were giggling and staring at the famous captain. Seeing them ogling him, Kirk's smile seemed to freeze, but then he shrugged and turned back to his friend.

It wasn't long before one of the ladies, someone from administration that Janine didn't know, came sidling up to Kirk, her hand trailing over his arm familiarly. Dark and Sexy's scowl seemed to deepen, and Kirk stiffened but didn't pull away. The secretary talked and simpered for a few minutes, but neither man reacted beyond what politeness demanded. Dark and Sexy ordered two more drinks and after he paid for them he seemed to excuse himself and Kirk, and they left the bar, leaving behind an obviously disappointed woman.

Janine smiled. One point to Kirk.

The men made their way across the bar to a vacant table still within Janine's eye line. Sipping their drinks, they didn't talk much, just watched the crowd. Dark and Sexy's eyes passed over their table, but since Richie was blocking his view of Marissa, he continued scanning. Janine was surprised to find that she was holding her breath. Damn, that man had a look about him.

She watched as several more woman came up to Kirk. He was polite but didn't show any overt interest, and eventually the women gave up. If they were too persistent eventually Dark and Sexy would say something and they'd leave soon enough. Kirk didn't seem to mind at all.

Things just got more and more interesting, Janine thought to herself. It was time to get things rolling.

Downing the rest of her beer, Janine cleared her throat and looked pointedly at Richie. "Richie, would you be a dear and get me another classic? And I'm sure Marissa wants another lemonade. We don't want to keep you from your job, do we 'Rissa? I know how busy it can get on the weekends."

Richie just smiled at her, knowing exactly what her game was, but he got the message. "Of course, do you ladies want anything else?"

"Oh, no, not right now," Marissa said, "I'm sorry to keep you from what you need to do. I just get carried away when I talk about my work."

Richie stood up, taking Marissa's hand and bowing expansively. "It was my pleasure," he told her with a wink and a light kiss on her knuckles. "You can talk to me anytime." Grabbing their empty glasses he smiled. "I'll be right back with your drinks."

"He's so sweet," Marissa commented, looking back over at Janine and taking a pomme frites from her basket. "You really haven't dated him?"

"No I haven't," Janine told her, still keeping an eye on Kirk's table. "I'm not his type."

Marissa seemed taken aback for a moment. "You mean he's gay?" she asked in disbelief.

Janine laughed. "No, he's not gay. I'm just not his type. He prefers petite women… with bigger boobs," she looked pointedly at Marissa.

Shaking her head, Marissa laughed. "He's not interested in me, he's just being polite - especially after I leaked like a faucet when I first came here."

Bingo, Janine perked up. Dark and Sexy had seen Marissa and was now pointing her out to Kirk. "Yes he is attracted to you," Janine told her, absently, eyes on the two Enterprise men. "And why not?"

"Because I'm six months pregnant," Marissa told her with a dramatic eye roll, "and I'll be leaving on the Enterprise in another couple days."

Janine was watching Kirk and his friend approach their table. Kirk hadn't taken his eyes off Marissa.

"Hello, ladies," he said, still watching Marissa. Janine felt a flash of annoyance. What was she? Chopped liver? Then her eyes met Dark and Sexy's and her annoyance fled. At least someone was looking at her directly.

"Jim!"

Janine looked over at her friend and it was like a light switch had just been turned on. Marissa was practically glowing as she smiled up at Kirk, her smile wide and cheeks flushing becomingly. She glanced over at Dark and Sexy to see him roll his eyes at her and shrug. Kirk and Marissa were still staring at each other with dopey smiles on their faces.

"I'm Leonard McCoy," Dark and Sexy said, holding out his hand. "You must be Janine."

"That I am," Janine smiled, placing her hand in his. His hand was warm and firm and easily engulfed hers. She felt herself melt a little as he smirked down at her. "Would you like to have a seat?" she gestured to the chair next to her.

"Thank you," he release her hand with one last squeeze and pulled out a chair. "Have a seat, Jim," he told his friend, kicking the other chair into his friend's leg.

Marissa giggled as Jim glared at McCoy.

"Thanks Bones," he grimaced, sitting down and scooting his chair closer to Marissa.

"Bones?" Janine asked, looking between the two men.

"It's an old story, and I still haven't heard it," Marissa told her. Smiling, Marissa looked between her friend and Jim. "In case you haven't guessed, Janine, this Jim. Jim, this is Janine."

"I did notice," Janine smiled wryly.

Jim nodded. "Nice to meet you," he told her. "Marissa's talked about you a lot."

"You're name's come up a few times since she arrived, too," Janine told him, grinning at his sudden discomfort.

"Janine!" Marissa scolded, blushing.

"I can imagine," Jim replied, managing to look sheepish and charming. "My ears were burning."

"I'm sure they were," Janine answered. "But you've passed the test…so far."

"Well, that's good," Jim smiled, looking over at Marissa. "I'm glad I didn't mess things up too much."

Marissa rolled her eyes. "Stop teasing Jim, Janine. Play nice."

"I am playing nice," Janine declared.

"We're being rude," Marissa told her, trying to change the topic. "Dr. McCoy, this is my best friend Janine. Janine, Dr. McCoy."

"Oh we introduced ourselves while you two were making googly-eyes," McCoy drawled.

"Bones, not you too!" Jim moaned.

"You can call me Len," McCoy told Janine. "Only infantile idiots call me Bones, and only stubborn patients call me Doctor," he looked pointedly at Marissa.

"Sorry Doc, force of habit," Marissa shrugged.

Their little conversation was interrupted by Richie and the arrival of their drinks.

"I leave for a few minutes and you find someone to replace me," Richie grinned, winking at Marissa while keeping a wary eye on Kirk.

Janine tried to control her smirk as she watched Jim bristle. McCoy studied Richie carefully, a trace of an amused grin on his face.

"Richie!" Marissa declared happily, obviously missing the undercurrent between the men at the table. "I'd like you to meet Jim Kirk, captain of the Enterprise and Dr. Leonard McCoy our CMO. Jim, Doc, this is Richie. He owns McCaw's. They have the absolute best fried Denubian pickles and their fizzberry lemonade is to die for. I've been trying to get him to give me the replicator card for the Enterprise, but he won't be bribed. Old family recipe he says." She laughed and looked over at Jim happily.

"I'll have to see what I can do," Jim said, his eyes not leaving Richie's. "I can't have you waking up in the middle of the night have a craving that I can't…fulfill."

His point was dully noted by Richie, who glanced over at Janine, only to receive a 'told you so' look. She'd warned him that Marissa was not available.

"I'm sure we can come to an agreement, Captain," Richie nodded politely. "Now, is there anything else I can get for you?" he asked everyone at the table. "Our tialata is fresh from Honus II and served with real mashed potatoes."

"I wouldn't mind looking at a menu," McCoy told him, an eyebrow raised questioningly at Janine.

She half smiled and shrugged. "I think menus would be a great idea. Thanks Richie."

"No problem," he smiled, "I'll be right back. I believe Karyn will be your server. Let me know if you need any thing.

The chatted lightly over dinner. Jim ordered a 12 oz. prime rib, McCoy bitched about him not eating enough vegetables, but then ordered a steak for himself, though smaller in size. The girls settled on salads after already having finished off an appetizer. Janine was amused by the banter between the two men. McCoy seemed to never stop griping and scowling, and Jim seemed to live for winding his friend up. It was an unusual dynamic, nothing like her and Marissa's friendship, but it worked.

Jim and Marissa couldn't seem to keep their eyes off each other. Janine would have thought they were separated for weeks rather than days. She didn't mind so much, though. It was nice to see her friend so happy, and it gave her more time to talk with the doctor.

He was obviously a work in process, grumpy and bitter, but she saw the way he watched Jim and Marissa, the amusement and care were obvious in his eyes.

"So was the muscly owner guy really going after Marissa?" he leaned over and asked her softly at one point.

Janine shrugged. "He was interested, but not too serious."

He nodded. "Probably a good thing. I've never seen a jealous Jim, but I can't imagine it would be a good thing."

"Jealous, huh?" she questioned.

"Oh yeah. McCaw, or whatever his name is, was seconds away from facing a good beating."

"Richie's a bit bigger," Janine pointed out. "He could probably hold his own. Maybe he'd even win."

"Nobody fights as dirty as Jim," McCoy told her. "Too much experience in bar brawls. And he's taken on bigger opponents and won. Beside, win or lose, McCaw's not going to get the prize." He nodded meaningfully at Marissa.

"True," Janine agreed. "It's really quite sickening how she talks about him. And now that I see them together…"

"Oh, she gives him a right good chase," Bones said softly, glancing over at their two friends. "She read him the riot act when he wasn't going to let her go planetside. It was an amusing sight, let me tell you."

"I can imagine," Janine chuckled. "No one really expects such a big temper from such a petite person. She hides it well, but when she finally hits her limit and is ready to fight for something, you better stand back."

"I did notice," Bones nodded. "It's good for Jim. Too many people give in to him because he's the captain and good looking and all that shit. He needs someone to tell him no occasionally. Builds character."

The both chuckled appreciatively, catching the attention of the other couple at the table.

"What's so funny," Jim asked.

"Nothing, nothing," Janine laughed, causing Marissa to look at her curiously.

"Okay," Jim drew out the word, not for a moment believing McCoy's innocent expression. "Whatever. Look, will you guys be okay for awhile? We're going to dance."

"We are?" Marissa asked incredulously.

"Well," Jim backpedaled, "I was going to ask you to dance and if you said yes I wanted to make sure Bones and Janine would be okay without us for awhile."

Bones looked at Jim condescendingly. "I think we'll be fine without your august presence," he told his friend.

"Yeah, go dance," Janine made shooing motions. "Have fun. Us boring folks will just sit here and glare into our beers. I'm sure we can come up with something to talk about."

"Great!" Jim shot out of his chair and looked down at Marissa. "What do you say, Mariss? Want to dance?" he held out his hand and smiled charmingly.

Marissa smiled in return, but looked a bit uncomfortable. "I don't know…I'm not exactly graceful at the moment," she glanced down at her belly.

Jim didn't take no for an answer. "Come on, it will be fun. It's a slow song…." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Fine," Marissa laughed, "but hands above the waist only!"

"Yes, ma'am," Jim declared, pulling her up from her chair and leading her to the dance floor.

Janine and McCoy watched as Jim twirled Marissa and then pulled her into his arms, his wide smile fading to one of fondness.

"It really is sickening," McCoy remarked, breaking into Janine's wistful thoughts. "I've never seen the kid so hung up on a girl and I honestly don't think it has anything to do with the baby."

"Really?" Janine couldn't help asking.

McCoy finished off his drink and nodded. "Really. To start with, yeah, sure, it was about the baby, but now…" he shook his head. "I didn't know Jim could fall so hard, so fast."

"You think he's fallen?"

"I'm pretty sure," he responded thoughtfully. "As sure as I can be. I mean, the idiot did propose, after all. Rotten timing, but still… he was willing to take the plunge and that says something about him. Jim Kirk doesn't do those things lightly."

Janine cocked her head curiously. "Do you think she should have said yes?"

"Oh hell no! Its way too soon for that."

"I guess it is," Janine agreed, "but they're closer than I expected. I mean, I knew Marissa was hooked, but Kirk…"

"He's smitten," McCoy smirked. "Will it last? For their sake – and the baby – I hope so, but there are no guarantees," he said bitterly.

Janine looked him over carefully as he raised a hand to order another drink. "That sounds like the voice of experience," she finally commented.

"Yup," McCoy replied, obviously not willing to say anything more. "Now what's a girl like you doing on a tin can like this?"

Laughing, as she suspected he had intended, Janine let their suddenly morbid topic drop. It was too soon in the evening – and their friendship – to go there.

They spent the rest of the evening talking and drinking, watching Jim and Marissa dance and making desultory comments about the other bar patrons. Before they realized it, it was past midnight, according to the base time, and Jim and Marissa were no where to be seen in the thinning crowd.

"Where the hell did they go?" Janine looked around the room, her head slightly spinning from the buzz of alcohol.

"Don't know," McCoy shrugged, "but I could make a guess," he smirked.

Grabbing her purse off the table, Janine pawed through it looking for her communicator. "Damn it, I left my comm. in my quarters." She slumped back into her seat. "No offense, but I'm tired and I'm ready for bed. I need to find Marissa. I don't know if she can find her way back to my quarters."

McCoy didn't say anything, just reached for his comm. and pressed a button. After a long minute, his call was finally answered.

"You two abandoned us," he accused, his voice heavy with drink, his drawl like syrup being poured over sandpaper. "I don't care if we looked like we were fine, Jim. You at least tell us when you're leaving. Now Janine's worried about Marissa…" there was a long pause and Janine laughed as McCoy rolled his eyes and palmed his face in mock despair. "I don't want to know. No, Jim… I said no." He shook his head in exasperation. "Look, I'll just see Janine back to her quarters and I'll meet you on the Enterprise. Why? Because I'm a gentleman, you idiot." Without waiting for a reply from his friend, McCoy disconnected the comm.. "Idiot," he muttered under his breath as he stood up and offered Janine his hand.

"They're fine," he told her. "They just wanted to be alone," he rolled his eyes again and Janine couldn't hold back another giggle. "Let's get you back to your quarters."

Before she could protest McCoy paid the tab at the table and was escorting Janine out of McCaw's, his hand resting lightly on her lower back. They didn't speak as they made their way through the corridors of the base and Janine was fine with that. She felt a bit light headed from drinking and from the closeness of her companion. It had been a long time since she had been so instantly attracted to a man. Under normal circumstances, she would have invited him back to her quarters, but there was a chance that Marissa was already there, unless she decided to spend the night with Kirk on the Enterprise. If she had…

Janine's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps jogging up the passageway towards them. Before she could even wonder why someone was in such a hurry, the person turned the corner and Jim Kirk literally ran into them; only McCoy's hand on her waist pulling her close kept her from falling onto her ass.

"Watch it, Jim!" McCoy scolded.

"Sorry," Kirk replied, hastily trying to repair his hair and tuck in his shirt. "I was… uh, yeah… I was just…"

"Oh my god," Janine declared, really looking at the disheveled captain standing awkwardly in front of her and pointedly not meeting her eyes. "Please tell me you did not just have sex with my best friend in my bed."

McCoy snorted and Jim finally looked at her, a twinkle in his eyes. "Well, not in your bed," he admitted. "Marissa wouldn't go for it. You do have a very interesting sense of décor," he told her with a grin. "All that silk and soft fabrics and pillows…"

Janine's eyes' narrowed. "You better not have stained anything."

Kirk held up a hand, two fingers raised. "Nothing. Scout's honor."

"You were never a boy scout," McCoy groused, though he looked like he was holding back a grin.

"Doesn't matter," Jim replied, but then looked at Janine. "I made reservations for brunch tomorrow, at 11 o'clock at Paddy Riley's."

Janine was surprised by the feeling of disappointment that settled over her. He was going to take Marissa away. It had been over a year since they'd seen each other and Janine had forgotten how it felt to have a best friend to talk and laugh with. Three days wasn't nearly long enough to catch up.

"Sure," she nodded. "I'll have Marissa up and ready. No problem."

Kirk shook his head. "No, that's not… I mean yes, but," he paused, looking awkward again. "I made reservations for four," he told her, glancing over at McCoy. "I know Marissa wants to spend her leave visiting with you, but I was kind of hoping, that, well, that me and Bones could tag a long for some of it," he said sheepishly. "I'd like to spend time with her – and get to know you – when I don't have to be the captain," he admitted.

Janine just stared at him for a moment, shocked. Maybe he had fallen harder than his friend suspected. It was awfully nice of him to want to spend time with Marissa, but also realize that she would want to spend time with her friend, too. And being partnered up with the good doctor wasn't all that bad either.

"I know there are a couple of show's Marissa might be interested in, if you haven't already seen them," Jim rushed on before she could say anything, taking her silence as dissent. "And I've been told there's a really good baby store, and a chocolate shop and…"

"Jim," Janine interrupted; her hand on his arm and a soft smile on her face. "I think brunch is a great idea and I would love to spend more time with you… and Len," she glanced over at the doctor to see him watching Jim as if he were an interesting bug under a microscope. "And I think Marissa would like it too."

"Good, good," Kirk nodded in relief. "I already told Marissa about brunch, but I kind of wanted to know how you'd feel about the rest of it. I don't want to piss you off, or anything, but I wanted…"

"To spend some time with Marissa," Janine finished for him. "I understand." She looked at the two men. "My quarters are just down the hall, so I will say goodnight to you two here," she said. "It's been fun and I'm looking forward to brunch tomorrow." She smiled at both of them and then moved around Kirk.

"Are you sure? I can see you to your door," McCoy asked.

"I'm just a few doors down," she told him. "I'll see you both tomorrow."

Taking a few more steps, she turned the corner and continued to her door, a smile blossoming on her face.

"Damn it, Jim! I'm a doctor not a chaperone," McCoy griped, his voice low, but still carrying down the empty hallway.

"Come on, Bones," Jim whined, their footsteps moving away from where she left them. "Don't tell me that you don't like spending time with Janine."

"That's not the point. Of course I like her, what red-blooded man wouldn't? but…" his voice trailed of as they turned down another corridor towards the docking station.

Opening her door, Janine stepped inside her quarters, instantly scanning the room. Nothing looked out of place, but there was a distinctly musky smell that had to be sex. Marissa came out of the bathroom, a towel in her hand and a sheepish expression on her face.

Janine tried to glare, but couldn't quite pull it off. "I like him," she declared with a wide grin.

Marissa smiled back just as widely. "So do I," she said.

"I like him a lot, but did you really have to shag him on my couch?" Marissa turned bright red and Janine laughed. Sitting down in a chair, she looked up at her friend. "Now sit down and tell me all you know about dark-and-sexy Dr. Leonard McCoy."

_Reviews would be awesome!_


	23. Chapter 23

_Sorry for the delay. Again._

**Consequences**

**Chapter 23**

"So, has Jim set up the crib yet?" Janine asked with a smile, the video feed blurring slightly and making her look like a mad Ferengi for a moment, all forehead and teeth.

Marissa laughed. "How many Starfleet officers does it take to put together a piece of furniture?" she joked.

"I don't know, how many?" Janine continued to smile, leaning forward eagerly.

"Well," Marissa drawled, "Jim started it after alpha shift ended, and by the time gamma shift rolled around Len, Scotty, Chekov, Sulu, Spock and Uhura were in our rooms." She shook her head in fond exasperation. "It started with Scotty about 3 hours in," she explained. "Jim basically tossed the directions and figured he could do without them. 'I'm a Starfleet graduate. I aced my engineering classes. I don't need directions,'" she said in a deep voice, mimicking Jim, while rolling her eyes.

Janine laughed appreciatively. She spent enough time with Jim to know that while he was charming and very attentive to those around him, his ego knew no bounds.

"He called Scotty when he couldn't figure out what one of the parts was for. Chekov was called in an hour later when Scotty swore the directions were written in Russian, and Chekov, being so young – and Russian - must know more about cribs than an aging Scottish bachelor who was only child. 'It twasn't that long ago that the wee laddie was sleeping in one of his own, Captain.'"

"That was an amazing accent," Janine crowed.

Marissa shrugged and grinned. "When you hear someone talking and swearing for a few hours in a brogue that thick, you tend to pick it up. Besides, it entertains Jim."

"In bed?" Janine asked with a wicked grin.

Marissa couldn't help her blush. "No not in bed. Pardon me if I prefer to not think of Scotty while I'm in bed with Jim."

"True," Janine nodded. "Jim didn't seem the type to share – at least not with another man."

"You are terrible," Marissa scolded, shaking a finger at the screen.

"I call them like I see them," Janine replied. "Now tell me how everyone else ended up in your quarters."

Rolling her eyes, Marissa continued. "Well, where Chekov goes, Sulu usually follows, and vice versa. Once they showed up and Chekov told them that the directions weren't written in Russian, between the three of them they managed to get the crib halfway built, but it was a bit unstable."

"Wait, three?" Janine interrupted. "What about Sulu?"

"Oh, he didn't even try to enter the fray," Marissa responded with a grin. "He sat on the couch with me and Len and watched the show. Len called them the three stooges."

"That sounds like him," Janine smiled. "When did he show up in all this?"

"Oh, he trailed in shortly after Scotty. Jim had told him what his plans were for the night so he showed up after his shift with his med bag."

"Smart man."

"Isn't he?" Marissa agreed. "Anyway, eventually they started arguing about the language and so when Spock commed Jim to ask him a question, Jim got him to come down too, and it was Spock who convinced Uhura to translate for them. After that it only took another hour or so and the crib was complete."

Janine sat back and shook her head in wonder. "You didn't buy anything else that needs to be assembled, did you?"

"No, and the crib turns into a toddler bed, so we won't have to worry about more furniture for a few years," Marissa replied.

"How are you liking the new quarters?" Janine asked.

"How did you know?" Marissa asked in surprise. "I haven't told you about that. Did Jim?"

Janine looked at her sheepishly. "Actually, Len told me," she admitted.

"But," Marissa looked at her in confusion. "Len didn't even know what Jim had been planning with Scotty. He was as surprised as me." Suddenly a thought came to her and she narrowed her eyes at her friend. "Janine, have you been talking with my CMO over subspace?"

"Maybe, once or twice," Janine told her, looking slightly embarrassed, though that couldn't be right, Marissa thought. Janine was never embarrassed. She was a lot like Jim in that way.

"Once or twice?" Marissa repeated. "We left Star base 17 two and a half weeks ago – almost three! – and this is the first time you've contacted me. I think my feelings are hurt," Marissa pouted dramatically. "You like Len better than you like me!"

"You big baby," Janine laughed. "You are my best friend and I will love you forever, but I knew you'd be busy prepping for the Halla sector and getting ready for the baby…"

"Sure, sure. So, if I'm your best friend," she asked slyly, "what does that make Leonard? Huh?"

"Len is…" Janine began, for once at a loss for words. "Len is… He is… He's… special," she finally managed to say.

"I see," Marissa said knowingly, sitting back and crossing her arms as she stared sternly at the screen. "You lied to me. You did actually sleep with him."

Janine sat up a bit straighter in her chair. "I did not! Not that I didn't want to, but between you and Jim and all the sightseeing and shopping…" she shrugged helplessly.

"I'm so sorry we got in the way of your sex life," Marissa laughed.

Janine rolled her eyes. "Well, nothing got in the way of yours," she shot back with humor. "Shagging like bunnies you two were, and making googley-eyes at each other all the time."

"We did not make googley-eyes," Marissa retorted indignantly.

Janine snorted. "Whatever!"

"And if we were 'shagging like bunnies,' as you put it, that would have given you and Len plenty of alone time to get horizontal," she waggled her eyebrows while leering. "Or vertical, if that's how you wanted it."

Janine gave a long whistle. "Well Jim has certainly opened your horizons, you little tramp," she laughed.

"Don't change the topic," Marissa pointed her finger at the screen again. "Why didn't you jump Len when you had the chance? You did say you wanted to."

Heaving a deep sigh while shrugging her shoulders, Janine became serious. "I don't know why," she admitted, her chin resting on her hand as she stared at Marissa through the computer screen. "I wanted to. I'm pretty sure he wanted to. But… well, I didn't want it to be just a shore leave fling. I thought it might be better to just end it all as friends and… and not think about _that _when we were light years away from each other." She shrugged again.

Marissa looked at the screen for a long minute, her head cocked as she studied her friend. "But apparently you haven't 'ended' it," she said, using air quotes. "You guys are still talking."

"Yeah, we got along pretty well," Janine told her with another shrug. "I like him. He's funny and interesting and…" she trailed of, giving Marissa a half-hearted smile before physically shaking off her melancholy. "Enough about me; tell me what you think of your new suite."

Marissa couldn't help the huge smile that came over her face. She still couldn't get over what Jim and done for her, even after she had turned him down. And his nervousness as he presented the fait accompli was also totally endearing.

With the help of Scotty and some of his engineers and maintenance people, Jim had basically had his quarters remodeled. Before, he had the standard captain's cabin; a living area, office, eating area with replicator, and bedroom. With some creative rearranging of walls he had managed to take over some of the VIP rooms next door to make his rooms more spacious and family friendly.

The eating area was expanded to include a larger nook and an actual kitchen set rather than just a replicator. The master bedroom's closet had been enlarged and a bathroom added. Another bedroom had been added for the baby, he had told her blushing, and the office had been expanded so that it could do double duty as her bedroom and office. He already had his ready room on the bridge, after all.

"I know you don't want to marry me, but I still want to be a real part of our baby's life and I can't be that if we're living in separate quarters taking the baby back and forth between us," he told her, not meeting her eyes. After the three days they'd just shared on Starbase 17 he really should have realized that she didn't need her own room.

Shaking her head she smiled at him fondly. "Jim…"

"I don't want to pressure you," he interrupted, looking more vulnerable than she'd ever seen him, "but I want you close, you and the baby, and…."

"Jim," Marissa stopped him, her hands coming up to cup his cheeks and force him to look down at her. "It's perfect. I love it," she told him honestly. "This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me, but," she hesitated and was shocked to see Jim's expression change from hopeful to wary in a split second. He really did want this, she realized, her stomach dropping to her toes and then rebounding to her throat.

"But," she repeated, clearing her throat and blinking back her sudden tears. "I really don't need my own room. We can share the office, like we do now. Maybe I can even have my own desk instead of stealing yours, now that there's more room." She smiled up at him, caressing his cheek. "I don't think I want to sleep alone any more. I've kind of gotten used to you kicking all the covers off and keeping me warm."

Jim's smile was like a supernova. "Really?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes, really," she relied, a lone tear falling down her face. Jim wiped it away gently, resting his forehead against hers. "Besides it would be a shame to waste all that closet space."

They both laughed and Jim kissed her and nothing much else was said for a few hours as the christened their new quarters.

Coming back to the present, Marissa grinned at her friend. "Our quarters are amazing," she told Janine.

"Our quarters," Janine repeated, a knowing smile on her face. "So you've moved in with him."

Shaking her head and rolling her eyes, Marissa laughed lightly. "Like you didn't already know that. I'm sure Len keeps you in the loop with what's going on between me and Jim."

"Oh he does," Janine agreed shamelessly, "but I wanted to hear it from you. I still can't believe you turned him down when he proposed," she said, shaking her head.

Marissa rolled her eyes. "We've had this discussion before. I don't need to be married to be with Jim. This is his first real relationship and while I want it to last, I won't tie him down and make his life more complicated. Who knows what the Admiralty would say?"

"What if he's willing to be tied down?" Janine asked, like she'd asked several times before. "What if he's willing to take on the complications and The Admiralty?"

"We're happy. We don't need a marriage license to validate our relationship. I'm happy with the way things are now."

"I know you are," Janine smiled, wryly. "And I know Jim is. It just seems like it would be perfect for you to get married now."

"You are so old fashioned," Marissa sighed dramatically. "You sound like my father."

Janine gasped in mock horror. "Oh no! I take it all back!" She looked at Marissa seriously. "So you have told your parents, then?"

"Yeah, a couple days after we left you," Marissa admitted, her hand unconsciously caressing her belly, a habit that was both comforting to her and the baby.

"I guess it didn't go over too well, then?" Janine asked sympathetically.

Marissa shrugged. "Well enough. Nancy is exited to be a grandmother. Grandma Rose already knew she just didn't know who the father was. I think Jim was a bit of a shock for both of them, but they handled it okay. Dad… I think the fact that it was Jim just made things that much worse." She shrugged again. "You know how overprotective he is. Suddenly he had Jim seducing me and taking advantage of me, forcing me to have the baby and not taking responsibility… It wasn't pretty. He's heard all the rumors about Jim and, well, he doesn't want to believe anything else. I've obviously been brainwashed by him. Nancy and Gran will calm him down."

"Did you tell him that Jim did propose?"

"Yes, but that just made it worse. I just don't know how his mind works. First he's saying Jim's a scoundrel," Janine laughed and Marissa rolled her eyes, "his word, not mine – because he wasn't marrying me and making an 'honest woman out of me' and taking his responsibilities seriously, and then when I tell him that Jim did propose, he's suddenly trying to ruin my life by tying me to him." She threw up her hands dramatically. "I can't win, Janine. He automatically hates Jim and nothing I say can change that. And he's… he's acting like he expected something like this; some big, bad man taking advantage of his innocent, little daughter. It's ridiculous and archaic."

They were quiet for a moment, Janine because she didn't know what to say; she'd never liked Marissa's father, and Marissa because thinking about her father's reaction still hurt, even though she'd expected it.

Shaking off the depressed mood, Janine leaned toward the camera, her face suddenly leering up at Marissa evilly. "So did you christen every room in your quarters?" She waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "I asked Len, but he says he doesn't know and doesn't want to know. Said something about you two being randy enough…"

Marissa laughed, as Janine intended and their conversation continued for another ten minutes, the two friends trading jokes and innuendos regarding the men in their lives.

xXx

With a big sigh and small smile, Marissa cut off the connection with her friend light years away. She leaned back in her chair, stretching her cramped muscles, but had to stop mid movement as the baby gave an uncomfortable kick – or poke – to her ribs.

"Ouch!" she couldn't help exclaiming softly. "Sorry about that, little one," she spoke to her stomach, hands rubbing soothingly over the baby. "Did I squish you?" The baby moved languidly against her hand, no longer compacted by its mother's movements.

Three months ago when she had first felt the baby move, she'd been awestruck. She'd sit or lay for hours, hands on her belly, inwardly focused, waiting for the baby to move so that she could feel it. Those movements had been soft and caressing; she'd been aware of them, but still found it hard to believe that they were real.

Now that the baby was growing so quickly, she didn't need to have her hands on her belly to feel the movement, she could feel it all the time. Feel it and see it. And they weren't always gentle caresses. Like any other being, the baby seemed to feel the need to stretch and fight against its confinement. This meant that Marissa's internal organs were regularly battered and pummeled as the baby shifted and made itself comfortable.

Jim found all the movement fascinating, and so did she, she just wasn't looking forward to bruised ribs and kidneys as the baby got even bigger.

"Let's go find daddy, shall we," she said to her belly as she levered herself out of the chair. "He's probably working again and he needs to relax a bit." The baby kicked or elbowed her hand making her smile. "You're suddenly active now. Did you just wake up from a nap? Did mommy and Aunt Janine bore you?"

"Are you talking to your stomach again?" Jim asked when she finally stood in the doorway to their bedroom.

Marissa paused to take in the sight, leaning against the doorway. He had changed into his sleeping clothes – a pair of worn shorts and an Academy t-shirt - his back rested against the headboard, one leg bent with a PADD balanced on it. His hair was a bit mussed, which made him look adorable, but what really got her attention were the glasses perched on his nose.

"I was talking to the baby," she admonished him, crossing her hands over her chest and looking at him sternly, though it was belied by the grin fighting to break out.

"And did the baby talk back yet?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, making him look even more appetizing.

"I'm still working on the Morse code, but I'm pretty sure it was just saying that its daddy works too much and should spend more time with mommy."

"Did it?" Jim smiled, tossing his PADD onto the night stand. "Well, I always knew we'd have a brilliant kid." He patted the bed next to him. "Why don't you come over here? The bed's much more comfortable."

Marissa pushed herself off the door frame and walked to the foot of the bed, crawling slowly towards Jim. "Don't," she said when he reached to remove his glasses.

"Don't what?" Jim asked, nonplussed, as she straddled his lap.

"Don't take off your glasses," Marissa replied with a grin, leaning in to give him a nipping kiss, before pulling back to look at him. "I like 'em"

"You're so weird," Jim replied, reaching for her hips to pull her closer to him, and leaning forward to nuzzle her neck.

Marissa hummed, tilting her head to give Jim better access. "Look who's talking."

"True," Jim huffed, focusing on the task at hand and slowly driving her insane has he kissed and nipped at her neck, his hands rubbing her back and sides. After a few more minutes of turning her into jelly, Jim's hands finally made their way under her shift, reaching up to hold her breasts.

Marissa let out a stifled moan as the calloused pad of one finger slowly caressed her nipple. Since her pregnancy began, Marissa had never been so in tune with that particular part of her body. At the beginning of her pregnancy they'd been sore and tender to the touch, but as her second trimester began they'd become lightning rods of sexual energy. One touch, one kiss, one lick and she was instantly turned on and ready to go, and with Jim's fascination with her growing breasts, their sex lives had definitely benefited.

Lately, there was a fine line between pleasure and pain when Jim concentrated on her nipples. Luckily, Jim seemed to be able to read her body and its reactions even better than she could. He would cup and caress her breasts, placing kisses everywhere but her nipples, driving her crazy for a touch that she knew could become more pain than pleasure. It wasn't until she was panting with desire that he would finally take a nipple into his mouth, his hands usually busy elsewhere on her body, and suckle her gently, causing her to arch into his mouth and usually sending her off into a mind-blowing orgasm.

But they weren't there yet, and Marissa still had things on her mind.

"Did you know that Len and Janine have been talking over subspace," she asked breathlessly as he switched to the other side of her neck. Marissa couldn't stop herself from rocking against his erection pressing between her legs.

"Hmmm," was Jim's reply, his mouth busy, as he ground up against her.

"Ahhh…I thought they might have slept together, but Janine says no," Marissa told him, eyes closed as she finally got her hands under his shirt and onto the warm skin of his belly.

Pulling back, Jim looked at her, his eyes dilated; the blue barely showing. "I really don't want to talk about Bones and Janine right now," he told her, leaning in for a kiss. "I've got other things on my mind, thank you very much."

"But don't you…" Marissa began, but he cut her off with another kiss, this one deeper and hotter.

"Focus Marissa," he whispered against her lips. "Focus." Tilting his hips up and pulling her down against him, he shifted against her, rubbing against her heat and causing Marissa to sigh against his mouth. "You have too many clothes on. Let's take care of that, shall we?" he whispered.

Marissa leaned in to kiss him, pulling her shirt up and over her head.

"As you wish," she grinned against his lips.

_Please review!_


	24. Chapter 24

_Disclaimer: Not mine; never will be. So sad._

_Author's notes: I'm extremely sorry for the long wait. I had one version of this chapter sitting on my computer for about a month, but it never really worked, so I finally rewrote it and this is it._

_As for the delay, we have had some serious family/health issues that have involved a road trip cross country, lots of long distance phone calls and cell minutes, and lots and lots of stress. Unfortunately, I deal with stress by hiding, which means I've read a lot of fan fiction – I m hooked on anything Jim/Bones be it straight, slash, mirrorverse (yum!), gender swap, you name it, if it's Jim and Bones I'll read it! – But it hasn't really helped with my writing. Hopefully I'm finding my balance and updates will happen more often._

_Thank you to everyone who has alerted and reviewed since my last update. It means a lot to me that people are still reading. I'm determined to get Jim through childbirth so he can become a daddy. – RA_

**Consequences**

**Chapter 24**

Marissa paced angrily across the anteroom; twenty steps across, twenty steps back. She was fuming. She felt the urge to lash out at something. Looking briefly at a vase that was perched atop of a table full of local flowers that looked like roses, only three times the size, she shook her head in disgust and continued her pacing. She was not going to give into any primitive urges. She was in charge after all. She just wished she knew what they hell had gone wrong.

Until an hour or two ago she would have said that the mission was a success. She had meetings with several dignitaries, bureaucrats, and even the Queen over the past three days and everyone seemed to be on the same page. It was politely assumed be most that the previous Queen, Na'talia, grandmother of the current Queen Anidal'ai, was mistaken in her impression of the previous Federation contact.

Marissa had had to do a political song and dance with Queen Anidal'ai trying to get her view across without insulting her grandmother, but she thought she had done a good job. Certainly the other Cloralans she had spoken with had been agreeable to her reasoning.

What it all boiled down to was that they needed the Federation's help desperately. Over hundreds of generations Cloral had been ruled by the descendants of The Mothers; females who had been abducted by space pirates, for lack of a better term, who had first used Cloral as their base. The Mothers had strong psychic abilities that were passed through the maternal line. Male children possessed the latent gene, but because of their view of males as oppressors and kidnappers, male children were not desired and if any showed abilities beyond the norm they were either killed, exiled, or imprisoned depending on the historical period.

Cloral was truly a matriarchal society, but only because the descendants of The Mothers ruthlessly controlled the males in their society. It wasn't that much different than how women were treated on Earth seven or eight hundred years ago; not capable of reason, property to be bargained for and controlled, beings considered less than others.

The problem on Cloral now was that the abilities that gave the ruling females their powers were waning, whether from lack of a significantly sized gene pool or the exiling of strong males, it was inconclusive. Add in the fact that a virus had ravaged the planet two generations ago, not long after first contact with the Federation, and over fifty percent of the male children and roughly a quarter of the female children had died. The virus had taken the stronger children rather than the weaker ones. The whole situation had only be exacerbated.

Queen Na'talia at the time had declared that the virus was retribution from the Federation. Over time and with significant studies of the pandemic, it was discovered that the virus had spread from a Cloralan source. Marissa couldn't remember the details, it wasn't her field of expertise, but this discovery had brought about a movement that eventually petitioned Queen Anidal'ai to seek aide for their planet.

The Queen had resisted for many years, but as the birthrate declined steadily over the years of her reign she was forced to do something. The Queen's fear was that the Federation would not respect Cloral because they were ruled by a Queen. That was the impression her grandmother had been given when she spoke of her only meeting with a Federation envoy.

After carefully questioning Queen Anidal'ai, Marissa was able to discover that Queen Na'talia had based her beliefs on the thoughts and initial reactions of the men who had contacted her. See had essentially read their minds, decided that she didn't like what they were thinking, and sent them away. They had been on planet for only two standard hours and hadn't even had an audience with her.

Marissa had convinced Queen Anidal'ai that even if their initial reactions to seeing males subjugated might have been negative, as members of the Federation they were duty bound to act on the Federation's behalf and to the benefit of all involved and, most importantly, make no judgments. There were many matriarchal societies in the Federation, Marissa pointed out; the Vulcan's being the most prominent. This seemed to relax the Queen and their talk turned to Marissa's pregnancy.

Having a birthrate of one in ten live births, Marissa's condition was fascinating to all the Cloralans that she met. After introductions most often they would ask to touch her belly. The Queen was just as interested and asked many questions. Marissa had already allowed a Cloralan doctor to examine her, so the Queen was knowledgeable in her questions regarding human pregnancies as they compared to Cloralans. She was curious to know if her male would raise the child while she continued in her research or if she would raise the child herself. She also wanted to know if she had bonded to the father, something that was rare for Cloral.

Being as diplomatic as possible, Marissa explained that no, she was not bonded to the father by her own choice, though they were close and would be raising the child together. It was enough of answer that the Queen moved on. After another twenty minutes she dismissed Marissa.

Relieved, Marissa had gone to her rooms with Begley and Sun'anal to rest before dinner. That was when all hell had broken loose.

Thatalia, the cultural minister and one of the leading advocates for joining the Federation, had come surreptitiously into their room. She had looked uncomfortable and extremely worried when she told them that the Queen was now refusing to deal with the Federation if they were allowing males such as James T. Kirk to be captains and she considered it an insult that they would send such a male to parlay with them.

At Marissa's demand Thatalia had escorted her to the Queen. Thatalia had been unable to guarantee her an audience, but she was also distressed by the turn of events.

After almost an hour of waiting she had been brought before the Queen. It was like night and day. Before they had spoken in easy camaraderie, now the Queen looked down on her with disdain and anger.

"Your Majesty," Marissa spoke, bowing her head politely. "I have been told that you wish to withdraw your petition to join the Federation because of Captain Kirk." She might as well face this issue head on. There was no point in pussy-footing around.

"I have," the Queen responded coolly.

"May I ask why?"

The Queen stared at her disdainfully. "You lied to me."

"I lied?" Marissa repeated, nonplussed.

"Yes, you lied. Or misled," she waved her hand. "You speak of the Federation and its openness and acceptance of females, yet you are involved with one of the most notorious males in the galaxy; a male who has no respect for females and yet your Federation sends this… male to parlay with me. I am insulted. I will not make a treaty with such as him. He is what our foremothers fought to free ourselves from."

"Your majesty," Marissa interrupted; shocked to see the outrage and anger pouring off the female in front of her. "Captain Kirk is a respected captain. The Federation…"

"You are biased towards him, are you not?" the Queen interrupted smoothly. "You carry his child, yet he has not bonded with you – a Terran custom when a child is expected, I am told."

"I, who…" Marissa stuttered, but then pulled herself together. "Yes, James Kirk is the father of my child. And as I told you, we are not bonded by _my_ choice. I am honored to serve as a member of his crew and while my opinion might be… colored because of my personal relationship with him, he would not have been made captain of the Federation flagship if he was not a good man."

"I have had research done since I learned of him," the Queen declared. "I am insulted that such as he would even consider coming near my planet."

Marissa took in the Queen's anger and posturing. How, in the space of couple hours had things gone so wrong? What had she heard? "I assume when you say that you have researched Captain Kirk you used the Web – Minister Keahlo showed me how you've tapped into it."

The Queen nodded.

"Then I should tell you," Marissa continued, trying to control her anger, it was the Damn Book all over again, "that you shouldn't believe everything you see over the Web. There was a book released that purported to be a biography of Captain Kirk, but he was not consulted and much of what went into the book was untrue or exaggerated."

"You dare to tell me that it was all lies?" the Queen hissed, "That my researchers would…"

"I am saying no such thing, Your Majesty," Marissa snapped. Taking a deep breath and trying not to react to the Queen's incredulous look at being interrupted so rudely, she continued. "Some of the book is true, some of it is exaggerated and some of it is outright lies."

"So he has told you," the Queen remarked.

"Yes, as he has told me and I believe him," Marissa replied proudly.

"He is not known as a seducer of females?"

Marissa blushed; Jim's reputation wasn't something she liked to think about. "Yes, he has a reputation like that, or he did at Starfleet Academy."

"And he has had sexual relations with eight hundred females of varying species?"

"That is such a ridiculous number," Marissa declared, frowning at the Queen. "He is only twenty-six years old! He graduated in the top of his class at the Academy; he's a Starfleet Captain and he takes his responsibilities seriously. He didn't have _time_ to sleep with eight hundred women!"

The Queen watched her closely after her outburst and Marissa felt herself blushing even more. Getting angry at the accusations against Jim only made her look biased and she knew it.

"Look, Your Majesty," Marissa tried again. "I don't know all of Jim's – of Captain Kirk's past. I only know what he has told me. But I saw how that book and its revelations hurt him and I believe him when he says not all of it is true. Don't judge him by what other's say about him. He doesn't deserve that. I think anyone on his crew will tell you he is a good captain…"

"Will they?" the Queen asked imperiously.

"Yes," Marissa nodded, "I believe they will."

"Even your Lieutenant Uhura?"

Damn it, Marissa thought as she inhaled deeply. "I know that Lieutenant Uhura has some… issues with the Captain because of what was said in that book, but I believe that even she would say that he deserves his position."

The Queen sat back in her chair; hands pressed together as she stared at Marissa for a long moment. Marissa refused to look away.

The Queen nodded suddenly. "You are correct, I should not make hasty judgments based on one – or two," she nodded to Marissa, "sources. I shall call this Captain Kirk before me and he shall answer for his actions."

"Your Majesty!" Marissa gaped at her. "That is… that is unnecessary. Even if you have a problem with Captain Kirk, he is but one representative of the Federation. We can send someone…"

"No," the Queen interrupted her. "I find I am intrigued by this male who seems to inspire such conflicting emotions. How can he have such a reputation and yet achieve what he has? How has he managed to engage a female, such as you, and yet anger another so fully? No, I will meet with him and I will see whether he is worthy of dealing with Myself and my citizens." She looked down at Marissa. "You are dismissed."

A firm, but gentle, hand clamped down on her shoulder before she could say another word and Marissa was led out of the Queen's presence by one of her ever present guards.

Thatalia was the first person she saw when she exited the receiving room.

"What the hell was that?" she whispered harshly. "I thought things were going fine."

"They were," Thatalia answered back softly as she led Marissa down a hallway parallel to the Queen's receiving room. "Minister Ubali spoke with your Lieutenant and…"

Marissa shook her head sadly, "and learned about Uhura's anger towards the Captain," she finished. Then an idea struck her. "Did Ubali read her mind or did she actually get Uhura to speak? I thought that there was a certain protocol to using your abilities aggressively against an outlander."

"There is," Thatalia agreed her tone sad and her eyes downcast. "But Ubali is of another faction." Marissa couldn't help but role her eyes. Of course there is another faction. "She believes that we do not need the Federation, that we should look to our past and follow the example of our forefathers."

"Wait," Marissa stopped walking as the words sank in. "Your fore_fathers,_" she repeated.

Thatalia nodded. "Yes, our forefathers. She believes that we should look to strengthen our blood by finding new…candidates…off planet. We are already a mixed race planet due to the piracy in our past. Ubali and her adherents believe that we should look for strong males to further our society."

"And Jim is a strong male," Marissa answered back softly.

"Yes, he is," Thatalia answered back, tugging gently on Marissa's arm. "And he is attractive. And he has already proved himself fertile."

Marissa's hands went to her belly as she blushed. "The Queen wants to… she wants to what?" she looked at Thatalia, incredulously. "She wants to breed Jim?"

Shrugging, Thatalia opened a door, ushering Marissa in. "I do not know what she is thinking, but she definitely wants to meet your Jim." Nodding to the wall, she smiled wryly at Marissa. "This window looks into the Queen's receiving room. You will be able to see and hear everything that goes on once your Captain arrives. I will do my best to keep things under control."

Marissa snorted. "Good luck with that," she replied wryly.

Thatalia reached out for her again. "If your Jim is as strong as you say he is, then he will be able to hold his own against the Queen. I truly believe she is only curious to meet him. We need the Federation. She knows that. She will not jeopardize our future."

"You hope."

"Yes, I hope," Thatalia responded.

So Marissa continued to pace across the small room, waiting for something to happen. After what seemed like forever the door opened. Turning with relief, she froze and glared at one of the people entering the room.

"You," she growled, eyes narrowed and expression fierce, she stomped over to the door and dragged Uhura into the room. "What they hell have you done?"

_Please review_


	25. Chapter 25

_Disclaimer: Not mine. Making no money._

**Consequences**

**Chapter 25**

"You," Marissa growled, eyes narrowed and expression fierce, she stomped over to the door and dragged Uhura into the room. "What they hell have you done?"

Uhura looked at her in surprise, obviously not expecting such a welcome. "What are you talking about?" Trying to shake her arm free, she glared down at Marissa. "Please let go of my arm, Ensign," she demanded coolly.

Marissa gave one last tug and then turned to face the lieutenant, poking a finger at her, though not touching her again. "You!" she accused, "things were going just fine and you had to let them in on your petty little grudge! Why can't you take that stick out of your ass and realize that none of that is Jim's fault and everyone who matters knows you got your position on the _Enterprise_ because you're good at what you do and not any other reason. Damn it!" she threw her arms up in frustration, still glaring at Uhura who was looking a cross between angry and the beginnings of guilt. "If you ruined this contact because of your stupid, stubborn grudge… they need us, desperately. And we need them and if…"

"Ensign O'Donnell," a voice interrupted her calmly.

"What!" she snapped, finally taking her eyes off of Uhura. Apparently she wasn't the only one who had entered the room. Spock, McCoy and two red shirts were staring at the two of them. The red shirts looked extremely uncomfortable, McCoy looked amused and Spock, as usual, looked calm. "Fuck," she muttered, realizing what their presence meant. "If you're all here, that means Jim's here too." She glanced uncomfortably at the viewport to the Queen's throne room.

"That is correct," Spock nodded. "We would like…"

Ignoring Spock, Marissa rounded on the red shirts. "Okay, red shirts out in the hall." She made shooing motions with her hands. "Out, out. We're fine in here. You can guard the door."

Uhura and McCoy were looking at her as if she had grown horns. Spock only raised an eyebrow at her presumption. "Ensign O'Donnell," Spock repeated his voice only slightly louder than before. "Please state your reason for ordering Ensigns Weepu and Whitelock to leave the room."

Marissa turned to face her commander, feeling slightly chagrined, but she stood her ground. "We're about to get a show," she waved her hand toward the transparent viewport into the throne room, "thanks to Uhura, here," she added snidely, ignoring Uhura's wordless protest. "I don't think the ensigns need to be privy to what the Queen and Jim will be discussing."

McCoy had wandered over to the window curiously, but at her words he turned to look at her.

Spock simply nodded to the two red shirts, "If you would please wait outside." Without a word they left as quietly as they had entered, shutting the door firmly behind them.

"Spock," Uhura began, but he held up a hand.

"Ensign O'Donnell," Spock began, moving to stand in front of her, his hands crossed and resting on his lower back, "the Captain was contacted less than an hour ago and told that it was imperative that he come planet side and speak with Queen Anidal'ia. Nothing else was said and when the Captain asked about the away team we were assured that everything was going smoothly. Is this not the case?"

Marissa couldn't hold back an indignant snort. She began pacing nervously, her gaze flickering between Spock and the viewport. "Things were going well. Like I said, the Cloralans need us. Their birthrate has been steadily declining and because of a pandemic…"

"What?" McCoy interrupted, hands automatically grabbing his tricorder.

"It was years ago, Len," Marissa waved him off. "But because of this pandemic and their policy regarding males they have an extremely weakened gene pool. Everything was fine; the ministers, the populace, and the Queen were ready to sign a preliminary treaty with the Federation for help in exchange for the plants that everyone seem to be so interested in, but earlier today I got called into the Queens receiving room." She nodded towards the window and then glared at Uhura.

"Because Uhura couldn't keep her thoughts to herself…"

McCoy cleared his voice loudly. "I think the show is about to begin." He turned to face the viewport as the doors to the Queen's throne room opened and Jim was escorted in.

"Shit," Marissa muttered, moving quickly to stand next to McCoy. "Jim," she whispered as she watched him look around the stately room, his eyes quickly passing over their viewport. If she remembered correctly, it was a mirror on the other side. The Queen was not yet in the room, so he instinctively took the time to look the room over.

McCoy placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "This isn't going to be pretty, is it?"

"No," Marissa shook her head as Spock and Uhura moved to stand on the other side of McCoy. "It's not going to be pretty at all. The Queen has apparently taken exception to Jim's… reputation," she spit out derisively, "and she wants to find out all the details from him herself."

She heard Uhura inhale sharply and felt a surge of vindictiveness. Now she knew what she had started.

"I see," was Spock's only reply, as Queen Anidal'ai entered the room.

They listened as the Queen and Jim exchanged pleasantries. It was painful for Marissa to watch, all the while waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Marissa was particularly disturbed by the Queen's flirtatiousness. In her dealings with the monarch, Anidal'ai had been polite but aloof as one expected a Queen to be. Currently she was smiling and laughing, her eyelashes fluttering at Jim invitingly. Jim kept his composure, his responses polite and respectful, but he did not respond to her obvious flirtations. Marissa could tell by the set of his shoulders that he was uncomfortable and knew that something was up.

The introduction of the Crown Princess startled a gasp from both the women in the observation room. They hadn't even met Princess Mandalai. She was kept under the strictest security. She was roughly twenty-four standard years, but treated as much younger, according to Thatalia. Her health and well-being were strictly guarded as heir to the throne, though Thatalia whispered, her PSI abilities were rumored to be far below her mothers.

Jim politely bowed to Princess Mandalai and offered a small smile. "It is an honor to meet you Princess. As it has been an honor to converse with your mother. Perhaps you know why I was asked to come for this visit? You mother has yet to inform me," though he spoke to the princess, he looked pointedly at the queen with an uplifted eyebrow. He was done playing games.

The Queen smiled, but it wasn't a playful smile any more. Moving to sit on her throne, she dismissed her daughter.

"Captain James T. Kirk," she said thoughtfully.

Jim nodded, "As we have already established. What can I do for you, Your Majesty?" he asked politely, with a hint of steel in his tone. "I was under the impression from Ensign O'Donnell and Lieutenant Uhura that talks were going well."

"Oh yes, Lieutenant Uhura and your darling Ensign O'Donnell have established quite a report with Our ministers. They've presented your Federation's case very well. This visit has gone much better than the one previously during Our grandmother's reign."

"I am glad," Jim replied.

"We are sure you are," the Queen replied, her eyes narrowed, her tone morphing from politeness to disdain. "We are sure that getting the credit for bring Cloral into the Federation would be quite a feather in your cap, wouldn't it? A planet ruled by women, brought to heel by James T. Kirk."

Jim seemed thrown off for a moment as her implication sank in. "Excuse me?" he asked incredulously.

The Queen reclined back into her throne, looking predatorily at him. "We find it strange that two such extremely intelligent women could have such contrasting opinions of you. We found it intriguing, so We had our staff do some research on you. You are a naughty, naughty boy Captain," she said to him in a patronizing tone, as if he was a small child.

"Bitch," McCoy whispered beside Marissa, who couldn't hold back a hysterical giggle. Spock didn't say anything and Uhura couldn't seem to take her eyes away from the viewport, her face slightly paler than usual.

"We admit to being slightly offended that the Federation would send someone like you to reopen negotiations," the Queen continued conversationally, her eyes never leaving Jim. "We are a proud race and we do not take subjugation lightly."

"We are not here to subjugate Cloral, Your Majesty," Jim pointed out, his tone clipped but still polite. "The Federation sent the _Enterprise_ here at your request for a meeting. As you must know, our resources are spread thin at this time."

"Yes, of course," the Queen agreed. "But to send someone like you, a womanizer of such legend… that is an insult to Our people and to this throne."

"You shouldn't believe everything you read on the internet," Jim responded stiffly, his face flushed.

The Queen laughed gaily. "That is exactly what your Ensign O'Donnell said!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands. "She really is quite loyal to you."

Jim nodded. "She's an important member of the _Enterprise's_ crew. She fought hard to get her position and hasn't disappointed."

"And Lieutenant Uhura?" the Queen questioned slyly.

"The Lieutenant is also a valued crewmember and also a member of my command staff," Jim replied instantly. "She's at the top of her field and the _Enterprise_ is lucky to have her."

"Even if she doesn't like you personally?"

Jim seemed to pause at that and Uhura let out a small moan, her head dropping against the viewport momentarily. "Lieutenant Uhura is a professional," Jim finally stated. "Whatever issues we have personally don't interfere with the running of the ship."

"Really?" the Queen asked. "Even if you have, shall we say - a history together?"

Jim stared balefully at the Queen. "The only history Lieutenant Uhura and I have is a bad, drunken pick up line, three years at the Academy annoying each other, and saving the Earth with the rest of the _Enterprise's_ crew. She is a valued and invaluable member of my command staff."

"I see," the Queen said thoughtfully, her fingertips pressed together under her chin. "So, We shouldn't believe all the rumors about you? Then what should We believe, Captain?"

"I don't particularly give a damn, Your Majesty," Jim told her, obviously shocking her with his honesty. "I was entrusted with the captaining of the _Enterprise_; I think my record speaks for itself."

The Queen seemed to ponder this, watching him thoughtfully. Jim, for his part didn't move from his parade rest stance. "You were abused and abandoned as a child, I've heard," she finally struck.

"My childhood is not up for discussion, Your Majesty," Jim stated calmly. "If you would like the Federation to send another delegation then I will arrange it, but otherwise my past is none of your business."

"We are willing to sign the treaty Ensign O'Donnell has constructed with my Ministers," the Queen goaded, "We would just like some answers from you first. You are a most interesting man. And quite attractive, too," she smiled charmingly, but Jim didn't respond.

"My past is not up for discussion," he reiterated calmly. "If you do not respect me as a Captain, then I will withdraw and have someone sent in my place. I do not need Cloral as a 'feather in my cap,'" he said acidicly. "I am a captain of a Federation vessel. I am not out here for my own glory, but to carry out the Federation's mission statement of peaceful negotiations with planets interested in joining the Federation or in need of aide."

"Well said, Captain," the Queen replied, "very well said. And I believe you. But what of Ensign O'Donnell?"

"What about her?" Jim countered.

"Negotiating a treaty with Cloral would be quite the feather in her cap, wouldn't it?" the Queen smiled widely. "She's worked hard to get to know Us and Our history. She's spoken very eloquently about the Federation and how it can benefit Our planet, all the while being very honest about how our type of society might be viewed by others. We realize that a female dominated society is not the norm throughout the Federation."

"But it's not unheard of," Jim interrupted pointedly.

"Not unheard of, true," the Queen nodded. "We are willing to take a step of faith and begin negotiations with the Federation for several reasons. Our society does need help and it is time that some of our policies are changed. We are not deaf to the cries of Our people – even the males, and We realize that past policies have possibly damaged our chances of a strong future. And, We have come to trust your Ensign O'Donnell. We believe that with her help Cloral can keep its identity and not be lost within the bureaucracy of the Federation. We need help now, Captain, not in a few years."

"All the more reason to continue with your negotiations, Your Majesty," Jim answered. "I am not necessary to what Ensign O'Donnell is creating."

"But you are the signing representative of the Federation, are you not?" the Queen asked.

"Not necessarily," Jim responded. "My First Officer could sign in my place, or I could request another Federation delegate."

"But that would be a waste of time," the Queen pointed out. "If you would simply appease my curiosity, we could have the treaty signed by the end of the day tomorrow and everything in motion."

"My First…"

"Cloral will not be slighted!" the Queen interrupted. "We will not be pawned off to a second in command."

Jim seemed a bit taken aback by the Queen's sudden anger, but Marissa understood that to the Queen it was a matter of pride. If she could she would request the president of the Federation himself. As it was, Marissa was pretty damn sure that Jim's signature would be enough of a selling point. He did defeat Nero and save the Earth, after all.

Jim remained silent.

"Think of your Ensign O'Donnell and what it would mean to her and her career," the Queen practically cooed. "She's worked hard on this and done extremely well. Why ruin all her good work and possibly her reputation, because you won't answer a few questions for me?"

"No," Marissa whispered, her stomach dropping and her face paling dramatically. "Damn it Jim, say no. Don't…" McCoy reached out a steadying hand and she held it in a tight grip. This couldn't be happening.

"What do you want to know?" Jim asked bitterly.

"Shit," McCoy whispered.

"Excellent," the Queen exclaimed. "We shall need some refreshments and…"

"No thank you, Your Majesty," Jim interrupted. "I am not need of any refreshments. I'd like to get this over with."

The Queen seemed about to protest, but decided against it. "As you wish," she nodded regally. "Now tell me about your childhood."

"It was better than some, worse than others," Jim replied smoothly, somehow managing to contain his usual smirk when denying authority.

Marissa couldn't help but laugh, looking over at McCoy who was smirking. That response was so Jim.

"That is hardly informative," the Queen pointed out with a frown.

"I'm not going to make this easy for you," Jim responded.

Challenge thrown down, the Queen nodded thoughtfully.

"Were you abused as a child?"

Jim shrugged. "My stepfather was not above using his fists or belt."

"How often?"

"Whenever he thought I needed it," Jim replied.

"How often was that," the Queen asked in frustration.

Jim shrugged again. "It was a long time ago. Probably more than I thought necessary."

"Did your mother abandon you?" the Queen asked, changing topics.

"No."

"No?"

"No," Jim repeated firmly.

The Queen seemed to ponder this. "She never left you or…"

"She worked for Starfleet. She wasn't always on planet, but she never abandoned me. I was always either with her, or with relatives or with Frank."

"Did you impregnate that girl… your friend?"

Jim's hands clenched briefly before he relaxed. "No."

The Queen stared at him and Jim seemed to flinch slightly.

"I believe you," the Queen finally said.

"If you can read my mind, why the hell do you even bother asking?" Jim demanded his face pale.

The Queen waved her hand absently. "It doesn't work that way. Now tell me about the women. How many have you slept with?"

"I don't know," Jim responded angrily. "It's not like I kept count."

"It's been rumored that the number is over eight hundred," the Queen pointed out.

"Like I said, you should believe everything you read, Your Majesty," Jim told her bitterly.

"Guess," the Queen prodded.

"I don't know," Jim ground out. "Before I entered the Academy… a lot of that time is a blur."

"So you just used women for sex," the Queen accused.

"No more than they used me," Jim fired back. "I never promised anything. And I always made sure they had fun; that they enjoyed themselves."

"A considerate lover, how nice," the Queen responded snidely.

Jim shrugged. "It is what it is. I wasn't looking for anything more than a good time and neither were they."

"So you've never seduced a woman to gain something?"

"No, not really," Jim shrugged; "a place to sleep, maybe, a meal. I never asked for anything more."

"Really," the Queen asked, her gaze once more intensely focused on Jim. He stared back, his face pale once again and sweat began to trickle down his forehead.

"Damn it, woman," McCoy cursed. "Get the hell out of his mind."

"You didn't seduce someone because you needed… information?" the Queen asked, her voice a big rougher as she continued to stare at Jim. "An Orion, perhaps?"

Jim blinked repeatedly from the mental onslaught. "Gaila and I… we'd been sleeping together for almost a year. I didn't seduce her to get any information. It just happened that she talked in her sleep and I… I used that information," Jim finally replied.

"And you feel guilty," the Queen pointed out.

"Yes," Jim replied, still blinking rapidly. "I never meant to… use her that way. And I never got to… apologize."

Uhura gasped softly, but Marissa didn't even bother to look at her. She was focused on the Jim and the strain he was under. Suddenly he seemed to relax as the Queen apparently stopped her mental prodding.

"You have a conscious, at least," she commented, her breathing slightly heavier than before. Apparently reading someone's mind was not exactly easy on her.

"Thank you, so much," Jim replied sarcastically, his shoulders slightly slumped after the mental attack.

"Tell Us," the Queen asked after a moment's respite. "At the Academy, how many women did you sleep with? Those years can't be blurry, can they?"

Jim sighed wearily. "My first year, maybe twenty-five or so; mostly first semester when I was still trying to figure out if it was something I really wanted to do. Second year, probably half that and by third year…" he paused, taking a deep breath, "three. Two were friends that… we occasionally slept together when we wanted to; when we needed it. One was just a one night stand at a bar. I was drunk, she was drunk, after a bad test," he shrugged. "That's it. It wasn't half of the female population at the Academy. Not even a tenth."

"These two friends," the Queen began, "they were fine with such a casual relationship?"

"Yes," Jim replied without hesitation. "They had their careers and classes to think about. They didn't need any complications any more than I did."

"And since you've become captain?" the Queen prodded. "It is said that women love a man with power, and I'm sure men are not above using that power for their own…gain."

"I have never used my position as Captain, or as anything else, to get a woman to sleep with me," Jim bit out, obviously insulted.

"But surely, the women, they find the uniform of captain appealing," the Queen continued slyly.

"Doesn't matter," Jim replied, shaking his head.

"Even on shore leave? Away from your ship and your crewmembers?"

Jim breathed in deeply and then let it out. "One," he replied firmly. "I've slept with only one woman since I became captain of the Enterprise."

Marissa couldn't help blushing as three pairs of eyes turned toward her. McCoy's smirk let her know that he had already known that. Spock looked at her as if she was some new specimen, and Uhura just looked shocked. Even Marissa hadn't known that Jim hadn't slept with anyone but her since she became pregnant. It gave her a warm glowing feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Are you capable of being faithful to her, or are there extenuating circumstances at this time?" the Queen asked. "Apparently you can feel guilt. Do you feel responsible too?

"Excuse me?" Jim snapped.

"Well, I am assuming that your one is your Ensign O'Donnell, correct?"

Jim glared. "Apparently you already know that."

"Can you be faithful to her?" the Queen asked again. "We have come to like Ensign O'Donnell; We would not like to see her hurt in any way."

"My relationship with Ensign O'Donnell is none of your fucking business," Jim snapped. He paled slightly as the Queen's stare intensified. "Get the fuck out of my mind," he spit out between clenched teeth. The tacked on 'Your Majesty,' was an after thought.

The Queen relaxed and stared thoughtfully at him. "You really do have feelings for her, don't you?" She seemed surprised. "After all I've heard about you, and certainly after what Qu'alla picked up from Lieutenant Uhura, I really didn't think you capable of it. It's not just the child, is it?"

"Once again, Your Majesty," Jim ground out, "my relationship with Marissa and our child are none of your fucking business. I don't know the extent of Lieutenant Uhura's…dissatisfaction… with me, but we're both Starfleet officers and our relationship, both professional and personal is, again, none of your fucking business."

"You've never propositioned Lieutenant Uhura?" the Queen prodded.

"You've read through my mind, you tell me?" Jim snapped back.

"And I've told you it doesn't work that way," the Queen replied haughtily. "Answer my question, Captain."

"Almost four years ago I tried to pick Uhura up at a bar. I was drunk. We flirted, she laughed a bit, I got the shit kicked out of me by a four cadets trying to protect her virtue," he said resentfully. "The rest of our time at the Academy I enjoyed flirting with her from time to time and I thought she enjoyed shooting me down. I never thought she'd take me up on any of my offers, but she is brilliant and her put downs were always worth the effort.

"My mistake," Jim stressed, "was in thinking she realized that it wasn't serious on my part and only meant in fun. I have never used my captaincy to coerce her into anything. When I was given the _Enterprise_ I wanted the best, and Lieutenant Uhura is the best, even if she hates me. She was given the choice to serve with me. I in no way coerced her or allowed our past association to influence my decisions."

There was a long moment of silence as Jim and the Queen stared at each other again. Marissa could hear Uhura breathing heavily next to Spock. She didn't turn to look at the woman because she didn't think she could stop herself from trying to physically hurt her.

"I believe you," the Queen finally stated.

"Well thanks for that," Jim said wryly, his eyes glaring up at the ceiling and looking anywhere but at the Queen.

"We will sign the treaty tomorrow," the Queen announced. "Ensign O'Donnell has already recommended a few diplomats who might work well with Us. Once the treaty is signed you and your ship may leave and we will continue with the diplomat of our choice once they arrive."

Jim didn't say anything, just nodded in response. It was obvious to those watching him in the other room that he just wanted to leave, but he held his place until the Queen actually dismissed him.

"You are a good man, James T. Kirk," the Queen finally said, not without a trace of sympathy. "What has been written about you is not a fair assessment of your character. We are sorry that Our time with you has been so confrontational, but… We were curious." She gave him a small smile that was part apology and part 'I am a Queen and can do whatever I want.'

"If it wasn't for your Ensign O'Donnell, I might have offered you the chance to breed with my daughter," she said conversationally. "Your PSI abilities are nonexistent, but I imagine that you would sire strong daughters. We could use that."

Jim's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Pardon me, Your Majesty, but there is no way I would even think of agreeing to that."

"I thought so," the Queen answered. "You may go. On of Our servants will see you to your friends," she nodded regally. "I look forward to seeing you at the signing ceremony. Thatalia will see to it all."

Bowing slightly, Jim pivoted and walked calmly to the exit.

Marissa could barely contain herself as she turned towards Uhura.

"Are you happy now?" she snapped, pushing past McCoy and Spock. "Did you enjoy that? Watching Jim have to open himself up to that…woman?"

"I…" Uhura began, looking back and forth between the two men for some support. "I didn't mean for this to happen," she finally managed to say.

"Of course not," Marissa rolled her eyes, her finger poking Uhura in the chest as she cornered her against the wall. "You just wanted to nurse your little grudge against Jim because some asshole wrote a book that said Jim _might_ have," she stressed, "used his 'charm and persuasive abilities' to get certain people onto his command team. Your name was never even fucking mentioned, but you had the arrogance to assume it was you!"

"My family was being contacted…" Uhura tried to defend herself.

"Everyone's family was being contacted!" Marissa countered. "Only you issued a statement against orders. Only you had the fucking nerve to say that you signed onto the Enterprise _despite_ Jim being its captain."

"They said other things…"

"And in his statement Jim addressed those things, without making a fuss about it. You just added fuel to the fire by denying everything so vehemently. Things would have died down if you just would have left everything alone." Marissa inhaled deeply, her rage, now unleashed, seemed to have a life of its own. She'd wanted to confront Uhura about this for a long time.

"You weren't the only one hurt by that Damn Book, Uhura," she pointed out her voice soft, but menacing. "Jim had his fucking life put out there for strangers to peruse and ogle. And even if they exaggerated the hell out of it…" She shook her head helplessly. "Are you really that arrogant? Was your petty grudge worth a man's pride? Did you just see what he had to go through in there?"

"Yes, I saw," Uhura whispered.

"And was it worth it? To hate him for something that wasn't even his fault?" she demanded. "Do you even realize that this never would have happened if you could have just…?"

"Marissa!" Jim's voice cut through her tirade causing everyone to turn towards him. "That's enough."

"But Jim," Marissa protested.

"I said that's enough, Ensign," Jim snapped. Marissa took a step away from Uhura, nodding in response, though her anger was only barely contained. Jim looked back and for between the two men. "Why didn't you put a stop to this?" he asked them.

McCoy shrugged. "She didn't say anything that I didn't agree with," he drawled.

"Spock?" Jim turned to his first officer.

"I am in agreement with Dr. McCoy," he responded. "Ensign O'Donnell, while out of line, said nothing that has not needed to be said."

"Damn it, Spock," Jim said softly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Of all the times…" he shook his head. "Never mind. The treaty is being signed tomorrow."

"We know," McCoy interrupted, "we heard it all." Waving behind him, McCoy brought Jim's attention to the viewport behind them."

Jim stared at it for a long time, obviously fighting for some composure as he realized that his whole interrogation had been watched by his friends. "Great," was his only comment before he pulled his captain's persona over him like a cloak.

"Spock, you will escort Lieutenant Uhura, Dr. McCoy and our security team back to the ship. Ensign O'Donnell, myself, and her security team will take the shuttle to the _Enterprise_. Please schedule a debriefing for," he glanced at his chrono, "1900 hours in my ready room. I want everyone there, we have a treaty signing to attend tomorrow at 1600 hours and I want everyone on the same page and all the details smoothed out."

Spock nodded, "Yes, sir." Looking at McCoy and Uhura, he signaled them to precede him from the room. Uhura filed quietly past Jim, neither of them able to look at the other. It was only when Uhura reached the door that she stopped and finally turned around.

"Jim," she called out softly, her voice barely carrying across the room. "Captain?" she said a little bit louder.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" Jim replied, still not looking at her.

"I…I'm sorry. I never meant…" she stammered.

Jim glanced at her and nodded, his eyes filled with pain. "We'll discuss this later, Lieutenant," he told her hoarsely.

"Yes, Sir," Uhura responded. Hanging her head she followed McCoy out of the room.

When the door shut, Marissa finally wrapped her arms around Jim. He stood stiffly for a moment, and then relaxed, clutching her against him tightly. "You heard everything?" he whispered into her neck.

"Yes," she replied, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"I'm sorry," he told her, "so sorry."

"What do you have to be sorry about?" Marissa demanded, her voice breaking on the last word. "This isn't your fault."

Jim pulled back slightly to look at her. "Don't cry, Mariss," he said softly, his eyes concerned as he looked down at her, his hands gentle as he wiped away her tears. "I need to get back to the _Enterprise_ and get through the debriefing; I can't if you're crying." Leaning in he kissed her softly.

"I'm fine," Marissa sniffed, clutching at his gold shirt. "I'm fine. Really. I'll be fine. Can you just hold me for a minute? Then we can go to the shuttle. Just a minute, please?"

Jim smiled down at her. "I'll hold you forever if that's what you want," he told her, wrapping his arms around her again and holding her close to his heart.

_Please review_


	26. Chapter 26

_I guess you could say this chapter is dedicated to bkwrm who did something amazing. She/he/it told me what she/he/it didn't like and why. I hope this chapter works for you, bkwrm._

_And a big thanks and hugs all around for everyone who is taking the time to review – your comments and thoughts mean the world to me. They are the highpoints of my day. I don't respond personally, though I know I should, but just so you all know that you are amazing for taking the time to make lil' ol' me happy._

**Consequences**

**Chapter 26**

Marissa slowly woke to the sound of beeping and hushed voices, a burning feeling in her right hand. All signs pointed to being in Medical, but she had no memory of how or why. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep on the shuttle back to the _Enterprise_ after the signing of the treaty and the banquet that followed.

"What happened?" she asked; her voice soundly hoarse. Looking down at herself, she was surprised to see that she was wearing a hospital gown and had an IV hooked up to her arm. Her hands automatically going to her belly, she was relieved to feel the casual push of the baby against her hand. "How'd I end up here?" she wondered out loud.

Jim, back in his command gold and looking extremely rumpled, was at her side instantly, taking her hand and helping her to sit up against her pillows. He and McCoy wore matching frowns as they watched her settle.

"You collapsed," Jim replied tightly, his hand gripping hers almost painfully. He watched her look pointedly at her hospital attire. "It happened last night, when we were getting off the shuttle," he explained further.

"When was the last time you ate anything?" McCoy practically barked at her.

"Uh, we were just at a banquet, Doc," she pointed out. "And apparently I've been asleep for," she glanced at the chrono, "about twelve hours."

Bones waved his hand in dismissal. "You needed to be rehydrated. What did you eat yesterday, you know, before you fainted and scared us half to death?" he drawled, arms crossing his chest and eyebrow lifted in question.

Marissa thought about it. It was harder to remember than she expected. "I had, uh… I had one of those little pastry appetizers with the broccoli like vegetable. And… and some of the cheesy puff things."

"Those were served right after the signing," McCoy pointed out. "What did you eat at the banquet? You know, when all those tables of food were laid out for hours?"

"I don't know," Marissa blushed. She glanced over at Jim who continued to frown. "I must've eaten something. I just don't remember. I was talking with Thatalia and…"

"Damn it, woman!" McCoy snapped. "If you're not going to take care of yourself…"

"I take care of myself," Marissa protested. "I was just a little distracted and…"

"And you forgot to eat and then fainted when the shuttle arrived back at the Enterprise," McCoy summarized bitterly. "I told you with your low blood sugar and blood pressure you have to eat something every couple hours! You are dehydrated and slightly anemic. You're staying here for the next seventy-two hours under observation. You will sleep, you will eat, and you will rest, do you understand me?"

Glancing back and forth between the two men, Marissa was still shocked by the severity of their frowns. "I'm okay," she tired to reassure them. "I just got preoccupied with the treaty and… and everything and… I'll be fine now. I'm back on the ship; back into my old routine. I don't need to be under observation. I'll be…"

The painful squeezing of her hand cut off her protests and Marissa turned to look at Jim. He was still frowning and his eyes… he looked so tired and… haunted. "You scared us, Marissa," Jim said quietly. "You scared _me_; dropping like you did, without even a warning or anything. I thought…" he swallowed heavily and closed his eyes briefly. Marissa looked wildly at McCoy who shook his head and watched Jim. "Bones says you're not taking care of yourself and you need to stay here. So that's what you're going to do. Doctor's orders."

"But Jim," Marissa protested looking between the two grim men. "I can rest in my quarters or yours. I promise…"

"No," Jim interrupted. He looked directly at her, the intensity of his eyes almost causing her pain. "You _scared_ me," he whispered. "I thought that something had happened to you…or the baby and I…" He shook his head again, not willing to continue. "You're staying here," he told her in his Captain's voice, "and that's an order." His eyes softened. "Please, for my piece of mind? I have things I have to do and I can't… I can't do them if I'm worrying about you. Please?" he asked again.

She sighed. "Fine."

He finally smiled at her, a small smile, but at least it wasn't a frown. "Good," he stood up and kissed her on the forehead. "I have to get back to the Bridge. Be good for Bones and I'll be here for dinner."

"Jim," she said hesitantly, grabbing his hand before her could move away. "I still need to talk to you about… about what I said, about… the Queen and… and Uhura and I need to…"

"Later," he told her, the smile gone and his eyes shuttered. "We can talk about all that later. I promise," he added when she seemed about to protest. "I want you to rest now. No working, no worrying… just rest."

"That's easier said than done," she pointed out, more than slightly relieved to put off that conversation.

"Try," Jim replied before squeezing her hand, nodding to McCoy and leaving Medical.

They both watched him exit.

"I screwed up, didn't I?" Marissa said quietly, her eyes still on the door where Jim had just been.

"Pretty much," McCoy responded almost cheerfully, grabbing her chart and looking over the displays on the biobed.

"Don't sugarcoat it, Doc," Marissa rolled her eyes.

"Well, you eat some, and drink some, I'll take you off the IV and then after you have a rest we'll have a little chat about taking care of yourself and your little spawn. Things will be fine then," he told her, making a mark on the PADD.

"That's not what I was referring too," Marissa responded grumpily, plucking at the white blanket.

"I know, darling," McCoy said quietly, his warm hand briefly squeezing her shoulder. "But it's nothing Jim can't fix."

"He shouldn't have to fix this," Marissa told him weakly, blinking up at the ceiling above. "He's got enough to deal with."

McCoy pulled up the chair Jim had been sitting on and sat down next to her. "Honestly, Jim should have dealt with this a long time ago," McCoy told her. "We should have tried harder. Someone should have. We all knew Uhura was upset and I did try to say something once, a while back," he looked at her and shrugged apologetically. "I didn't try hard enough. While you might have been a bit more…dramatic about what you said, Uhura should have been talked with months ago. We all let it fester."

"But I put Jim in the middle," Marissa countered, appreciating that McCoy was trying to lessen her guilt, but unable to let him. "I swore I'd never do that and after what I said…"

"He's captain," McCoy interrupted. "He'll always be in the middle. But he should have spoken with Uhura before this. Like I said, we all knew she was angry with him. I think he – we all – hoped it would just blow over. None of us knew she disliked him that much." He shook his head sadly.

"That's just it," Marissa pointed out. "I don't think she does. I think the Queen was looking for dirt and she sent her minister to find it. I don't think Uhura really hates Jim and I know she would never damage a mission. The minister just ripped a… an idea… a thought… out of her head. Out of context or however you want to look at it."

McCoy sat back and looked at her thoughtfully. "You're certainly singing a different tune, today," he pointed out wryly.

"I know," Marissa blushed. "I've had time to think about it – after the debriefing and seeing how wrecked she was, and at the signing. Don't get me wrong, I've been spoiling to have words with her and her treatment of Jim, but I knew it wasn't my place and…" she shrugged. "I'd hoped it would blow over too; that she'd remember what an amazing captain he is and just let it go."

McCoy rolled his eyes at her words, obviously biting his tongue at her bias towards anything to do with Jim.

"The thing is," Marissa continued, sniffing loudly. "After everything went to hell on Cloral and it looked like it was her fault… and after seeing Jim have to endure what the Queen put him through. It was so demeaning. He didn't, _doesn't_, deserve that. No one does. I couldn't yell at the Queen, so… I let everything loose on Uhura. And that wasn't fair."

"Yes, you did," McCoy agreed, offering her a tissue from the bedside.

"I didn't mean it," Marissa told him, wiping her eyes, "well, not all of it," she corrected when McCoy stared at her disbelievingly.

"Look, kiddo," McCoy stood up, patting her arm again. "Jim will take care of it. He's the captain, that's what he's supposed to do. I know some people doubted he had the maturity to pull this off, but he does. You and I know it, and I think the rest of the crew knows it, too. He's a damn fine captain; he's just learning the ropes."

XxX

Jim sighed as he walked out of Medical, the knot in his stomach finally relaxing a bit. Bones had told him repeatedly that Marissa and the baby were okay. He could even see it on the read outs on the biobed, but he just wasn't going to be convinced until she opened her eyes and talked to him.

Watching her collapse – it had been in slow motion, no less – had been one of the scariest moments in his life. He'd done many dangerous things; driving off a cliff, jumping from a perfectly good shuttle craft onto an enemy drilling platform, going after Nero with Spock. He'd also been in dangerous situations where he and members of his crew were in danger, but none of those situations compared to the utter helplessness he felt as he watched Marissa fall onto the shuttle deck without making a sound.

Scary medical terms that Bones liked to spout off were instantly running through his mind; stroke, aneurism, eclampsia, placental separation, hemorrhage. He'd thought his heart had honestly stopped beating as he lunged to grab her and keep her from bashing her head into one of the seats or the floor. Bones was next to him instantly, calling out for a stretcher and a med team, his trusty tricorder already out and scanning Marissa's slumped form.

He could see the baby moving and turning in her belly and he could feel her breath against his hand as held her head against his chest protectively, but he wouldn't believe it until Bones confirmed it. Vaguely he could hear things going on in the background. Spock clearing the shuttle and calling to Medical, footsteps echoing on the metal stairs as the away team rushed to clear the area, the sound of the tricoder beeping in Bones' hand. All his abilities, his decision making skills and quick thinking, emptied out of his brain as he waited for Bones to give his verdict.

It felt like forever, but was probably only two or three minutes, before Bones looked up at him with a relieved smile, placing his hand over Jim's which was protectively over Marissa's strongly beating heart.

"She's fine, Jim," Bones told him, his voice sounding like he was speaking from a long distance. "She's fine. She just fainted. She stood up too quickly and fainted." Bones glanced over his shoulder and spoke to someone, but Jim couldn't seem to focus on the words. "She's fine, Jim," Bones repeated again, his voice starting to sound clearer. "The stretcher is here. Let Spock carry her…"

Bones tried to remove his hands from their grip on Marissa, but Jim instinctively clutched her to him even tighter. He knew he should let her go, but he just couldn't.

"Captain," Spock's voice came from over Bones' shoulder. "I can easily carry Ensign O'Donnell to the stretcher outside the shuttle. Her weight will be of no consequence to me. The shuttle is too cramped for Dr. McCoy to perform a more thorough examination." Jim nodded, understanding Spock's words but still unable to comply.

"Captain," Spock repeated in a slightly louder tone. "You must let me take Ensign O'Donnell. She needs to be in Medical."

Looking between the two men kneeling in the cramped walkway, Jim saw Bone's look of concern and the almost compassionate way that Spock was regarding him. He nodded again, this time shifting Marissa carefully in his arms. "Yes, yes," he mumbled, "of course."

Bones moved and Spock came forward, easily clasping Marissa to him as he stood up and moved to exit the shuttle. Jim scrambled behind him, not wanting to let them out of his sight. Bones grasped his elbow when he stumbled in his haste.

"She's fine, Jim," he repeated, his voice softer than Jim was used to. "I promise."

Taking a deep breath, Jim closed his eyes and nodded, doing his best to pull himself out of the panic that seemed to be overwhelming him. "I know," Jim told his friend, "I believe you, I do… I just…"

Bones smiled understandingly. "Come on, kid. Let's get her back to Medical. I've got to work on the riot act I'm going to read her once she wakes up. I swear, she's worse than you are about taking care of herself."

Jim couldn't really manage a smile, but he appreciated Bones' attempt to comfort him.

Spock was just laying her down on the hoverbed when Jim and Bones exited the shuttle. He was vaguely aware of the rest of the away team clustered around the shuttle, watching the action. It annoyed him, but he didn't want to waste the effort of reprimanding them. Honestly they were probably just concerned.

"Spock," Jim finally said, taking Marissa's still hand and walking next to the hoverbed. "You have the conn for now. I'll be with Marissa in Medical. Can you please see to all the…"

"Consider it done, Captain," Spock interrupted as Jim floundered. "I will see to any of the final details with the Cloralans and inform Starfleet that the mission was a success."

Jim nodded absently, his gaze still focused on Marissa. "Thanks, Spock."

XxX

Honestly, he couldn't remember feeling this wiped out, both emotionally and physically, in years, Jim thought to himself as he entered the turbolift to the Bridge. At least with everything that happened with Nero and the Narada there had been an adrenaline rush and a sense of accomplishment. After the past forty-eight hours he just felt drained.

First there had been the worry that something had happened planetside to call him down there in such a rush; was it Marissa? Was it the negotiations? Why the hell did the Queen want him specifically? Then it was sparring with the Queen and having his memories and past actions ripped out of his brain for her enjoyment. Marissa's attack on Uhura had just been icing on that particular fun day.

Marissa had broached the topic that night, once they were back on the _Enterprise_, but he had felt too emotionally raw to deal with it and the possible repercussions, so he had simply kissed her gently, told her to sleep and then held her close to him all night. In her own exhaustion she had dropped off quickly and he had spent the night feeling her breath against his chest while caressing her belly and trading light pats and pokes with their child. He only dozed off and on, but it was better than he had slept with her away from him on Cloral.

The next morning had been a whirl of preparations and meetings and dressing for the signing of the initial treaty. He hated his dress uniform, even though he knew he looked attractive in it, and every cordial word he spoke to the Queen had tasted like sawdust, but he had managed to make it through to the banquet without anyone, aside from the four who had witnessed his humiliation, knowing how tense he really was.

The banquet had gone smoothly enough. He wasn't used to being treated as a second class citizen, someone to be humored, observed and condescended too, but he'd persisted with a smile plastered on his face. He'd really enjoyed watching Marissa throughout the evening. Her dress uniform, while altered to fit her pregnant frame, looked nice, but it was her face that he watched most.

She was glowing, and not because she was pregnant, but because she was finally in her element. She had done an amazing job bringing the Cloralans to the table as quickly as she had. She'd blown off his compliments by stating that they were in desperate need and had really wanted the treaty, she was just a conduit, but he knew that it was her intelligence and charisma and relaxed manner that had eased the Cloralan's worries.

Finally sitting on the shuttle to return to the _Enterprise_, Jim had allowed himself to relax, forcing Marissa to do so, too, by taking away her PADD. He had known that there was a lot to do and fix, but that could wait. Allowing himself to doze for the first half of the trip back, by the time they docked he had already organized his 'to do' list in his mind and was ready to start fixing everything that had gone wrong – everything that he had let go wrong – since the Damn Book was published.

What he was totally unprepared for was the sudden jolt of terror and helplessness that rushed through him as he watched Marissa simply collapse next to him on the shuttle. Even though he had heard Bones tell him that she had only fainted, he still hadn't been able to actually comprehend his friend's words. Sitting beside her in Medical he had only stared at her and worried.

Spock had stopped by to report on his final dealings with the Cloralans and the initial report to Starfleet and he'd woodenly responded, but couldn't bring himself to show any interest. They were all minor housekeeping details, things he normally cared about, but now he figured Spock could take care of them for awhile. He had more important things to worry about. Bones had tried to convince him to go back to his quarters and rest, but he had refused, even though he knew she had been sedated and wouldn't wake up until morning.

Now that she was awake and grouchy, something he could totally understand given how many times he'd woken up in Medical and been told he was under observation until Bones decided to give him the okay to leave, Jim knew that he had a busy day on his hands. And there was no sense in putting off the uncomfortable items until later.

Stepping onto the Bridge, he nodded to his crew as his yeoman called, "Captain on the Bridge!"

"Morning everyone," he made himself smile. Bypassing his chair, he walked to his ready room. "Rand, can I have a moment?"

"Of course, Sir." She scurried to follow him.

Stopping at the door, he looked over at Spock sitting at his station and watching him patiently. "Spock, when I'm done with Rand, I'd like you and Lieutenant Uhura to step in for a few minutes."

"Of course, Captain," Spock replied, glancing over to Uhura.

"Yes, Captain," Uhura echoed. Jim didn't know if she looked at him or not because he didn't take his eyes off Spock.

He spent fifteen minutes going over the day-to-do things that kept the Enterprise running smoothly. He signed a couple of authorization forms for Scotty and Stellar Cartography. He looked over the supplies lists and signed off on a couple requisition forms while sending back two others that needed more information than 'we want it.'

Finally, realizing that he couldn't put it off any longer, he dismissed Rand and sat back to wait for Spock and Uhura to enter his ready room.

Always prompt, the doors closed behind Rand and not twenty seconds later Spock and Uhura entered.

"Captain," Spock nodded, coming to rest in front of his desk, Uhura stiffly at his side.

"Spock, Lieutenant," Jim replied, finally allowing himself to look at Uhura. She stood at parade rest, her eyes focused on the wall behind him somewhere over his right shoulder. Her eyes were slightly reddened and her mouth was pursed in a way that he couldn't remember ever seeing.

"Captain," Spock interrupted perusal of Uhura, "May I inquire as to the health of Ensign O'Donnell and her child?"

Seeing Uhura chin dip slightly and her lips press together even more, Jim glanced over at Spock and then back to Uhura. Was Uhura angry, or was it something else? He looked at her more closely. He'd never seen her look this uncomfortable before.

"She's fine," Jim responded. "They're both fine. Marissa's had problems with low blood sugar and low blood pressure. With the stress of the treaty and… everything," he shrugged, "she hadn't eaten much and when she stood up she fainted. Bones has her in Medical for observation, but she's fine."

"That is good to know," Spock replied. Uhura nodded slightly and Jim was surprised to see some of the tension leave her neck and shoulders. Had she been worrying about Marissa?

"Please sit," Jim waved a hand to the chairs in front of his desk.

"I would rather stand, Sir," Uhura finally spoke, her voice soft, but slightly defiant.

Jim sighed. "Okay." He glanced over at Spock who had also remained standing. "Fine." He sat forward in his chair, elbows resting on his desk as he looked at two important members of his command team - and his friends, he hoped. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Lieutenant Uhura," he began, keeping his voice even and professional, "would you like to press formal charges against Ensign O'Donnell for her verbal attack on you while on the planet Chloral?"

Uhura's mouth dropped open in shock and she finally looked at Jim, her face a study of confusion as she glanced over at Spock before staring at Jim, nonplussed.

"Excuse me, sir?" she finally asked.

"It's really simple, Lieutenant," Jim sighed, hating having to ask again, feeling it as a betrayal of Marissa, but knowing that as captain he had to ask and follow through if necessary. "Would you like to press charges against Ensign O'Donnell? And before you answer," he held up a hand as Uhura opened her mouth to respond, "please realize that my… relationship… with Ensign O'Donnell should have no bearing on your answer whatsoever. This is a matter of insubordination of a junior officer against a senior officer and you have every right to press charges, as I'm sure Spock can verify."

Uhura hesitated for a moment, her eyes going back and forth between Spock and Jim. "I…" she began slowly, "I… I do not wish to press charges against Ensign O'Donnell, sir," she finally responded.

Jim sat back in his chair and looked at her carefully. "May I ask why? Ensign O'Donnell was clearly out of line."

Uhura floundered, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides. "Will you be pressing charges against me, Captain?" she finally asked, shocking Jim because the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. What happened down on Cloral could hardly be construed as her fault.

"No," Jim replied. "I will not." This seemed to catch Spock's attention as his eyebrow quirked minutely.

"May I ask why not?" Uhura asked; her surprise evident to Jim. "It was my thoughts that put the treaty in jeopardy. It was my feelings that made the Queen…"

"I will not punish you for your feelings," Jim told her honestly, cutting her off before she could say more and make them even more uncomfortable. "The Cloralans wrongly entered your mind and took information from you, something that you couldn't defend yourself against. I speak from experience," he added wryly, surprised to see Uhura actually flinch at his words. "I will not blame you for something that was out of your control."

"But if it wasn't for my… feelings," Uhura responded, obviously uncomfortable, "everything would have gone smoothly. Ensign O'Donnell had things under control and the treaty would have been signed without…"

Jim held up his hand to stop her. "I can't blame you for that, Lieutenant. The Cloralans basically attacked you – and me. It wasn't your fault and I don't see any reason to press charges against you. Now, about Ensign O'Donnell," he tried to change the topic back.

Uhura was shaking her head. "It was my fault," she argued. "I… I let myself… I allowed myself to hate you. I let myself think I hated you and I've… I've nursed a grudge against you since all the rumors started about how I became a part of your command team. I…"

"Again," Jim interrupted. "Not your fault. No one asked for that Damn Book to be published. So you can't be held responsible for any of the fall out. I…"

"I issued a statement against your orders," Uhura argued, stubbornly. Was she trying to get written up, Jim wondered wildly? "My family - my father - was upset and I… I gave in and issued a statement that only made things worse," she looked him directly in the eyes and he could see the remorse. "I went against your orders and…"

"I never ordered anyone not to make a statement," Jim pointed out wearily. Uhura's press statement had stung, he admitted. Marissa had been livid, but Jim had let it slide. There had been a lot of speculation about Uhura and his relationship in the Terran and Universal press. And if she was getting pressure from her family… he couldn't blame her for trying to fix it, even though it went against his advice and had actually prolonged things in the end. He had spent his life letting the slings and arrows of others bounce off his thick skin. Uhura, like so many others, hadn't and as such, had much thinner skin.

"But," Uhura began.

"Lieutenant," Jim interrupted again, using his captain's voice to drive his point home. "You made a mistake. It made things damn uncomfortable for awhile, but I can understand why you did it," he told her honestly. "It's not easy being the object of such malicious rumors. And if your family was pressuring you…" he shook his head. "I understand, Uhura, I really do," he told her softly.

She nodded, swallowing thickly, as she continued to watch him, her head now cocked to the side as if she had never really seen him before.

"Now about…" Jim started, but Uhura cut him off.

"I didn't let it go," Uhura stated softly. "I… I acted unprofessionally after the statement was released and… and everything. I…"

"You've never acted unprofessionally on my bridge," Jim countered almost angrily.

Uhura shook her head and swallowed again. "I… Spock and McCoy and even Sulu and Chekov… even they noticed and tried to talk to me. I was rude and I…"

"Lieutenant!" Jim barked, interrupting her rambling. He really did not like seeing her upset. He'd never seen her this upset and it… it unsettled him. In his mind Uhura was always strong and biting; someone like Bones who wasn't afraid to keep him in his place and keep his ego in check. "Do you want to be transferred to another ship?"

"What?" Uhura gasped, her face paling. "No!"

"Good," Jim nodded. "We've both made mistakes. In retrospect, you shouldn't have issued a statement to the press. I should have approached you long before this and tried to… fix… the situation that caused you to hate me so much. I was… I was a chicken," he admitted with a self depreciating look, "I really didn't want to face your wrath, especially when it was all my fault."

"It wasn't your fault," Uhura told him, her eyes still suspiciously shiny, "and I don't hate you. I didn't really hate you," she admitted. "I think I just got so used to pretending not to like you that I… let myself believe that I didn't." Now she was blushing. Jim wasn't sure he'd ever seen her blush.

Jim closed his eyes and tried not to sigh in relief. "I'm glad you don't hate me," he replied, "I need you to keep me in line and you're the only one – besides Bones – who I trust to do it when I really need it." Uhura smiled tentatively. "But don't like me too much," Jim smirked. "I'm a taken man, you know."

"Don't get your hope up, Captain," Uhura responded, though her usually caustic tone held more affection than spite.

They smiled at each other, and Jim couldn't control the sense of relief that seemed to cascade through him. He and Uhura were back to being friends again – or at least their version of it.

"I take it that there will be no charges filed against Ensign O'Donnell or Lieutenant Uhura," Spock questioned as he watched Jim and Uhura smile almost giddily at each other.

"No Spock," Jim replied, standing from behind his desk and then slapping the Vulcan on the shoulder familiarly. "I think we got that all worked out."

Uhura nodded. "No charges," she agreed as Jim came to stand in front of her.

"Not to be a bastard, and all that," Jim smirked, "but I think after all this I deserve a hug."

Her smile a bit hesitant, Uhura wrapped her arms around Jim's neck as his arms went around her waist and pulled her close.

"Friends?" he whispered against her hair.

"Friends," she replied, squeezing him tightly for a moment before pulling back to look in his face. "I am sorry," she whispered.

Jim smiled softly. "I know. I am too."

Uhura nodded again and without warning reached up and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.

Stepping back, Jim put his hand to his cheek in mock awe. "Now what am I going to tell Marissa," he demanded, trying to contain his smile. "I told you I was a taken man."

She rolled her eyes. "Tell her I was momentarily delirious," she grinned at him before turning towards the door.

"And in front of Spock, too," Jim admonished, shaking his head in mock dismay. "Can I have another one," he called out to her retreating back. "Your aim was a little off."

"In your dreams, Captain," Uhura smirked as the door swished open and she stepped out.

Both men stared at the door as it closed behind her; Jim smiling widely and Spock with his eyebrow raised to his hairline.

"Fascinating," he murmured softly.

Jim turned to him and smiled. "Come on, Spock," he clapped him on the back again. "We have a ship to run!"

_Please review_


	27. Chapter 27

**Consequences**

**Chapter 27**

Marissa gave a soft hiss as her belly contracted once again. McCoy offered her his hand, but she just waved him away. He'd just stopped by to check on her progress. Breathing through her nose evenly, she concentrated on a spot on the floor and let the discomfort flow through her.

This was so Jim's fault.

"That seemed to go pretty smoothly," McCoy commented as he put away his tricorder and threw his gloves into the incinerator.

Marissa shrugged. "Same old, same old," she told him wryly.

Her body seemed to have been stuck on repeat for the past twelve hours. McCoy and Christine had been stopping by every couple hours to check on her progress, but she was still holding steady – five centimeters dilated and barely effaced, the contractions coming like clockwork every fifteen minutes.

It was a week early and she had been a bit worried about that, but McCoy hadn't been fazed in the least when she had first contacted him about her pains.

"Babies come when they're ready," he told her patiently. "And since you don't want to take anything to speed things up…" he trailed off and shrugged. "Be grateful that it's early rather than late."

She rolled her eyes and shuddered lightly at the thought. She was already feeling like an elephant, huge and clumsy. She hadn't seen her feet in months and she constantly felt overheated and swollen no matter how often she went into the pool or showered. How Jim could find her even remotely attractive was beyond her, but he claimed he did. Last night he had been particularly amorous and even though they could no longer make love to each other face to face and she worried, needlessly according to Jim, that she would squish him if she were on top, they had enjoyed an extremely sensual evening that had ended with her moaning on her knees and begging him to go faster.

"I still don't understand," she told McCoy, trying to control the blush that was spreading over her face and neck at the thoughts of last night. Hopefully he would just think it was due to her labor. "I saw you yesterday afternoon and you said that I wasn't dilated and barely effaced and I probably still had another week to go."

McCoy had shrugged. Putting away his tricorder he sat down next to her. "I was wrong," he admitted. "Childbirth is not an exact science, even nowadays." He looked her over for a moment, making her feel a bit nervous. "Let me ask you this; when was the last time you and Jim had sex?"

Marissa's eyes blew wide open at that. She hadn't been expecting that question at all. "Why?" she asked, once again blushing.

"There's a hormone in semen that can induce labor," he smirked. "It doesn't always work, but…" he shrugged. "Also, stimulation of the breasts, especially the nipples, can release a similar hormone that might speed up the onset of labor."

"This is so Jim's fault," Marissa whispered under her breath, her mind once more playing back memories of the night before, Jim's body fitted firmly to hers, her bottom pressing against his abdomen, his hands reaching forward to cup and gently play with her breasts; the orgasm that had seemed to start at her nipples and then ebb through her entire body.

"Last night, huh?" McCoy asked straight faced.

Shaking her head, Marissa sighed. "Last night."

He patted her hand before he stood up. "First babies can take a while. Your contractions are evenly spaced and not too painful yet. Try to rest a bit," he advised. "Are you ready to contact Jim yet?"

"No," Marissa responded without thought. "I've been having these contractions since three this morning and he's only partway through his shift on the bridge. He needs the distraction more than I do. He'd drive me nuts if he were here now," she smiled wryly. "Patience is not always a James T. Kirk attribute."

"True," he smirked. "I'll be back in an hour or two," he told her as he headed for the door. "Comm. me if there's any changes or if your water breaks. And don't worry, Uhura and Rand are keeping Jim busy on the Bridge."

The door closed behind McCoy and Marissa gave a huge sigh. It was going to be a long, long day.

xXx

Jim swung his command chair idly. Now that the paperwork Rand had foisted off on him was done and he'd listened to the subspace recordings that Uhura had flagged – for reasons unknown to him – his growing apprehension for the upcoming birth of his child was at the forefront of his mind and making him feel extremely uncomfortable. He wasn't used to feeling overwhelmed and even a little bit scared.

He'd managed to keep the ship busy with the usual drills and away missions as they visited several Federation planets and their allies. It wasn't always fun, but he had to be on his toes while dealing with politicians and tacticians at state dinners and meetings so at least he wasn't bored. Months ago, shortly after he found out Marissa was pregnant he began looking for the perfect boring mission that he could schedule near Marissa's due date. He did not want to be stuck glad handing or waving the Federation flag while Marissa was giving birth to his child. It was definitely an event he did not want to miss.

Luckily, Spock had been an amazing silent ally. While Jim had been trying to figure out how to schedule maintenance or shore leave, both things that were unlikely due to their visit to Star Base 17 not too long ago, Spock had managed to finagle a star mapping mission for stellar cartography. They were a little too close to the Neutral Zone to be completely comfortable, but it was good and boring.

Unfortunately the mission had been bumped up on their schedule so instead of roughly a week on either side of Marissa's due date, it was scheduled to end the day after. If she didn't have the baby by then they'd be hosting a Bjoran minister on his way to Star Base 29 in the far reaches of the Beta Quadrant. He'd tentatively asked Bones about speeding things up, but the doctor had refused. It was better for the baby and Marissa if things just happened naturally.

As much as he wanted the baby born before he had to play host, he was nervous about it finally happening. He didn't feel ready to be a father. He didn't really know how to handle a baby. He knew how to deal with young kids - those out of diapers, but he couldn't remember ever holding a baby. Everything else in his life he was able to jump in head first without having to worry about first, second or even third thoughts, this waiting was killing him. He really didn't like dealing with his self doubts.

Chapel had cornered him one day a few weeks ago when he had come down to Medical to visit with Bones. She'd had a fake baby doll and she'd made him practice holding, diapering, dressing, feeding, and burping the thing. The whole experience had been uncomfortable and humiliating. If he couldn't diaper a doll, how the hell was he supposed to take care of the real thing?

Once the kid was two or three years old he had a lot more confidence in his abilities. He'd gone to daycare as a child between the ages of nine and eleven and there had been younger kids. He knew how to play with them and the basics of taking care of them, but a toddler could talk and tell you want it wanted or what was wrong. A baby was a whole different ballpark.

"Captain, we have an incoming message from Outpost 94," Uhura's brisk voice broke into his thoughts, her tone putting the entire bridge on alert better than any red alert siren.

"On screen," Jim told her.

It took some fine tuning, but eventually Uhura managed to get a fuzzy image to appear; the sound quality not much better.

"Captain Kirk," a woman's garbled voice came over the speakers. "This is Commander Struesyvent of Outpost 94. We've come under attack by at least two Klingon Birds of Prey and need assistance. Our shields are holding. Minimal damage so far to our hull, communications are back online for now – it was the first thing they hit. We need your help."

At the commander's first words Jim could see and sense his bridge team readying for a rescue mission. Spock, he knew, was ordering Cartography to pull in their equipment; Sulu was plotting a course, Chekov was readying the weapons system, and Uhura was contacting Scotty. If he didn't see the nervous looks they were all sending his way from time to time, he couldn't be blamed. He had other things on his mind.

"Sulu, estimated time to Outpost 94?"

"Eighteen minutes at Warp 5, sir," he responded immediately.

"Uhura, any other ships closer than us?"

"Negative sir, closest ship is the Persephone 30 light years away," she told him.

"Okay," he stood up and nodded to the screen, "Commander, we're twenty minutes away, can you hold out that long?"

"Yes, sir," the relieved commander replied. "We'll be here. We just got our weapons systems back online. We'll give 'em hell until you get here."

Jim smiled grimly. "All right. Keep an open channel with us; we need to know what's going on. We'll be there soon. Kirk out."

Turning from the blank screen, Jim looked at Spock in question.

"Stellar Cartography reports ready to depart. All stations ready, Captain."

"Excellent," Jim smiled eagerly as he turned to Sulu. "Punch it, Sulu."

"Yes, sir."

Sitting abruptly in his chair, Jim reached for the communication tab and cleared his voice. "All decks to Yellow Alert," he said calmly, flipping a switch and causing the emergency lights to strobe on all decks. "Crew, this is the Captain speaking. We've just received a distress signal from Outpost 94. They are under attack by at least two Klingon Birds of Prey. We're going to their aide and should arrive within the next twenty minutes. I want all crewmen at their stations and prepared for battle. Kirk out."

Pulling out his communicator, Jim spared an apologetic shrug to his crew. "Marissa?"

"Jim, what the hell is going on?" her tinny voice sounded over the comm.

"You heard the announcement," Jim told her calmly. "Just a little rescue mission."

"Jim…" Marissa started to speak, but suddenly cut off on a gasp.

Stiffening in his chair, Jim stared at his comm. in worry. "Marissa, are you okay? Marissa?"

"Yeah… yes, I'm fine," she managed to grunt. "I just stubbed my toe. Damn it," she hissed in obvious pain. A few more deep breaths and she spoke again. "I'm okay, it just hurt. You really need to put your PADDs away, you know."

Jim gave a relieved laugh. "I will next time, I promise," he told her. "Now, I want you to go to Medical with Bones."

"Okay," Marissa replied without hesitation.

Suddenly Jim was frowning again. "Marissa, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Jim. I'm fine. I'll go to Medical so you don't have to worry about me."

"Good. Good," Jim stopped frowning. Her instant acquiescence had worried him. She never agreed to go to Medical that easily. At least she realized that it was for her safety and his peace of mind. "I'll talk to you as soon as this is over, okay?"

"Of course," she replied, the smile obvious in her voice. "And Jim?"

"Yes?"

"Be careful. We have plans, remember?"

He laughed, but she had already cut the transmission.

"Bones?" Jim called into comm. once again.

"What?" his CMO answered tersely.

"Marissa's going to come down to Medical to wait this out with you, okay?"

"I've already sent Chapel to get her," McCoy replied.

"Oh, thanks," Jim replied, nonplussed.

"How long's this going to take?" McCoy asked abruptly.

Jim rolled his eyes. "I don't know Bones, it's not like they invited us for tea. They're attacking one of our Outposts. They might scatter when we show up or they might want a fight. I won't know until we get there."

Jim thought he heard Bones sigh. "Well, don't take too long. McCoy out," he declared before Jim could ask what exactly he meant.

"Captain, we have incoming telemetry on the Klingon attacks so far," Uhura interrupted his thoughts and bringing him back on task.

"Fifteen minutes to target, Captain," Sulu informed him.

In the end it wasn't that big of an engagement. There had been some shots fired from both sides; some evasive maneuvers to get the blood pumping, but in the end the Enterprise had damaged the cloaking shield and hull of one and the starboard engines of the other. Both Birds of Prey had managed to go to warp, but it was doubtful they'd make it far due to the damages.

Jim didn't bother to chase them; they were probably at least halfway across the neutral zone already. He did wonder what had prompted them to attack an outpost in Federation space, though.

"I want a ship wide status report, Mr. Spock," Jim ordered. "Uhura, any noise from the Klingon side?"

"Scanning now, Captain," she told him, one hand pressed to her ear as she switched through frequencies. "Nothing so far."

"Keep scanning," he told her. "Scotty," he called, switching the communications link to engineering. "How are we holding up down there?"

"Not too shabby captain," Scotty replied cheerfully. "She took bit of hit to her port nacelle, but everything else is looking just bonny. She's a good, strong lass."

"Yes she is, Mr. Scott," Jim couldn't help smiling. Looking around, he spoke to the rest of his bridge crew. "I want to know what the hell they were doing this far into Federation space," he told them. "We need to get communications back up with Commander Struesyvant, maybe she knows something. And I want two repair crews along with some security folks sent over to help with the damage."

"Aye-aye, sir," Chekov chirped, before turning back to his consol.

"Sulu, bring us in a little closer on their starboard side. If the Klingon's come back they're going to go for the weakest spot and I want to be between them and the Outpost."

"Yes sir."

"Spock," Jim began but was cut off by McCoy's voice.

"Jim."

"Yes, Bones?" Jim replied, a sudden feeling of nervousness hitting him.

"I need you down in Medical."

"Bones," Jim said calmly. "I'm kind of busy here. We just scared away some Klingons and the Outpost is a mess and…"

"Marissa's in labor," McCoy interrupted, effecting freezing the entire bridge crew. "Her contractions are about five minutes apart, so if you want to be here for the birth of your child you better get your ass down here."

"It's coming now?" Jim asked, his voice an octave higher than usual.

"No, not right now, you idiot," McCoy snapped back at him. "But soon. Eventually. It could come in an hour, it could take ten, but Marissa needs you now."

Jim nodded his head absently, trying to absorb the information that the birth of his child – their child – was imminent. "Wait," his head snapped up. "How long has she been in labor?" he asked suspiciously.

McCoy sighed. "Since last night, now get your ass in here. You can yell at her when you get here." He muttered something else, but the channel closed.

Standing up, Jim looked around dazedly. All eyes were on him with varying degrees of humor and support.

"Uh…" he began, looking helplessly at Spock.

"I will see to the clean up efforts, Captain," Spock told him.

"Yes," Jim nodded, moving toward the lift, "thank you, Mr. Spock. I'll be… I'll be in Medical. If you need me. I…You have the conn."

The lift door opened and Jim stepped in. He looked around at his crew; his friends, and was heartened by their looks of support.

"Good luck, Captain," Uhura smiled from her seat.

"Thanks," Jim smiled tentatively as the lift doors closed on him. Now if he could just get himself to medical without throwing up.

_Please review. Baby Kirk makes an appearance in the next chapter!_


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's note: Okay, okay. I know I said that Baby Kirk would be making an appearance in the next chapter and I… lied. Well, not really lied, but misspoke (mistyped?) The chapter got away from me and it was getting huge, so I decided to divide it into two. Chapter 29 is finished. I just need to look it over a couple more times. I will post it by Friday night – I promise.**

**Consequences**

**Chapter 28**

Jim stepped into medical slightly out of breath. He did not run from the Bridge. He did not. He had just walked quickly. What met his eyes as he entered was not what he had expected. Everything was… normal.

Medical was quiet and calm. There were a few red shirts being taken care of by M'Benga and a couple nurses moving around. And Chapel was sitting at her desk doing paperwork, or whatever it was she did there. Usually he would have gone over to the red shirts and asked about their injuries and done his charming, caring captain routine, but he really wasn't in the mood – or capable of talking to anyone right now.

Scanning the room again he didn't see anyone who looked even remotely pregnant and the knot that had formed in his stomach when Bones had told him that Marissa was in labor began to grow. He looked toward the operating theaters. Chapel had shown them where their baby would be born weeks ago, just to get them – meaning him – comfortable with the idea. None of the windows were opaque for privacy… so where was Marissa?

"Seriously, Jim! Klingons?" Marissa's voice startled him coming from the hallway that led past Bones' office and to the supply rooms.

He let out a huge sigh of relief at her appearance. She didn't look any different than she had for the past few weeks; maybe a bit more tired and her hair, which she normally kept back in a bun or at least ponytail was frizzier than she normally liked, but she still looked fine. She looked like she had swallowed a basketball and that the forward weight of her belly was likely to pitch her off balance, but, again, that was normal.

Smiling a relieved smile, Jim listened to her rant about inconsiderate captains and damn Klingons and outposts that couldn't take care of themselves.

"I went into labor first, damn it!" she actually stomped her slippered foot making Jim's smile stretch even further. "They can just leave us the hell alone. They don't need to be pestering you now of all times!"

Stepping forward, Jim cupped Marissa's face with both hands and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"At least it wasn't Romulans," he told her wryly, understanding what she was really complaining about. Being attacked, albeit briefly, by Klingons while she was in labor was eerily similar to the circumstances of his own birth, even though the similarity had never crossed his mind until now. He had been too busy dealing with the Klingons.

"Oh Jim," Marissa's full blown rant morphed into sudden tears. "When the alert went off and…" she shuddered and moved to lay her head against his chest. It was awkward because he couldn't quite get his arms all the way around her because of her belly, but he contented himself with rubbing her shoulders and back soothingly. "I couldn't help thinking about…the Kelvin and… your father and… I went into labor first, damn it."

Jim kissed the top of her head again. "I don't think it mattered to the Klingons what happened first – their attack or your labor. I'll ask them to schedule their attacks in advance next time so that it doesn't inconvenience you, okay?"

Marissa lightly punched him in the chest. "Don't patronize me," she told him, her voice still wet with unshed tears. "All I could think about was…"

"Shh, shh," Jim shushed her. "Honestly, when we got the distress signal… none of that, the Kelvin and my father and…all that - it didn't even occur to me," he told her; and it hadn't. Of course, had he known that she was actually in labor - then his feelings might have been a bit different. Jim shook his head. He did not want to be thinking about his birth when it was their child that was about to be born. And he didn't want Marissa worrying either.

"It was just a regular old distress call," he told her. "The Klingons didn't even put up much of a fight. I wouldn't be surprised if Spock finds out they were part of a rogue splinter group or something. So stop worrying about the Klingons, okay? The _Enterprise_ is fine. I'm fine and it looks like we're going to have a baby soon."

Funny, but now that he was with Marissa, some of worry and nervousness had abated. Marissa needed him and he knew how to handle that.

"We?" Marissa snorted.

Jim smirked. "Okay, you," he admitted, "but I'm here too, to help and do whatever you need me to. Promise." He pulled back and looked down at her face. "Of course, I would have been here sooner, but no one told me they were in labor," he accused her humorously. "When did you start having contractions?"

"They started last night," Marissa admitted sheepishly, "around 3am or so. I didn't…" She broke off with a loud sigh and her grip on him tightened.

"Marissa?" Jim asked; the worry back ten fold. "What…are you…?"

"Contraction," she hissed, her breathing deep and even, her grip almost painful on his forearms.

"What can I…" he asked helplessly as he watched her eyes focus inwardly, her belly now high and tight against him. He tried to move, but she hissed at him, so he held perfectly still and watched as eventually the pain ebbed.

After what seemed like forever, her belly finally relaxed and she let out a shaky sigh. "That was a good one." Looking down at the contraption strapped to her wrist she frowned. "Seven minutes. Damn it."

"Good one?" Jim asked incredulously. "Seven minutes? What? Marissa has that been happening all day? And you didn't tell me?"

Marissa's smile small, but she patted him encouragingly. "It wasn't too bad at first. Just tightening and some discomfort. They're getting more intense, but it's nothing I can't handle. The contractions are seven minutes apart still, though. I've tried walking to hurry them up, but nothings working and I'm tired."

"I'm not surprised if this is been happening since 3 am," Jim declared. "Looking at his chrono his eyes widened. "That was almost 21 hours ago! Can't Bones give you something to help you rest at least?"

"Yeah, he can," Marissa nodded. "Thing is, every time I try to lie down," she shrugged, "I'm not comfortable and the baby's heart rate gets weird. I've tried both sides, pillows propping me up, the head of the bed up, down, sideways… I just can't get comfortable."

"So what are we going to do?"

"I want to go in the pool," Marissa whispered, her eyes pleading and looking weepy again before she rested her forehead on his breast bone. "I'm tired Jim. I know I have a long way to go, but everything is going so slowly and I just… I just want to rest for awhile. Off my feet and…"

"No problem," Jim stopped her rambling. She was more tired that she appeared, apparently. "We'll talk to Bones and…"

"He's already set it up," Marissa interrupted with a tired smile, pressing her cheek into Jim's palm. "We just needed you so that if I do actually fall asleep you can hold me up and I won't drown."

They were in the water for most of the night. Bones had had Chapel adjust the temperature to near body temperature so that they'd be comfortable but Marissa wouldn't overheat. The doctor's only stipulation was that she had to come out if her water broke and that he or Chapel would check on her progress every couple hours unless they called Medical sooner.

The time in the pool was one of quiet contemplation for Jim. Marissa had relaxed almost immediately after entering the warm water not even caring for a swimsuit or shirt for coverage. The weightlessness seemed to ease her discomfort and for that, Jim was grateful. He'd immediately stripped down, leaving on his jockey shorts, not wanting to offend Chapel or any of the other nurses who might stop by. Bones administered the mild sedative and Marissa had drifted into a light sleep.

Sitting on the ledge, Jim held Marissa against his chest, her head resting on his shoulder, her body floating free before them. Though Marissa rested, her body did not. He watched as her belly regularly contracted and tightened signaling contractions roughly every seven to eight minutes. Occasionally Marissa would stir or moan, her breathing becoming that little more heavy, but she didn't wake.

In between contractions, Jim watched their child shift and turn. Bones said that it was already head down, only that it still needed to drop further into Marissa's pelvis in order for things to progress. Marissa was so tiny Jim couldn't help but worry a little, despite Bones' assurances.

She was bringing a life into this world; onto this ship; into their lives. In a moment of need and connection they had created this life together and Jim was still in awe as he watched the movement of Marissa body.

This is what his dad had missed, Jim thought, though maybe he had had it when Sam was born. Still, in saddened him that his dad had missed the miracle of his birth.

Despite what everyone might have thought, Jim had never really missed knowing his dad until his mother had married Frank. Talking about George Kirk was not something his mother did and his first real memory of knowing that he was missing something was in kindergarten. Until then he'd had his grandparents, Grandma Josephine and Grandpa Tom, his brother, and his mom, when she was on planet. That was his family. He hadn't realized that anyone was missing.

Of course, kids being kids, his classmates were quick to point out the differences and to ask where his dad was. He knew that his dad was dead, but he hadn't missed him. How can you miss something you've never had? It's not like his mother ever talked about him and Grandpa Tom and Grandma Josephine had barely known him before their daughter had married him and followed him into the black. Besides, Grandpa Tom had been there for him, teaching him how to ride a bike, letting him 'help' fix the car, and playing catch with him and Sam when he had time in the evenings. Sam was no help, he had only been three, almost four, when Jim was born, he didn't remember their father any more than Jim did.

But then Frank had come into the picture; that's when Jim realized what he had been missing. Grandpa Tom had died a couple years before his mom had remarried and Frank was nothing like Grandpa Tom. Frank was mean and loud and didn't like being a step father at all. That's when Jim began to wonder about George Kirk, because certainly his dad would never ground him for playing baseball and staying out too late. His dad would never slap him because he broke a lamp rough-housing with Sam in the living room. His dad would never punch him for talking back.

His dad, George Kirk, grew to epic proportions in his mind, at least until Tarsus, after which nothing mattered anymore. After Tarsus Jim decided that the past didn't matter and the future wasn't worth much more. He shut it all up in a box in his mind – his grandparents, his mother, his father, Sam, the friends he had on Tarsus and in Riverside, his hopes and dreams – and decided that he was only going to live for the here and now. And for many, many years that's exactly what he did.

If it hadn't been for Pike daring him to do better, Jim wondered where he might be now. Probably dead, he thought honestly. And it all traced back to one event: the death of his father in Nero's first attack. If his father hadn't died he probably would have been raised by both his parents rather than his grandparents. His mother would have looked at him and loved him and not run off into the black. He wouldn't have been beaten and humiliated by Frank. He probably wouldn't have been on Tarsus, and he would have joined Starfleet at eighteen like the other Jim Kirk had in that other timeline. His life would have been different.

Fathers were pretty important people, apparently. And now he was about to become one. His thoughts and actions, along with Marissa's, would mold this small child that was trying to be born. It was a huge responsibility and whether he was ready for it or not; whether he was scared, indifferent or terrified, this kid was going to be born and he was going to be a father.

Marissa sighed deeply, interrupting his increasingly worrying thoughts.

"Jim?" she murmured, her hands running up and down his arms where they supported her body.

He made a conscious effort to lighten his grip.

"Are you okay?"

"I…" he cleared his throat, "I'm fine. Sorry if I woke you."

"No, no," she sighed again. "I've been drifting in and out for awhile now. You just seem… tense. What's going on in that brain of yours?" One of her hands reached back to rub the back of his neck.

Jim was silent for a long time trying to decide what to say or even if he should say anything. Marissa had enough to worry about at the moment.

He was saved from answering by another contraction that, now that she was awake, had Marissa panting rather than breathing heavily.

"Oh, that was a big one," she moaned at the end. Jim was grateful that she finally released the nape of his neck.

"It did seem bigger than the ones before," Jim told her. He looked over at the chrono Bones had set beside the pool. "About four minutes since the last one," he smiled. "Maybe we're starting to make some progress. Should I call Bones?"

Marissa huffed. "I'm not going to hold my breath. Let's wait for a couple more." She shifted a bit, taking his hand, placing it on her belly and then putting hers on top. "So, what is going on in that brain of yours?" she asked again.

Jim sighed. He should have known she wasn't going to give up. "I was wondering…" he began awkwardly. "I don't know if…" he tried again. "With my past and Frank and my mom and not having a dad," he shrugged, uncomfortably, "I was just wondering if I'm going to be a good dad or if this kid's doomed from the start."

Moving abruptly so that her feet were now on the ground, Marissa turned to stare at him incredulously.

"James Tiberius Kirk that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard," she told him fiercely; all traces of fatigue gone.

"No it's not," Jim argued. "I never really had a dad, just my grandpa and then Frank. I don't know how to hold a baby or change a diaper and I sure as hell am not a great example of how to live your life. Even at Starfleet I was a…"

"Jim, shut up," Marissa interrupted placing a finger over his lips. "You are going to be an amazing father and do you want to know why"

Jim nodded.

"Because you're an amazing captain," she told him simply.

This time Jim shook his head. "That's not the same thing," he protested.

"Sure it is," Marissa countered. "You look after everyone on this ship, not just because you're their captain, but because you genuinely care for them. You talked Chekov through his first break up. You helped Stings and Grupper arrange their marriage. You made sure Sulu got extra comm. time to speak with his dying grandmother. You helped Uhura get one of her sisters a job at Starfleet. And I know you've been talking to Jocelyn about arranging a visit for Bones. You take care of us, Jim. That's what you do. You were meant to be a Starfleet Captain and you were meant to be a father."

"But I don't know what to do," he practically whined.

Marissa let out a hiss of pain. "Hold that thought," she bit out as another contraction hit her. Jim watched helplessly, murmuring comforting nonsense to help her through.

"You didn't know what you were going to do when Len dragged you onto the _Enterprise_," she continued on as if the contraction had never happened, "but you managed to save the world. You go with your instincts. That's your strength. That's what you're good at and 99% of the time you're right, much to Spock's chagrin."

Jim smiled at that, though he knew she was overselling him.

"The diapering and the feeding and all that," Marissa continued, waving a hand absently, "that will come with time and practice. I promise. And you'll have plenty of practice changing diapers, I'll see to that," she add wryly causing Jim to smile. Reaching up she cupped his face. "You just have to love our baby, Jim. Everything else will follow. I have total faith in you."

Leaning forward, Jim kissed her softly. "I'm glad someone does," he said softly.

"We all do, Jim," Marissa smiled. "We all do."

They sat in silence for another few minutes before another contraction hit.

"That's another one four minutes apart," Jim told her when it was done.

"I guess we should go see Len, then," Marissa responded, her eyes wide, "looks like this kiddo is coming soon. Help me get my gown on, would you? I think Len's had enough of a peep show for now."

"It's not like he's not going to see more," Jim laughed lightly, guiding her up the stairs.

"Let me keep some semblance of dignity, please," Marissa said haughtily. She began drying herself off, before Jim took the towel from her and finished the job. They had to wait through another contraction before getting her gown on. Then Jim dried himself off, stripped off his jockey's and dressed himself commando style.

Looking her over, Jim gently caressed her belly. "You know, I think the baby shifted down," he told her. "You don't look like you're carrying as high."

"I think you're right," Marissa replied, rubbing her hands over her belly. "It has shifted." The look she shot him was one of anticipation and worry. "Won't be long now."

"Can you walk or do you want me to have Bones bring a chair?"

Marissa shook her head, pulling her wet hair into a ponytail. "I'd rather walk, I think. Alpha shift hasn't started yet, so hopefully we won't run into too many people."

"Let's get going, then."

_Please review_

_Temptationable to the most amazing thing and made me a picture based on Consequences. I absolutely adore it. I've been writing about Jim and Marissa and Baby for months now, but to actually see them… it's awesome. Please check out her work at:_

Ht tp: / / s943. photobucket .com/ albums/ ad273/ temptationable/ ?action=view & current = &newest = 1

_You know the drill – take out the spaces._


	29. Chapter 29

**Introducing Baby Kirk!**

**Consequences**

**Chapter 29**

They made it to Medical only having to stop for one contraction. Unfortunately Chekov had passed them at that point on his way to the gym. The poor boy had turned bright red and then paled spectacularly. Jim might have laughed if it wasn't for the fact that Marissa was crushing his fingers at the time. Instead he managed a quick nod as Chekov skirted by them.

"Poor kid," Marissa giggled as they continued on.

Jim smirked. "He'll survive."

They made it to medical without another stop. The lights were dim when they entered with only the duty nurse in the main area.

"Captain, Ensign," the nurse chirped from behind the reception desk as they walked in. "Had enough of the water?"

"I think we're permanently pruned, Marcia," Marissa said wryly, "I did get some rest and it seems to have done wonders. The last five or six contractions have been about four minutes apart."

The nurse, Marcia, smiled wildly. "Excellent! Let's get you settled and hooked up to the monitors and I'll call Dr. McCoy." She stood up and led them to the exam room. "You look like the baby's dropped. That's good. Do you feel like getting in bed or do you prefer standing?"

Jim watched Marissa glance between the bed and her feet. "I think I'm ready to lie down," she finally admitted.

"No problem," Marcia chirped. "Let me just get this on you." She placed a black square device about two inches wide and an inch thick onto the side of Marissa's belly. "It's to monitor the baby's heart rate and the contractions," she explained to Jim. "It's hooked up to the biobed so it will let us know when a contraction is coming almost before Marissa does. Like right about now," she commented cheerfully.

As if on cue Marissa let out a hiss, grabbed Jim's forearm in a tight grip and began breathing heavily.

"Ride it out," Marcia said soothingly, stroking Marissa's back. "Find a focal point. Now relax…breathe like this – he he he hoo. That's it, concentrate on your breathing. Just like the vids explained."

"Yeah, yeah," Marissa groaned, but complied.

Jim really hated contractions, especially when Marissa was awake for them. He hated feeling helpless and seeing Marissa in pain. He was a man of action and sitting around waiting and watching, especially when he couldn't do anything but hold her hand was totally frustrating.

"Marissa, are you sure you don't want to take something?" Jim asked after the contraction was over, tenderly wiping away a bead of sweat on her forehead.

She shook her head adamantly. "No, no. I don't want to take anything. I told you that."

"But, I mean, they can give you something that numbs you so you won't have to feel everything."

"No Jim," Marissa snapped as she climbed onto the bed. "I've told you over and over again, between your allergies and my allergies; I'm just not going to risk it. I can do this. It's not that bad."

"So far," Jim muttered as her helped her settle. Finally he took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "I just don't like seeing you in pain."

Marissa smiled softly. "I know Jim. I know."

"Now just slide down here and put your feet in the stirrups," Marcia's cheerful voice interrupted. "I'll see where you're at and we'll know if we should contact Dr. McCoy. He should be coming on shift in a couple hours anyways, but at least this will tell me if I need to hurry him up."

There really was no modesty in childbirth, Jim realized as Marissa spread her legs and let the nurse examine her. The gown covered her upper body, but her lower body was there for anyone to see. Marissa was usually a modest woman and she wasn't even blushing now.

"About five centimeters and a bit less than fifty percent effaced," Marcia announced as she snapped off her gloves.

"That's it?" Jim and Marissa said at the same time, their disappointment obvious.

"So far, yes," Marcia smiled pleasantly and Jim wanted to slap her. All those contractions, all those hours in the pool, and they were only halfway there.

"You know what they say, first babies take the longest," she shrugged good-naturedly as Marissa basically growled at her. "Did you get enough rest in the pool?"

Before Marissa could answer another contraction started.

"Here we go! Now focus and breathe, Marissa," Marcia coached her.

"I know!" Marissa snapped at the end of the 'hoo.'" Shrugging off the nurse's hand and getting back to her breathing.

"Are you hungry?" Marcia asked as the contraction ended.

Marissa shook her head, still catching her breathe. Jim's stomach growled in response, causing both women to smile and him to blush.

"I'll get something for you both," Marcia told them. "How about some oatmeal, Marissa? Just to keep up your strength.

"I'll try it," Marissa shrugged.

"And Captain?" she asked looking at him expectantly as if she were a waitress and just please to be serving them. "What would you like?"

Jim tried to think of something. Sure his body was hungry, but he couldn't think of anything that he actually wanted to eat. "Oatmeal's fine with me. Maybe a breakfast sandwich or something."

"Sounds good. I'll get you some fruit and coffee too, shall I?"

"Coffee would be amazing," Jim finally smiled at her. This woman seemed to have been drinking coffee all night, the least she could do was share. No one should be this perky at the end of gamma shift.

"I'll be back in a bit," Marcia walked out the door and Marissa heaved a huge sigh.

"Thank god! Jim, I swear if I have to put up with her… her cheerfulness for the rest of this I will kill her," she told him earnestly. "I do not need her chirping around the room telling me to focus and to breathe. I know that!"

Someone was getting a little testy. Jim tried to stifle his smile. "She'll be off shift soon. I don't think we'll have to worry about her much longer. I'll run interference if I have to. Captain's privilege and all that."

True to his word, Jim did manage to excuse the chipper nurse from the room after she delivered their breakfasts. Marissa only managed a couple bites, but she did drink the juice that came with her tray. Jim was ravenous and finished his full meal between two of Marissa's contractions. They then settled in for a couple hours until Bones was back on shift.

Marissa found that she preferred to be on her hands and knees during her contractions and that she didn't liked to be touched. Afterwards she'd collapse back onto her side and Jim would rub her back or her shoulders or whatever she asked. They didn't talk much aside from, 'here comes another one' and 'good job,' they just existed in the moments between the pains which seemed to be getting harder, but not any closer together.

McCoy came in at eight and Jim was surprised that two hours had already passed since they had entered Medical.

"I see you're making some progress," McCoy commented as he entered the room and looked over the readings on the biobed. "How are you feeling?"

Marissa snorted. "Like hell."

McCoy smirked. "I'm sure you do. When was the last time you ate anything?"

"Marcia brought me some oatmeal when we first got here. I managed a couple bites, but I'm not really hungry," Marissa told him. "That woman is too perky for her own good, Len. I don't know how you stand her."

"Why do you think I have her on gamma shift?" McCoy chuckled softly. "Don't worry; Chapel will be with us for this delivery unless there's an emergency."

"Good, because I'd have to kill Marcia if she stayed." Her last words came out as a moan and Marissa awkwardly shifted onto her hands and knees rocking slowly in time with her breaths. McCoy took a step towards the read-outs and she let out a hissing moan. "Doc…."

Squatting down to be at face level, McCoy looked at her in concern. "What do you need Marissa?"

Shaking her head, Marissa continued breathing, but not as smoothly as before, luckily Jim knew instantly what her problem was.

"Move Bones," he told his friend. "You're blocking her focal point."

Surprised, McCoy moved instantly. "Sorry." Glancing at the object that Marissa was now staring at, he raised a questioning eyebrow to Jim, who shrugged.

"Whatever works, man," Jim told him. "She can time the contraction and know when it's about to be over." Jim had been surprised when she latched onto the old fashioned, non-digital clock that someone had left at the nurse's station, but it worked for Marissa so he wasn't about to protest.

"Okay, Marissa, let's see where you're at now," McCoy told her as the contraction ended. "Scoot down for me for just a second. Then I want you to have something to drink – water, juice, whatever you like."

"Juice," she replied tiredly. "That stuff Marcia brought was pretty good."

"Juice it is."

After a short pause, McCoy looked up at their hopeful expressions. "Maybe six centimeters, but still only fifty percent effaced.

Marissa groaned and Jim squeezed her hand comfortingly.

"Still a ways to go, but you've come a long way," McCoy patted her leg. "Childbirth isn't a sprint, it's a marathon and you're holding up well. Keep hydrating – we can get you some juice and some ice chips. Keep up your breathing and try to rest between contractions. I'll be monitoring your process on my PADD and can be here whenever you need me, but unless you want me to stay I'll give you some privacy."

"Thanks, Bones," Jim nodded, trying not to feel overwhelmed.

"You guys are doing well," McCoy reassured them. "This is the home stretch."

That sounded good to Jim, but their home stretch ended up lasting into the early hours of the afternoon before it got really interesting.

Jim only left the delivery room to go to the bathroom and to talk with Spock shortly after lunch. Apparently the _Enterprise_ was not heading to pick up the diplomat like they were scheduled to, a fact that Jim had totally forgotten. The Klingon's had done more damage to the ship than Scotty had first thought and now they were sitting in space while engineering worked to fix the problems. A part of Jim was concerned; the initial damage reports hadn't seemed that bad and Scotty had told him that she'd held together well. What could leave them sitting instead of at least limping somewhere on impulse power?

A small whimper from Marissa erased all thoughts about the _Enterprise_. He quickly told Spock to keep him informed of anything major, but until the baby was born he trusted the Vulcan's judgment and that he was in charge. Then he hurried back to Marissa.

Jim was just starting to think about what he wanted for dinner when things suddenly changed. Marissa's water broke first, which startled them both. It wasn't a gush, but more of a trickle and Chapel, who arrived seconds after he called for her, was able to clean it up with no problems. Then the contractions started coming every couple minutes and Marissa's whimpers turned into low moans as each contraction started.

At this time Marissa became even more inwardly focused as the contractions ripped through her body and more demanding after they receded sometimes leaving her only seconds to recover before another one hit. She wanted her back rubbed, she wanted her hair out of her face, she wanted the lights dimmed, she wanted more ice. Now!

Whatever she wanted Jim gave her, because he hated watching her face scrunch up in pain and her breath hitch as a new contraction started. He didn't know if it was worse because she was so silent during the contractions or if it would be better if she screamed or at least moaned during the pain. The little whimpers and low groans she made were breaking his heart. Especially since the only thing he could do was rub her back and feed her ice chips.

With McCoy's help they managed to turn Marissa onto her back and prop her up in the bed so that the doctor could check her progress for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Very nice, Marissa," McCoy smiled up at her. "You are fully dilated."

"Can I push?" Marissa asked desperately.

"Not yet," McCoy told her. "You're not fully effaced yet, another couple contractions and then we'll see."

"Damn it," she began to argue but another contractions hit, this one making her practically yowl like a cat who had its tail stepped on.

"Don't push!" McCoy instructed. "Chin up and pant. Damn it, Marissa, pant! You can't push yet."

Chapel positioned herself across from Jim and took Marissa's other hand, talking softly to her and guiding her panting. Jim just held on and rubbed her shoulders.

It took two more contractions one on top of the other before McCoy gave the go ahead to push on the next one.

"Finally," Marissa whimpered.

Jim kissed her temple. "Almost there."

"Says the guy standing next to the bed," Marissa replied wryly.

Jim managed a small laugh.

With Chapel and Jim helping to support her, Marissa began pushing. And pushing. And pushing.

"Damn it Bones," Jim growled. "What is taking so long?"

"Jim, this isn't something I can rush," McCoy told him patiently, never taking his eyes from Marissa. "The kid obviously has your big head." Chapel laughed and even Marissa managed a wan smile before another round of pushing began.

"All right, the head has moved, its crowning," McCoy called out, his voice calm, but his tone obviously excited. "One good push and the head will be out. Chapel, I'll need suction to clean the nose and mouth."

"Come on, Mariss, you can do it," Jim encouraged, his heart beating as if he was the one in labor.

With a yell, Marissa pushed as hard as she could, squeezing Jim's hand enough that he felt the bones grind together.

"Head is out!" McCoy called. "Next push is the shoulders and we'll be done."

Panting, Marissa waited for the next pain and then pushed with a mighty yell again.

Jim watched as suddenly McCoy's hands were filled with a mewling, squirming red mass covered in white slime. Chapel laid a towel over Marissa's suddenly deflated belly and McCoy placed the baby on it.

"It's a girl," he smiled at them.

Tentatively, Jim reached down to touch his daughter, his large hand cupping her head, tracing her spine. She didn't seem that large to him, he thought absently. In fact, she seemed absolutely tiny lying on Marissa as she was, her arms and legs curled inward and her mouth making small crying noises.

"Hello, baby girl," Marissa whispered, tears falling down her cheeks.

"A girl," Jim whispered in awe, his voice catching uncomfortably in his throat. He barely took his eyes off her as he leaned down to kiss Marissa. "She's amazing."

"She's beautiful," Marissa countered.

Jim smiled through the tears that suddenly wanted to fall. "She's a bit red and squishy, but I bet she cleans up well," he replied, earning him a laugh from Marissa and Chapel and an eye roll from McCoy. "You did a good job, mommy," he told Marissa.

Smiling, Marissa leaned even further into Jim. "So did you, daddy" she told him.

"Jim, do you want to cut the cord?" McCoy asked, interrupting their moment.

"Huh?" Jim looked up startled.

"You. Jim. Cord. Cut," McCoy replied. "We're not quite done yet. We need to cut the cord and deliver the placenta. You and Chapel can go clean up our little miss while Marissa and I finish here."

Glancing down at Marissa, who nodded, Jim moved to take the weird looking scissors that McCoy held out to him. Trying not to look too squeamish, Jim clamped and cut the cord as McCoy directed him to.

"So what are you going to name her?" Chapel asked, her smile wide and her eyes suspiciously wet.

Marissa and Jim looked at each other. Jim smiled as Marissa shrugged. "I won," he said, his smile widening.

"You did," Marissa agreed, smiling fondly at him.

McCoy and Chapel looked confused.

"We couldn't agree on any name, so we made a bet," Marissa explained. "If it was boy, I'd get to name him. And if it was a girl…" she shrugged and looked expectantly at Jim.

Reaching out a hand, Jim once again cupped his daughters head, feeling her fragile strength as she began to more vocally protest her sudden entrance into the world.

"Abby," he whispered, looking directly at Marissa. "Abigail Rose."

Marissa smiled and nodded, more tears leaking down her cheeks. "Abigail Rose," she repeated softly. "Our Abby-girl."

Chapel was smiling too, her eyes even more watery, when she finally scooped up little Abigail. "Okay, daddy, Miss Abigail needs her first bath. You come with me while Len helps Marissa."

Obediently following Chapel, Jim watched as the nurse gently sponged off his daughter and then diapered her. He watched in a stunned stupor, a silly grin on his face, as he counted fingers and toes, smoothed a hand over a full head of hair that now dry resembled soft, light brown goose down.

"She has so much hair," he said softly to Chapel.

"Yes, she does," Chapel smiled. "She'll probably lose it eventually, but that's normal."

Jim was examining her ten tiny toes with the smallest toenails he'd ever seen when Chapel got his attention with a small laugh. "I think she has your eyes, Captain," she grinned.

He looked up. "I thought all babies had blue eyes," Jim responded.

Chapel shook her head in wonder, wrapping a blanket snuggly around the newborn. "Well, there's blue and then there's blue," she told him. "And I've never seen a baby with eyes this blue."

Picking up the baby from the table, Chapel silently questioned if Jim wanted to hold her.

"Oh hell yes," Jim whispered, before blushing at his words. "I mean yes, please."

Chapel laughed as she gently placed the bundled baby into the crook of Jim's arm. "Relax Captain," she told him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "She's sturdier than she looks. She won't break."

Nodding, Jim looked down into his daughter face. Her mouth was opening like a baby bird and she was squishing her face like something smelled really bad, her eyes shut tightly. "Hello baby girl," Jim said softly. "I'm your daddy." She made a small sound and then her eyes opened and she seemed to look right into Jim's eyes. They were like his. He felt his heart clench tightly. So this is what being a father felt like.

"You do clean up well, I must say," he told her, leaning down to kiss her wrinkled forehead. "You're mommy's right – you are beautiful."

Moving cautiously, Jim walked back across the room to Marissa who was lying exhausted on the bed. McCoy seemed to be doing something between her legs, but Marissa wasn't paying him any mind.

"Hey," he whispered over the baby's head. "You did real good," he told her proudly. "Do you want to hold our daughter?"

Marissa's smile was practically ethereal as she looked up at him and nodded. Slowly and cautiously Jim placed the baby in Marissa's waiting arms.

"So you're the one that's been keeping me awake all night and giving me indigestion," she laughed softly, the tears back in her eyes again.

"It ain't over yet," McCoy commented fondly, looking up at them. "She'll be keeping you up for years to come."

"Jim!" Marissa gasped, "She has your eyes."

Jim smiled proudly. "I guess she does."

McCoy and Chapel let them quietly ooh and aww over their child as they went about cleaning up Marissa and the delivery room. Neither parent paid them any attention. Baby Abby was already tired from all the excitement from being born and though Chapel helped Marissa offer Abby her first meal, she seemed more interested in sleep at the moment; as did Marissa.

"Marissa, since she's not interested in eating right now, why don't you try to rest," McCoy told her. "I'm sure her appetite will come with a vengeance soon, so take advantage of whatever sleep you can get." He turned to Jim. "There are quite a few people waiting to hear the news," he told his friend, nodding towards the main Medical bay. "Why don't you go introduce your daughter to them… dad?"

"Go," Marissa nodded, gently handing over the wrapped bundle. "Take her. Just don't be gone too long."

"I won't," Jim promised leaning down to place a sweet kiss on her lips. "Rest."

McCoy escorted his friend out into the general area of medical, one hand resting on his shoulders. "You did good, Jim. You both did."

Jim's smile was huge. "I guess we did."

_Please Review_

_Pimping Temptationable's awesome Consequences pic:_

Htt p:/ s943. photobucket .com/ home /temptationable

_Don't forget to remove the spaces._

_PS – for my daughter and any other grammar Nazis out there… I know 'did good' is not proper English, but people don't always speak proper English – unless you are a grammar Nazi (or English teacher) which I'm not. (Obviously!) ;-)_


	30. Chapter 30

_This is it… the final chapter._

**Consequences**

**Chapter 30**

Jim walked slowly and carefully out into the main lobby of medical as if he was carrying something precious, which in fact he was. Abby was bundled in a pink blanket that Chapel had conjured from somewhere with only her round face showing. Less than an hour into this whole parenthood thing, Jim was as nervous and excited as he could remember being. He could barely take his eyes off his daughter, a goofy smile still on his face, as he followed McCoy.

"Well, it's a wee lassie!" he heard Scotty declare, "looks like the prize goes to Delhorah in Botany."

His words didn't make any sense to Jim, but he did look up and finally take in everyone who was gathered. It seemed like every nurse and tech who worked in Medical was present, along with his entire command team – Spock, Scotty, Uhura, Sulu and Chekov – Marissa's boss, Lieutenant Commander Roose, two aides from the library whose names he couldn't remember, Marie and Nala from Cartography, Hannity from communications, and his yeoman, Janice.

"What are you all doing here?" he asked in shock. When Bones had said people were waiting he hadn't expected this many.

"I was told that it was customary for friends and family to await the news of the birth of a child at the hospital," Spock spoke calmly. "Dr. McCoy has kept us informed of Ensign O'Donnell's progress throughout the day and since alpha shift has been over for 2.8 standard hours, it seemed prudent to wait here for news."

Uhura looked fondly over at Spock and then smiled at Jim. "We all wanted to be the first to know," she told him. "After all, we knew she was in labor before you did."

Jim's eyes boggled. "You did?"

"Of course, Captain," Uhura smirked. "We kept you occupied during your shift so that Marissa could go through the early stages in peace. You didn't honestly think that I needed you to listen to all those subspace feeds, did you?"

"And I really didn't need you to look over all that paperwork I gave you," Janice chimed in. "I could have done it myself, but, well, I promised Marissa when the time came I'd keep you as busy as possible until she said otherwise."

Shaking his head in bemusement, Jim chuckled. "Thanks, I think. The Klingon attack was a bit of an overkill, though."

Everyone except Spock laughed at his quip.

"So what are the lassie's vitals," Scotty called out from behind everyone, PADD in hand and fingers poised to type.

"Born today at 1914," McCoy told everyone, "52 centimeters and 3.34 kg."

Scotty started mumbling to himself, but no one paid him any mind.

"And her name?" Janice prodded.

"Abby," Jim told them with a smile. "Abigail Rose Kirk."

"Yes!" Uhura hissed. "Scotty, you owe me big."

"What's going on?" Jim finally asked, looking pointedly at Uhura who started to blush.

"It appears that Lieutenant Commander Scott has created numerous betting pools as to the sex, date of birth, size, and name of your child, Captain," Spock told him succinctly.

"Seriously?" Jim asked, looking around at everyone. "Scotty?"

"Weel, Capt'n, you canna be blaming a man for a wee little pool, can ye?" Scotty asked innocently, looking up from his PADD.

Jim laughed. "I guess not. So who won?"

"Crewmen Delhorah won for date of birth and sex at 2 to 1," Scotty told them. "Ahhh, Lieutenant Christoph for size at 2 to 1, and Ms. Uhura cleaned me out for the lassie's name."

"How did you know?" Jim asked, looking over at Uhura in amazement. "I didn't tell anyone, not even Marissa, about what names I was thinking of."

Uhura rocked excitedly on her heels, looking smug. "Well, Marissa told me about your deal – boy she names it, girl you name it – and I saw that you were looking through baby name databases and I… I made a few guesses. Scotty gave us three entries and I picked Carolyn, Abigail and Amanda."

"Why those names?" Janice asked curiously.

"Because they mean joy or love in some way, and I thought… it just seemed fitting," she told them with a shrug. "And I figured you were a classic kind of guy."

"Vhat does Abigail mean?" Chekov questioned.

"Father's joy," Jim said softly, looking down at Abby still asleep in his arms. He looked over at Uhura. "You're right. It just seemed fitting. So how much did you make?" he asked when it looked like all the females in the room were getting teary eyed.

"Well I put down thirty credits. What were the odds Scotty?" Uhura asked.

Scotty grumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Ten to one," he said sadly. "You're wiping out me profits, lass."

"I want it tomorrow by the beginning of alpha shift," she told him smugly. "Cash only."

"Can we see little Abby, Captain," Lieutenant Commander Roose interrupted. "We've been waiting on pins and needles."

"Of course," Jim replied stepping forward.

"Now we're not going to be passing her around like a rugby ball," McCoy commented, standing next to Jim with his arms crossed. "She's not even an hour old. She doesn't need to catch any of your germs. You can look but not touch."

There were disappointed sighs from the women in the room, but Jim was fine with McCoy's decree. He didn't want to let go of her just yet.

The women stepped forward first, ohhhing and ahhhing over Abby's sleeping form. They called her adorable and precious and beautiful. All of which Jim agreed with whole heartedly. The men were quieter, but no less admiring.

"You'll need the proverbial shot gun soon, Captain," Sulu commented with a smirk.

"She's a wee little angel, Capt'n," Scotty crooned, reaching out to touch her cheek but stopping as McCoy cleared his throat pointedly. Smiling up at Jim, Scotty shrugged. "You can't blame a man for appreciating such beauty."

"No, I can't," Jim agreed.

"You've done a fine job, Capt'n," Scotty told him, clapping him on the shoulder. "I look forward to watching the lass grow up on our ship."

"Thanks, Scotty," Jim told him, "But Marissa did all of the work."

"But you planted the seed lad," Scotty chuckled, clapping his back as he laughed at his pun. "If she's even a little like you, this ship isn't going to know what hit it once she starts walking and talking. Have the whole crew wrapped around her little finger, she will."

"Lord help us," McCoy rolled his eyes, though he looked fondly at the pink bundle. "I still maintain that one Kirk on this ship is enough. Let's hope she takes after her mother."

"I imagine Kirk blood runs pretty strong doctor, but we shall see," Scotty commented as he walked out that door. "We shall see."

Soon, the only two left were Spock and Uhura, everyone else having already seen Abby and paid their compliments.

"Would you like to hold her, Uhura," Jim asked, noticing how she had been watching Abby the whole time.

Startled, she looked up at him with wide eyes. "Really?" she glanced between Jim and McCoy. McCoy just shrugged.

"You did win that betting pool," Jim remarked, walking over and carefully transferring his daughter into Uhura's arms.

"Hello Abigail," Uhura whispered, rocking her gently as she began to stir at the change in arms. "You are so very beautiful. Spock isn't she just wonderful?" she asked, not looking away.

"She is most pleasing to look at," Spock replied, his gaze focused more on Uhura than the baby in her arms.

"I think she looks like Marissa," Uhura told them. "She has all that hair; and her nose, I think."

"Her face is entirely too round to make such comparisons," Spock commented logically. "She looks like herself."

At that moment, Abby decided to yawn widely, causing Uhura to smile even wider, and then her eyes opened and she blinked blearily.

"She does have the same eye color as the Captain," Spock pointed out.

"They're beautiful," Uhura cooed. "You're going to be a heartbreaker, aren't you sweetheart?"

Abby decided she didn't care one way or the other about the color of her eyes as she began to whimper and squirm.

"All right, show time is over," McCoy told them, even as Jim was moving to take Abby back. "I think she might finally be hungry."

Reluctantly, Uhura gave her back to her father. "She's wonderful, Jim," Uhura whispered to him.

Jim grinned, unable to hide the pride he felt as he looked down at his daughter. "Thanks. I think she's pretty amazing myself."

xXx

It was the middle of gamma shift and Jim was sitting in a chair next to Marissa's bed, Abby sleeping peacefully in his arms. He didn't want to put her down. They'd made it through two feedings already, Marissa handling it like a pro once she figured out the best way to hold her. There had been several dirty diapers, though none of them had really smelled that bad. The stub of her umbilical cord still gave him the shivers whenever he saw it, but it was the only part of his daughter that he didn't adore.

Bones had said that Marissa could be released back to their rooms in the morning as long as she promised to rest whenever Abby was and to not lift anything heavy for a few days. Jim would have an ambassador to deal with in two days, but until then Spock was more than willing to watch over the ship. Until then, he'd get to enjoy his new family and help Marissa.

As he sat through the night listening to Marissa's soft breathing and watching Abby's face shift and grimace as she slept, Jim couldn't help thinking of his own parents.

How could his mother have let his father's death sever her relationship with her children? He knew that if anything ever happened to Marissa it would only make Abby that much more important to him; his last reminder of what they had shared. He could only hope that Marissa would feel the same way.

It felt morbid to be thinking about his or Marissa's deaths, but he couldn't help it. Abby was here and she was a part of their future. They had to plan accordingly and make sure she was cared for no matter what happened. Nothing was certain in space; in fact it was down right dangerous, as Bones liked to point out. They had to make sure that Abby would be loved and taken care of. Something that he and Marissa would have to discuss later.

Abby gave a small, quivering hiccough and Jim smiled down at her. Like Scotty, he was looking forward to watching her grow. She was only hours old, but already he was wondering what she would be like when she was walking and talking. Would she be the quiet, intelligent type, or would she be wild and daring? Would she be interested in dolls or engines? Right now she was just a newborn, but soon, all too soon he was sure, she would develop her own personality and have her own little quirks; she would be part Marissa and part him, but all Abby in her own special way.

It hurt to think that something might happen and he could miss it all. The life of a starship captain was not without its perils and he couldn't give only half measure because he was now a parent. That would not be fair to himself or his crew – or even Abby. He couldn't live with himself if he didn't do his best for everyone concerned. He'd be only half a person, half a parent, if he compromised on anything. He'd sacrifice anything to keep his crew and his daughter safe. Like his father had.

The sound of the door swishing open caused him to look up and see McCoy entering the room quietly.

"What are you doing here?" Jim whispered, causing the older man to jump.

"Damn it, Jim!" McCoy scowled at him. "I was checking on Travers and his collapsed lung, if you must know. I thought I'd see how everyone was doing while I was here."

"We're fine, Uncle Bones," Jim smirked. McCoy just rolled his eyes at his new title. "Miss Abby has eaten twice and I've changed her diaper three times – all by myself, no less."

McCoy raised his eyebrow ironically. "I'm impressed," he said as perched on the arm of Jim's chair to get a better look at Abby. "She's pretty amazing, isn't she?" he commented, laying his hand softly on her head.

"Yeah, she is," Jim agreed, staring down at her.

They sat and watched her sleep for a few moments, before Jim cleared his throat and looked up at McCoy.

"You know Bones, I get it now," he said quietly, looking back down at Abby. "What my father did. I get it. I'd do the same thing and not even blink if it meant nothing would happen to Abby. I'd miss… everything and the thought almost kills me, but I wouldn't regret it. Not at all. And I wouldn't want her to regret it either."

McCoy looked down at him, squeezing his shoulder, his eyes filled with so many emotions. "You're going to be a hell of a dad, Jim," he told his friend, "Abby's a lucky little girl."

"Thanks, Bones," Jim smiled softly. "I hope so."

"Well, I haven't any doubts," McCoy smirked. "Now get some sleep - doctor's orders. She's not going to be this docile for long. Not with your genes."

Getting up, he left the room without a backward glance. Jim stood up and gently placed Abby's sleeping form in the bassinet Chapel had wheeled in. "I hope I'm half as good at this fatherhood thing as you deserve, baby girl," Jim told her as he stroked her cheek with one finger. "I love you."

Turning, he climbed onto the biobed behind Marissa, placing one arm around her waist as he snuggled up against her. This had been the best day of his life.

**The End**

_Wow, it's finished. I can't believe I started this way back in February! I can't thank TalesFromTheSpockSide enough for inspiring me with her stand alone __**Hero**__. And thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed and alerted and all that jazz. I try to write for myself, but I love the reviews._

_Are the tales of Jim and Marissa and Abby over? Not yet. If you haven't seen it, I've been posting a Five and One called __**Parenthood: the Sexless Frontier**__. It's basically a bunch of one shots of Jim and Marissa's attempts to have a sex life after Abby was born – mostly from Jim's POV, because honestly, what woman is really feeling sexy anytime within the first six to nine months after giving birth? It's got some humor, it's got some drama and it has some warm-fuzzies for new dad Jim. Oh, and it has smut. ;-)_

_I'm also planning another series of one shots tentatively called: __**First Meetings and Quality Time**__ – stories of when the crew (and others in Jim's and Marissa's lives) gets to meet and spend time with Abby. There will be a loose plot line working its way through the story, but the main focus will be Abby and those around her._

_And finally – is Abby going to be an only child? I don't think so. The ideas are slowly percolating in my mind._

_Thanks for a great ride! - RA_


End file.
